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Klunk 05
[number5]
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b E L I A L ' S ' k L U N K ' z I N E ! . .
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(gh@trank95)
-----( welcome to kLUNK number 5 (belial)
A few things to note this issue. First of all, for now on kLUNK is
going to be released monthly, or whenever I feel I have enough work for it to
be released. This issue was really hard to get out. I wanted to release it
on the first of this month but I couldn't because I didn't have enough work.
This was partly my fault, I didn't have time to do anything myself. I also
had a lot of stuff, and I still do, for school, which is keeping my
production rate down quite a bit. I can't even read the book I want to
because I _HAVE_ to read some book for my history class. I would normally be
pissed off, but this is a biography of Aberaham Lincoln and it happens to be
very good.
On a very sad note, my first distro site, aneurysm has gone down. I
don't know if it is going to go back up, but if it does it will still be a
kLUNK distro site. Replacing Aneurysm as kLUNK distro site is one of my
old favorite boards that went down and is very soon to be back up again, The
North Star. This is an excellent board and I warmly welcome it into my little
kLUNK family. Also, I would like to thank The North Star's sysop, Grey Hawk,
for the great header he did for this issue of kLUNK.
I also have to apologize to edicius and jonas for a stupid blunder in
kLUNK 4. I inadverdantly ripped a line from jonas, the one about kLUNK being
a lifestyle. I didn't know it at the time, but it was already a quote in
jonas, so, i'm sorry. No offense ment at all.
I know you are all waiting to hear the punch-line of the worlds
lamest joke, but you are going to have to wait. Well, until the end of the
issue anyway. Believe me, this joke is really lame.
As for witty quotes this issue, well, mogel blessed us with these
two fine quotes. As for rattle, he just sat there, he was stunned I think.
<mogel> uhm.
<mogel> heh.
thanx mogel.
- ---+--)
Something happened on irc a few weeks ago that I felt couldn't be
left out of this issue. It was: Sun Sep 24 23:36:21 EDT 1995
I call it 'the day of irc anarkey!@' and it was all started by these
very intelligent, yet highly silly people, on a silly little channel called
#zines.
b0nfire, mogel, w4ddl3 (rattle), kurdt, hal08, belial, lucifer, and
someone who went with the nick, fu, sorry I forget what your full handle was.
This is what happened. We were all goofing off, that is pretty much
normal, but soon, soon, it just got totally w31rD!@ Someone switched their
handle to someone who wasn't there. Then, everyone took everyone elses handle
and that started the anarkey. From there it went nuts, people from lowly
conservative channels would enter and been stunned only to leave seconds
later confused and in need of help. People would go nuts and crazy, it
truly was irc anarkey!@ Then mogel, inspired by the nick of the infamous
black francis, made everyone switch their nicks like bF would have his,
loser case then upper case. This was k-k00ky, silly even. it looked a bit
like this:
b0,fU,kT,lF,mG,bL,w4ddl3 <- spoil sport, he was amazed by the shear
sillyness that was going on!@
It truly was anarkey up to 3 in the morning when all of us either
passed out or died at the keyboard.
and that was 'the day of irc anarkey!@'
There have been several other nights of k00kyness but none have
equalled the might of that night. A night to remember.
Oh yea, guess what everyone. I have the biggest and greatest
collection of Jenny McCarthy gif/jpg's known to man. Phear it, and if anyone
has any more feel free to send them my way. If you happen to have any Heather
Nova pictures laying around, send them also, she is hot. =)
How come almost every 'zine you see is full of angsty stuff. I have
no angst, I have no reason to be. I live a pretty decent life. And I'm sure
that if your family or you, own a computer, then you probably live a decent
life also. I don't understand why it's basically the rich kids who complain
that they are so full of angst. Rich and intellingent people are weird, stay
away from me freak.
Concerning this issue of kLUNK I would love to thank edicius for a
great article, and for his support with kLUNK. His article is probably the
only reason why I am releasing kLUNK right now, because until he gave me
that, I didn't have enough stuff to release. So if more people would like
to do stuff for kLUNK just get in touch with me. I accept basically anything,
except stuff related directly to the ansi scene. As much as I like the ansi
scene, I think ansi scene stuff should be in ansi scene related 'zines. I
also would like to thank b0nfire for a terrific poem, and hal08 for his
contribution, I don't know what to call it, just read it, you'll understand.
hehe. Well, I hope you enjoy this issue of kLUNK, I think it is a very good
issue and look forward to some responce from you all.
-----( members and sites
editor - belial (email: belial@crow.cybercomm.net)
contributors: b0nfire (poem) hal08 (article) grey hawk (header)
edicius (article)
- klunk world headquartez -
(avalon 908.739.4274)
- klunk distro sites! -
(alderAAn 908.224.8780 / the north star 908.264.5042)
-----( kLUNK would like to greet
mogel, rattle, edicius, oeb, hal08, b0nfire, kurdt, hooch
grey hawk, and dto
-----( article 1 ) "america on-lame?" by, edicius
[-- - -+- - --]
<ding> "you have mail!"
"whoa, how'd you do that?"
"simple, its america on-line's special software. its simple and easy
to use even for the inexperienced computer user!"
"wow, thats keen."
-----]
why is it, that once a person goes on america on-line, they consider
themselves an "experienced computer user"? there's some kids in my school,
that live for america on-line, and they think that they are god's gifts to a
computer. when a teacher asks for help concering a computer, they are the
first ones to offer help. granted, compared to the teachers, they know
_alot_ more, but still, c'mon.
oh; i rarely get up to offer assistance to my teachers, mainly
because i don't like 'em very much. :)...
anyway;
recently, a friend of mine just started log'n onto aol. he asks one
of the kids that knows 'alot' about computers for help on there, and the
kid basically replies with, "ok; now, go to the private room selection menu,
and type in 'GIF', if thats full, type 'GIF2'."
yeeck. granted, i don't mind getting a few .gif's here and there.
(ok, so, i don't mind getting it alot, but thats besides the point :)...)
but these kids live for .gif's. at least when i make fake accounts on aol,
i use it to check out their weather map libraries, which are pathethic. i
could run a better weather provider on the 'net then they could.
ALL THESE KIDS KNOW HOW TO FUCKIN' DO IS GET GIF'S. (and we wonder
why the media gives computer geeks a bad reputation.
it isn't the diehard computer user, like you and i, that are
spreading the porn and doing stupid things; its the lame asses who go on aol
thinking they are god.
lets keep going, before i need my valium.
most of the people on aol are lame; its a fact. out of the two
million people on america on-line, 80% of them couldn't have seriously
touched a computer before they went on aol. (that is, 80% of the people who
actually pay for aol. personally, i make fake accounts on there to harass
people, try to get credit cards, and check out the warther section. then
again, i haven't been on aol in 6 months.)
want some examples on why america on-line people are truely lost?
----]
[nj5.injersey.com] tin
TIN NEWSGROUP READER - COPYRIGHT 1994 TIN INC.
Updating newsgroup alt.2600 128 new messages
Updating newsgroup alt.sex.stories 912 new messages.
Updating newsgroup rec.stories.erotica 22 new messages.
Updating newsgroup alt.fan.cult-dead-cow 348 new messages.
Updating newsgroup alt.music.frank-black 1932 new messages.
Delete bogus newsgroup alt.sex.masturbation.jonas ? [y/n]
Entering alt.2600
Message 261 of 389
subject: teach me!
from: frankIE@aol.com (frankIE)
date: 12 jan 1995 13:23:59 -0400
message-id: <3m743$10@newsb9.news.aol.com>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey dewdz.
i wanna know how to phreak.
tell me about all the reall k00l stuff.
what is a bluw box? does it still work? i heard it gives you phree cokes
from a soda machine. pleeze tell me.
frankie.
% skip
Entering alt.sex.stories
Message 12389 of 74191
subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: 100 sites with great pictures found!
from FIREWATCH@aol.com (FIREWATCH)
posted to: mdsa0031@giant.mit.edu
date: 31 jan 1995 08:30:19 -0500
message-id: <3q3l3q$1kds@newsbf01.news.aol.com>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> eMiT (eMiT@aol.com) wrote:
>>>
>>> I have a list of 100 sites with _great_ porn. _EMAIL_ me for more
>>> information. DON'T post to this newsgroup, EMAIL ME.
>>>
>> send me the list pleze. i want porn.
>>
> urge. HE SAID EMAIL YOU FUCKIN' IDIOT. jeezus. is everyone on aol this
> lame?
>
noo. i uze aol becuse its suc h a great price,. i am not lame.
ps; can i have the list please?
% next
Message 12390 of 74191
subject: re: I HAVE THE CHRYL CROW NUDE PIC!
from: iMAgEKiD@aol.com (iMAgEKiD)
posted to: aj@cyberspace.com
date: 02 feb 1995 19:10:23 -0500
message-id: <41dja9$1ce@newsbf02.news.aol.com>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
send me the pic
imagekid@aol.com
% quit
-----]
ok, maybe some of that was exagerated, but you get the point.
aol is nothing more then a bunch of people who don't know much about
computers. not to mention a giant rip off. aol is glamorized because of
its 'ease to use', allowing people to use computers without learning
anything else. then, they think they are a big computer expert because they
can point and click their way into the 'infobahn'.
if you've ever have seen "MTV Yack Live", all it shows, is a bunch of
kids with no taste in music, professing their love to 'MTVixxen', showing
how much they love nirvana and green day, and saying "Hhello to my friends
KARI and DAVE in franklin WV!!!"
anyway;
america on-line is sad, very sad. of all the major on-line services,
it is one of the worst, in my opinion. compuserve, prodigy and netcom
(getting there), are all bad, but aol is _real_ bad.
just about the _only_ thing aol _is_ good for, is getting free
computer diskettes.
shrug. its my opinion, if you don't like it, buhbye.
this has been a klunk production.
-----( poetry 1 ) "untitled" by, b0nfire
i'm just a young teen sleeping at night;
With my blanket held close i will sleep tight;
but what do i hear scurrying apon the floor?;
and now there's something knocking at the door;
please show your face whoever you are!;
i know there's something not quite up to par;
i look over my covers and under the bed;
i see a little devil, colored bright red;
i say Mr.Devil, what do you need?;
He said your soul, encased with greed;
greedy? baw, that could never be me;
he said with delight look hard and you'll see!;
so he showed me with great powers my deep, inner soul;
and i peered in disbelief at what was black as coal!;
i said how is this? how could it be mine?;
he said you consider the bud leaf a national shrine;
is that so bad? do i need to change my ways?;
of coarse not my boy, unless you want to see happier days..;
happier days, is there such a thing?;
doesn't "acid" have a familiar ring?;
acid i say, now that's a trip!;
yes, a tab of that and you'll start to flip!;
thanks Mr.Devil, your lesson was good!
yes my boy, now sleep like you should;
i got under my covers, and turned out the light with a flick;
and heard my door shut with a slight metallic click.
-----( article 2 ) "God Loves Me" by, hal08
I used to think that I was loved. I get stabbed in the back, shot in the
face. If only I was a hip. I just wish I could live among the flowers. I've
decided the meaning of life, but wrote it in my fruit loops. My dog ate my
teacher because she was asking for homework, and my principal bestality got
the best of him during bio. I have a tendency to freak out, jump in puddles,
kiss the rain. I can dance in water, I can ignite the fire, but i can't burn
out the flame. I will live forever until I die. But this story has yet to
have an ending. Perverse and portrayed, loved and denied. I could write
poetry, include words like "Hate, Life, Death" and say I'm angsty. That I
walk in black and enjoy killing myself, pain feels good. Yippie, I can talk
to dogs, I can make love to trash cans, I can swim nude in leisure village.
As my god given right I can run through the streets yelling politically
correct. This is babble not a lit nor poetry, mindless babble that I call
text art.
-----( Goodbye! (belial)
Thus ends kLUNK issue number 5. I apologize for not doing an article
myself in this issue, but as I said, I have been really busy lately. Now,
as I promised the punch-line to the lamest joke conceivable to man.
klunk4> There is a cow, a pig, and a martian. They all walk into the sub
klunk4> shop. The pig goes moo, the cow goes oink, and the martian goes
klunk4> @)$(*. Ok, so they ask for the butcher. He walks in and says...
The goat lies!
Now that had to be the lamest joke ever. That totally sucked. I know
your saying 'huh, I don't get it' well good, there is nothing to get, that
is why it's so lame. =)
Well, that is the end. I don't really have anything to add, except
once again thanking everyone who contributed and helped to get this issue
out. I really appreciate it.
Oh and this: 908 r00lz the world if there are any who doubt me then
go eat d00d00. And if you are in a wild search for _GREAT_ text files then
just give avalon a call, thanx to edi I am now majorly stocked with text
file galore@!# Also, I am in very bad need of a courier, someone to call up
the ld boards and someone to stock the internet with kLUNK, so if you are
interestd then email me. thanx.
bye everyone and get back to me with some responce.
[end]
