Queso
welcome to queso.. the official magazine of vapor.. if you do not know what vapor is, let me give you a quick explanation.. if you can remember back a few months, there was dvs and amulet.. those two groups merged into united which put out one pack in april.. some of the people in united who came from amulet were sorta gay so the coolios in united who came from dvs said fuck you and started vapor.. i love all the action of merging and whatnot.. btw, i'm professa booty.. some of you may know me from either groups, irc, or my board ill communication.. if you don't, oh well.. this is queso, an idea i had thought about two months ago.. since vapor is the group that i associate with the most, i asked the president, evil ernie if i could put the magazine in the packs.. he obliged as you can see..
queso isn't your everyday art magazine.. if you think it is, well screw you and your mom.. some of the shit in here may be redundant from other magazines you read, but everyone has their own opinions and reading opinion is more fun than reading fact in my opinion (pun not intended =) i have assembled a nice group of writers to supply queso with articles as well as myself and fellow vapor members.. hopefully, we won't be one of those mags that dies after two or three issues..
i knew i had to write a decent opening article to introduce the magazine.. i think what i have so far is sufficient.. lemme shout out some greets to the following:
evil ernie: you, me, and eddie are gonna jam.. i swear! joe mama: you can code better than my mom giant iguana: one-eight-hundred.. nuf said kamui: you rock, but don't lurk on the confs! inner vision: sure you'll do me that ansi.. =) vital chaos: if you get arrested again, i'll kill ya morbid fixation: a..d..a..m..werd ..and everyone i forgot: werd
(c)opywrong ninety-five.. queso magazine.. its chez..
(professa booty) founder(joe mama) programmer/coder(unsain) ascii stoo
(evil ernie) vapor prez!(morbid fixation) ansi stoo(vital chaos) stoo!
(staff writers/contributors) professa booty evil ernie vital chaos joe mama morbid fixation lifetime leonardo unsain tyme senseless violence kamui phatal jsmoove prism inner vision flood
(c)opywrong 1995.. queso magazine.. the few, the proud, the chez!
iczer-1's interview with dairy product (spastic)
(I1- iczer-1)
(DP- dairy product)
(edited by evil ernie, kept in original form. just cuz it's cooler that way.)
I1- Ok, Hi dairy product. How are you today? How long have you been drawing ansi?
DP- Hmmm... about lesseee... 6 months now. i've only had my computer for less than a year.
I1- wow. thats pretty good. do you do a lot of freehand drawing?
DP- You mean like sketching?
I1- yes
DP- Yeah... not as much as i get the feeling ACiD guys doo. whenever you apply to a group, they always ask if you're good on paper, and i'm always not too sure...
I1- ok, so. Who in your mind is the best ansi artist out there now besides yourself?
DP- hee hee... thats what you said to Eerie. uk... let me try to answer like eerie... Lord Jazz!
I1- Wow! Who? um, ok, I guess he's in like wind or something ;). Um, ok, I hear you are doing good gifs now. What programs do you like to use?
DP- I use a little proggie called Fauve mattisse... it's pretty gay... and then Pixar Typestry to do easie little 3d font things. (i think i should mention to the readers that that wacky little comment that Iczer-1 put in about ld! being in WiND was not because he was really lame, it was a bad attempt at a joke =)
I1- It was funny. You laughed. ;) Ok, so I hear you are Going to Join the wild bullafo tamers?... is that true?
DP- He heee... for a second there i thought i hurt Iczer's feelings.. but then he just whips out an equally bad jokE!!
I1- It was funny as well. ok, So what influences you when you do your art?
DP- Hmmm... i don't know... i'm only just now getting in to the freestyle-anti-comicbook style of ansi so nothing so far. before i had absolutely no influences... just whatever comics they had at Krogers. ;)
I1- Ok, cool. Um, So... What kind of tooth brush do you use? I use a glow in the dark-hot pink reach toothbrush. what kind do you use?
DP- ^ you see, i would actually go and download a magazine for great quality stuff like that. hmm. actually, we wild buffalo tamers don;t brush our teeth. Thats pussy-llama herder stuff...
I1- Oh... So makin fun of my llamas huh? Ok, so, what group did you start off with? did you start under any different handles?
DP- ha haa. I started off with THE W0RLD'S B1GGEST LAMEST group... BLuNT! If you have any spare time to go searching, go find some early BLuNT packs. god i was lame. but no, i was always Dairy Product. i had a short period where i would think i was really cool and write Dairy Pr(then a character that PCBoard does not recognize in its lame msg editor)duct.
I1- cool. So, what kind of music do you listen to?
DP- He he... I listen to all types.. I'm in a PUNK P0LKA BAND (no i didn't miss-type) called the P'u Rens (P'u is pronounced "P00") and we're playing tommorrow at a local coffeehouse... I play guitar.
I1- Cool. Evil ernie is in a death metal polka band. So.. They play at the german bars. They start big riots and mosh pits. the lead singer cuts his eyebrow like vanilla ice. so, wanna see them? go to tickettron. its only like 500 bucks for a ticket. they are playing at the waldof astoria this weekend.
DP- (reader's note: Evil Ernie is really Iczer-1's severd twin brother. They are ALWAYS together or on the fone. At the last Spastic Teleconference we were joking before Iczer got on about how when ever you call him he's always talking to Evil Ernie)
I1- Ha. Guess what? I'm talking to him now :) Coincidence? he says its nice to be thought of :), Ok, so If you had the choice to get A blow from Some chick. Who would it be?
DP- Did Evil Ernie tell you to say that one??
I1- No, we ask this of everyone. :)
DP- (We hafta talk about the Conference "Before iczer gets there discussion" :) )
DP- ok Eerie said the Veruca Salt chicks, so even though i don't have MTV and don;t know who they are, i'll have to go with that.
I1- ok, cool. It was nice interviewing you.
..queso employee of the month..
associated press poll≥usa today/cnn poll
charlie brown 187≥ charlie brown 192
dwight sumptnor 9≥ pete prince
pete prince
dwight sumptnor 1
charlie brown, the subway sandwich artist blew away dwight sumptnor, our mcdonalds manager who poured two cups of cold water on his comp, and pete prince, the burger king executive who talked on our conf, made prank calls with us, and called chicks from his date book for us..
queso chick of month..
yucky.. she's ch
victim: melissa york
queso has decided to not only select an employee of the month, but to also choose a queso chick of the month. this month was quite simple because i found one chick who not only had a .bmp of her ugly fat self floating around my area code, but we also had her call a few of our confs and we had her purchase an internet account of the lamest provider in south florida. her name is melissa york. her handle is god but she logs on irc as almighty. she runs a k-barf wildcat pd/"elite wannabe" board called garden of angels. i don't know the number off the top of my head but why waste a nickel on her when you can just read the gossip about her provided by me and evil ernie. i have her voice number written down and if you want it, reach me somewhere. i also have her .bmp which happens to only be 450k. yesh. but i warn you right now one thing. take caution while viewing her picture. it will not only burn out your monitor and destroy your video card, but your retina's will fry and your pupil will turn orange =) she is so lame. after i made her promise to blow everyone in vapor, she got really pissed and insecure and had my number blocked so i had to dial 0, tell the operator that i was visually impaired (a trick that evil ernie taught me) and had the opertor dial for me so that the ani showed the operator's number, not mine. that really pissed me off because it was a pain now to call her and harrass her flabby ass. so now she's on #ansi some- times and if you have ops, please PLEASE bankick her and never let her back in. this goes for any channel. i want her nuked and i want her dead. i know where she lives and when joe mama comes down to florida this week, i hopefully will take him with me and the militia of vapor and irc guys to kill her. this is not a joke. i want her gone, outta here. so please, take my advice and do anything to ruin her. flash her. mail-bomb her. flood her ass. do anything. but don't be nice to her. if she /msg's you with a "hi!" reply to her with a "fuck you lesbian" and then ignore her /msg's (/ignore almighty all) thanks.
by the way, the lil thing on top surrounding the title is just the quick pallette thing from aciddraw. i copied it perfectly! so whoever made it, i give the full credit. =)
introduction
articles
interviews
special features
irc quotes
teleconferences
irc lamers
the scene
dairy product
charlie brown
standings
chick of the month
here i am writing about teleconferences and next time you see me on irc, i guarantee you'll be asking me when the next one is up.. oh well..
setting up confs can be a pain in the ass.. you have to either have the balls to go out during the cold night and beige box or you have to be lucky enough to find a cocot.. a cocot is a pay phone with no restrictions.. that means that at&t will think you are calling from your house, not from a payphone.. this is evident because if you try setting up a conf from any old payphone, the bitch operator will be like.. "i am sorry but we believe that you are calling from a payphone" and then she'll start blabbing about how what you are doing is fraud and that it's illegal and all that bullshit.. so you have your cocot and actually, the best place to search for them are in niggerville where the phones are old and the repairmen are too chicken shit to go.. so there you are with the phone in hand ready to dial.. many of you wannabe telecom people would start dialing 1-800-232-1111 but that is the direct at&t teleconf start-up number.. there is a number though that is a backup at&t teleconf start-up line which doesn't scan the cocot thoroughly enough to detect pay- phone restrictions.. the number is 1-800-225-0233.. if you use this number, you will be able to setup successful teleconferences from a cocot.. and if it does not work, find another cocot because all of my conferences have gone up except for one out of maybe fifteen or so..
beige boxing is fun but can only be done in the middle of the night for best results.. just goto someone's house and make sure you know their name and then go behind or to the side of the house and find their telephone box.. if they live in your neighborhood, check for yours first so you have a faint idea of where their's could possibly be.. make sure you have 2 screwdrivers if you are a beginner, one flathead and one phillips.. have a flashlight, pen and paper, and of course a phone that can be jacked in and can work without having to be plugged in to an electrical socket.. then undo their box, make sure you do it carefully so it doesn't make alot of noise, find the jack where you can put your phone into, do that.. then there should be a switch somewhere's in the box.. flip it to the opposite direction.. that will disconnect the phones in the house temporarily or until you flip the switch back to normal.. then you dial 1-800-MY-ANI-IS to get the number of where you are calling from.. write it down on the paper you brought with you.. then have a blast.. set up confs or set up 800's for your board or whatever you please..
warning: the previous is all information.. it is very illegal in every state in the united states and probably is illegal in canada and other places as well.. i do not recommend anyone to go out there and do it but if you have the balls to, be careful.. if you hear any noises coming from a house you are at, get the hell out of there as fast as your skinny, scrawny ass can.. don't even worry about the pen and paper =) if you see a car in the near distance, stay still but don't get nervous and run unless the car stops, the cop starts running towards you with the billy club and the bloodhounds =) there are the people you see in #ansi on irc who are regulars or may be ops or something important. then there are the people in #ansi who are friends with either the ops or cool guys. then there are the lAmErS. by my showing you of their silly typing sTyLe, you can get a picture of what i mean. not all chat on irc is serious but the conversation concerning a lot of people not only get interrupted by lamers talking in bold or blue or beeping all over the place, they hang up or just drop carrier which causes lag and splits and other shit that pisses everyone off and fucks up what should have been left alone. i may not know you or be friends with you, but if you are conversing with others and i happen to join #ansi, i know not to start blabbing about how i need more queso articles =)
another point of view which characterizes people as lamers on #ansi are those who join the channel only to beg every single goddamn person for an ansi. this is quite funny becuase most of the people who regularly talk in #ansi don't even draw ansi. there are many vga and rip artists, lots of ascii people, and coders as well. there are couriers and those who belong to groups for other purposes such as telecom =) it is especially hilarious when whoever gets a /msg from one of these dorks posts it publicly for the whole channel to see because the whole channel probably knows that the guy doesn't draw ansi, that he's a coder. then he gets bankicked and he turns off his 8086 with his awesome 9 byte harddrive and jerks off like a silly rabbit.
this is something i put together while i was on the phone with joe mama telling him exactly how i wanted him to setup the interface for this premier issue of queso. check ya later.
The Rise of The 'Scene' in General
if you are in some way associated with the so called 'scene' then you've seen the rise of popularity of it all in the last year. New groups and artists have been popping up from everywhere, nowadayz everywhere you look, there's some 'leet' bitch trying to draw some pictures just for some kind of recognition and popularity.
The Morality of the 'Scene'
if you've downloaded a pack lately, and read the info file then you've noticed that all of the founder's say that they only produce art for the fun of it. Now haven't you noticed that all of the people that say this, are usually the guys who asked for 40 dollarz for a 50 line pic?. everything has gone totally hay-wire. People leaving this group, people leaving that group, this group dying. it's all really stupid..it's all my opinion(not like it matters anyway) is that the reason most of these groups die is because some groups have too many egotistical artists that think they can carry the group on his shoulders by producing alot one month, and not producing shit for the months to come, that attitude rubs off on the rest of the artists, and with that a group collapses. (this is my opinion only don't take it offensive)
Loyalty
another thing that alot of the groups nowadayz lack is loyalty. alot of the artists in the scene, can't stick to one group, mainly because they're not happy with the group they're in, or the group is dying. now that i can somehow understand, but when people say that they 'are' 'loyal and that they will never leave this certain group but a few months later, leave the group for dead. now take Chromatik for instance, now ever since he joined blade, he always said that he'd be in blade until he died, but after 5 months, ck decided he was sick of blade and left to start his own dual realease group called 'blah!', that also fell through so ck went and joined ice, while blade was left for dead. i totally admired chromatik for his loyalty at one point, but i suppose his popularity got in the way of the way he thought. i will always respect ck for his amazing work, but not for his loyalty, at least not anymore.
Total Rundown
here's my top 5 reason's why the scene is coming down fast..
5) too many artists with an ego
4) dual grouping for the same field(ansi,ascii,vga)
3) too many lazy artists
2) too many artists who think they are too good for freebies..
1) no loyalty to one group whatsoever.
most loyal artist in my opinion in the scene modeus kahn(blade)
most generous artist in the scene prisonernumberone(acid\mist)
group that's bound to die from lack of loyalty spastic
most loyal and quality group in the scene integrity productions
(editors note: once again, this is my opinon, don't get offensive<g> =) )
