Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Persistence of Time 02 poser
Posers. Kill Them All
by: Killer Wombat
Posers. What are they? and why do they suck so bad? By definition, a poser is
a person who tries to be something they aren't. Usually posers get more com-
plex than that, but that is the basis of all poser-dom. I hate posers because
generally they are ignorant. Not un-intellectual, but just un-educated. Not
"hip" to the world around them. Posers don't necessarily act like skaters.
They normally try to act cool in front of a person or group of people. My
school bus is a living, breathing, cess-pool of posers. There is this one girl
who said, "yeah I LOVE punk rock, Green Day and Offspring are my favorite
bands!" When I asked her which Green Day albums she had, she said, "What? Dookie
is their ONLY album!" I swear I'm going to kill that fucking whore.
Then there is this girl who has flower-power patches and mushrooms and
shit sewn onto her backpack. She also has an anarchy sign written on it, yeah
she's a real anarchist. FUCKING HIPPY BITCH! So you see, posers aren't limited
to skaters who can't skate.
One day I was walking with my best friend, and another kid. (Who is a
complete fucking poser.) We were walking to an electric fence so we could have
fun electrocuting ourselves, (it's a blast!). It was dark and the air was cool
enough to see the steam coming from our mouths when we exhaled. So my best
friend pulled out a pack of Marlboros and offered the poser one of them, (I
don't smoke cigarettes,) and he took one for himself. They lit up and I was
watching this poser as he lit his cig. He held up the lighter and almost, (but
didn't,) light the cigarette. Then he inhaled, because he thought it was lit.
Then he exhaled, the steam coming from his breath looked like smoke, and he
exclaimed, "Wow, these are good cig's! I'm soooooooo buzzed" This is the same
fucking poser who told us stories about how he smoked a foot-long joint and
dropped acid and fucked his girlfriend. These all turned out to be lies, lies,
lies! FUCKING POSER!
So, you ask, what if I am a poser? Well here is a little self-exam-
ination. They are all yes or no questions...
* Have you bought merchandise lately in order to make yourself look cool
in front of a group of people?
* Do you copy other people's original ideas for popularity?
* Do you tell other people lies to make yourself look cool?
* Are you often asking yourself, "If I wear/do/say this, will ________ think
that I am cool?"
* Do you collapse easily under peer pressure?
Ok.. here is the score sheet.
* If you had no 'yes' answers, then CONGRATULATIONS. You are your own person
and probably are a complete freak. Way-to-go. You have defied the mainstream.
But chances are, you're probably lieing to yourself which makes you a big time
poser.
* If you had one 'yes', then that's good. You're someone that should be commend-
ed for your originality. Of course, most likely you act like this because you
are a momma's boy and have been told how 'good' you are for your whole life.
* If you had two 'yes' answers, you are an average joe. A nobody. You probably
have no friends, but wish you did. You can barely stand on your own two feet.
Suicide is a maybe.
* If you had three 'yes' answers, You are a poser. Not a big poser but still a
poser. Don't worry though, you have a lot of anal retentive friends just like
you. You will grow up normal.
* If you had four 'yes' answers, you are a moron. You're really stupid and think
you're so cool. You're probably a racist bastard and everyone picked on you
when you were little because you are such a dork. May a big, ugly, fat man
come along and tie you to the railroad tracks.
* If you had five 'yes' answers, you're a goddamn idiot motherfucker who is
afraid to act like anything but a walking clone of the rest of your fucking
poser friends. You're so fucking insecure it's pathetic and you'll probably
end up failing school and getting addicted to heroin because Kurt Cobain,
your fucking idol did it. You fucking poser. I hope you die real soon.
* If you had 'six' yes answers than you have the intelligence of a marble.
Well that about sums it up... I hope you now feel a strong hatred for posers....
they are the scum of the earth.
