The Hogs of Entropy 0370

Published in

· 26 Apr 2019

  

 
 '##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! 
  ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #370 !! 
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: BRINGING YOU THE MOST ORIGINAL MATERIAL! !! 
  ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== 
  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Gerbil Feed Bomb"                       !! 
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Swamp Ratte'                       !! 
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/22/98                                 !! 
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        Grudge against society?  Seeking mass destruction & bloodshed? 
 Look no further...  Follow these simple directions for nihilism 
 absolute... 

 
 1. Get some Gerbil Feed, or some other type of small rodent food, 
    available at most any pet store. 

 2. Mash up the food pellets into a fine powder (about the consistancy of 
    beach sand).  The best way to do this is to put the pellets in a bag, 
    and then beat the hell out of those bitches (pretend like they're 
    Nancy Reagan for more fun!) with a hammer.  If you live near a major 
    highway, you can just scatter them around, and then come by later 
    with a shovel. 

 3. Put this powder into a jar (Jiff Peanut Butter jars work best, but 
    Peter Pan will do just fine).  Get some model glue, the kind in 
    tubes, and squirt out a bunch of it into your hand.  Spread it out 
    evenly over all your fingers, and then stick your hands into the jar. 
    Move your hands around a lot in the jar so that the glue is well 
    mixed with the powder.  Go into a spasm, this should shake all the 
    glue off your hands. 

 4. Fill the rest of the jar up with gasoline(available at most any gas 
    station.) 

 5. Put a long fuse into it.  If you're brave (and a bit stupid), you can 
    just drop a match into it. 

 6. Light the fuse if you put one in.  If you dropped a match into it, 
    then go to the nearest phone, dial "911" and tell the nice people 
    that you have a large number of glass shards embedded in your lower 
    body.  An ambulance should be there soon. 

 7. If you do not have glass shards in your body yet, just run VERY, 
    VERY fast, scream "incoming!" at the top of your lungs, and then 
    "hit the dirt!"  This should attract all the neighbor's attention, 
    so they too will get to witness this spectacular event. 

 8. There!  You've done it!  When the police car comes to your house, 
    tell the nice police officers that a K.G.B. agent leaped out of a 
    tree, and threw a hand grenade at you.  Of course they will be kind 
    and understanding being their job to "protect and serve."  The 
    police are your friends! 

 9. Repeat for everything you want to slice, dice, chop, or mutilate. 
    Or just plain destroy, it doesn't really matter. 

        Be sure to have a spare change of clothes handy... 

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 !! (c) !ALL RIGHTS WORTH SHIT! #370 - WRITTEN BY: SWAMP RATTE' - 12/22/98 !!