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SoCiOtY oF LAMERS Issue 18
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ SoCiOtY oF ³
³ LAMERS founded Augest 30, 1995 ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
¯Congress Colwns®
Hello all you SoL readers. I'm typing this article at 7:10 in the
fucking morning. I actually wanted to get some fucking sleep this night and
it never happened. Have you ever noticed that when people say that they are
going to sleep over someones house that they never do. Could you actually
imagine the congress or the senate trying to pass a bill stating that people
have to get a certain amount of sleep a day. Well that thought just passed
through my mind.
How about the government trying to pass a bill stating that a person
could only use X-amount of shaving cream a day and it is illegal if you use
too little of an amount. That thought just passed through my hed too.
Lets see how the government would go about doing something like this.
(And reality slides to the white house and two short fat
guys are sitting at a table eating there inbetween
inbetween snacks)
"So what do you think about the bill we just passed," says the taller
of the two to the shorter of the two.
"Which one, the one about cow tipping," asks the shorter one?
"Yeah that one."
"I think it sucks. I like to go cowtipping after 5PM. I think make
it a family event. I really want to go cow tipping again, but Schmuckoid
and Dumboid had to be Bastards about the whole fucking thing."
"Yeah I hear you. Maybe we should start a support group for Cow
Tipping."
"That sounds like a good idea. But I here that Schmuckoid and Dumb-
oid don't get enough sleep. They say it is stress, but I don't believe the
flaming idiots."
"How about that. Do you get enough sleep?"
"Actually I do, even with all the stress I get from having to worry
about angry cow tippers, I still manage to get enough sleep to think clearly."
"My brother was fired one time becuase he never got enough sleep."
"Really, the same thing happemned to my wife."
"How is your wife doing?"
"Oh shee gets enough sleep now. All I got to do is tell her that I'm
in the mood and she goes asleep like a little child. I think that she is
afraid to get stuck in my lard."
"Yeah, I think you are pretty pathetic."
"I know what you mean, I got to stop having the inbetween inbetween
inbetween inbetween inbetween snacks."
"No way!!!"
"Yeah."
After a long silence, becuase they forgot about thier food, they
start to converse again.
"Hey I hear that Dumboid uses too much shaving cream."
"Really."
"Yeah. How about we pass a bill that says that a person could only
use such an amount of shaving cream."
"Yeah, But how about sleeping?"
"No problem, we will make a bill for that one too"
"Lets actually do our jobs and do something."
"I'm up for it. How about after another snack though."
"Alright but thats your last one."
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The stupid bills that were actually passed. Can you believe it!
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The Shaving Cream Act
Of May 10, 1997
The Shaving Cream Act Of May 10, 1997 state that several statements:
1) Shaving Cream can only be sold to persons that have facial hair. If the
person does not have visible facial hairand shaving cream is sold to
them, the seller will be prosecuted and a fine of $5,000 will have
to be paid within the end of the week.
2) Gel shaving cream will no longer be sold in stores. If a person asks
where the gel is, they must be reported to the authorities and they
will be given a $500 fine that has to be paid by miday the following
day. If a person desires gel, they must mail order the gel.
3) Excessive use of gel shaving cream will lead to an addiction that is proven
through chemical studies (not to mention the deteriorating face).
These people must be reported so that we could get them to a chemical
rehabilitation center as soon as possible.
4) A person can only use 1 (0ne) can of shaving cream ever 2 (tw0) weeks.
Any more than this amount and the person will have go to court.
Exceptions of this this line is very hairy people.
Thank you for your cooperation and please support this act.
The `Get Enough Sleep' Act
Of May 25, 1998
The `Get Enough Sleep' Act of May25, 1998 state the following state-
ments that require total enforcement:
1) A person must get at least 7 (SeVeN) hours of sleep. I not they will be
forced to get totally embarassed and be forced to go back home and
get 7 (sEvEn) hours of sleep and the house will be under survailence.
2) If there is any type of objection to getting any more sleep they will be
forced to get a sedative to where they will be put to sleep and go
to court the following day to where the judge will either give you
a fine or send you to a psychiatrist to where you must co-operate and
get some sleep.
3) If the person is still unable to get the needed sleep, the judge will have
to be forced to send the person to a doctor to where the person will
have to take the recomended amount of the sedative and must follow
doctors orders.
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As we all know the government sucks and all that. Just remember what
time in the morning I typed this and it is now 8:15 in the morning.
Later
SkaB
