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Devil Shat 1997 10 09
.ili. Devil Shat Eleven .ili.
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Why Peace is Impractical ........................... by Morbus
Why ICQ is the Devil ............................... by Morbus
Fuck You ....................................... by Ryan Bolin
This is Devil Shat Eleven released on 10/09/97. Devil Shat is published
by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of the issues
are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
Oh boy... god damn this noise.
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.ili. Why Peace is Impractical .ili.
------------------------------------ by Morbus
Peace will never happen on this fine planet. And this fine planet being
peaceful is an oxymoron.
You see, you can never understand anything unless you have the opposite
to compare it too. We have war now and we send our little boys over into
the death zone to kill the enemy. That was always something that
confused me: waging war to keep the peace. We sit at home watching the
TV, commenting about how horrible it is that something like this should
happen. We wring our hands in grief, hoping that we won't get a phone
call or a form letter, telling us that little Johnny passed away in the
line of duty. We like being able to argue amongst ourselves about how
terrible the war is, and our own personal ideas about how we can make it
stop.
Of course, once Johnny gets home, we have a big celebration, and in the
midst of hugs and kisses, Johnny feels that he has done something right
for his country. He feels that his act of killing was actually
warranted... how could he not? He comes home and no one chastises him
for being a murderer. They only congratulate him on being a better
murderer than the enemy.
So, Johnny settles down, firm in the knowledge that he has done
something good. 15 years down the line, however, he starts complaining
about abdominal pains, and his urine begins to glow a bright green.
People yell "Gulf War Syndrome" and Johnny sues the government he once
loved, claiming malpractice. ... Isn't war the greatest malpractice?
We all have to see what war is like so that we know what peace would be
like. With no war, we would not say "Peace!", we would merely call it an
interim. What do we have to obtain to call our world peaceful?
Nothing... because we don't want to admit that the sorry state the world
is in now is about the closest we are going to get to world peace.
Secondly, it seems to me that attempting world peace is an
impossibility. We don't even have peace in our families yet. You hear
about divorces all the time. You hear about men being put away because
they beat their wife. Hell, watch an episode of COPS, and you'll see
that most of the investigations are public disturbance calls involving
feuding families. It's silly to attempt to rectify the world's situation
when we can't even get a hold on the very basis of our society... our
family.
And finally, I have to ask of you, do we really want peace? With peace
comes loss of power, and with loss of power comes equality. Equality is
a tough word to swallow for some people, and these megalomaniacs are
those you yearn to fight, to conquer, to control others. Yes, most
people will readily say "yes!" to peace. Yet, how many people will
harbor these vices and join a militia to start it again?
And militias would rise because with peace comes the inaction of our
Military. What would it do? What could it do besides create virtual
warfields for those to conquer their aggression and hone their
now-useless skills? I would hate to think of the amount of newly extinct
animals as mankind wages their war under the name of "sport".
People are not going to be satisfied with peace because hate will still
run rampant. The Aryans are still going to want to conquer the world,
the KKK will keep on burning their crosses and people will still be
racists. With peace comes a burial of hate. But as with anger, hate
festers over time and is often a powerful enough wound to force action.
In all instances, peace as a world philosophy is impractical.
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.ili. Why ICQ is the Devil .ili.
-------------------------------- by Morbus
I like new technology and new ideas. I like to be connected to people,
not white screens with words on them. I like saying people's names so
much that it makes them uncomfortable. I like to be able to think that I
am not a computer screen, and rather just someone looking into a big TV.
That's part of the reason we do Devil Shat: to be able to communicate
our ideas and opinions to a bunch of other people, and to get their
responses back.
As you might know, I test out a lot of new software. I was one of the
first people to get the AOL Instant Messenger Software (of which my
name, DevilShat, was recently revealed). And, I am now the proud tester
of ICQ for the 68k Macintosh. How I got the software, and why I did is
not the question, answer, or solution. But rather:
THE QUESTION: Why did you stay away from ICQ?
THE ANSWER: ICQ is the Devil.
THE SOLUTION: Explain why ICQ is the Devil, and then wholeheartedly
embrace the technology.
Okay... you see, a long time ago, I read the Bible. It wasn't something
I was forced to do, it was something I wanted to do. I never understood
why people criticize anything without getting enough information about
it. One of the things that I remember is that when Satan came to kick
some ass, everyone was going to receive a mark on their forehead or
their right hand, and without that mark, we would not be able to buy or
sell. And the mark would be the name of the beast, and the name of the
beast is the number six hundred sixty six.
Yada, yada, yada. For the longest time, I sat back in my great
philosopher's chair, stroked my invisible goatee, and sucked on my
bubble pipe and said that we were already in the Armageddon, simply
because the barcode is a perfect representation of the mark. From there,
I moved onto the idea of the "e-card", an electronic id that would hold
all your money and all your transactions... replacing wealth with
"credits".
But those aren't the true marks, merely harbingers. I would hesitate to
say (but do I must) that ICQ is the mark of the beast.
ICQ, one of the most prolific Internet paging services, has finally
jumped the platform from PC to Mac, and as such, has now accomplished
almost complete integration with the computer world. The major
difference between ICQ and most other online services (except
Compuserve) is that you are represented by numbers. You are not a face,
nor a name, but rather something evilly called a UIN. Your UIN is who
you are... your name and info are second-best.
For example, my UIN is 2927491. Isn't that peaceful? Were I playing
Seven Card, I would have a pretty good starting hand. But in ICQ, I am
just one of millions. It seems innocent at first, but when I went to
their website to get more information, I realized that it is a lot more
than innocence. Your number can optionally be added to hundreds of
different groups of other numbers, all sharing something in common. You
like trading lighters at Verve Pipe concerts? There is a group for you.
And they proclaim wonderful availability. Why, you can even put your ICQ
number on a business card, and people can contact you whenever you're
online! Yet another vice of the devil: the loss of freedom. Much like a
cellular phone on a vacation, anyone can intrude on you at any time. And
like we are so prone to do, we can't just let a phone ring, or a pager
vibrate... we have to do something about it. Otherwise, why do we bother
paying for the service?
So, "Morbus," you ask, "if ICQ is so damn evil, why should we embrace
it?" Ahk, I dunno. A couple of disjointed reasons. ONE: hell,
everybody's doin it. TWO: It transform the harshness of the internet
into a more friendly, online service environment. One of the nice things
I remember about AOL was the fact that when people I knew came online, I
could have a nice chat with them. THREE: Nice implementation. In the PC
version, there is support for a number of different games or "extras"
that allow you to extend it into much more than just a pager program.
Of course, as with any advice, there is always an equal number of vices.
Everybody's doin it. Yeah, that's good, but the first day I used it, the
network shut down for fifteen minutes at a time. Perhaps a mirror of an
AOL denial of service. And sure, it makes the mean ol' internet user
friendly, but it also intrudes into your work, and perhaps your "veg"
time. And, yes, it may be pretty, and have a whole bunch of neat little
add-ons, but those are only a few of the tricks to lull us into a false
sense of security. Already on discussion groups do I see threads
consisting of "intercepting ICQ messages" and so forth. It won't be long
before the media starts using credit card scare tactics.
Should we embrace the devil? We have before.
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.ili. Fuck You .ili.
-------------------- by Ryan Bolin
Explain this: A teenage girl purchases a GAP tee shirt. A little boy
signs up for Little League. A middle-age man decides not to take a
shower before heading out for his daily activities. Two cops pick a
verbal fight with a hispanic immigrant.
You may be thinking these things defy explanation; there IS no motive
other than the relatively obvious present here. Or you may be thinking,
who gives a Barbie's ass? As long as I don't have to work with that old
man, none of these things have any major significance in society.
Well, then, I beg to differ! And differ I shall: I purport that the
reason all of the people in the above situations engaged in the
activities in which they did was for sex.
When I was in fourth grade, I realized something about human nature that
seemed painfully obvious and which needed to be addressed. But since my
fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Annis, wasn't altogether that receptive to
the concept of a libido-driven world, my theories took a backseat to my
other studies.
The reasoning goes like this. They say every animal species has three
basic instincts: the drive to eat, the drive to find shelter, and the
drive to reproduce. The first two are more easily achieved than the
last, and so humans have constructed quite a society out of fulfilling
that particular need. The drive to boff your neighbor peppers even the
first two drives.
Example: a man and woman buy their first house. First reaction to this
scenario is they're doing this action for shelter. Ah--but you must look
BENEATH the surface at choices made going into the decision to buy this
particular dwelling. Buying your first house is hardly a game of Pin The
Tail On The Donkey--we don't make our decision blind, with no
considerations for other factors other than "will this location shelter
us from the elements and allow us to continue living?" We want a place
in a good neighborhood because of that's where intelligent people
go--affluent areas. And intelligent people know how to survive, and thus
make excellent reproductive partners. Low crime areas are ideal,
obviously, so they won't kill you or your mate, especially while they
are gestating. Access to work is good--the less energy and time you
spend commuting the more time you have for screwing. And, if you've
visited the area and have met the people, the more gregarious they are
the better--all the most willing to engage in sexual endeavors.
Alright, I admit this theory isn't altogether that much of a stretch
from Freudian thought. But even he made the situation more complicated
than what I think it is. He threw in qualifiers like how you got along
with your parents and whether or not you are still fascinated by the act
of taking a shit. I get down to the core on this one. We do almost
EVERYTHING for sex.
Let's go back to the initial examples and I will direct your attention
to the underlying motives...
"TEEN GIRL BUYS GAP" Presentation is an integral part of sexuality. We
need to show potential recipients or providers of sperm that we are
prime beef when it comes to reproducing. The bottom line is: bad
dressers equal almost no sex. Therefore, the masses are attracted to
name brands because they show everyone else they know how to fit in and
survive in society. This appeals seriously to the opposite sex.
"PRE-PUBESCENT BOY JOINS LITTLE LEAGUE" This is a common headline for
many American families--getting their boy into a sport is normal. But
why is it normal? Because boys, by nature, are the aggressive ones, and
sports cultivate that testosterone flow. Our ancestors fought in herds
in order get food and conquer competing male threats. Now, though murder
is not always an accepted form of defeating the opposing football team,
we channel that drive to win and conquer into a thing call sports. The
winners get the girls because they have proven themselves to be
defenders of the staked-out terrain and excellent providers of million
dollar contracts.
"MIDDLE AGE MAN OFFENDS MANY" Too many people underestimate the power of
odor. A lot of times we are active in order to emit the all-powerful
pheremone, the chemical the opposite sex picks up on, very readily found
in sweat. It activates, to some degree, the libido. It is encouraged for
our country to be active individuals, and the more we get involved the
more we sweat, and activity equals health, and health is great for
reproductive partners. Although we are trained socially to despise
people who don't maintain proper hygiene, underneath that repulsion is a
subliminated desire to have sex with this person.
"COPS INDICTED IN POLICE BRUTALITY, AGAIN" This goes back to sports,
where the goal is to show dominance. Cops are already a bit above the
law so the profession attracts men with a need to be above other men.
These men were only asserting their masculinity. And though the direct
recipient of the violence, some hispanic immigrant, will probably not
mess with them again, the display of machismo was intended for a larger
audience, specifically women in the area.
So next time you go to the supermarket, watch a football game, answer
the phone, or go to bed at night, just remember this: your libido is the
one calling the shots. Just ask the flock of women who found out I wrote
an article and are now chasing after my intellect and new position in
society...
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