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Vomit 08

eZine's profile picture
Published in 
Vomit
 · 26 Apr 2019

  

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(Star Trek in the house!!!!)
==============================================================================
This little text here is the autobiography of this kid in my school. It's on
his homepage. Anyway, this kid, who was the basis for the "Spider" character
in "Quest of the |<-r4Ds", is considered by most to be the biggest dork in
our school. He has a bit of a weight problem, but let's not be superficial.
Let's just slander his personality, being the true intellectuals that we are.
His daily attire usually consists of an undershirt ("So I don't get a rash"),
a blue dress shirt, and tight blue jeans. Anyway, move on to his autobiography
and I shall intervene from time to time to separate his self-promoting
ramblings from reality.
==============================================================================
Welcome to My Home Page! Feel free to Leave any comments/Questions via Email!

Mike's Home Page
Welcome to
Michael Jerome Vioreanu's Home Page!

A little Bit about myself
Well, I lived in Wanaque, New Jersey from birth until 3rd grade(I was around 8
years old). I then moved in December of 3rd grade to my current residence, in
Kinnelon, New Jersey. I'm now in 11th grade. I'm 16 years old
(17 on July 6th). I have my Drivers permit, and cannot wait until I get my
license.
==============================================================================
Oooo. How exciting for you.
==============================================================================
My hobbies include Computers, Soccer, Dungeons and Dragons,
Mountain/Road Biking, Reading(Fantasy/SciFi Novels) and Listening to
music(Alternative, Rock & Roll, Symphonies).
==============================================================================
Sounds like a real winner to me. He forgot to mention his love of his Star
Trek music CD collection.
==============================================================================
In school I am currently ranked 19th in my grade(84 Juniors total), and am
enrolled in various classes. My current schedule contain: US History IIA,
Trigonometry/Precalculus IA, English IIIB, Telecommunications/Networking B,
Intro To Electronics B, Band B, Gym/Health IIIB, Biology IIA,
Contemporary Topics in Biology B.
==============================================================================
I don't care what the numbers say. He's a stupid shit. Only gets ok grades by
studying his ass off in between 12-hour computer sessions.
==============================================================================
I am a member of National Honor Society. I plan to go to a four year college
and major in Computer Science or Managment of Informational
Systems/Informational Science.
==============================================================================
"And not get drunk nor lose my virginity."
==============================================================================
I am deeply involved in computers.
==============================================================================
An EXTREME understatement.
==============================================================================
I am the webmaster for my school district's home pages, the premier of which
is my High School's Web Page HTTP:I.won't.let.you.know.the.address.because.I.
don't.want.it.to.get.any.hits
==============================================================================
Webmaster!!! Ooooo!!!! What a title! "I AM THE MASTER OF THE WEB!!! I AM THE
GUARDIAN OF THE NETHERWORLD!! FEAR ME!!! MY PAGE HAS BEEN ACCESSED 19 TIMES
IN A YEAR!!!!"
==============================================================================
I have built this page(the one you are currently reading) from scratch, using
HTML Writer. I wrote my school's home page in my
Telecommunications/Networking Class, under the direction of Mr. Chuck Foley.
==============================================================================
Hooray for you and Chuck.
==============================================================================
I am also involved in Kinnelon's Community Technology Committee, a group of
concerned Parents, Teachers, Students, Principals, Community members, and our
Superintendant.
==============================================================================
Not to mention a host of other geeks, nerds, and rejects.
==============================================================================
I have been working with computers since I was 9, and have a strange nack
for making them work.
==============================================================================
Yeah, it's called pressing the power button, you schmuck. You're so l33t! Can
I be you?!!!!
==============================================================================
I have experience in HTML Publishing, Hardware purchasing/installation,
Software, Programming, Typing(without which, this would have taking hours to
type!)
==============================================================================
I think that was a joke. That's about as funny as he gets, folks.
==============================================================================
, networking (Novell 3.11), and almost any other area in computing.
==============================================================================
Such as gif collecting.
==============================================================================
I currently work for Universal Telephone and Telegraph, LLC, a small
telecommunications company located next to the High School. I do any
major/minor computer work such as installation/repair/upgrades. My father is
in his late 40's. He is a systems analysist for a drug company(prescription
drugs) located in Manhattan, New York. He has been a major inspiration for my
interests. He is the stricter of my two parents. I appreciate all that he
has done for me.
==============================================================================
My father is a drunken redneck who only wears a shirt 6 months out of the
year. He works with the mafia. (Illegal Drugs) He has not really inspired me,
but rather he has beat me when he gets the urge. He enjoys belching, farting,
and wearing the same clothes day after day after day. Sometimes he shouts
random obscenities. I appreciate him for all the material he has given me to
write 'zines about.
===============================================================================
My mother is in her mid 50's. She is a administrative assistant at the
Kinnelon Public Library.
===============================================================================
In other words, she is a librarian.
===============================================================================
Her personality is the basis for my personality.
===============================================================================
OK, so you based yourself on a fifty-year-old woman? Too cool for me.
===============================================================================
She has high tolerance and patience. She is kind and thoughtful. If it
wasn't for her, I'd probably be some lump on a log doing absolutely nothing.
===============================================================================
It's too easy. I'll just let this one slide.
===============================================================================
You are probably wondering about my social life.
===============================================================================
Or lack thereof.
===============================================================================
Well, I had a Girlfriend from Feburary 1st until May 19th.
===============================================================================
Sure, you had a girlfriend if you consider lower primates to be girls.
===============================================================================
She ended up bringing down my limited self esteem.
===============================================================================
Conveniently "limited" by yours truly, and the rest of our town.
===============================================================================
When she dumped me, she told me that her parents believed her too young to
date. She then turned around and told the school that I was always horny and
touchy-feely.
===============================================================================
Oh yeah, Mike. The entire school was in a mad buzz about your horniness.
That's how much we all care about you. By the way, I bet he said a few hundred
Hail Marys after he typed "horny".
===============================================================================
I was hardly around her,
===============================================================================
At least you have SOME common sense
===============================================================================
and when I was, SHE made the first moves!
===============================================================================
"Yeah! We almost got to first base once!!!!"
===============================================================================
Well, I have a lot of friends.
===============================================================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! When zero means "a lot" I'll eat my backwards hat!
===============================================================================
David W(Red, William) is my partner in crime.
===============================================================================
"Yeah! One time when we were feeling really bad we didn't recycle!!!"
===============================================================================
We have been exceeding in the computer field for a while now. Whatever he
can't fix, I can and Visa Versa.
===============================================================================
And whatever either of you fixes, I can break again.
===============================================================================
Bernadette S(Dave W's GF) is a great friend. She has helped me though my
relationship with my X-Girlfriend. David G is one of the funniest people I
know. He also shares my level of liking Star Trek(watching the shows, but no
memorabilia or conventions).
===============================================================================
Oh yeah. He sounds like a real humor machine!!! "How many Picards does it take
to screw in a multiplexer photonizer? NONE! That's Worf's job!!! HAHAHAHA! I'm
so funny!
===============================================================================
Kevin L has been my friend since I moved to Kinnelon. I'm proud to be able to
say I have a friend that is an Eagle Scout.
===============================================================================
I'm proud to be able to say that I don't have a friend that is an Eagle Scout.
===============================================================================
I wish I didn't drop out of Scouts.
===============================================================================
I wish you'd spontaneously combust, but that's another story.
===============================================================================
Patrick S has been my friend just as long as Kevin. Pat is funny and weird,
and loves to have fun.
===============================================================================
And from what I hear he hasn't talked to you in years. He loves to have fun,
alright, fun WITHOUT YOU!!!
===============================================================================
Sara D(my first IRC friend) is great to talk to, and loves to love!
===============================================================================
Did you send her a personal gif yet? Then let's see if she still does.
===============================================================================
I have moved up the popularity ranks, but I don't really care for that kinda
stuff.
===============================================================================
OK, now you've gone too far. You haven't moved anything except your bowels.
You were always the least-liked, are the least-liked, and will always be the
least-liked. Maybe if you consider going from -1 to -2 in "the popularity
ranks" to be moving up you could be right. Of course you don't care for "that
kinda stuff", because you're bad at it. I don't care for basketball, because
I'm bad at it.
===============================================================================
I have a great personality(in my eyes at least).
===============================================================================
And in your clouded eyes alone. No friends! No friends! Nyah-ha! Nyah-ha!
===============================================================================
I have a lot of patience and have a high tolerance for bad events.
===============================================================================
"Like the time I forgot to wear an undershirt and I got a rash."
===============================================================================
I have a nack for understanding people, even if they don't tell me exactly
what's happening in their minds.
===============================================================================
Guess what's going on in my mind, you psychic webmaster you.
===============================================================================
On issues, I'm generally in the middle of everything.
===============================================================================
You also seem to always be in the middle of a big meal.
===============================================================================
Abortion should be limited to those who were involved in rape, incest or when
the mother could die in childbirth.
===============================================================================
Or when they look at the ultrasound and see YOU in the womb.
===============================================================================
Welfare should be reformed, but not thrown away. Social Security should be
changed to become like a bank, where what you put in is what you get, not what
other people put in is what you get. Right now, I'm hoping Senator Dole wins
the presidential election. I'm not a Republican or Democrat, but I am kinda
conservative.
===============================================================================
You are especially conservative with your FAT!!!! FAT!!!! Sorry. I couldn't
hold back. We musn't be superficial.
================================================================================
I do not believe in body piercing(except 2 earring holes per ear on women, not
men). I do not like tatoos.
================================================================================
You'd just love my dad then.
================================================================================
I believe in complete equality.
================================================================================
Damned Communist.
================================================================================
I do not like it when people push past equality, like saying they are better
than another group.
================================================================================
You don't like it only because people are always saying and proving how much
better than you they are.
================================================================================
I don't like caps worn backwards, but I can easily tolerate it.
================================================================================
Wow. You must have some great self-control. Let's just give you a big
"Humanitarian of the Millineum" award.
================================================================================
My choice of the perfect woman would have a couple traits.
================================================================================
Yeah, my ideal woman would have a couple of tits, uhh, I mean traits too.
================================================================================
She would have to be tolerable, love to get gifts, a spendthrift, enjoy
spending time together, and does not nessarily have to be outside-beautiful.
I tend to look at both inside and outside beauty.
================================================================================
"And most of all she'd have to be my mother!!!!"
================================================================================
I don't really go for airheads though. I find intelligence attractive.
Enough about me!
================================================================================
So soon?
================================================================================
================================================================================

Anyway, this is his little autobiography with my witty sayings thrown in. For
an unedited version of his autobiography, cut and paste like a motherfucker.
You may think that I made this "Michael Jerome Vioreanu" character up for
laughs. No. This kid actually exists, is actually that much of a loser, and
actually wrote that autobiography. Now, I used to not hate him. I used to find
him quite amusing to throw things at, but nothing too severe. Then one time
he decided to show a text file that I wrote on how to fuck up school networks
to his pal "Mr. Chuck Foley". This began my hatred of him. He just showed it
to his pal to be an asshole, and to get me in trouble. I also have to put up
with his disgusting Steve Urkel laugh everyday in school. This is why I hate
him and decided to make fun of him so severely. I could have been even meaner,
but I've still got a shot at going to heaven, so I layed off the ol' Vioreanu.
I could write ten more pages on his "life" but this has already broken the
record for the longest vomit.

VOMIT Index
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vomit 1..................................................................Intro
Vomit 2....................................... Part 1 of "Quest of the K-rads"
Vomit 3...........................................................Masturbation
Vomit 4.............................................................The Smurfs
Vomit 5..............................................Ozzy visits Sesame Street
Vomit 6...........................................................John Is Dead
Vomit 7..............................................................My Sheets
Vomit 8...........................Michael Jerome Vioreanu: A Study in Loserdom
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pronounced "Vee-oh-ran-oh"

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