BAH Issue 07

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

BAH

 · 25 Apr 2019

  

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                           BAH - Issue #007 
    ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ 
    ³ Title: Make millions in the music biz!   Author: Stone, Infidel   ³ 
    ³ Date: 06-02-95                                                    ³ 
    ³                             *BAH*                                 ³ 
    ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ 

  All text included in BAH issues is for educational purposes only. In no 
  way do we at BAH endorse whatever actions described in our text files. If 
  you have to give up your your Grammy Award taken away like Milli Vanilli, 
  don't come crying to us. 
                                                [BAH] 

 
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Yes, there are ways to make money easily. There's the famous "Dear Friend, 
This is Dave Rhodes." chain letter. Dave Rhodes is a fictional name. He 
never existed. You can card things and sell them, but it's too much work. 
This way, it's easy! You can make millions as a Rhythm/Blues/Soul/Gangsta 
Rap singer! 

Step one: Writing a song. 

Gangsta Rap: Pick a beat with as much loud bass as possible. A very loud 
pumping noise is good. Also get some soft sythesized music. Listen to 
Warren G for inspiration. Make up a song. Make sure there's drugs, 
stealing, vandalism, basketball, "gangstas", cops, guns, and the word 
"Funk" in it a lot. 

R/B/S: Write a song about how someone loves you, about how you love someone 
and they dont notice you, about how you loved someone and now cant get over 
it, or some similar things. Listen to Boyz II Men for inspiration. 

 
Step two: Picking a name. 

Gangsta Rap: Make sure the name has the words "G", "Gangsta", "Nigga"(not 
preferable, but sells records like hot cakes!), "Dogg" or "Funk" in it. 

R/B/S: You're pretty much on your own on this one. A number sells. Just ask 
All-4-One or Boyz II Men. Three syllables with dashes in the name also 
appears to sell. 

 
Step three: Getting on MTV. 

This isn't as hard as it sounds, espically if you're a Gangsta Rap or 
R/B/S singer, since that's all MTV is now anymore. Call up an MTV 
executive, play the song for him, and shoot a video. Get it played on Beach 
MTV, Yo! MTV Raps, Prime Time MTV, MTV Jams, MTV Most Wanted Jams, and VH1. 
Have them play it every half hour. They'll oblige. 

It doesn't matter what's in the video, but here's some tips: 

Gangsta Rap: Use a lot of black. Wear copyrighted symbols on your shirt and 
hat, so they have to be blanked out. This sells. Use crack or shoot people. 
It doesn't matter. Or have a huge party with you standing out in a crowd. 

R/B/S: It helps just to have you singing. Have a girl there. 

 
Step four: Make a single. 

Just record your song and sell it to Motown Records. Be a guest on MTV. 

 
Step five: Get some awards. 

Go on the Grammy Awards, the Emmy Awards, the Oscars, and any other awards 
show you can find. Win awards. 

Gangsta Rap: Thank "the almighty God, all da broz in da south side and da 
lbc, MTV, and everyone else." 

R/B/S: Thank "God, my mother and father for believing in me, my record 
company, and everyone else." 

 
Step six: Make an album. 

Now, this is perhaps the hardest part of making money, but it will pay off. 
Repeat step one until you have about 12 songs altogether. Go to Motown 
again, and record an album. Release it with some hippity-hoppity name. 

 
Step seven: Wait. 

Wait a week to a month, and depending on how much MTV played your song, 
you'll either go gold or platinum. $2 million comes right in. While you're 
waiting, be on MTV again. If you're a gangsta rapper, you can shoot hoops 
with Bill Bellamy on MTV Jams! Fun! 

 
Step eight: Whatever you want. 

At this point, if MTV's played your song enough, you have money, It doesn't 
matter if the song sucks or not. MTV played it. That's all it needs to 
sell. You can repeat the steps again for more money. With the album name, 
you can just call it "XXX 2" with the XXX being the name of your first 
album. 

 
Well, that's all you need to make easy money. Jam on, bro! 

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This tfile in no way describes our tastes in music. Really. :) 

stone/infidel 
BAH 

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