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SLAP 1
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SLAP<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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LETTER TO YOU:
SLAP has no goals. This is not a subversive underground e-
zine. It doesn't tell you what is cool and what is not. It
is not hip. Normal people can read it and enjoy it. This
first issue is pretty short. It only has 4 tiny articles.
But if you like/hate SLAP send me mail. Submissions or
subscription? Send me mail. Hopefully, SLAP will come out
2 or 3 times a month. Well anyway, enough, I believe in
shortness and bad grammar. Here it is >>>>>>>>>> SLAP!
Derek
derek@teleport.com
Contents:
#1------Personal Not Political: Rush Limbaugh
#2------Deal of the Decade: The Bosnia Conflict on Pay Per
View, an Investment Opportunity
#3------SLAP: Thoughts (AKA filler)
#4------Lorena Bobbit: The Moral of the Story
all articles are written by Saiko-chan!
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Personal Not Political: Rush Limbaugh
Is Rush Limbaugh the "Most Dangerous Man in America?" Only
if there were a food shortage. Rush claims to have talent on
loan from God. Why didn't God give him a can of hair paint
and a weight plan? Rush is so full of wit and political
insights as he will surely tell you. I am just not clear as
to where he learned all of these numerous skills. Was
it from his junior or senior year of High School? He is
always 'pontificating' something. He uses very large and
impressive words. He masturbates himself into a frenzy with
the Webster Dictionary at hand, yet produce nothing.
There is a theory in popular psychology that men who have
what they believe to be an inadequate penis size, try and make
up for it in other ways. Perhaps that is what Rush is doing.
He knows he has no intellectual power so he tosses around big
words to disguise the fact that he has the intelligence of
a 'harmless little fuzz ball'. Rush writes as if someone
shoved a pencil up is ass, told him to squat over a piece of
paper and wiggle. Rush claims by virtue of his many
listeners that he must be right, and that many people can't
be wrong. People loved Hitler too. Rush's audience is made
up of disenfranchised white males that are unable to
comprehend the world around them that is changing. They
are individuals that want to go back to the Betty Crocker/
Dwight D Eisenhower era. Well listener here, get a grip. I
know this is going to hurt, but you can't go back, those days
are gone. And yes, Rush will tell you of his many woman
listeners. Yes, these woman are oppressed housewives that
need someone to justify their existence. Rush really
doesn't understand the world around him and his audience
likes to enjoy the same misconceptions as the 'Doctor of
Democracy.' Rush is so up to date a with it that he is on
AM radio. AM radio is really at the forefront of modern
America. Nobody but the cultural illiterate listen to AM.
Rush holds himself up to be the model of modern American
success. A true Horatio Algiers for the 20th century
despite the fact that he failed in school and in marriage.
Rush always says it isn't about personalities or individual
people but it's about politics. Well Rush, for me it isn't
about politics here. It is about that fat, bloated, over
inflated misinformed ego of yours. Rush Limbaugh, talent on
loan from God.....now I know why they crucified Jesus.
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The Deal of the Decade
Attention Investors! Would you like to make untold fortunes
by bringing the American public the latest and greatest in
modern entertainment? Well, have I got a deal for you. I am
actively seeking investors for a new business venture. The
following information contains the concepts and underlying
ideas behind what could be the most successful business
venture since the launch of QVC.
As Americans and the whole industrialized world becomes
more productive, it takes less time for us to produce the
same amount of goods and services as it has in the past; thus
leaving more free time available. This free or leisure
time is the market I am targeting.
In recent months we have seen giant companies pairing off to
provide the future hardware for interactive television and
increased bandwidth opportunity. But what they fail to
understand is that hardware is not where the real money will be
made on these ventures. The really money lies in the
software. Who makes more money, the top recording artist
like Michael Bolton, or the man who actually physically
produces his CD and tapes? The answer is of course Michael
Bolton. He is the software. Look at the difference between
IBM's current financial standing and Microsoft's. Hardware
is only sold once but software is not constricted by a
single sell. While all the big studios line up behind a
major telecommunications or cable company, there still exists
a vast amount of bandwidth to be filled on these new
systems. So I have developed several ideas on creating new
and exciting entertainment software to run on these new
hardware systems. Where are those untapped software
markets?
Well it is time to look beyond the traditional big studio
type entertainment extravaganza. I have located an untapped
software source that has untold potential. As of this
writing, nobody has secured the exclusive rights to the
current Bosnia/Herzegovina conflict. As odd as this idea
may seem, I believe that the markets have indicated that this
sort of entertainment will be the next big thing. Look at
the success of TV shows like Cops, Eyewitness Video, and
America's Funniest Home Video. All these shows are live
action dramas. The popularity of CNN's worldwide coverage
of conflict outbreaks is impressive as well. Look at the
ratings for the Beijing Student Uprising, LA Riots and the
Gulf War. All of these have been major media events. But
the idea here is to offer round the clock live coverage of
the war. Similar to the idea behind Court TV, but this has
the hook every American loves: violence. To offer this on a
Pay Per View basis at the beginning would produce the
greatest amount of revenue possible for future ventures.
The opportunities are limitless.
I envision a network that would at first secure all parties
involved in the conflict to an exclusive television deal
with the options for developing and marketing of products
based on the conflict. i.e. dolls, toys, video games, field
trips to the region etc. Once all the hardware is in place
to offer interactive TV, I will be selling people the
opportunity to control an individual solider or commander
via their interactive TV's remote control. It is better
than even the best Virtual Reality systems we always hear
about. This is life and death (and money for us), some kind
of advertising plug along the lines of the stuff Sally
Struthers did for Feed the Children. We get some former
action movie stars, or perhaps a former military figure like
Oliver North or G. Gordon Liddy to do some ads about how
stupid and dumb these people are and how they need your help
in winning the war and staying alive. Of course, to appease
the people that might be offended by such a business venture,
we will need to do some PR about how good this is for the
economy and that if somebody is going to die, at least let
someone else enjoy the entertainment factor of it while letting
you and I make a significant buck off the whole process.
Everyone has always known that war is money. And with the
advent of modern media, we can now get a slice off that pie.
I would in the future like to expand from just the Bosnia
conflict into other regional conflicts. I think the
possibilities are endless. I have a creative genius for
spotting and developing these opportunities. Think of the
untold millions you can make by getting in on the ground
floor of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Gain
financial security for yourself and for your family with only
one smart investment. Look in the press and see all the
hype about all the partnerships and deals that are occurring
daily between Hollywood and Wall St. Well, now I have made
room for the little guy to get a piece of the action. Think
about what I am talking about here. I know you are aware of
the financial gain possible from such a unique and timely
idea such as this. Live action war drama that also contains
political overtones on television, first as a pay per view
venture, then on into interactive TV. This is the
entertainment of the future. Act now. Opportunities are
limited. Operators are standing by to take your calls.
War/Violence/TV/Interactive Media seems to me to be a
formula for success. So come on board.
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Tonya Harding is the Shannon Doherty of ice skating.
Shawn Eric Eckhardt is a registered parachutist.
Shawn Eric Eckhardt is an expert in counter-intelligence.
Michael Jackson loves young children and animals.
Michael Jackson has been accused by children of molestation.
Animals have yet to speak out.
Dr. Suess is on his way to act as an interpreter.
Warren Christopher, Secretary of State is featured in a
number of the Time-Life books.
Shannon Doherty will be the Playboy Cover girl for March.
Roseanne Arnold claims to have been a prostitute.
Animals have yet to speak out.
Roseanne Arnold claims to have had lesbian sex.
Gilligan and Skipper are the new crew of Carnival Cruises.
We won't have to see anymore Kathy Lee.
After seeing all the attention Joey Buttafuco got from his
liaison with a minor....
Jerry Seinfeld is dating a 17 year girl.
Madonna is dating a 15 year old boy.
Not to be out done Michael Jackson is dating a 3 week old infant.
Roseanne Arnold claims she was molested when she was just a
fetus.
While waiting in line for food, Zhiranofsky says that he
will impose a blockade around Japan and starve them to death
unless they return Sakalin Islands.
Sex-expert, Dr. Ruth Westhiemer's gynecologist is Dr. Jack
Kevorkian.
Oliver North is running for the Senate. He is quoted as
saying "I'll teach congress a thing or two about lying and
corruption!"
Despite what major media thinks, nobody outside of Southern
California really cares about their traffic problems.
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Lorena Bobbitt---The Moral of the Story
The Bobbits is a true tale of tragedy. Lorena, a woman
abused, beaten, and raped strikes back against her husband
John Wayne Bobbit. In a legal maze that confused everyone,
John and Lorena were both acquitted of their alleged crimes.
John was found not guilty of rape, and Lorena was also found
not to be responsible for the mutilation of Mr. Bobbit.
With all the press coverage, the debating, the courtroom
drama, the call in shows, the trash TV talk shows, and the
'legitimate' press following the story too, was anything
learned? What is the moral of the story? How could have this
been prevented?
The whole incident really is John Wayne Bobbit's fault.
There are two possible roads Mr. Bobbit could have taken to
prevent this scenario. One would have been to be more
caring and sensitive to his wife's needs. In other words,
not raping her, and abusing her. The more logical and
realistic solution is that John Wayne Bobbit should have
done a better job of beating the hell out of her. If Mr.
Bobbit had successfully oppressed that woman, then she would
never have dared raise up against her master. I know, you
are complaining that it is mean and cruel etc. But John
could have claimed to be the victim just like Lorena did.
John really was a victim of society. Being a white male, it
was in his history and culture to oppress and beat on
people. The military training he received served to
reinforce these behavioral patterns. Just as Lorena was a
victim of abuse and knew of no other way out but premeditated
mutilation, John had seen no other plausible alternatives
other than beating his wife. The problem with John is that
perhaps he had become soft and weak in the face of too many
afternoons spent watching Oprah. The caring sensitive
movement among men had only slightly affected Mr. Bobbit.
He was still oppressive but not to the proper degree. He
gave her only one black eye instead of two. It was a kinder
gentler John Wayne Bobbit that raped and beat his wife. He
had lost the true historical and cultural tradition of the
white male. Lorena Bobbit made John physically already what
he was mentally: half a man. The lesson learned here is
obvious.
Men must become strong again. Men must be men. If men are
going to brutalize women, they can't just injure the physical
package but they must destroy the inner soul of women.
Extinguish any light of rebellion they may have. Men must
secure their dominance or face more incidents like the
Bobbits. Men must become strong or learn to sleep on their
stomachs.
