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The Federation Flash Issue 37
The FEDERATION FLASH
Exploring the Frontiers of
Miraculous Probability
Issue #37; Summer 1996
Published by:
Starbuilders
P.O. Box 220964
Hollywood, FL 33022-0964
USA
Internet e-mail: starbldr@gate.net
On the Web: (Books, tapes, free issues, cool stuff)
http://www.lightwork.dk/Starbuilders
Fax: (954) 927-7659
************
Starbuilders publishes "The Federation Flash" quarterly. It is written by
Evin and edited by Katrina, for those interested in and dedicated to
living a miraculous life.
Subscriptions: Send e-mail saying "Subscribe."
Starbuilders honors all beings dedicated to living a miraculous life.
"Starbuilders" is an outreach projects of the ULC. Copyright 1997 by ULC.
*************
Previous issues of "The Federation Flash" are available free at the URL
listed above. Hard copy subscriptions are available for a donation to the
above address.
Feel free to reprint or repost the articles within. Please give the
following credit:
"Reprinted from 'The Federation Flash.' To receive a free copy, e-mail:
starbldr@gate.net."
In this issue:
* Introduction: Integrity
* Eternity
* Miracles and Beyond
* Hierarchy of Manifestation; Mastery
* The IROOT:NOT PreRamble
......................................
Introduction
Greetings! The year 2000 is only 2½ years away. Are we ready? You bet!
What will be humanity's focus in times to come? My guess is to live the
life you want. By using "intention," you can direct changes in your life.
Awareness is a key ingredient, and you can use it in every moment.
JUDGEMENT
Although I'm no one to judge the actions of others, I do it frequently.
Judgment has gotten a bad name, because its related to the law: Youre
guilty and because of the biblical expression, Judge not, lest you be
judged. Judgment is the what the mind does. Some have re-named this
mental process "discenment" or opinion. I believe everyone judges.
And even if you "judge not," someone will judge you, anyway.
I could say, "What a wonderful person". This is a judgment. Although I
could call it a discernment or an opinion, the results are the same.
Its how we act on our judgments that is important.
INTEGRITY
Life is an experiment. I believe that everyone should have the right to do
what they want, if their behavior doesn't hurt anyone else. This takes
integrity.
In this Great Mystery, staying in integrity helps keep us focused on the
Path. Integrity is a good place to focus awareness. Lightworkers know that
the future is now, but living this understanding is another matter.
Living a miraculous life demands we attend the minor details that life
offers. You can find that big results grow from small opportunities.
Awareness is the solid cornerstone to responsibility.
Evin, and the Starbuilders Team
................................
Eternity
One of the pillars for living a miraculous life is understanding eternity.
Because "eternity" has many levels, we'll define a few of them.
For the beings of this universe, eternity is "the lifespan of the
universe." We can look at the universe in two ways.
We can call it either an entity (the Holy Spirit) or a dimension (the
tenth dimension). Because it has a beginning (the Big Bang) and an end
(the Big Crunch), it doesn't qualify as a true eternity. Instead, we have
a "tenth-dimensional eternity." Jumping to the eleventh dimension - the
being/dimension that creates all universes - we have an even longer
eternity. This eternity spans the lifetime of the eleventh-dimensional
entity. Although both of these vast dimensional beings - the Creators -
live longer than billions of eons, as "eternities" they are finite.
Not until we jump to the twelfth dimension do we reach true eternity. This
being/dimension is The-All-That-Is. It has no beginning and no end.
Paradoxically, The-All-That-Is has stitched an invisible thread of this
real eternity through all finite dimensi ons.
Dealing with Time
Eternity is not "in" the now, it "is" the now. We don't have to wait or
strive for it. Now is eternal and is the hub of all time lines,
dimensions, and realities. Most, however, are too busy either reshuffling
the past or manipulating the future to climb consciously aboard this
cosmic train. Tickets, however, are available.
Principle
As humans, we have a very thin slice of timespace to experience the
universe. Mortality is the body's version of finite. Denying, fighting, or
seeking ways to make our short existence eternal only increases our dread.
Only when we accept the mortality of our ego and physical body are we free
from that fear.
How can we savor our finite life more fully? By understanding the nature
of eternity and what it implies. This opens a door of opportunity; our
awareness increases.
"There is nowhere to go and nothing to do, except collect experience."
This phrase makes an effective mantra or a fancy mental tattoo. By
experimenting with this universal principle, you discover which of your
pictures of reality are keeping you out of the present. They pester you to
act. In your mind, you hear, "Hurry!" These distracting pictures of
reality could be practical concerns, spiritual goals, fantasies, greed, or
any number of fearful projections. You believe they are urgent. They keep
you in your head, anxious, pushy, and unfulfilled.
Sure, sometimes you need to act quickly. For example, maybe you're inside
a burning house, or your car swerves off the road heading for a tree.
These situations demand instant action. Yet, you increase your chances of
survival if you are consciously focused in the moment.
An Exercise
Here is a simple exercise that will sharpen your focus: Slow down. Try
this with everyday tasks. Eat a little slower. Take your time when you
pick up a glass or a pen. Don't speak as fast. Step more slowly. Notice
details and textures. When listening to a sound, "see" its architecture.
You'll be surprised at what you've been missing: the little things that
when strung together create your day. This moment to moment awareness
enriches life, making it more full. Life is little things. After a while,
you'll notice that your awareness is sharp even while moving at normal
speed. We call this awareness "being grounded."
New Life
After some practice, you begin to shake off those pictures of reality
shielding you from the now. You start to contemplate life as you go.
Because you've changed your priorities, concerns once pressing are now
less significant. Still, you address them wisely. More relaxed, you're not
as eager to defend your viewpoint. ("To defend" implies its opposite "to
offend." An alternative is to communicate more fully your relative picture
of reality. If they still don't hear you, then you move on to something
else.)
Because you give yourself slack, you extend it to others. A new attitude
and lifestyle begin to emerge. Life is easier. Reaching the Zero Point -
the "nowhere to go and nothing to do, except collect experience" zone -
you hear the whispering of Eternity. With its breath on your ear, you
respond gracefully, lovingly, and without expectation. Like the Fool armed
only with a match-stick of faith, you step into the Void.
Embodying Eternity
How does embodying eternity contribute to living a miraculous life? Living
a miraculous life is a process. Once we anchor ourselves in the moment, we
see life unfolding in real time. Grounded, we are inside the whirlwind,
yet we are standing above it. Suffering can still happen, but we don't
take it as personally. Because we don't push events, the ego's filter
doesn't distort the divine force (that flows through us) as much.
Embodying eternity is in harmony with the "destination" of eternity - The
Omnipresent Now - which is not only eternal, but miraculous as well.
....................................................
Miracles and Beyond
Like everything else, miracles are relative. A miracle to one person is a
taken-for-granted fact for another. We find the most illuminating examples
of this when a modern society stumbles upon a Stone Age society. Say we
present these people with a radio. They hear little people playing music
in a compact, oblong box. At least for a moment, this common music-making
device is miraculous.
Religion is the realm of traditional miracles: levitating saints, walking
on water, the appearance of deities. Science is the archenemy of these
magical events. Yet, science has a curious reaction to its own
unexplainable discoveries. It say's, "Hmm. . . . This doesn't compute."
Then, after failing to explain it rationally, they resign. "Oh, well. I
guess that's the way that it is."
For example, scientists had set up an experiment to discover the nature of
light. Dazzled, they found that light behaved both as a particle *and* as
a wave. It can act like either (depending on how you set up the
experiment). Rationally, this isn't possible. They have this unmitigated
contradiction, but does that slow them down? Nope: They think, "We can't
explain it, but there it is. What's next?" Scientists don't label this a
miracle, though, because they can repeat the experiment and produce the
same results. Instead, it becomes an unfathomable fact.
Science has also learned that the basic building blocks of the universe
have "a tendency to exist." These subatomic energy/particles fade in and
out of existence for the briefest of moments, as if to say, "Oh, would you
look at that!" before vanishing into the void. Because the subatomic world
is the foundation of the universe, we can say that *the entire universe
has a tendency to exist*. Is this a miraculous universe or what?
Let's return to traditional miracles. We ask ourselves, "Can a miracle
worker bring the dead back to life?" Oops; paramedics do this now. "Okay;
then can a magician turn water into wine?" If you answer No, then skip the
next question. If you answer Yes, then ask, "How will this event improve
my life, the world, or expand my consciousness?"
(An exception: If you are ill and modern medicine can't help you, then
seeking a miracle makes sense. Because we spend billions of dollars on
health care, however, we can expect some practitioners to be fakes. We
live on earth; fraud happens.)
We can consider two possibilities: either miracles are real or they
aren't. First, let's say they aren't. If this is so, then why would a
guru, preacher, or anyone do them? The most obvious reason is to gain
followers and, consequently, money, power, and fame. A more subtle and
positive reason is that they use tricks to attract followers and, once
hooked, nourish their flock with spiritual advice.
The other possibility is that they are real. Can miracle workers use their
power to reduce suffering in the world? Is the ego involved? Many Eastern
teachers warn that miracles are a show of power and ego. The phenomena of
the astral plane can easily ensnare the gullible.
Who needs wonders and why? From a practical perspective, most miracles
aren't worth much. Some miracle seekers want to believe in the divine, but
have their doubts. They are much like scientists: they want proof that the
divine exists.
Say that a miracle is proven to be fake or to have a physical explanation.
Is a believer so fragile in faith that she will disbelieve in the divine?
Or will she look for a new source of these wonders? Ironically, if a
miracle turns out to be true, then she no longer is a believer. Where
proof exists, belief isn't necessary.
Believer: "Wow, you just created a hundred loaves of bread from one loaf!
That's a miracle! How did you do that?"
Miracle Worker: "God worked through me. I'm just His instrument."
Believer: "Great! Now we can feed the world, right? Or better yet, maybe
God can give this power to a person in every town! Wow, think of the
possibilities!"
Miracle Worker: "Actually, He gave me these powers to prove that He
exists."
Believer: "Well, I already believe in Him. Now, about feeding the world. .
. ."
Living a miraculous life isn't about doing miracles (unless that's part of
your vision). Instead, you tap the power of the universe's "tendency to
exist." You unassumingly persuade it to manifest in certain ways. As you
suggest endings, it has a tendency to provide the means to get you there.
You build a miraculous life without doing miracles; that's the job of the
universe.
************
Hierarchy of Manifestation; Mastery
Here you are - on earth. How can you live a miraculous life in a place
like this? What do you have to work with? The most obvious resources are
your physical, mental, and emotional bodies. (We only have one body, and
each part influences the others. Looking at the parts individually,
though, can increase our understanding of how the whole functions.) We
won't involve the astral and spiritual bodies for two reasons. First, as
humans, we can't control the spiritual body. Second, most of us are too
busy working on our psychological selves to practice controlling the
astral body. This control is the realm of magic.
The Bodies
The mental body is the aspect that interprets "what's happening." Using
information from the other bodies, it constructs a picture of reality -
our reality. From this picture, it discerns and draws conclusions. It
calculates, predicts, and makes plans.
The emotional body is complex. It feels. Our aura is a manifestation of
this body. It judges, but doesn't base its conclusions on logic. Instead,
the emotional body functions *psychologically*. Usually, it reacts rather
than acts.
The physical body acts and makes things happen. This biological wonder is
the focus and ground point of the other bodies.
Each body has a language of its own. While the physical body has "body
language," the emotional body communicates in positive and negative tones.
Using thoughts, the mental body organizes these messages and tries to make
sense out of them. If it fails, the person becomes dysfunctional.
Hierarchy
The Mental Body
Which of these bodies is the most creative force? Some schools of thought
believe that ideas are the most powerful. They claim that you can
manifest anything just by thinking about it. Without an idea, nothing will
manifest. If we keep a clear mind, we can easily test this theory.
Buy a lottery ticket (if your religion allows it). Through the week,
think, "I will win the lottery." Theoretically, you should win; the odds,
however, are still very much against you. Similarly, try thinking good or
bad thoughts about someone. Chances are, they won't feel it. The results
of positive thinking and affirmations aren't very striking. This view is
not "negative thinking"; these theories are something anyone can test. (Be
honest as you explore.)
(Consider an alternate possibility. A friend hands you a lottery ticket.
You stuff it in your pocket and forget about it. Next week, you discover
that you've won! No thought required!)
The Emotional Body
The emotional body is different. When it's feeling positive or negative,
it radiates a force that other emotional bodies can sense. The impact
decreases with distance. (At-a-distance effects and psychic phenomena are
the domain of the astral plane.) Interestingly, experience shows that you
can send and receive emotions through the media of telephone, and a good
actor or actress can send them through film.
On the average, this body doesn't produce consistent, accurate
predictions. Using the lottery example, maybe you "have the feeling" that
you will definitely win. That doesn't guarantee success. A more probable
outcome is that you will lose.
The Physical Body
Lastly, we have the physical body. It knows the basics. It says, Don't
hurt me, Feed me, Want mate. A biological miracle, it doesn't care about
winning the lottery. Without the physical body buying the ticket (or
accepting it from a friend), however, you don't have *any* chance of
winning.
Here's another example of the physical body's concrete value. Say that
you're standing in line at the post office. The man in front of you is not
well, mentally. Which of the following events would influence you the
most?
(1) He *thinks*, "I want to punch this person behind me." (You probably
won't notice.)
(2) Emotionally, he feels like punching you. (Maybe you pick up "bad
vibes.")
(3) He turns and angrily shouts, "I want to punch you." (This would alarm
you, but you would have a chance to make peace - or run.), or
(4) He punches you. (The deed is done.)
Not only is action more powerful than words, but it has a greater impact
than thought or emotion, as well.
Nonetheless, thought and emotion are part of the manifestation process. If
the distraught man hadn't thought or felt, "I want to punch someone," then
perhaps he wouldn't have acted. These subtle bodies, however, are impotent
if the physical body doesn't act on their suggestions. The physical body,
however, can produce results - apparently out of coincidence or luck -
without the help of a thought or a feeling.
Mastery
How can you apply this information to living a miraculous life? The magic
words are "Do It." Say that you want to travel from point A to point B.
You think and feel, "I can't do it." If your physical body believes that,
then you'll never make it to point B. Here are some examples of this.
"I can never find my Right Livelihood." "I don't deserve a break." "If I'm
firm, people will think that I'm mean." "I'm not worthy to live a
miraculous life." Say you are trying to meditate, but "important thoughts"
keep interrupting your focus. You can either indulge these intrusions -
"Well, they are important thoughts" - or you can override the "important
thoughts" excuse and continue meditating.
A radical alternative to obeying your doubts is to *do it anyway*. Doing
this, indirectly you act as the Watcher, that point of consciousness
behind the thought. I say indirectly, because if the Watcher were to act,
it would no longer be the Watcher.
(If you try to catch or identify with this point of consciousness - "Ah,
ha! I am the Watcher!" - you create a mental picture of the Watcher. It
becomes a thought, something that the Watcher watches. The Watcher is the
formless spiritual body. Once you say "I am the Watcher," in that instant,
you are not. The Watcher is *always behind and beyond* the thought.)
Say you observe yourself thinking about moving to point B. The mental and
emotional bodies don't want to go. You say: "I understand that you have
your doubts about this move. Now we'll move to point B." The physical body
then takes the first step towards the goal. Like this, you transform
obstacles - emotional fears and mental doubts - into stepping stones. You
gently walk over them.
What's the difference between this action and positive thinking? Positive
thinking is when we police our thoughts; practitioners fear negative
thoughts. As we have seen, just thinking "happy thoughts" won't make us
happy.
Behaving from the Watcher perspective, you don't fear negative thoughts.
Spirit gives you direction. You intuit your direction, and by "suggesting"
to the universe that it manifests, it does. Mystic principles are at work
here, not mental gymnastics.
When you exercise this kind of command, you've mastered the "lower
bodies." Gaining this ability is a process, during which you may
experience periods of melancholy. Once mastered, you embody Divine Will.
You become a conscious expression of divinity. This mastery complements
living a miraculous life.
************
The IROOT:NOT PreRamble
This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for
everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not
for everyone. This is not for everyone.
DBS - Displaced Belief Syndrome. Do you have the symptoms?
(1) Do you feel that your New Age friends secretly think that you're a
cynic, or worse - a scientist? How about your straight friends? Do they
smirk behind your back, calling you things like "The Cadet" or "Ms.
Strange"?
(2) Have you dabbled in (or dived into) religions of both the East and
West? Have you gobbled up the latest scientific discoveries? Looked into a
few fleeting-edge "self-help" movements? Done "sessions" with a
progressive shrink? Done EST or $cientology? Searched for or found a guru
or teacher of some sort? Picked over a million books, gone to hundreds of
seminars? Hung onto every word of a channeled entity? Tried a ton of
spiritual diets?
Have you had sort of okay results with some of these things, but none
really cut the biscuit? And you're *still* not satisfied? Maybe you *are*
suffering from DBS. Now the GOOD NEWS: The cure looms breathlessly on the
horizon. And the cure is . . . is . . . IROOT:NOTics (TM).
Q: What is IROOT:NOT, and how did it start?
A: One morning while sleeping, er, meditating, Evin heard yet another
voice in his head. The Voice cried, "You must pitch a tent for the Seekers
of Truth. They deserve shade from the blistering sun of doubt,
frustration, and lies!"
Evin opened an eye and muttered, "Okay. . . ." and closed it again. But
the Voice persisted. "And you shall call this tent 'IROOT:NOT.' "
"Isn't that a North African grain?" asked Evin, trying to sound on top of
this.
"Silence!" thundered the Voice. "It is none other than the International
Royal Order Of The: Nomads Of Truth."
"Nomads of Truth . . ." thought Evin. He opened his eyes. Light blazed
into his head. It was daytime. He understood.
"You are the chosen . . . the UNSAVIOR," were the Voice's last words. The
last words of the Voice's last words echoed through Evin's head . . . "the
UNSAVIOR" . . . through Evin's head . . . " the UNSAVIOR.". . .
Squinting, Evin asked, "But, why me?"
"I've just spoken my last words," harshed the Voice, but continued anyway.
"Many have scorched their soles while crossing the burning sands of
relativity. Desperately, they've searched the wastelands for The Stable.
Dune after dune, they found only endless stretches of dubious dogma,
mind-marring mirages, and hot air."
"Yes, but why me?" insisted Evin.
The Voice shrugged and said, "You won the toss."
As the Unsavior, Evin understands the discomfort of the religiously and
philosophically displaced: "It bites, sort of. . . ." (*Book of Words*,
chapter 4, verse 6.) Yet, through the miracle of saying Yes, now you can
join a group that doesn't care if you've fallen through the cracks of
categorization. IROOT:NOT is based on two unwarrantable assurances. First:
"I believe in what I can't prove," and second: "Critical thought is the
best religion." It welcomes all who want to fit in, but just don't.
Before becoming the Unsavior, Evin always wanted to fit in and to "be
someone." Now he does and is. And *you* can, too! (Of course, you don't
*need* to join to be someone; you already are. Joining just makes it
official.)
More good news: Even if you're not a "joiner," you can belong to
IROOT:NOT, because it's a non-group collective!
Q: What is the dogma of IROOT:NOT?
A: IROOT:NOTian transdoctrine is the practical synthesis of belief and
disbelief, left and right, poetry and prose, science and religion, common
sense and absurdity, trivial and profound, work and play, heaven and earth
- an eclectic balance.
"A line exists that separates extremes. Like the crest of a wave, the line
is always moving. If we are to maintain balance in our lives and fully
express ourselves, we must surf this wave. Awareness is the key. When we
fall asleep, we fall from our [surf] board - become 'all wet.' We must
then wait for the next wave to come along. Fortunately, the ocean is full
of them." (From, *Messages in the Sand*, Phil Specter)
By applying IROOT:NOTian everyday, esoteric principles, not only do you
get everything done more easily, but you prosper in the meantime! Life
becomes a working vacation more and more.
IROOT:NOTics - the organic, transpsychic mechanism that influences
"NOTian" existence - is a process. NOTian philosophers speculate that
IROOT:NOTics, though intense - even heavy - at first, leads to rapid
transcendence in the issues of self-limitation an d antiprosperityism,
because innately, an evolutionary vector engine is what powers this
process. NOTian NeoTheologians claim that this engine is the *planet's
first experiment with this evolutionary propulsion system*, because the
*group* involved is relatively conscious. Put another way, the trans-
dimensional, synergetic essences of all NOTians are one of the fuels
(among others) for this engine.
As evolutionary channels of these different energies, NOTians express a
wealth of possibilities that are in harmony with their individual ideals.
IROOT:NOTics, acting as a powerful, clarifying lens, highlights, accents,
and amplifies these ideals, such as experiment and discovery, creativity,
insight, compassion, humor, kindness, acceptance, respect, fun, humility,
prosperity, awe, lightheartedness, and realness of all sorts.
Lastly, IROOT:NOTian scripture suggests that LIFE IS AN EXPERIMENT.
NOTians are mystic scientists trying not only to figure out how we should
perform the experiment, but what it is, why we should do it, when is it
over, and whose experiment is it, anyway? We want *The Answer*.
Like an acid, this Life-As-Experiment principal corrodes fixed systems. As
it etches its way through layers of rusting, metallic ideas, etheric
thought molecules spill in, filling the void. This creative energy -
building slowly/rapidly - molds itself into new and exciting pre-forms.
Like vibrant rosebuds anxious for the dawn, for you to open your eyes
again, they wait for you to express, fresh, which you will. Because of
this expansive effect, IROOT:NOT is an unstoppable evolutionary wave. And
the surfs up!
Q: Is the Unsavior the Messiah?
A: No. Some religions claim that the Messiah wants you to believe in Him
so He can save you. The Unsavior says, "No one can save you," and "You are
pre-saved."
"First, you - as a carbon-based flesh creature - will die and return to
the elements. You can't be saved [from this] unless a miracle happens.
Second, you - as an immortal spark of divinity - were never unsaved.
Believing or not believing in *anyone* won't change that."
(*The Illustrated Book of Thoughts,* Illustration #33.)
Q: Is this "Unsavior" the Antichrist?
A: No. Some religions say that the Antichrist wants your soul so it will
burn in hell forever. What an attitude! The Unsavior doesn't want your
soul, *even if you gave it to him for free*. He wouldn't know what to do
with it.
Q: Is the Unsavior like the Pope, a king, a dictator, or a president?
A: No. He is an unassuming person. He has fears, goals, and desires like
everyone else. Sometimes he feels superior, yet he is very humble and
knows that he is a clueless piece of subgrade Nothing. At the core of his
minuscule brain flickers a message in sputtering neon: "The arms of the
universe are open to you. Surrender to it. It will do the same to you.
Then the fun begins!"
(As recorded in *Mind Sparks and Their Effects on Combustible Materials*.)
The Unsavior learns from every interaction and therefore shares equal
ground with all others. Although he does wear an invisible crown (which is
why some have mistaken him for a king and so forth), he wears it only
because he, like everyone, was born with this *crown of sovereignty*.
Q: Is IROOT:NOT a religion, a science, a philosophy, or a joke?
A: Not exactly. It's like a multidimensional, multifaceted diamond. The
Force of Evolution can use these facets as windows, coercing our divinity
to show itself. As the light of our wholeness sparkles through the
diamond, we become more aware of our part in the dancing rainbow of life.
Q: Is IROOT:NOT a cult?
A: No. A cult wants you to join them and wants all of your money. They
also want you to convert others, to save them.
The Unsavior wants you to join, but doesn't want *all* of your money.
IROOT:NOT actually *gives things away* (excluding s&h). Energetically, it
supports your desire to collect a lot of money rather easily.
IROOT:NOT doesn't pressure you to round up converts, either. If you have
to convert them, *they're not ready to join*!
Additionally, most cults (religions and movements, as well) want to have
as many followers as they can convince. NOTians, however, aren't
followers. (They are followers of their spirit.) Plus,
"Not one more than 144,000 shall fill your ranks . . ."
(From, *Code of Numbers,* Book 4.)
Q: A friend of mine wants to join, but he doesn't think he's worthy. Can
he join anyway?
A: Yes, he can, if he signs a waiver stating he knows *he is not his
unworthiness*. If he doesn't feel comfortable signing the waiver, then he
can send an extra $5 with his membership application as penance. This will
prompt the IROOT:NOTian Universe to absolve him from his delusion. What a
deal! (Delusionee retains the right to unabsolve him or herself at any
time.)
Q: There's an IROOT:NOTian Universe?
A: Sure, every group and individual lives in their own universe. NOTians
live in a miraculous universe.
Q: Doesn't everyone live in a miraculous universe?
A: No, just look around.
Q: Thanks for clearing that up. Now that I know that I'm safe and dealing
with a reputable organization, what benefits will I have by becoming a
member of IROOT:NOT? How much will it cost?
A: The benefits are many, and the cost: only $1! (Please include $15 s&h
with your request. US $ only.) That's right. And what do you receive for
this next-to-nothing, freewill, total-love-gift donation? Just look at
this list of ACTUAL HANDS-ON PRODUCTS and SERVICES that are yours, almost
for FREE!
* A genuine laminated IROOT:NOT membership card. (This proves that you're
a part of a humble, elite group dedicated to various worthy causes.) This
card is your passport for international recognition, because it confirms
your STATUS as an IROOT:NOT member.
Show it to salespeople, auto rental agencies, hotel clerks, health food
store owners, even airlines. Maybe they'll give you a discount or
something. Flash it to government officials, rich or famous people, or
alien visitors. Who knows what doors it will open. And, if you continue
paying the annual dues (only $1, plus $15 s&h), you can be a member for
life!
Special! Special! Special! Gold card opportunity for new members only!
Send $1 plus $500 s&h and become a member for ETERNITY! Yes, you heard
right: one "eternal dues" payment covers membership costs for an UNLIMITED
number of lifetimes!
Q: You mentioned that IROOT:NOT members are dedicated to various worthy
cause. What if I'm not? Can I still join?
A: You sure can! Being a part of IROOT:NOT is a worthy cause in itself!
Q: Do you have discounts?
A: Yes, we do! If you're a student (in grade's 1-6), a senior citizen (88
years or older), or if you're just having a cash flow situation, then ALL
of IROOT:NOT's products and services are absolutely FREE. (You must
include s&h charges, though.) Now, let's continue with the benefits.
* NOTians ride FREE - anywhere, anytime - in "Care Force Won," IROOT:NOT's
private Lear Jet! (After we reach our fund raising goal of only $750
million.)
* Discover the secret of HOW TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. The cost to you:
Nothing! (Please include $12 s&h with your request.)
* Receive ABSOLUTE PERMISSION to become rich and/or lazy - without the
accompanying guilt! FREE! FREE! FREE!
* Learn the REAL answers to the age old questions, "Why am I here?" and
"Can I go now?" Member price: $1. Non-member price: $10,000. Please
include $5 s&h with your request.
* Develop the ability to intuit the exact location of the Holy Grail, just
by being a NOTian! (For locations of gold mines or buried treasure [gold
coins, etc.], please send a SASE plus $1.25 million s&h. Locations
guaranteed.)
* Receive instructions to the solitaire game, "Universe Says." Provides
years of co-creative guidance and entertainment. Only $1 plus $15 s&h.
* Own and hold in your very hands the MetaSacred ur-Oath of the IROOT:NOT.
If you dare, you can even say it aloud! Best of all, it's FREE! (Please
include $10 s&h with your request.)
* Invent your own SECRET HANDSHAKE!
* Become infused (and enthused) with Reverse Trans-Psychic Bi-Locality.
Save hundreds of $ in phone and travel expenses; visit you friends, guru,
or anyone else without leaving your home! More safe and reliable than
astral travel. Send $1 plus $10 s&h for more information.
* Create your own *Picture of Reality*, and PRETEND IT'S TRUE! FREE! FREE!
FREE!
* Receive your very own 8 1/2" x 10" Title Certificate, FREE! (Please
include $15 s&h for each Title requested.) These cleverly designed,
official looking certificates are suitable for framing or for showing off
to your friends. Being exclusive, these Titles are available only to
members (or those who are seriously considering joining). Choose from the
following:
> IROOT:NOTics Nez Master
> Pseudo Omniscient
> Mystic Scientist
> Heavenly Light Moth
> Prophet of the Obvious
> Mortal God/dess
> Unworthy Old Soul
> True Believer
> True Disbeliever (Not available in Wisconsin, South Dakota, or Turkey.)
> All Most Reverend
> Nearsighted Visionary
> Love Sponge
> Humble Special Being
> Spiritual Existentialist
> Unteacher
> Truth Slave
> Absolute Relativist
> Source of Diffused Light
> Or, come up with your own!
Q: "Can I become an 'Unsavior,' too?"
A: Yes, you can! Simply send an additional $9,999 s&h with your request.
Q: Aren't these Titles tinged with megalomania?
A: Yes, they are! Studies* have shown that it's better to have a free
ranging ego than a cramped one. (*No governmental body has confirmed these
findings.) There's a proverb that says, "If you keep a bull pinned up,
he'll crash against the walls trying to escape. Let him roam in a large
field, though, and though he's fenced in, he's content."
Science supports this principle. Keep gas molecules cooped up in a small
container, and they become restless. The more confined, the more agitated.
Expand the container, and the gas chills.
Many NOTians enjoy chilled lifestyles. Besides, they know that they're not
the bull.
* Because you are waking up faster than ever, you may have noticed lapses
in both long- and short-term memory. Not a problem! As an IROOT:NOT
member, you have the privilege of *storing your memories* at our Akashic
Records Archiving Facility.
That's right. We've subleased a huge amount of space, and now you can save
those precious memories without leaving home! Store them safely beyond the
ravishes of fire, flood, time, mental decay, and internal evolutionary
reshuffling.
For only $1 (plus $15 s&h), you will receive your own personal AMT (Astral
Memory Teller) card. To use, hold your specially encoded AMT card on your
forehead; your memories are automatically copied and transferred to our
vaults. Reverse the card, and retrieve them the same way, 24 hours a day.
(Annual renewal fee is $1, plus $5 s&h.)
Your laminated card should last a lifetime. But if it's lost or stolen,
we'll replace the card for free. (Please include $15 s&h with your
request.)
* Do you want to make more money? Sure, everybody does. Now you can enroll
in the universally non-accredited "IROOT:NOT Interdimensional
Correspondence School of Advanced Unlearning" (IROOT:NOTICSOAU). Choose
from any of these exciting non-career opportun ities:
> Professor of IROOT:NOTics
> Reality Technician
> Karma Adjuster
> UFO Investigator (Levels 1-3)
> Illusion Management
> Astral Travel Agent
> Mind Surgeon
> Temporal Alchemist
> Life Vector Analyst
> Akashic Records D.J.
> Slack Repair
> Lite Worker
> Dispensation Sales
> Biocomputer Deprogrammer
> Immortality Insurance Overwriter
To enroll, send only $1 (plus $25 s&h) for each course you'd like to take.
After successfully completing a course, you'll receive a suitable-for-
framing IROOT:NOTICSOAU diploma via FIRST CLASS MAIL.
Or, earn your "Doctors of IROOT:NOTics" degree. Members: Get in touch with
us about this opportunity to earn your Doctor's degree today.
* You can order any of the unique specialty items below. Best of all,
they're FREE! (Please include $15 s&h for each free item that you
request.)
> One (1) zip-lock bag filled with a little IROOT:NOT Brand "Fear
Removal Powder." Directions included.
> One (1) "Get Out of Hell Free" card.
> One (1) month's supply of IROOT:NOT Brand "Instant Karma Rinse"
(drawn from the grifo del lavaplatos at the IROOT:NOT HeadCenter). Comes
in a guaranteed uncontaminated recycled container. Directions included.
> One (1) invisible "Earth Changes Barometer." This all-etheric
wonder emits a piercing astral alarm, days before dangerous earth changes
destroy your neighborhood (or planet).
Q: Is the invisible "Earth Changes Barometer" really invisible?
A: Yes.
> One (1) universally understood* set of alien runes that say "I'm
your friend!" (*Not recognized by all ET races.) Printed on white paper.
Folds easily to fit in your wallet or purse.
* Subscribe to "Living in the Eternal Wow," IROOT:NOT's quasi-quarterly
newsletter, FREE! (Please include $15 s&h with your subscription request.)
Stay in-tune with the latest insights, almost FREE! offers, and the zany
antics of the global NOTian community. As a member, your letters to the
Editor are WANTED and welcomed!
Q: So, how do join, how do I join?
A: Send no money now, except the $15 s&h. The $1 enrollment fee will be
billed to you. If you're not 100% satisfied, tell us, and we'll promptly
refund your money. (Sorry, s&h is not refundable.) This ironclad guarantee
applies to all IROOT:NOT products and services.
Remember, to join YOU MUST ACT NOW, before the end of the world.
Q: If I send you the enrollment fee, will I really get a membership card
(and whatever other product or service that I order)?
A: Yes, you will.
Please note: If you've read this far, (really) understand that if you join
this "entity," you will change (for the better, of course), and the
process may be a bit intense at first.
Q: Can I quit if it's too intense?
A: Yes, you can, but hang in for a few days. To break the IROOT:NOTian
link, simply cut up your membership card.
Send your cash, check, precious metals, stocks, bonds, bank drafts, or
money order to "IROOT:NOT." Be sure to scribble neatly your name and
address (if you want your order mailed to the right place). Please allow
4-6 weeks for delivery.
IROOT:NOT
PO Box 220964
Hollywood FL 33022-0964
USA
All prices, products, and services are subject to change or mutation
without notice. For entertainment only. IROOT:NOT is an outreach project
of Starbuilders/ULC. Copyright 1997 by IROOT:NOT. You donations support
the work of Starbuilders/ULC and are tax-deductible.
Permission is granted to repost or reprint this article, but please repost
or reprint it in its entirety.
"You gain nothing by denying the obvious, except experience." Y.B. Hyden
(*The Book of Redundancy Book*, page 23.)
"Life is an experiment." (*Understanding Judgment* page 335, by
Krishnayogigomez.)
The End/The Beginning???
