blah-012

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

BLaH

 · 25 Apr 2019

  

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    BLaH        Ý ß    Ý      ÜßÜ    Ý   Ý 
    File        ÝßÜ    Ý        ÜÝ   ÝßÝÜÝ        Written August 4th, 1992 
    #012        Ý  Ýig Ýong  ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý   Ýairy 
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                ÝÜß    ÝÜÜÝ  ßÜÜßÞ  ÜÝ   ÞÜ 
                 
                         Presents 
                  Ú         ÄÄ           ¿ 
                   "Cthulhu Crusade '92!" 
                  ³         by           ³ 
                        Constantine 
                  À         ÄÄ           Ù 

        Well, it's almost election time again-- what are YOU gonna do 
about it?  You could vote for Bush/Quayle, but then you'd have to live 
with putting a diehard conservative and his moronically incompetent 
stooge back in office.  You could vote for Clinton/Gore, but then you'd 
have to live with TIPPER GORE CONSTANTLY ON TELEVISION AGAIN!  It seems 
like a tough choice either way, right?  Wrong!  The Dream Candidate is 
HERE, friends... 
        Why vote for the LESSER of all evils?  Go for CTHULHU IN '92! 
        That's right, the demon-lord of R'leyh has thrown his (10 mile 
diameter) hat into the ring!  Voted "Most Likely to Eat the Universe" 
by Playbeing Magazine, he's a one-man presidential machine!  Of course,  
when you've got a candidate this big (and we mean BIG), only one vice- 
president will do-- Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos!  It's the Ticket 
from Hell, and this is their platform: 

1:  As promises to slash spending have failed in the past, Cthulhu will 
  slash the SPENDERS.  Congress will be summarily devoured, and the Senate 
  reserved for diabolical sacrifices. 

2:  No new taxes!  Every family will, however, be requrired to offer their 
  firstborn child. 

3:  More riots.  Lots more. 

4:  Arms spending and nuclear proliferation will end, because Cthulhu's 
  first act as President will be to eat all other nations. 

5:  Changes in our stuffy old traditions-- national bird will be the 
  Byhakee, national flag will bear the Yellow Sign, and the national 
  song will be changed to that grand old classic, "Ia!  Ia!  Cthulhu 
  Ftaghuan!". 

6:  No matter who you vote for, the world is going to end.  With Cthulhu, 
  you at least get nifty pyrotechnics. 

7:  The Necronomicon will be required reading in public schools, and 
  school prayer will be reinstated in a BIG way. 

8:  No more PTL. 

9:  If elected, Nyarlathotep will eat Dan Quayle alive on national 
  television.  New episodes of "Murphy Brown" will air immediately 
  afterward. 

        There it is-- the simple 9-point plan to bring this nation back 
on its feet.  So go out and register to vote today!  And if you're still 
not convinced, just remember one thing-- when the Deep Ones march from 
house to house asking who voted and who didn't, do YOU want to tell 
them that you went Republican?  Didn't think so. 

{---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90á says "3523 Bytes Total"------------} 

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