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Milk_Issue_50
Ü Ü Ü Mighty Issue #50
Ü Ü Û Û Ü illicit "[MiLK] Update 7/94"
Û ß Û Û Û ÛÛ Liquid -By "Concerned [MiLK] Members"
ß ß ß ß ß ß Kollections
Ä Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Hello, we're coming to you live from the inside of the [MiLK] Tfile
Headquarters, The Obloid Sphere. I'm afraid it's become a MADHOUSE in here!
All hell is breaking loose! Epic has flooded the main floor of the complex
with Tang[tm]! All the eggplants have been taken out of the refrigerator
and are rotting! The mangos have been thrown into the trash compactor!
The messages are being tossed into the paper shredder! Weasels are throwing
themselves in front of speeding trains in desperation. If something doesn't
stop this total anarchy quickly, Obloid will be nothing more than a Default
Renegade BBS with an open Archive Menu, just waiting to be hacked,
slaughtered, destroyed, or otherwise ruined.
We better explain to you how this all happened. You see, it all
started with a few simple posts on Obloid, one of the few lasting Message
boards in Chicago. James Hetfield, The Sysop, posted this message, which
was soon going to be the latest [MiLK] Text file:
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Now, I know that you've all seen the recent outpour of Fruit drink
commericals on the radio and Television. Well, this is all because the
Fruit Drink wars of the '90s have began. You think the '80s and the Cola
wars were bad? Well, this will show us once and for all what the best fruit
drink in America is; Fruitopia.
First off, the Propaganda campaign for this drink is unmatched. How
much more Policitally correct can you get then naming your drinks
"Strawberry/Passion Awareness" and "Fruit Integration" and other such
wonderful things?
Let me read you the little "Fruitopian Life" quote on the side of this
bottle of Fruitopia I have. "The person next to you loves you very much.
Please share this Fruit Integration with him/her." Now this, my friends, is
the most wonderful ad campaign known. Why would anyone choose Snapple, that
horrible muck with such polictially INCORRECT names of drinks as "Mango
MADNESS", when you can have Fruit Integration? It just doesn't make sense
to me.
I predict that Fruitopia will make the Earth shake and the Oceans rise
and the trees fall from its wrath. Carbonated beverages will be a thing of
the PAST once Fruitopia becomes the land's favorite drink.
Drink Fruitopia. The Best Stuff on Earth. (I guess that means Snapple
is made from Fruitopia...)
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Soon afterward, Epic, One of the Founding Writers of [MiLK], Posted
what he said was going to be HIS next [MiLK] Text File:
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Hi-Ho, Epic dee Frog here, and I'm writing this piece right now to
support the case for abolishing lame fruit drinks like "Fruitopia" and
"Snapple".
Have you seen all the coolest alterna-teens gulping down a sickly
Fruitopia? Or the local meatheads quenching their thirst with a moldy
Snapple? I'm sure you have. These so-called beverages are ripping through
today's society like a horrible disease (much like leprosy, or shingles).
Prevent this. Drink the good shit.
Who needs crappy primate piss in a jar when you can enjoy a tall Dr
Pepper, or a refreshing Slurpee? Even a good RC Cola, a fresh lemonaide, or a
hit of gummi-bear juice would please your yearning tastebuds even more. And
of course, don't forget the Tang!
Beverages are generally made to come in nice metal cans, not big
jars. Jars should be reserved for uses such as storing jelly, or capturing
small insects (or incest. or incense for that matter.) Why does Snapple even
come in those jars anyway? If I was marketing such a horrible product (god
forbid) I would enclose it in someway that the customer couldn't see the
miserable muck they are buying. I see meatheads raise their jars of death to
their lips, and I see the liquid flow out of the jar and down their throats.
Nestea is passable, but the other crap has to go. Frankly (and I'm sure Frank
would agree), it makes me wretch.
So enjoy the finer taste sensations. If you have the cash to spare,
buy a fucking Cappio! If not, at least mix yourself up some Tang or something
worthwhile. This fruit drink crap is just the latest trend, and is sure to
pass just as quick as hula-hoops, nelson backpacks, and Coke II. Don't be a
fool. Nothing beats the real thing.
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Well, this reply by Epic INFURIATED Jamesy, who after long thought,
saw this as an attack on himself, and retorted by calling Epic a "Wanker".
This led to Epic posting that James Hetfield was a "Noodle Butt". Well,
Jamesy deleted this post before anyone else could see it, and pulled Epic
into chat. He persisted to call Epic a "West Side Wigger" and a "Carbonated
Drink Drinking Lamer". Epic called Jamesy a "Dog Raper" and a "Piss Water
Sucker". And So On, this conversation lasted like this for about 15 minutes,
when Jamesy decided to hit the dreaded Alt-H keys. Epic jacked himself
through the cyberspace until he got back to The Obloid Sphere, where Jamesy
had so evilly hung up on him, HIM, a [MiLK] Writer himself! Epic rigged
Obloid with backdoor, that called a batch file that formatted the hard drive
whenever anyone called the BBS and typed "SAFETY PINS" at the main menu.
People began to see Epic and Jamesy fighting in the message bases,
and they all figured that it was their time to get the access they wanted,
so there was a massive upheaval of hacking and phreaking going on at Obloid.
Pretty soon everyone had s255 access and were leeching all the files in
sight. Jamesy, understanding that he couldn't control his BBS any longer,
went into seclusion. That's when Epic decided to try to conquer The Obloid
Sphere.
First, all he did was upload a trojan that played the Sound file
"Violet.669" at 200 decibels at 3am in the morning. Then, he preceeded to
lock the board to not accept new users. Finally, he locked Jamesy out of his
own board by making a Network Mode password (SEAMONKIES). Jamesy couldn't
take any more of this, and decided to leave town for a week and ponder what
his next move will be.
Jamesy went in search of help. He visited the ACME Corporation and
contracted them to develop some anti-Epic equipment, but Jamesy feared their
creations would not be able to stop Epic. He visited wise mages, oracles,
even pool hustlers for advice, he needed everything he could get.
Epic himself was scrambling for a plan. He travelled far and wide,
leeched information through the Internet, spoke with Dr. Demento, anything he
could get his (freshly washed and nice smelling) hands on. He consulted his
trusty thesaurus, his trusty stegosaurus, and even the Hitchhiker's Guide To
The Galaxy. He found himself plump with knowledge, but was still unsure on
what to do.
So that's where we are now. The anarchists are right about to make
their kill and blow up Jamesy's House. The Phreakers are right about to
steal Jamesy's phone lines. The Epic followers are right about to start
up their own Text File Group, armed with foam-spraying fire extinguishers and
40 oz'ers of Tang. And The Dish is right about to run away with the Spoon.
Will Jamesy ever return to answer his chat calls again?
Will The Obloid Sphere fall at the hands of H/P/A/V worshippers?
Will The Dish discover The Spoon's torrid affair with The Fork?
Will Epic ever make up and share his Tang with Jamesy again?
Will society at large EVER get fucking tired of that damn Collective
Soul song?
Will [MiLK] Curdle?
I guess only time will tell the answer to all these questions... but
for now, if you'd like to help out [MiLK], bow your head towards the Mango,
and come up with some decent submissions for [MiLK].. Chances are they will
be accepted... Just think, you could be the hippest cat on the block, and
it's all for a good cause! If you submit to any of the BBSes that are "Dist
Sights", or Headquarters, they will find their way back to Jamesy and will be
looked over... Please, submit to [MiLK]! We need you in our days of crisis!
Û Û [MiLK] Information
Û Û
Û Û [MiLK] Sites:
Û Û
Û Û The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400]
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400]
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û (NUP) I LOVE FEDS
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Violent Playground.........(908)920-2575 [14,400]
Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Black Dragon BBS...........(703)885-3072 [14,400]
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄ> MiLK File #50: "MiLK Update 7/94" by MiLK Members <ÄÄÄ
(This File Just wasted 9172 bytes of your hard drive)
