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The ReservoirGODS NEWSletter Issue 00
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\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /\ /
\/ \__/ \_/ \__/ \/ \_/ \___/ \/shþ/
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The ReservoirGODS NEWSletter Issue #00 [March 18, 1998]
Contact GodNEWS for submissions, un/subscription, information
or whatever reason at all: sh3@zetnet.co.uk
There are no previous issues, so if you send an email with the subject
"get godnews #xx" it will obviously be totally and completely ignored.
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ReservoirGods : NON-STOP!
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"What...", you might very well all be asking yourselves, "...the hell..."
and it's a fair comment, I'd say, "...is all this then?!". It's quite
understandable. In a month of big city wheeling and, indeed, dealing. A
month that saw the release of not one, but TWO, quality disk magazines on
the Atari platform. A month that saw the news of the Hasbro Interactive -
Atari buyout impact on the lives of, quite literally, some people. A month,
if compared to any other similar consecutive 31 day period from, probably,
any time in history you care to mention, at all, ever, would, in all
fairness, seem to be on the busy side of hectic, it now seems the
internationally renowned a-listed cracking team Vectronix has been the
subject of a hostile take-over by the Reservoir Gods...In an unprecedented
move, MrPink, the shadowy, anonymous, self-styled RG supremo/veteran love
machine and true voice of "the people" on "the streets" that he undoubtably
is, privately had this to say...
"I only went to the corner shop for a tin of 'baccy, I could have only been
gone, like, five minutes or so, like...and when I get back to me
five-bedroomed, four-girl, three-star apartment I'm, like, fucking bombarded
with questions from all sorts of scally press-news-reporter-men. I politely
asked them to all just fuck right off before I got the lads 'round to do a
job on them...and they all ran like the scum they truly are".
When quizzed further we obtained this comment from the non-sleeping,
coke swilling code-fiend...
"What...? You want to know about Vectronix and any connection I might have
to their high quality production `VexNEWS'? So you're not here to drill me
on my new Columbian `magic nose powder' import company activities...? And
you're not an officer of the law here to arrest me, just a smartly-dressed,
yet altogether far too smarmy ordinary member of the public. Oh...thank
fuck for that...er...yea...well I'll catch you later then...I've got erm...
a plane to... catch".
Obviously MrPink had other things on his mind...we would have to look
elsewhere...
In an effort to obtain the truth, we set out to the streets of Wakefield in
Yorkshire, England, where we encountered several baggy-jean-wearing dossers.
We asked them for any information they might have on one `MSG', possibly a
`major player' in the deal...
"The greatest trick MSG ever pulled was this t-o-t-a-l-l-y r-a-d move where
he took out two 'bladers in one go! Dude! It's was a-w-e-s-o-m-e!"
"Whoa, dude! The greatest trick MSG ever pulled was convincing the world he
wasn't really pissed...nobody ever believed he was really so full of
crazyNES".
"...but the greatest chick MSG ever pulled was this f-l-y l-i-t-t-l-e
h-o-n-e-y, a south-east asian super-hooker by the name of tHIRD eYE...just
t-h-e m-o-s-t a-m-a-z-i-n-g t-h-i-n-g y-o-u e-v-e-r s-a-w, d-u-d-e!".
Really this was no use. We made our excuses and left the homeboys to their
playtime. This wasn't getting us anywhere, the members of the Reservoir
GODS had obviously concocted a series of schemes designed to lead us off the
trail...so we decided to embark on a missoin into cyberspace...we boldly
went where several million have gone before with more than a slight feeling
of dissapointment... to the information super-highway! And it was so much
fun we didn't look back!
But obviously, in all fairness, the above text would all appear to be, shall
we say 'factually-challenged'. And in all fact, this is just, in the true
Maggie Scene News Style, another tooth in a cogg of a mechanism that is only
a part of the Reservoir GODS propaganda machine! Or something.
/shTHREE
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[ Contents of GodNEWS Issue #00 ]
1. New Reservoir GODS Release ................. shTHREE/Reservoir GODS
2. New GodleNES Release - Rainbow Islands ...... MrPink/Reservoir GODS
3. New GodleNES Release - Ice Climber .......... MrPink/Reservoir GODS
4. News of yet more New GodleNES Releases ......shTHREE/Reservoir GODS
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[1] NEW RESERVOIR GODS RELEASE by shTHREE/Reservoir GODS
http://users.zetnet.co.uk/zmoe3/maggie/maggie.htm
Maggie now has a new home on the internet! In a Toxic-like shock, Maggie is
now available to users of any machine via the wonders of the information
super highway! Really!
It was some time ago in the infamous channel #atari on IRC that a discussion
between one Phoenix/Vectronix and a Mr.shTHREE/Reservoir Gods took place.
This discussion revolved around the hassles involved in reading the
disk-based Maggie magazine on a machine other than an ST or a Falcon...
specifically the TT and the PC. Phoenix's preferred method of reading the
magazine was to depack the files manually and read them in his favourite
text displayer. This seemed like it ammounted to a lot of hassle to just
read a few articles when it should have been just a matter of cliccking the
mouse... Then somewhere along the line, someone mentioned a html version of
Maggie and the seed was planted in shTHREE's dark, evil, yet fertile mind.
Some time passed and a couple of abortive attemptes to make html versions
of issues 23 & 24 passed by the way... but prior to the release of the
ground-breaking Maggie 25 it was decided that the celebrations of such an
occasion would be the right time to unleash the html version to the world.
Users of the Falcon version of Maggie 25 will instantly be at home. But
I suppose that users of the Falcon version should just continue to read
the Falcon version in the comfort of their own Atari. What I'm trying to
say is that those nice animated icons from Falcon Maggie have been
converted to (er, quite nasty) animated gifs so it kind-of looks a little
like the Falcon version...ish.
I wouldn't go there expecting lots of nice PC-stylee wwwNES...it's a first
release and the idea was for it to be functional and simplpe to naviagte...
well, at least thats my story & I'm sticking to it!. Take a look if you
like, but the best thing you could do from my point of view would be to tell
you PC-owning, maybe ex-atari owning friends that Maggie is now available
`online'.
So there you have it... the lowdown on the newest of online Atari disk-mag
conversions. Any comments should be directed to sh3@zetnet.co.uk from a
html-version perspective, or to maggieteam@zetnet.co.uk for a broader,
all encompassing MaggieNES point of view. Nice.
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[2] NEW GODLENES RELEASE - RAINBOW ISLANDS by MrPink/Reservoir GODS
Rainbow Islands
Subtitled 'The Story Of Bubble Bobble 2' - it should not be confused with
Bubble Bobble 2 even though it is the sequel to Bubble Bobble. Confused?
Well Bubble Bobble 2 is basically Bubble Bobble with different level layouts
whilst Rainbow Islands is a very different game.
Bub and Bob have transformed back into their human forms and once again
have to battle all manner of cute opponents. The reason for this is
somewhat vague but is probably nothing to do with sausage factory barons.
Rainbow Islands has progressed from the static screen approach of its
predecessor - this time everything scrolls vertically and you must climb to
the top of each level.
Your weapon this time is the humble rainbow - hardly considered an
instrument of mass destruction in our world but in the land of Bubble
Bobble things work differently. You can imagine the UN Inspectors report
on Saddam's arsenal - "We didn't find any anthrax or other material for
chemical weapons, but there were vast reservoirs of water that could
possibly create a devastating amount of rainbows."
Of course, this is a Reservoir GODS release so we are treated to the luxury
of an extensive trainer mode! Featuring:
* INFINITE LIVES Your lives never drop below 3.
* INVULNERABILITY Invokes the built in invulnerability also meaning if you
touch baddies you will kill them.
* SHOE Puts you permanently into super speedy mode.
* DOUBLE RAINBOW Take two rainbows into Bubble Bobble land? Well why not?
* FAST RAINBOW Your Rainbows appear faster.
* FAIRY A helpful fairy spins round you killing things.
* FLIGHT With this feature you can fly - sort of.
* START WORLD And which land do you wish to travel to sir?
http://users.zetnet.co.uk/zmoe3/godlenes.htm
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[3] NEW GODLENES RELEASE - ICE CLIMBER by MrPink/Reservoir GODS
Ice is cold. This much we know. But did you realise how much pleasure can be
gained by chipping away blocks of it and consequently ascending a whole ice
clad mountain? No, neither did I until I entered the realm of the Ice
Climber.
The Ice Climber is a lovable Eskimo chap. Like most eskimos he lives in an
igloo, has a diet consisting solely of fish, has 25 different words for snow
and enjoys nothing better than clubbing baby seals over the head.
-- THE NOT MADE UP AT ALL STORYLINE ----------------------------------------
Bjoern the eskimo is the bastard lovechild of Bjork and Mountaineer Sir
Edmund Hilary. Bjoern loves nothing better than climbing rocks whilst
listening to undergound techno sounds. His other pleasure is battering
small cute animals. Techno and animal culling may not appear happy
bedfellows, but as Bjoern explains: "I enjoy clubbing".
Before tackling his chosen conquest, Bjoern likes to give it an ariel
examination. He is helped in this test by Stan the Stalk who kindly gives
him a lift to various icy summits. Stan is ambivilous to Bjoern wildlife
assaults. "Its the only language they understand!" he bellows. "I had that
David Mellor in my undercarriage the other day. Bloody nice bloke".
The job of air-taxi was forced on Stan after he was sacked from his previous
job of promoting margarine. After an unsuccesful stint in sex education
videos, he entered the lucrative private transport market. "My business is
on the way up!" he jokes showing the lack of humour that Stalks are rightly
proud of.
Bjoern describes the moment that he reaches the top of a mountain as his
greatest high. "Imagine the best orgasm you have had and multiply by 3.
That's nothing like climbing a mountain, but it's still fun to imagine." The
insight into the psychology of a mountaineer continues. "You could say that
climbing an ice mountain is the summit of career. It is the peak of my
achievement. I feel on top of the world." The puns continue for several
hours, but unfortunately do not get any better.
But are there any potential hazards for the would-be mountaineer?
"Icicles do my head in." whinges Bjoern. "Literally."
He continues. "Birds and seals. Bloody menace. Haven't they got anything
better to do with their pitiful lives than mess around on mountains?"
But what is Bjoern's favourite aspect of mountaineering?
"I like to find a good hole and jump in!"
What's so good about getting to the top?
"There's all sorts of great stuff up there. Like vegetables. I also like
to jump on clouds - I really feel like I'm walking on air. When I get to
the summit I wait for Stan to fly past then leap aboard."
You may think that mountaineering is a lonely pursuit, but Bjoern is often
joined in his expiditions by his good friend Bjoarn. The friends look
remarkably similar - nothing to do with the fact that they are actually the
same sprite with different colours, but more that they share the standard
physiognomy of the Eskimo.
"When Bjoarn and I go for a mountain then its just a mad scramble to the
top! We don't help each other out - we're not pansies you know. Obviously I
am the far better climber and Bjoarn can't even climb on top of his Igloo
without his Mum giving him a leg up. But I like to humour him." laughs
Bjoern.
As with Rainbow Islands, MrPink has done us proud with another great
trainer mode:
* INFINITE LIVES Unlimited Ice climbing potential!
* INVULNERABILITY Seals and icicles hold no fear for you.
* MEGA JUMPS Jumping. How high can you go? Pretty high with this!
* INFINITE TIME Spend your life in the bonus stage if you wish!
* ESKIMO SPEED Amphetamine fuelled movement for the Eskimo chap.
* START ANY LEVEL You can start...on any level!
http://users.zetnet.co.uk/zmoe3/godlenes.htm
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[4] NEW GODLENES RELEASES by shTHREE/Reservoir GODS
Saturday 21st March 1998 sees the release by the Reservoir GODS production
assembly line conveyor belt war machine of yet another TWO new GodleNES
games.
The games to be released are the amazing Final Fantasy and the obscure, yet
somehow entertaining Tennis. The use of the GodleNES save game function
makes Final Fantasy a much better game than the original. Included with
the game is the full manual to make all that magic casting and aimless
fighting an altogether less painful task. With game-play tips and a
fully-featured trainer mode from MrPink you will be slaying dragons and
collecting orbs before you know it. Just remember to go to sleep...
something which didn't occur to MrPink when playing this game!
Tennis, on the other hand, might seem to be a strange game to release. But
with it's high Kb-to-download to it's-loads-of-fun-playing-this-game ratio
you can be sure that a good time will be had by some, if not indeed many.
Especially in 2 player mode! And, yes, it's trained...just how you can
train a tennis game eludes me...keep an eye on the page to find out for
yourself!
http://users.zetnet.co.uk/zmoe3/godlenes.htm
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shTHREE would presonally like to thank Phoenix/Vectronix for having this
wonderful idea in the first place and also for helping to form the idea for
the html Maggie... and I'm sure our campain for world-domanation on the
gaming front can only be strengthened by this help from the domination
masters! :)
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