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w0ol-008
----------------[ w0ol #8: we force you into unbearable positions ]----------
we force you into unbearable positions, think about it, we do, and not
only sexual ones, social ones too, admit it. typical day, you read a
w0ol, suddenly your overcome by the desire to twist your ankles into your
armpits, see, strange sexual position, also unbearable, then you get to
school by walking on your knees. at school someone walks up to you and
says something, it remides you of something you read in w0ol, so you say
"hey dude, i read this thing in w0ol, it was sooo un-funny" then you
repeat it, to this they reply "oh my god you clearly homosexual
person!^#% reader of w0ol!@^% stone him!%@&" others say "i agree, shove
stones in all his orfirces!^*" besides the fact that your ankles are in
your armpits, you have ALOT more trouble walking home.
---------------------[ ha ha ]----------------------------------------------
that reminds me of something, once i was laughing at my monitor, cause
someone said something funny on a BBS, and my mom walked by and made fun
of me or something cause i was laughing at the computer, grr, so later
while she laughed at the TV i made fun of her, hrmph.
-------------[ good god, that was pointless ]-------------------------------
i know you didnt need to hear it, ok, here is a quote from an IRC
Operator Non-person i talked to.. TheRose, if you read this and ban me,
ill kill your first-born-chincilla.
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] you know of course you just banned
yourself from my server for running clonebots.
<*-[therose]-*> ugh, i was just seeeeeeeeeeeing something.
<*-[therose]-*> i didnt actually do anything bad, i connected them, joined
them, killed them..ugh.
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] seeing something?
<*-[therose]-*> i just wanted to see if it stilll worked.ugh
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] see if what still worked?
[E/X] TheRose requested version information for you.
<*-[therose]-*> see if clonebots still worked
*** nettle is away: Automatically set away. (Away since 8:16 am Sun Apr 28)
[E/X] nettle requested version information for you.
[E/X] Version: nettle: w0ol comes from sheep!
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] you know also that we don't allow lame
versions
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] get yourself a REAL version
<*-[therose]-*> w0ol does come from sheep though.
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] the truth of the version.
<*-[therose]-*> ugh, ok..
<*-[therose]-*> the reason my version says that is that i write a e-zine
called w0ol, so i like that
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] don't be surprised if you get
banned for not having a real version. I'll let it go this time... also
know that we don't allow bots of any type.
<*-[therose]-*> im not a bot, im sorry for the clonebots thing, it wont
happen aagin
[TheRose:therose@millenium.texas.net] I hope not.
<*-[therose]-*> ok
-----------------------------[ that was, well, dorky ]----------------------
ok, my BBS might go back up, its called Node Island, or Ni, umm, it usta
run MBBS before i lost it, and now im trying to get *nix MBBS to start it
again, so if i do (or if you have it) send me it, and Ni will retunr, woo!
-----------------------------[ laymur ]-------------------------------------
ok, typical situation, you dont like someone but this person loves to
hang around with you for no reason. im going to relay information
through text to you which will ruin this attempt!@! ya! i say "ok" too
much to start sentances. hm, alright, stage one: embarrasment. get them
to tell you some dark secret, and hint it off to everyone, ie: they once
fucked an iguana, say "i iguana do this work" in front of them to say, a
teacher. step two: go to their house and wreck it, if they have a dog,
bring a bowl-sized bag of some dogfood they DONT have, on to the carnage, i
mean, eat food in their basment or whever THEY hang out and drop lots of
it under the couch, and also spill soda on some mag their parents like,
now, pick your nose infront of his siter, then say you gotta go to the
bathroom, go in there, if htey have deodorant cut it FLAT with a knife
or something, then get it all wet, put water in their mouthwash, put
toothpaste on the faucet-where-the-water-comes-out bit, and then you get
to pissing, piss on the seat, not too much, but enough, if they have
carpet get it too, if they dont try getting some piss behind the toilet,
then you move on, oh yeah, squeeze out the last few drops of piss onto a
paper towel, drop it in the garbage. dont flush. get out, your hanging,
making a mess, now its time to move in on the food, if theyve got
lucky-fuckin' charms or something shitty with marshmellows, open the box
and shake it till most of the marshellows converge at the top to
negotiate with you, give them no mercy, scoop them up and eat them, the
food will suck. get some meat or cheese and put it in the dishwasher,
also take some sauce of some type, get ranch-dressing, youll use it
later, then open some liquid-solids like A1 ort something, and knock
them over in the fridge. ok, go over to the dog bowl, pick it up and
empty it into the garbage, now put YOUR dog food in there, once the
doggie gets indigestion and poops nasty shit on their porch or something
theyll change their minds about you, next go up to the room, while X isnt
looking pour ranch dressing inside the blankets, then just hang around
and make a mess in general then leave. woo.
-----------------[ woah, hey, can i come over your house, i guana ]----------
shut up. bumbityboo, im arguing with some machead over some stupid stuff,
and he is consistently referring to DOS-software problems as hardware
problems, ugh. so im not talking to him anymore:)
----------------------[ d0rk ]----------------------------------------------
ssss ss ssss ss
$$ $$ $$ $$
$$ $$ $$ $$ss $$
$$ $$ $$ $$
ssss ss ssss ss
damn right, hmmmm, oh yeah, its time for an amazing adventure of ASCII MAN!
------------[ ascii man we love you!#!@ ]-----------------------------------
ok, ascii man is patrolling the streets of his hometown, lameland and
looking for crime, suddenly
,'
. .b,`
d$bsss suddenly... d$P
s$$o s$$*
s##= s##O
`$$' `$$'
there was a HUGE explosion, so ascii man ran to the sceene, there were
several people there, he jumped towards the victims and carried them
away, then he met evil Mr AssholeGuyWhoBombedTheBuilding
/--------\
/~^ ^~\
| ./\. ./\. |
| `\/' `\/' |
\___-_-_-_-_-___/ - Muahah, ascii man, you are under my control
/~~~-~-~-~-~-~~~\
\_______________/
ascii man was frightened, he whipped out his ascii-gun and shot
.$$$$##$$$$$$$$$$$$.
,@$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'
$%#%$L$
$#%#$$'
$%#%$
$#%#$
~~~
kabang!@
/---------\
/~^ ^~\
| .*&. ./\. |
| `$@' `\/' |
\___-_-_-_-_-___/ - ow you bastid, my eye!@
/~~~-~-~-~-~-~~~\
\_______________/
ascii man had no choice, he shot several more times
/---------\
/~^ *^ ^~\
| .*&.'&./\. |
| `$@' `\/' |
\___-&%@-_-_-___/
/~~~-~-~-~-~*&~~\
\___________%$__/
Mr AssholeGuyWhoBombedTheBuilding fell to the floor dead, ascii man
loomed over him and this was the last thing he saw..
.%%.
.$$$$$$$$$$$$.
.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
.@@@. .@@@.
$ $ $ $
$ %%$ % $ %%$
`@@@' $$ `@@@'
`'
`s s'
$$ $$
$$$$..$$$$
~~
Lesson: never fuck with ascii man.
-----------------------[ uhhh thanks for the hard to follow story ]---------
yeah, woo, on the subject of ascii
----------------[ uh, i think i wet myself, you mean ASCII ART!?# ]---------
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
first up on the ascii baseball plate: my BBS logon message
here ya go
Welcome to Node Island
#############################################################################
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
: `, :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: .' ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
. `,% :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'_,%' :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
`'% %$$., ,_`::::::::::::::::::::'.,$$%. ::::::::: % ::::::::::::::::::::::
::::: %$$$$,. $$$$,._`::::::::::'.,$$$%. ::::::::: %#@#% ::::::::::::::::::::
:::::: %$$$$$,. '$$$$$,._`::::'.,$$$$$%. ::::::::::: % ::::::::::::::::::::::
::::::: %$$$$$$$,.`%$$$$$,._ ,$$$$$$%. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::: %$$$$$$$$,. `%$$$$$$,._ $$$$$%. ::::::::::: $% :::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$,. `%$$$$$$$-,_ $$%. ::::::::: ,$$% ::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$$$. `%$$$$$$$$$-,._ ::::::::'.,$$$$% :::::::::::::::::::
::::::: %$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, : `%$$$$$$$$$$$-,._ :: .,$$$$$$% :::::::::::::::::::
::::: .%$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" "$ `%$$$$$$$$$$$$" : "$$$$$$$% ::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
#############################################################################
:Node:Island:is:an:official:w0ol:site,:woo.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
#############################################################################
so if you ever telnet to it, thats what it looks like, woo, im lame. ok,
hmmmmmmmm, what do you get when you cross a cricket and a potato?
i dunno but here it is:
/\ **
/ /\ \ //
/ /%$%&\$\%$#$%$@&%$&%&-OO
/ / @#%$@&$\/#&$@&%@#&@%&#()
`'`' $@&$@&#@%$#@%#@&\\#$
`'
hmm, pointless but somehow sexy.
ok, im going to draw a sharp sword
`,
\\
\\
\\
\\ /
/\\
\\
wow, ok, hmm, a star
%
#
% # @ # %
#
%
ok mebbe that was a target
hmm, wrrrrrrrrrrrr POP!
\.,-,./
,` O O ',
`. P .'
___`| |'___________
/ | | / |
/ .,| |,. / |
/ / |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| |
| | |
| Jack-in-da-haus | |
| [tm] | /
| | /
| | /
|_________________|/
muahaha, the devil. dead goats.
s s
$$ $$
$$$ $$$
$$$$ $$$$
$$$$ $$$$
$$ @ `' @ $$
$$ db $$
$$ $$
$$`,.'$$
$$ss$$
woo, that actually sucks, but the horns RULE, :)
ok, we are at line 280, so i guess its time to say goodbye
poop.
---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
wow, lame.
---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
this is so you can find them:
#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
#2: the electric santa (nettle)
#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
#5: no comprende? (nettle)
#6: the annual collage issue (nettle)
#7: w0ol, a joke in every issue!@ (nettle)
#8: we force you into unbearable positions (nettle)
wow
-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
nettle
(thats all right now.. so write sumfin!#)
ascii man (who is he!?@)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nettle:
nettle@novasys.com
nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
thats it..
-----------------------+ useless archives +----------------------------------
ftp:
nevermind.lag.novasys.com : /pub/w0ol
landslide.openix.com : /ftp/phorce/w0ol
morse code:
the top of springfield avenu, ill have a flashing light there encoding
w0ol 24/7.
if you would like to contact w0ol send email to
w0ol@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you want to have a letter displaayed
in one of our issues as a question/comment type thing, email
w0ol-2@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you would like me to murder your
parents email parent@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, thank you.
