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Greeny World Domination 059
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e ,
I n c o r p o r a t e d
Presents:
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"The Deluded Ravings of a Madman" by The Mad Screamer
----- GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime ***** Issue #59 -----
----- release date: 03-17-98 -----
The press can't seem to get their stories right about SGP
(SkankyGwynethPaltrow). They can't decide who to link her to romantically --
Matt Damon or Ben Affleck -- which is just another indication that everybody is
getting snowed. In any case, in regards to MD, I couldn't give two shits and a
rip roaring rats ass about MD. That little "pretty boy" -- and I do emphasize
the "quotes" around him. . . because if he is pretty, my rosy red ass is a
bajo! He looks like what shows up on the Charmin after I wipe my ass. He's got
a deformed looking face -- like he never made it out of puberty. His nose
doesn't fit his right eye, which is -- like -- a different size than his left
eye, which doesn't fit his mouth and chin, which obviously have been chopped on
by Edward Scissorhands.
Plus, and perhaps most offensive of all, is the fact that he's got an orgy of
black moles all over his face, neck, and body -- that's why he and Minnie Driver
made such a great couple -- together they had a whole army of moles -- enough to
take Rome after a six month seige.
Oh, and isn't it all so fucking cute how the media thinks it's so damn darling
that he dates his costars and dumps them the instant the director calls "wrap!"
And while we're on that subject, I have posed the theory that he is stupid at
FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON levels and probably a sexual deviant by the sexual company
he keeps. Check out who he's been associated with in the past year:
Claire Danes -- who is so dog-ass ugly now that I will not watch her in anymore
movies because every time someone says her name, I think of a random real-life
photo she was in for PREMIERE's feature on THE SHITMAKER last nov. - that
literally made me want to vomit the first time I saw it. She looked so hideous
that I did not recognize her until I read the caption and going even a step
further, I am ashamed to say that if someone (Matt Damon's publicist, say)
shoved a pistol in my mouth and said, "You have to choose: Claire Danes or the
Kracken that Aarom performed sexual favors on, davors so perverse that I feel I
can't discuss it," I would never think twice about choosing the Kracken. (Now
I'm going to have to go take a shit to purge myself of these horrific
impurities).
Minnie Driver: a bigger whore than MD, although probably a better actor (and
that's not saying much because I want to put a bullet in Minnie Driver's head
every time she acts -- with the exception of GROSSE POINT BLANK, of course).
She fucked JCusack on GPB, Christian Slater on the FLOOD (now HARD RAIN) --
which incidentally -- I hope she now has a scorching case of herpes because
rumor is that CSlator has a bad flaming case of it -- that's what Howard Stern
said, anyway, last summer. Now let's suppose for a moment that she sucked
Slater's dick, ok, and she gets a scorching case of lip sore-like herpes
symplex-5 outbreak on her face, dare I say that that would be an immediate and
violent improvement in her looks. MDriver has the face shape of an alien and
the skin quality of a hornytoad. She looks like she has scales on her face and
arms, only they are of the wanna-be chameleon variety because they accentuate
her vast stellar array of moles. Anyway, I'm actually fairly disappointed that
MD broke up with her after GOODWILLBULLSHIT because if they had propagated,
their child would look like a disfigured Lizard King and could be donated to
science for testing.
SGP: I'm not going there. I've covered that ground before in far more
effective ways than this present rampage, so i'll let her go except to say that
she is by far the most vile and disgusting of these three. She makes Claire
Danes look like Elizabeth Hurley. I would rather cut off my dick than even
think about having sex with her. Besides, she looks like a sack of bones that
fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch one the way down, where, upon
impact, she was pulverized by an army of ugly stick-wielding mercenaries beating
her senseless enough to date someone as sickeningly ugly as Brad Pitt in his
face before a meteor fell from the sky and smashed her into the ground, damning
her to look like one of the resurrected corpses from EVIL DEAD. I'm terrified
that I'll actually meet SGP one day because if I do, I know that I won't be able
to refrain from blurting out, "So who did the special effects for your face?
That look is worthy of a traveling carnival."
So to sum up, clearly any man who could nail half the beautiful women in America
and chooses not one, but all of those three degenerate pigs is borderline
psychotic in his sexual deviance and just plain foolish.
And I just realized that after all this talking, I haven't even touched upon
what I think of Matt Damon. Well, that'll just have to wait for another tirade
because i'm tired and want to go to sleep.
-The Mad Screamer (a.k.a. "The Great American Drugstore")
-----
ADDENDUM:
Anyone who doubts the ravings of the Madman can go fuck themselves. Check out
what was in the news today:
Damon Dumped Driver
- NEW YORK (Reuters) - Matt Damon is one of the hottest young actors in
Hollywood but the New York Post says he has a lot to learn about handling
romantic relationships. The newspaper says Minnie Driver, Damon's co-star in
"Good Will Hunting," found out that she was being dropped as his girlfriend when
he announced it on "Oprah." The Post says Damon was asked if he had a
girlfriend and responded with a "no." The Post says a few days later Damon and
Driver were both at the Golden Globe awards and that she broke down in tears
during the night. Nonetheless, a Driver representative says she and Damon are
still "good friends."
[The above rant is the work of The Mad Screamer, who is solely responsible for
its content. The Mad Screamer is, however, very knowledgeable about the world
of Hollywood and film. The rant does not necessarily reflect the views of the
staff nor the editorship of "GwD: The American Dream with a Twist -- of Lime,"
its publishing company, GwD,Inc., or any subsidiary or affiliate thereof. That
is not to say that it definitely does not reflect the vies of any of the
aforementioned - it merely does not NECESSARILY reflect their views. This work
was, however, translated into Spanish under direct orders from Fidel Castro to
be broadcast as a voice-over for an entertainment segment on Cuban television.]
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"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the
extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children
smart." - H.L. Mencken
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copyright (c) MCMXCVIII by The Mad Screamer/GwD, Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
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