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The Undead Rise Dammit 08
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/\/\OO/\/\ ANGSTMONSTER INC PROUDLY PRESENTS /\/\OO/\/\
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THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT!
AN EZINE FOR ZOMBIES
IN ASCII BAT WE TRUST!
THE EIGTH IS REALLY GREAT!
It is with a solemn voice that I must relay this message to you, TURD fans of
the world. Sometime earlier this week, while I and many of the other
angstmonsters were taking our exams, ASCII BAT was found dead in his prison
cell. There is an investigation underway to obtain as much information as
possible about his death, but we at angstmonster aren't very confident, seeing
as so many of the people who held ASCII BAT captive weren't found of him.
While this means that a zombie has passed on for good, it does not mean his
life's work (TURD) will pass with him. When he was first taken captive, ASCII
BAT made me make many promises to him and one was to become the caretaker of
TURD should the worst happen. Unfortunately, that day has come.
You may find yourselves wondering why ASCII BAT would choose a non-zombie as
his heir to the zombie textfile throne, well that's because zombies aren't
very good at running tfiles. ASCII BAT knew this in his heart but could never
admit to it. He was always very jealous of my abilities as a tfile editor and
somehow, that jealous come back around AND BIT HIM IN THE HEAD! ASCII BAT IS
NO MORE BECAUSE I SAID SO! EVEN IF I AM NOT A ZOMBIE I STILL GOT THAT PRISON
TO SEND ME HIS BRAIN SO I COULD EAT IT AND YOU KNOW WHAT? ZOMBIE BRAINS TASTE
BETTER THAN HUMAN BRAINS EVER WILL! I KNOW BECAUSE NOW I HAVE EATEN BOTH!
SEE ASCII BAT? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIVULGE ZOMBIST SECRETS TO NON
ZOMBIES! MAN ISN'T MEANT TO WIELD THE POWER OF THE UNDEAD AND IT IS
UNFORTUNATE YOU WERE A VICTIM OF MY NEW FOUND POWERS! BUT IT WAS A NOBLE
SACRIFICE INDEED!
Now that I am done talking to the formally undead but now redead editor of this
ezine, I shall turn my attention back to the audience! IF YOU ARE A ZOMBIE
YOU SHOULD WRITE FOR THIS ZINE BECAUSE ZOMBIES DON'T BELONG IN HUMAN EZINE
CULTURE! REMAIN SEPERATE AND EQUAL! OTHERWISE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, WILL ONLY
HAPPEN TO OTHERS!
KEEP YOUR ZOMBIST SECRETS TO YOURSELVES! DO NOT DISCLOSE THEM TO THE HUMANS
WHO ONLY WANT TO USE YOU FOR THEIR OWN GAIN!
END OF TURD #8
WRITTEN BY: GIR
05-16-03
