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Flippersmack Issue 21
O=
/) FLIPPERSMACK 021
`= culturemag for a penguin generation
http://www.flippersmack.com/
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Happy Halloween everyone! I've spent the last week working on a Halloween
costume, and the week prior getting ready for the Company of Friends
Roadshow, where I was the featured artist in my first art show! Also shown
were Todd Pluciennik (Penguin Palace), Erica Knoblock (Penguin Palace),
Adam Gastelum (Sypher), Virgil Siemplo (Sypher), Leah Peterson, and a few
other people. The artwork by my turtle Gigaflop, and Todd's turtle Sammy
was also on display. It went really well, and I'll slowly be putting the
artwork online at http://www.penguinpalace.com/
I also coordinated a fashion show at the event, with tons of help from
SlapAyoda. It featured upcoming streetwear lines from JNCO and Afroman
Productions. http://www.afroman.com/ and http://www.jnco.com/
While you have another window up, check out http://www.samhiti.com/
comic book creator of End Times. Redesigned with neato artwork!
Have fun partying!
pinguino
[pinguino@inker.com]
tABLE oF cONTENTS
[fiction] Kennai's Big Day ........................... SlapAyoda
[poem] Halloween Scribbles ................................ Monk
Historic Halloween: The Truth ......................... pinguino
[poem] Tricky Sidewalk ................................ pinguino
Interview with Ian Moss ............................... pinguino
Halloween Dress-up 2001 ........................... Flippersmack
.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Kennai's Big Day
by SlapAyoda (slapayoda@yahoo.com)
This is the winner of the Flippersmack Writing Challenge! Congrats! The
prize was an original painting by Pinguino of the main character of the
story. Thanks to all who entered! -ping
/* Write a story about a penguin who lives in the timeline of Tori Do.
He lives in the Galapagos, and his name is Kennai. He is a creature
of habit, an accountant who works in his local kingdom. He opens an
anonymous letter one day that had been slipped under his door. "Meet
me at the eastern waterfall at midnight. Come alone." */
-0x00x0-
It was once again the time of the day where Kennai would take his
leisurely waddle around the grand, exciting halls of the Royal
Accountancy. Actually, there was very little be excited about in this
shabby, run-down corner of the castle where the accountant his pencil
pushing penguins pushed the proverbial pencils. Kennai was an account, but
not THE account - his wishes were to some day be the head of His Majesty's
Royal Accountancy, but he was was unsure if his heart would be able to
handle the shock of a promotion of such magnitude. Nevertheless, Kennai
strolled amongst the bland hallways with just enough hope in his heart to
carry his flippers past the ugly paintings designated unfit for the
castle's main halls. As he approached his mailbox, he concentrated meekly
on his feeble excuse if he were stopped by one of his peers; he was on his
way to the lavatory. It had never occurred to him that all of his peers
felt the same urge to escape the stale tedium of their similar desk-traps.
What Kennai would encounter at his mailbox was neither stale nor tedious; it
was, indeed, rather mysterious and exciting.
Before he could meet this fate, however, he would have to face an unexpected
obstacle in his quest to escape boredom: an approaching higher-up who was
gruffly mumbling to himself whilst ruffling papers on his way out of the
mail-room. The irritated penguin looked dead-on at Kennai and asked him:
"Do you know what they tried to do?"
A confused Kennai, without lifting his eyes, answered:
"No, sir. What did.."
"They tried to take my job away! They -are- trying to take it away! They
said that they have no need for Pencil Sharpening Penguins anymore! They are
going to replace me with a machine!"
"Well, that's not right."
"Of course it isn't. They're out of their minds if they think a machine can
sharpen a pencil half as good as I can! That's why I'm off to see the King!
He will straighten this out!"
And with that, the angry penguin was gone. He stormed through a door and was
off, presumably, to see the King. Kennai continued towards the mail-room,
and opened the door.
It was empty. Every day, Kennai approached his mailbox with a certain
anxiety, thinking each time that perhaps today was the day he would be
promoted. Usually it was empty. But perhaps today, October 30th, was the day
he would mark down in future calanders to remember as his greatest day.
It stood out amongst all other mailboxes. His contained a small letter in a
bright red envelope. His heart leaped into his throat, got stuck, and fought
its way back into his chest. He reached out for the letter, and in a single
hurried motion, tore the envelope off.
His heart was about to sink again, nearly to the floor this time. It was not
the promotion he was looking for. He knew this immediately when the
letterhead read "From a close friend" instead of "Royal Accounting Legion."
He stuffed the letter in his pocket and continued onwards towards his
desk.
After sitting down and eyeing the conspicuously new pile of papers to be
processed, a pile that was slyly added in his short absence, he decided to
avoid working for a short bit and take a second look at the non-promotional
letter. He removed it from his pocket and unruffled the single page included
in the red envelope, then began to read:
---
From a close friend
To Kennai Wiltfoot
Kennai Wiltfoot. You must meet me at the Eastern Waterfall at midnight.
Come alone. Important events are taking place whilst your eyes remain closed
and unwary of the certain danger involved.
---
The letter left Kennai puzzled. Firstly, he couldn't imagine who would write
him such a cryptic letter. It was also entirely strange that author referred
to him by his full name - it was very rare in penguin culture to use full
names. He doubted that even his boss or any of his friends knew his full
name. He certainly didn't know the last names of the few friends he had. The
entire letter left him in a daze, especially the part concerning "the
eastern waterfall." The island Kennai lived on was fairly small, and he knew
exactly the waterfall the author was referring to - it was in fact his
favorite place to play with the other penguins as a child. Barring his
own parents, he could not think of a single penguin who would have this much
personal information about him.
"This 'certain danger' sounds rather uninviting," though Kennai as he stared
down the stack of paper which had seemingly grown bigger in the time he was
reading the note. Perhaps it had.
...
After putting his long hours in at work, Kennai was anxious to get some
rest. He had intentionally stuffed the note back down into the farthest
corner of both his pocket and his mind, and was set on a good night of
much relaxation and little 'certain danger.' That, however, was not how
things were to work out, at all.
Shortly after arriving home and eating the dinner that his mother had left
for him, (as she had gone out for her weekly pedicure and beak waxing), he
felt uneasy. Kennai's imagination had a habit of occasionally running wild,
and tonight his mind was very much fixated on just what would be going on at
the Eastern Waterfall tonight, to the dismay of Kennai himself.
"Good gravy, why am I so concerned with this silly note? It's nothing at
all, I'm sure this kind of thing happens to other penguins all the time,"
Kennai thought over his dinner of Cod steak and Pike fries. But he knew that
wasn't the truth at all; he knew that this could be the chance of a
lifetime. When else did the opportunity for adventure and excitement knock
on the door of his life?
Kennai fought with his own brain for several minutes. If the Cod and Pike
were still alive, they would have looked up at the penguin in utter
confusion. Instead, they sat on his plate, mostly uneaten.
After a few minutes deliberation, Kennai stood up, prepared to head
Eastward.
...
The Sun was just beginning to set as Kennai reached the Eastern Waterfall,
creating brilliant rose-colored patterns that danced amongst the water. He
stared at the cloud of churning water at the point where the waterfall ends,
and the illustrious shades of blue, green, and red reminded him of just why
he used to come here so often so many years ago.
He must have been rather early, after all, it wasn't even technically
"night" yet. So he found a roundish rock to accommodate him, and perched atop
it, waiting for his fate to reveal itself. As he sat, watching the setting
Sun's rays fall from the tops of trees looming above, the serene beauty of
nature overtook overtook him. This was nothing like his office, his home, or
his village - this was amazing. It brought him back to his youth, released
memories of playing with his childhood mates, having a grand old time.
Without realizing it, Kennai had lost all touch with reality, having slipped
into a complete trance.
It wasn't until several hours after the Sun had fully set that Kennai
realized consciousness again. He suddenly found himself sitting on exactly
the same rock, in exactly the same position, with exactly the same stupid
grin on his face. Everything, however, was not the same as before.
Floating several inches above the ground in exactly the same way that most
things do not, a ten-foot tall grinning spectre eyed Kennai up and down.
Aside from the large pumpkin the ghostly apparition was using for a head, he
seemed to be your typical spectre. Kennai was terrified, and simply did not
know what to say.
As Kennai sat, entirely motionless save for the constant but uneven
twitching of his left flipper, the spectre addressed him in a booming voice.
"Kennai Wiltfoot. Do you understand everything I have just told you?"
Kennai was puzzled and simultaneously too scared to be puzzled. He did,
however, remember that he didn't remember ever meeting this spectre before,
and was certain he was uncertain about anything the spectre might have just
told him.
Meekly, he replied, "Uhm?" It was the best he could muster up.
"Leaping lizards, you can't even remember what I just told you? How can such
a feeble penguin as yourself be as courageous as to not even pay mind to
what I have been telling you? If you do not heed what I tell you this time,
you will regret it eternally. Now, you don't remember -any- of what I told
you?"
"Er.."
"Not even when I told you that I was the Great Spectre of Halloween?"
"..."
"Hm. How about when I promised eternal doom for you and your family if you
were to disobey me? No. Well, I guess I better start from the top."
Kennai looked on with disbelief, his flipper still quivering.
"I am the Great Spectre of Halloween! You will fear my wrath! Yourself and
your family will be met with the greatest doom if you do not heed my words!
I have brought from the darkest depths of the netherworld a critical message
to you, Kennai Wiltfoot! Do you know why I am here?"
Kennai could not even bring himself to emit an ellipsis of silence.
"ANSWER ME, MORTAL!"
Out of fear alone, he managed to squish the slightest sound out from
voicebox:
"Why?"
"I have come bearing a great product. These electric pencil sharpeners
will change your life. You must purchase them now or face the eternal peril
of a constantly dull writing utensil!"
Without hesitation or questioning, Kennai bought a case of them. He never
had to face the eternal peril of a constantly dull writing utensil, ever
again.
-.x.x.x.-
Halloween Scribbles
by Monk (monkstah@hotmail.com)
More disturbing graphical quotas that lack the necessary pictures in
front of the eyes, but protrude such madness from within the head.
---
just another month
i've been plagued each year
with noise echoing from upstairs
little actors clamoring for something sweet
at a house darker than an empty stage
their non-professionalism comes through
in their choices from the costume department
bright yellows and bloody faces
i've seen it years before
i've been haunted before
by ghosts of my past
pressing into conscious
and the sweat and cold shivers i awake to
are less frightening than they seem
i'm forgetting cobwebs or
black and orange christmas decorations,
people pushing forth the notion
that women are designed for cleaning,
October just seems like
a good month to sleep in
and let your own fears seep out.
---
it all seems
your so awake on 5th ave
walking through corners in sneakers
past midnight
echoes of your face in shop windows feet back
pressing close to my breath
i saw you skip a step
over legs outpressed
never noticing what you missed
it all seems so peaceful
your struggling to set a pace
under urban neon lights
floating butterflies smooth
the air under your legs that seem to shake
my coat barely holds the cold
i heard your stolen french words
caress my ears
tuning out sirens and horns
it all seems rememberable
your so alive on sidewalk side
misplacing your cigarette
deep in your purse
dreams you lost form in the haze of cheap tobacco
i felt your thigh unknowingly
when i passed on by
your the last one i touch that way
it all seems so regretful
you crossed into apartment from night sky
the trace of your perfume
stroking my lips
another night on the town
but tomorrow's too late
to regret the night before
i was only tracing your hips
with a paintbrush
you lept onto paper
like delicate whispers in print
i felt every moment
as a lover felt your skin
with unfinished finesse
i spent hours retracing
ballet movements
just to do justice
i'll never forget 5th ave
at frozen night weekend
the shop windows remind me
to tip those less fortunate,
like i am
i'm feeling winter harder each year
in canvas skin
it all seems so real
it all seems so fresh.
-.x.x.x.-
Historic Halloween: The Truth
by Pinguino (pinguino@inker.com)
Don't believe their lies.
The smiling pumpkins and sticky little kids are mocking you.
Two thousand years ago, the Celts celebrated Samhain (pronounced sow-in),
the early predecessor to Halloween. In their culture, November 1 marked
the end of summer and the start of a long, cold winter. It was believed
that the boundaries between the living and dead became blurred that day.
Samhain happened on October 31, a night that increased clarity in fortune
telling. The Celts donned animal pelts and skulls, and sacrificed
animals and crops to prevent misfortune in the coming winter. They told
fortunes and re-lit the fire at the end of the festival.
The Romans conquered the Celts and through the four hundred years of their
rule, Samhain adopted customs from Romans. Feralia was a "Day of the Dead"
type holiday, and another day honored Pomona, the goddess of fruit and
trees. This is where the idea to "bob for apples" blossomed.
Pope Bonaface replaced Samhain with "All Hallow's Day" in the early
9th century to bring a Christian twist on the barbaric festival of Samhain.
It was held May 13, but later changed to November 1. The night prior began to
be celebrated as "All Hallow's Eve," and eventually Halloween. It had the
same elements of bonfires and angel and devil costumes.
Even later in England, there were parades on All Soul's Day, or November
2nd. Ragged beggars would plead for food on the streets, as fancy-clad
citizens gave them "soul cakes" in exchange for prayers for dead
relatives. From this comes our tradition of trick-or-treating.
Similarly in other parts of Europe, people placed bowls of food outside
their doorsteps to appease the ghosts who may haunt them in the dreadful
approaching winter. They wore masks when they went outside so that the
ghosts wouldn't recognize them.
In 1846, a major potato famine devastated Ireland, sending thousands of
immigrants to seek a new life in America. They brought their traditions of
celebrating Halloween as we know it, and it became a national event. This
is when Americans started trick-or-treating.
In the late 1800's, newspapers and political leaders decided to make
Halloween a "nice" holiday, and encouraged people to not dress in
grotesque costumes. Neighborhood parties and get-togethers with games and
food became popular.
In the 1920s and 1930s, more trickery was afoot, with pumpkin stompings to
escalated vandalism. A "knock-a-dilly" is when someone knocks on your door
and runs away before you open it. In the 50's, leaders managed to quell
the violence, and Halloween took on a "nice" twist, with family-oriented
trick-or-treating and parties at schools.
For more information on Halloween, check out these sites:
http://www.retroactive.com/oct98/hawtrads.html
http://www.jackolanterns.net/
http://www.geocities.com/~huathe/festivals.html
http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/halloween/index.html
http://www.tartans.com/samhain.html
-.x.x.x.-
tricky sidewalk
by pinguino (pinguino@inker.com)
fake blood splashed across my shoes
they have holes in the soles and no laces
the masked protagonist giggles quietly
pikachu's batteries are dead
blood seeps from between the zippers
yellow scraps flutter across the yard
costumed ghouls whistle by
green eyes glued to a sugary bait
unseeing the present matters not
i found my laces tied in a neat bow
-.x.x.x.-
Interview with Ian Moss
by pinguino (pinguino@inker.com)
Here's an interview with Ian Moss, a local DJ in Toronto and a friend of
Penguin Palace!
pinguino: How did you start out in the rave scene, and what you led to
DJing?
ian: I went to my first rave five years ago with a girlfriend and got
sucked into the culture. Heard local DJs 2-3 times a week. I live in
Toronto, so raves here get pretty mega pretty fast. I got tired of hearing
mixtapes and trainwrecks so I thought I'd have a go at it. I have a lot of
friends with decks so I bought a crummy pair of Geminis with even worse
needles off this guy I knew through IRC and borrowed a mixer from my
cousin. I had no idea what I wanted to play. I knew I liked booty and
ghetto tech, as well as electro. I had heard that electro was pretty hard
to beat-match, but whatever, I found it easy.
pinguino: Was your cousin a local DJ as well? Who taught and influenced
your early mixes?
ian: My cousin wasn't actually a DJ, he just had a mixer no one really
taught me. The thing about DJs is they can't teach you anything. I had a
friend that played locally and in Detroit. He played electro. I messed
around on his tables a few times and all he ever said to me was "lock up
the high hats." I had no idea what he was talking about. I've been
involved in music most of my life, one way or another, and had a pretty
keen sense of timing and rhythm before DJing. I was teaching guitar in a
small jazz studio. I knew basically how to beat-match and practiced that
with my turntables for a while.
pinguino: Do you incorporate jazz into any of your mixes?
ian: I used to. I played a lot of jazzy house.
pinguino: What do you play now?
ian: Kevin Yost, Joe Claussel, Keri Chandler type stuff. I play deeper
garage, I guess you'd call it. Lately I've been less and less interested
in playing out. I just like throwing tracks together, playing at
home. I have no interest in the rave scene and mixed tapes and cds are
done. I like radio sessions more than clubs. The thing is back in
the early to mid 90s DJs would make mixed tapes to draw a larger crowd
but really, in a city where raves, at one point, would bring in 16,000
kids a weekend you don't need that kind of exposure anymore and high
profile studio cds get boring. If I wanna hear a track, I'll buy the
vinyl.
pinguino: What about online mixes to draw an international audience?
ian: You'd think that would work; I used to stream in real-audio a lot. I
don't really care who listens, as long as I'm enjoying it. It's not a very
lucrative business, unless you're a superstar.
pinguino: So what burnt you out on the rave scene?
ian: I got tired of greedy promoters packing kids like sardines in unsafe
venues while they wrote off dehydration as a water expense. The problem
with any big city is an even larger suburban surrounding, so what happens
is, you get these morons in the suburbs who have nothing better to do than
tail-gate at a local variety store while they drink away brain cells and
carry their high-school thug attitude into what was a generally peaceful
environment. Kids at raves are too stupid to be angry. Peace and love and
happiness, right? Really, a rave wasn't anything different than Woodstock
99 at that time - lots of crystal, lots of thugs (or so they thought they
were). That and the green eyed monster got to be too much.
pinguino: What's the underground scene like in Toronto? Does it exist?
Here in California we can escape out to the desert for our parties.
ian: You can't. Raves haven't been illegal here for years, since the early
90s. They're often held in government convention centers. How do you
escape that? What has happened though is that the cats that started this
scene, the ones who generally have a clue as to what's going on have pushed
the rest of us into the club scene. Toronto has an incredible club scene,
rivaling perhaps London's.
pinguino: People here seem to be getting sick of busted events and will
move over to clubbing.
ian: The promoters that started the first warehouse parties are bringing
in names like Richie Hawtin to the same crowd only at a more intimate
gathering. Clubs here, good clubs, are open until 5 or 6am. I was
surprised when I went to the Motor Lounge in Detroit to find it closing at
2am.
pinguino: Where do people hear you?
ian: CKLN university radio. University stations here play the only good
music. Universities like U of T, Ryerson, Macmaster have excellent shows.
A lot of pretty big local names host them. Marcus, a local D and B guy
hosted a show for a long time at U of T. The big names here own record
stores and host shows. Play da Record is owned by Jason Palma, local
celebrity, you'll see his name on 4 or 5 flyers a week. I think Mystikal
Influence owns Eastern Bloc. A lot of the Toronto drum and bass guys used
to be really big in the US, but now it seems the house cats are popular.
pinguino: House is very popular, maybe because MTV jumped all over it.
ian: We don't get MTV here, but we've had this really bad dance show
called Electric Circus played on Much Music. It's been on for a decade at
least. It does its best to exploit the scene. It's great, all these
wankers dress like tools on the show, so kids think it's cool and show up
like that at clubs to find out club kids don't really dress like that.
pinguino: Doing anything special for the holiday?
ian: There were a couple parties on the weekend, but all I've really heard
about is the Roxy Blu tomorrow with Carl Craig. He is a pretty awesome
DJ. He started Planet E Records in Detroit. He also was a key motivator
and co-ordinator of the Detroit Electronic Music Festival. Apparently, he
received some sort of honor from the city.
pinguino: What was your favorite event ever?
ian: There's a few, and most of them involve Richie Hawtin. Richie is
friends with some promoters here, and played a pretty nice little pub in
the middle of his De909 tour.
pinguino: Is he your favorite DJ?
ian: He's awesome, live he's pretty good. It depends, sometimes he just
plays some really hard techno which gets kind of annoying but I've never
seen anyone tame a crowd for 10 minutes on just a 909. He plays it like
it's an instrument, it's really impressive. I went to a Poor Boy party in
Detroit in 97, that was pretty good. That was the first time I saw DJ
Godfather - probably the best booty DJ ever. If you wanna see booty, go to
Detroit. Godfather would drop vinyl on top of vinyl, he couldn't get it
off the decks fast enough.
pinguino: Well, thanks for the interview you gave us today. Any shoutouts
you wanna give?
ian: Respect to matt (Muerte) and all of Canada!
-.x.x.x.-
Halloween Dress-up 2001
by Flippersmack
Who's dressing up as what this year?
Pinguino - Queen Amidala from Star Wars Episode I
SlapAyoda - Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars Episode VI: RoTJ
Joy Knoblock - 50's Girl
Melinda Ambill - Kitty Cat
Kilna - Pirate
Skrike - 70's Pimp
Panacea - Thief
+-----------------------------------------------------+
Flippersmack (c) 2001 Flippersmack All Rights Reserved.
Flippersmack does not condone any of the acts in this collection of writings.
We tearfully implore you to stop terrorizing the mops.
