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On the Jazz - Vol 03 Issue 05

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On the Jazz
 · 1 Sep 2020


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The totally unofficial A-Team electronic mail newsletter
***** Now in it's THIRD year of publication !! *****

Reflector submission address: onthejazz

Administrivia: Nicole Pellegrini
PLEASE use the following address for subscribe/unsubscribe
and back issue requests (do NOT send them to onthejazz!!):
*** pellegri ***
Also use that address if you wish to change your subscription status
to receive the newsletters only (or go from newsletter to news + reflector).

The A-Team Homepage:
*The A-Team On the Web:
*The A-Team Hawaii Page:

*Homes of the On the Jazz Newsletter Archives
DATE: December 7, 1996

Current newsletter + mailing list subscribership: 143
Current newsletter subscribership: 151
Greetings everyone!

Hope those of you in the U.S. all had a good Thanksgiving a short while
back. It's been very busy here at "Teamsters" headquarters, that's why
this issue is so late. But...the good news is there is lots of material
and information to report, and I decided the heck with it, I'll make this a
bonus huge edition as reward for the extra wait for it. Enjoy!

NEWS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS: Dwight Schultz spotting/News Leaf Press news/
Sockii Press Fanzine news/Vidcon '97


DWIGHT SCHULTZ SPOTTING: As most of you probably know or have seen already,
Dwight makes a (very) brief cameo in the new Star Trek movie. It's a very
funny scene, and the good news is thankfully Barclay was *not* assimilated
when the Borg invade Engineering. I won't give away any more than that if
you haven't seen the movie yet.

NEW LEAF PRESS: This is the fanzine Press that has taken over for the "Peg
Kennedy and Bill Hupe" 'zine distribution network. I have finally received
a copy of their October '97 fanzine catalog, which included several titles
with A-Team fiction in them (mostly reprints and multi-media 'zines - check
the Fan Fiction Index on my web site). If you would be interested in a
copy of the catalog, I can email it to you upon request.

SOCKII PRESS FANZINE NEWS: First, I'm announcing that "Plans Scams and Vans
3" is now officially *CLOSED* for submissions - earlier than the previously
announced deadline. Due to the volume of submissions, I decided to close
out this issue before it got too huge - final page count will be in the
range of 110-120 pages. Expected date of publication is late January (to
hopefully premiere at Vidcon), so watch for announcements here.

Also, starting with PSV#3, all future Sockii press 'zines will be available
in both *electronic* as well as standard print versions. I have not
decided on how the electronic versions will be distributed, but it will
either be available for downloading off the internet or by sending me blank
floppy disks. Electronic versions will be in cross-platform Adobe Acrobat
format, with the free Acrobat Reader program included. Electronic version
will contain all artwork and formatting found in the print version.
PSV1&2, as well as "The A-Files", will, for the immediate future, only
remain available in the print editions.

That said, if you didn't get that submission to me in time for PSV#3, have
no fear - I am already accepting submissions for PSV#4, another edition of
our fun and action-oriented A-Team fiction 'zine. I am setting a tentative
deadline of April 1, 1996 for submissions to this issue, but as always, the
earlier the better, and issue will be closed once about 100 pages of
material has been accepted. Issue #4 will hopefully be finished in time
for MediaWest Con in late May '97.

Besides PSV#4, several of us have been knocking around ideas for other,
specially themed A-Team 'zines. Right now these ideas include the

1. "Where's Mary Sue When You Need Her?" - a romance/Mary Sue/straight
adult A-Team 'zine, which will also accept material revolving around other
characters played by the A-Team stars. Material is already in the works
for this one - again, I'll set a tentative deadline of April 1, 1997 for

2. No-name-yet A-Team 'zine #1 - for stories of a more serious nature. PSV
submissions are generally of PG-13 rating at maximum. However, if you have
a darker/more serious idea for an A-Team story (R rated for adult themes,
violence, whatever), we'll use it here.

3. No-name-yet A-Team 'zine #2 - Have you ever imagined the A-Team set in
another era of time? In the future, or in the past? On another planet?
An alternative universe? Was there an A-Team in the Wild West or in the
23rd century? If you've got an idea related to this type of theme, let me
know, as this will be the 'zine for it. No deadline yet, waiting to find
out what theinterest in the title is...

VIDCON '97: Feel like a trip to Florida in the middle of Winter to hang out
with some fellow A-Team fans and discuss media and fanzines? Let's take
over Vidcon! So far, it appears that (at last count) five of us from the
mailing list were hoping to attend this con, so I thought I would include
the Con flyer here for anyone else who might be interested...

Vidcon, Florida's only media fanzine convention, is going to be held at the
Camberly Inn in Tampa! The dates are Jan 31 thru Feb 2. Membership is $20
until 1/15 and $25 at the door. The price includes dinner on both Friday
(Chinese) and Saturday (bar-b-que). We have a huge con suite, a dealers room
filled with zines, lots of panels and a video room. Wildlife Rescue will be
there agian this year with a Florida panther for fans to meet and have their
picture taken with. Rooms at the Camberly are $72 for 1-4 people. There is a
free shuttle from the airport. To reserve a room the phone is 800-555-8000.

Vidcon is small but very friendly! Drop in, sit around and talk about your
favorite fandom, sit in on a panel on a show you've never heard of or ask our
professional writers the tricks of getting into the trade.

For furthre info: Vidcon PO Box 2076, Riverview, FL 33569
Or Debbie at 74367.312
Or Debbie at
Or 813-677-6347

Checks can be made out to Vidcon.


Attention all Murdock fans! Newly appointed St. Pamela is announcing the
official establishment of the "Church of Murdock" and asks:

>I need to know everyone who is joining the Church of Murdock so that I
>can figure up how many to put down for the congregation. E-mail me
>personally at starkp00 so that it will cut down on
>traffic on the list.

If you've been following this thread on the mailing list, you know all
about the formation of the Church. If not, please feel free to email
Pamela for more details, and don't forget Murdock's Prayer:

Our Murdock
Who flies near heaven
Howlin' Mad be thy name
Thy A-TEAM friends come
Thy will be done
As in the USA
Give us this day
Our crazy fun
And forgive B.A. Baracus
Even though he thinks thou is a crazy foo'
And lead us not into danger
But deliver us to the VA Hospital
For thine is the craziness
The multi-languages
And the Shock Therepy for all



I'm selling off a few titles from my fanzine collection - some with A-Team
fiction, others without. All prices listed below do not include postage.
Please email me privately at PELLEGRI if interested in
any of these titles. All are in good to excellent condition.

The Equalizer Report #2 - 322 pages. All Equalizer fiction. $16.00.

The Equalizer Report #3 - 282 pages. All Equalizer fiction. $14.00.

Frak #7 - Multi Media by Janet Ellicott. 94 pages. A-Team, Simon & Simon,
Tomorrow People, more. $5.00.

Grip 48. 98 pages. Star Trek (TOS, TNG, DS9), B5 filks, Galactica. $5.00.

Heroes' Plight #1 - Multi Media by Theresa Evans. 138 pages. A-Team,
ST:TNG, Kung Fu:TLC, SeaQuest, War of the Worlds, Rat Patrol, more. $7.00.

The Osiris Files #3 - Multi Media. 158 pages. A-Team, Indiana Jones,
Airwolf, Beauty & the Beast, more. $6.00.

The Osiris Files #4 - Multi Media. 138 pages. A-Team, Airwolf, Star Trek,
more. $7.00.

Suffering Heroes - Multi Media by Theresa Evans. 61 pages. A-Team, Magnum
PI, Beauty & the Beast, more. $4.00.

Uncharted Waters - Multi Media adult (slash). 100 pages. A-Team,
Galactica, Simon & Simon, Hardcastle & McCormick, more. For sale only with
21+ age statement. $5.00.

For those of you asking for more fiction in the newsletter, here we go!
This is a story transcribed from one of the British A-Team Annual Books
(I'm not sure which year this one is from. These annuals are rather
difficult to find today, and often at outrageously high prices - I've seen
asking prices of $50 and up.) Much thanks to Craig Robertson for
transcribing this story!


The Face Man adjusted his clerical collar, stepped out of the swamp,
and approached the lonely cabin. To his right, dead fish were drying over a
fire. As he neared the cabin the canvas over the doorway was pulled to one
side and the face of a toothless old woman appeared.
Face grinned his best travelling salesman's grin.
"Do you feel life is passing you by?" he asked.
The woman's expression didn't waver.
"Do you feel somehow 'different' to other people? Do some folks think
you're strange?"
Face was now close enough to smell the piles of animal skins by the
doorway. He cranked up his smile a notch or two and persevered.
"You see, we believe that if you are what other, less enlightened folk
might call abnormal, you might be onto something - it could be because you
are actually better than others. And we at the Self Help Hypno School -
dedicated to better living through positive thought - are prepared to offer
you one year's free subscription to our very own magazine, and all we
require in return is...." Here Face checked a small piece of paper in his
trouser pocket, "...about twenty feet of tubular aluminium piping, a large
sheet of industrial silk, and some snake bite serum. What do you say? A
Face heard some clicking noises inside the cabin and the woman drew
the canvas further back to reveal a very small, heavily bearded man loading
the second barrel of a double-barrelled shotgun. As he snapped it and took
aim, Face turned and ran, splashing through the murky swamp waters as
shotgun pellets peppered the huge cottonwood trees around him.
It had been that kind of day. Only two hours previously, after
springing a bishop held by South American terrorists, they had been
relaxing on board a Dakota provided by Howling Mad Murdock. They were
somewhere over Louisiana when Sue noticed smoke pouring from the engine on
the port wing. When the propeller stopped, Face checked out with Murdock.
"Where did you get this bus anyway?" Face asked.
Murdock took his harmonica out of his mouth and wiped it on his
trousers. "From a film lot," he said. "Some World War II movie.
'Frankenstein Joins The Army' is the working title."
"Didn't you check out the plan?"
"Let's say this one's been modified," said Murdock. "For a start,
there's extra buttons and switches and things. Like this thing here."
Murdock flipped a switch on the controls, there was a huge explosion from
the starboard engine and the ancient plane began losing height rapidly.
"This plane's rigged, dummy," said Face. "It's a prop for the film,
wired to explode!"
"How would I know that?" asked Murdock. "Don't forget, I'm crazy.
Where are we?"
Face looked down at the endless forest of cottonwood trees below.
"Swamp land," he said grimly.
"Then get back in there and strap down. This might tickle a bit."
An eerie silence settled on the A-Team as the Dakota glided over the
tops of the cottonwood trees. When Murdock spotted an open stretch of water
he tried to put her down.
In a flurry of dirty spray and tearing metal, the Dakota aquaplaned
across the water while Murdock wrestled with the controls. The water slowed
the Dakota but didn't stop it, and suddenly the space ran out and they were
plunging through the trees.
Within seconds, both wings had been ripped off. The fuselage bounced
once, rolled, broke open, then stopped.
They were shaken, but no bones were broken. Hannibal had dragged B.A.
out of the wreckage and was beginning to revive him when Sue screamed. They
turned to see Sue clutching a small wound on her calf, while a deadly
moccasin snake slithered into a tangle of roots at the bottom of a nearby
A search of the plane revealed plenty of stage and film props -
including a giant wind machine - but no serum. It was then that the Face
Man had gone on his woefully unsuccessful mission to the cabin.
Back at the wreck, B.A. was muttering angrily to himself as he placed
a metal rod in the cleft of a tree and bent it into shape. Murdock was
removing the engine from a flat bottomed boat he had found nearby.
"Wouldn't it be better just taking the boat?" Face asked, on his return.
Hannibal shook his head. "Sue's getting worse and it could take us
months to find our way out in a boat."
"Won't anybody mind?"
As if in answer to the Face's question there was a sharp crack,
followed by a creaking sound, and as a cottonwood toppled down towards
them, a fusillade of rifle fire opened up from the forest. As he dived out
of the way of the crashing tree Hannibal saw several shadowy figures
fanning out in the thickening mist. Grabbing his machine gun and several
pistols from the wreck, he told the others of his intentions.
"They're hunters - I'm going to be the game. I'll buy you some time -
so use it."
"Who are those guys?" Asked B.A.
"Hasn't anyone told them I've got a low threshold of death?" said
Murdock indignantly.
Hannibal put two clips of ammunition in his belt and shrugged.
"Maybe they think we're tax collectors," he said. "Or maybe we busted
their still. Who knows? Maybe they think the war's still going on."
Hannibal smiled briefly and then, running quickly from side to side at
a crouch, he set off to present a tempting target to his pursuers.
While Hannibal was using up a good deal of many tricks he had learned
for staying alive, B.A. was bolting and taping a frame together, using fuel
and water pipes from the wreck. Face was measuring out strips of cloth he
had cut from a parachute, and Murdock was fixing up the boat's outboard
motor to the wind machine. Sue sat slumped against a piece of the fuselage,
shivering violently.
"You think this is going to work?" asked Face, when they finally
carried the completed craft to the water's edge. B.A. glared at him as they
placed it in the boat and strapped Sue into her seat. There was a slight
bluish tinge round her mouth and her breathing was becoming increasingly
irregular. Murdock switched the motor on and the giant blades of the wind
machine whirred into action.
"If we can get up the speed on the water we're home free," he said.
Face and B.A. gave the boat a shove.
After taxiing round the edge of the stretch of water, Murdock gave it
full power and the flat-bottomed boat picked up speed. As the trees on the
other side loomed closer, Murdock saw a rifle in the bushes aimed directly
at him. He pulled hard on the controls and the motorised hand-glider lifted
agonizingly slowly from the speeding boat, dipped once across the surface
of the thick green water, then soared high above the treetops and into the
sky, leaving only the echo of lunatic laughter, and the tiny drone of the
engine as it carried them away.
Back on the ground, the Face Man's elation was interrupted by a
shuffling in the undergrowth beside him and the hooting of an owl. Hannibal
appeared, smiling but dirty.
"You bin watching too many cowboy films, Hannibal," said B.A.
"I know it," Hannibal agreed, "and right now we should be circling the
wagons. I reckon they'll try and hit us again before dark. If we can scare
'em off till the sun goes down we can slip away."
"Slip away where?" asked B.A.
"You remember that time when we hid out near here, when we had to bust
"You mean when I got shot in the hand?" asked Face.
"And I got the clothes burned off my back?" B.A. chipped in.
Hannibal nodded and smiled into his friends' worried faces.
"We'll use the same plan," he said. "We should get the hang of it this
time. Come nightfall we'll be safe."
"How can you be so sure?" the Face Man queried.
"Why, didn't you know...." said Hannibal, re-lighting his cigar,
"Indians never attack at night."
It was dusk when the attack came and B.A., Face and Hannibal had spent
the time well, preparing for it. Further investigation of the crashed
plane's cargo had brought to light several explosive flares, gas-guns that
fired red paint balls designed to burst on target, a thousand rounds of
blank ammunition, two rubber knifes, a machine that made a noise like a
ricochet, a box full of stick-on scars, and a gorilla mask. B.A. was
putting some leaves over one of several holes he had dug when the leading
attackers triggered a flare charge with a trip wire to signal the beginning
of the fight.
Hannibal immediately opened up with a barrage of blanks and Murdock
loosed off some paint balls, causing a great deal of confusion among the
men he hit.
B.A. cut a rope that held a small tree bent double, and a shower of
sharpened sticks rained on the attackers. Carefully placed flares exploded
with ear-splitting bangs and the ricochet machine worked overtime. To the
hunters, who were expecting minimal resistance, it all came quite a shock.
When a spiked weight on a rope was swung among them, they began to scatter.
"Come back!" yelled one of the men, standing firm. As he stepped
resolutely forward his foot caught in a concealed noose, and he was swung
high into the air where he remained, hanging upside down. Two others
rushing to rescue him disappeared down one of the holes B.A. had dug.
More flares exploded, Murdock scored three consecutive direct hits
with his paint balls, and when Hannibal rushed forward, firing continuously
from the hip, the rest of the attackers scattered.
Hannibal cut the man down from the tree, and after checking that the
men in the hole couldn't get out, demanded an explanation.
"You don't know?" asked the man, genuinely surprised. He stood around
5 feet 10 inches, wore a beard and a black wool cap. He looked like he was
peering through a hedge.
"We don't know," said Hannibal.
"My son got shot this morning. The girl with him said a bunch of men
did it. "We figured it was you."
"Is he dead?" asked Hannibal.
The man shook his head. "Nope. Not yet, anyhow. We daren't move him,
though - he's weak."
Hannibal drew his pistol and placed it at the base of the man's spine.
"Take us to him," he said.
"You're crazier than Murdock, man!" snarled B.A. "We're talking
survival here!"
"You got it," smiled Hannibal. "But didn't you see the film where the
army doctor saves the chief's sun?"
"I was it," said the Face Man. "But we're not in the army any more -
this guy's no chief - and you aren't a doctor."
"Hey," said Hannibal, pushing the man ahead of him, "why can't you
guys think positive?"
They reached the man's village around midnight. With Hannibal keeping
his pistol pressed in the man's back, they walked slowly down a corridor of
heavily armed men to the shack where the wounded boy lay ill. A quick
examination by Hannibal told him the bullet was lodged near the spine. Any
sudden movement could paralyse the boy for ever.
The door burst open and a skinny little man, with a large cowboy hat
came in, dragging a young girl with him.
"Are these the men?" he barked.
The girl's frightened eyes studied the three members of the A-Team.
Face smiled uneasily. B.A. winked quickly then continued glaring. Hannibal
"Tell the truth now, girl" he said kindly. "Nobody's been killed yet
and we can save the boy's life if you let us."
The girl's eyes filled with tears as she looked at the boy in the bed.
"I didn't mean anyone to get hurt," she said. "It was an accident. The
gun went off when he was showing me how it should be loaded. I knew if he
died I'd be to blame. I didn't expect them to find anybody else round here.
I'm sorry - really sorry."
She put her hands to her face and burst out crying. Hannibal knelt and
stroked her hair.
"It's ok," he said.
"No it isn't."
The voice was cold, hard and firm. It came from behind the beard of a
tall fat man in a coonskin cap. Hannibal rose to face him. On tiptoe he was
level with the necklace of animal bones the man wore on his chest. The man
carried a big club.
"Ever thought of taking up wrestling?" Hannibal asked. The man grabbed
him by the front of his clothes and lifted him into the air with one hand.
"I don't like jokes," he said simply. Hannibal chewed his cigar. "And
this thing has gone too far. You killed two of our men."
"No, they're not dead," interrupted the Face Man eagerly. "They're in
a hole back near the plane. They'll be a bit wet but they're alive.
Honestly. Really....truly."
As B.A. stepped forward, the man felled him with one tremendous blow
of his club.
There were murmurs of admiration and assent from the crowd that had
"What about the boy?" asked Hannibal.
"You won't be alive to worry about that."
In the distance, Hannibal heard the faint buzz of an approaching
helicopter. He lifted his gun and placed it to his captor's temple.
"Listen good, death-breath," he said, still smiling. "When that
chopper lands we're gonna take that boy to hospital and we're going too.
Nobody's been killed yet, but you try and stop us and you'll get the big
cigar and somewhere new to put it."
The man in the coonskin cap looked round the room. The thick night air
grew more tense as the helicopter came closer and closer. Eventually, the
boy's father broke the silence.
"Put him down," he said. "We'll do as he says."
Hannibal was lowered gently to the ground and he went outside to wave
Murdock down. Standing in the helicopter's spotlight as the wind sent piles
of dead leaves flying around him. Hannibal could hear Murdock's voice
shouting above the roar of the engines.
"Sue's ok," he yelled. "She's a tough old bird. So tough, buddy, that
the doctor sent me back to see how the snake is!"
They loaded the boy carefully onto the chopper and made room for his
father to sit down. B.A. still unconscious was laid alongside him. Hannibal
and Face Man climbed aboard and signalled Murdock to take off.
"Where did you get this one?" asked Face as the chopper rose noisily
into the night skies. "It's not another flying joke shop, is it?"
"I'm crazy, not stupid," Murdock replied. "This here's a mean machine.
A numero uno."
"Where did you get it?" Face persisted.
"At the airport. Some bigwig was coming around. I just told the pilot
I wanted to clear his chopper for security reasons. Did you notice the seal
on the door?"
"The seal! Murdock, you're crazy!"
As Murdock and the Face Man argued, the wounded boy's father drew
Hannibal's attention to the pistol he was still holding.
"Would you have used it?" he asked.
Hannibal pointed the pistol at the back of Murdock's head. "I don't
see why not," he said, pulling the trigger.
The man stiffened as the hammer came down, but instead of a bullet, a
wooden stick came racing out of the barrel, stopped, and a small flag
unfurled beneath. In big red letters on a yellow background the word BANG
had been written.
The man laughed and Hannibal joined in. When Face and Murdock saw what
had happened they joined in too. Even the boy managed a smile, and though
none of the others ever thought to mention it to him, B.A.'s body shook a
little, and Hannibal could have sworn he heard the sound of suppressed
laughter coming from his supposedly unconscious friend.



Care to help finish an A-Team story of our very own? The following story
went around the mailing list a few weeks back but we seem to have hit a
snag in finding someone to write the next part. So, get your creative
juices going, and think up a page or two to continue the adventure(and send
it in!):

By (so far): Irene Snyder Schwarting, Tracey Phillips, Greg Althoff, Sockii

Templeton "Faceman" Peck closed the door and breathed a sigh of
relief. "The things I do for the team," he muttered to himself. Hannibal
and BA had no idea how onerous his job was sometimes. He'd long ago given
up explaining to them how unpleasant it was to have to seduce somebody he
didn't like, didn't even find remotely attractive, just because they had
something the team needed. Still, this woman was a real prize. Short,
dumpy, with bad breath and a shrill voice that could wake the dead, she was
about as far from his ideal dinner date as it was possible to get. It had
taken an entire evening of gritted determination and his most seductive
efforts to get the combination to her bosses' safe out of her, and then
another two hours just to get her out of the apartment without raising her
suspicions. He felt like he'd run a marathon.
Still, he'd gotten what he set out to get; time to fly the coop. Or
was there time for a shower first? Her disgusting perfume had permeated the
entire apartment, and he felt distinctly greasy after she'd been pawing him
all evening. Stripping off his jacket as he went, he opened all the
windows to
air the place out, then called Hannibal. "Got it, colonel," he reported
Hannibal sniggered. "Have a good time, Face?"
"No," Face snapped. "But I got the damned combination. Send BA over
and get me outta here."
"Hold your horses. We're in a traffic jam on the freeway. We'll be
there in about half an hour."
"Fine. Seeya." Just long enough for a good hot shower. Face hung up
the phone, tossed his tie onto it, and went into the bathroom, wrinkling
his nose at the perfumed odor rising from his shirtfront. He didn't notice
the observer on the rooftop across the street, watching his every move
through binoculars...
"Colonel, I've see Peck. He's alone."
"Good, Jones, keep an eye on him and keep me aprised," sneered Col.
Decker via his walkie talkie from a van across the street from the apartment
building. A sergent put down his headphones and yelled, "Colonel, he's
contacted Smith he should be arriving within 30 minutes." Col. Decker's
sorry excuse for a smile grew wider. Decker had men posted all over the
building. There was no way that Smith would escape him this time. Decker
picked up his walkie-talkie, "Alright, listen up everyone. You know the
drill. We take Peck and wait for Smith and Baracus to walk right into this
trap. Anyone who messes up answers directly to me. Move out!"

As Face got dressed after his shower, he still felt dirty from that awful
woman's touch. As he brushed his teeth for the seventh time, still not
believing that he kissed her, he felt the door ring. He yelled, "who is
"It's your neighbor, Sheila Martin, from 7b."
Face smiled. Things might turn out OK after all. As he opened the
door, he wasn't greeted by the sexy redhead from down the hall but a blonde
in an army uniform, with three men dressed similiarly, all pointing guns at
him. Face muttered, "Me and my big mouth."

"Colonel, we have Peck."
"Good job, Michaels. Anderson, what's the news on Smith and Baracus?"
"Eta 2 minutes, Colonel."
Decker smiled. He had spent too much time trying to catch the
A-Team the army way. Now he's playing by their rules and things couldn't be
going smoother. Suddenly, a familiar Black Van pulled up. "Baracus," he
muttered. He picked up his walkie-talkie and shouted, "Listen up. Smith
and Baracus are here. Initiate phase two."

Hannibal looked at the building. "Pretty ritzy," he sighed, "How does Face
do it?"
"C'mon, Hannibal, let's get Face and get outta here. I got a bad
feeling 'bout this."
"BA, have I ever steered you wrong?"
"Yeah, that's why I got a bad feelin' sucka. You gonna get us
caught. Decker almost got us last night cause you was on the jazz."
"BA, he's no doubt miles away from here. We'll be long gone before
he realizes that we got off that expressway."
"Thanks to me. When you get on the jazz, you crazier than Murdock."
"Tell you what BA, you wait here in the van. If Face and I aren't
down in five minutes, leave. Alright?"
"I still think you crazy."
"Relax, what could happen?"

As Face waited in his room, he tried to think of a way to warn Hannibal.
Suddenly he had an idea. "Would it be OK if I excused myself to go to the
"Why?" barked one of the soldiers, a corporal.
"Number two?" Face said with a grin.
"Ok, but no funny stuff."
As Face walked to the bathroom, the corporal followed him. When he
got to the door, Face turned around and asked, "Are you planning to wipe?"
and the corporal backed off. Face shut the door and looked out the window,
and he saw BA's van. Hoping that BA was still in there, Face grabbed the
plunger and dropped it out the window onto the van.

Hannibal stood in the elevator with two businessmen and pressed the 7
button. He then pulled out a cigar and lit it. "You guys don't mind, do
ya?" As they pulled out guns, he replied, "Sorry. Non-smokers, huh?"
The first businessman replied, "Hannibal Smith, you're under arrest."

Decker saw something fall onto the A-team's van. "It's Peck!" he shouted.
"What's going on?" he screamed into the walkie-talkie, "What's Peck doing?"
A voice replied, "Um, going to the latrine, sir."
"No he's not, you idiot! He's warning Baracus! Stop him!"

BA sat waiting in his van when he heard a bang on the roof. He got out and
looked up. "I'm gonna get the fool who's trashing my van!" Face was
leaning out the window. He yelled, "Get out of here! It's a trap! Get
Murdock!" Face was then dragged from the window. BA got in his van and
peeled out.

"Baracus is moving! Get him! Go!" shouted Decker. A dozen MP cars spilled
out of the parking ramp across from the building and took off after BA. BA
turned 180 degrees and sped right toward the cars, scattering them. Eight
of the cars crashed into parked cars or each other, and the remaining four
spun around in pursuit. BA tore through a red light, narrowly missing a
bus. The MPs, however, didn't make it through, one hit the bus and the
other hit a pizza delivery car and flipped over. "Uh, sir," started one of
the young soldiers, "Baracus got away."
"Dammit," shouted Decker. "Well, at least we got Peck and Smith.".....

A huge, gold-covered fist slammed down on the night nurse's desk. She
looked up, alarmed, at the burly mohawked figure standing before her.
"Where's that fool Murdock?!" roared B.A.
Resisting the urge to dive under the desk, the nurse cleared her
throat and pointed down the hallway to her right. "Umm, room 108 is Mr.
Murdock's room. But, visiting hours are over, sir..."
"I ain't interested in visiting that crazy fool! I just wanna know
where he is!" With a growl that caused the nurse's fingers to tighten on
her schedule book, B.A. turned and stormed off down the hall. The nurse,
unable to decide whether to scream or pass out, did the next best thing and
pressed the silent alarm underneath her desk.

The sound of his door being kicked in woke Murdock. He instinctively leapt
off of his bed and ducked for cover, then cautiously peered up at the
person blocking the doorway.
"B.A! What are you doing here at this time of night? If I'd known
you were coming, I'd have called out for a pizza, or 4..."
"Shut up, fool!" said B.A., crossing the room and lifting the pilot
from his crouched position. "Don't you know I'd never be visitin no crazy
man unless I had to? Decker's got Face and Hannibal, and we gotta help
'em! Come on!"
"But B.A., I'm......"
"Come ON!" B.A. lifted a chair and broke Murdock's window, then
began to climb out.
"Hold on, there, B.A." said Murdock, reaching underneath his
mattress. "You might need this," he added, as he handed B.A. a rope made
out of various pieces of discarded laundry, old sheets, and towels. They
quickly secured one end of the rope to the leg of Murdock's bed, then slid
out the window and ran for the van. Behind them, white-coated security
guards were just beginning to respond to the alarm.

"You know, B.A., your rescue, while exciting, certainly lacked Face's
finesse. I mean heck, you coulda given me a heart attack busting in like
that! And I didn't even have time to prepare!" Murdock pointed at the
bunny slippers on his feet. "This mission is not getting off to a proper
start, attire wise. I don't have my bathrobe, and my nightcap doesn't
match my jammies. If you'd at least TOLD me that I was going to be making
a public appearance tonight, well, I could
have put on something more appropriate, but NOOOOO, you had to drag me out
wearing any old thing. Mr. Blackwell would be appalled!"
"Shut up, fool, or I'll stuff those slippers down your throat! We
gotta find Hannibal, not a matching bathrobe!"
"Hmmm." Murdock twirled the tasseled end of his nightcap around his
fingers as he thought. "I guess Decker'll have that whole apartment
complex staked out. Still, we need to find out what they're up to--maybe
get a message to the Colonel and Faceman. We need a plan."
"Yeah, man, and plans are Hannibal's thing, not ours."
"Don't be so sure, B.A." Murdock turned toward the seargant,
grinning. "I've been known to come up with a plan or two myself. Let's
head over to Face's building."
"Don't wanna be tryin' no plans with some crazy man," grumbled B.A.
as he turned the van in that direction, "but I guess we ain't got no

B.A. and Murdock parked the van in an alleyway several blocks from Face's
apartment, then proceeded on foot. As they drew near, they noticed that
most of the soldiers were involved in haggling with the local authorities
and cleaning up the mess caused by B.A.'s rapid departure.
"This is perfect, B.A! We can cruise right by these guys, no
problem!" Murdock started from behind the dumpster where they were
hiding, then stopped when he realized that B.A. had a firm grip on his
"You can't cruise by nobody dressed like that, fool! Who you think
you are, Wee Willie Winkie? Decker's men gonna pick you up and dump you
right back in the VA, and then where we gonna be?"
"Ooh, good point, big guy. I guess we need some appropriate gear.
Let's see, what would Face wear for such an occasion...."
"I don't care what Face would wear! Stay here and don't move.
I'll be right back." Murdock obediently crouched behind the dumpster and
waited. Soon B.A. returned, carrying an unconscious soldier under each
arm. "Here, fool! Put on some decent clothes!"
Murdock surveyed the MPs' uniforms warily. "I don't
know......olive drab isn't really my color-----ok! Ok! I'll wear one!
Just put me down, ok? I'm wrinkling, here! Geez." Murdock straightened
his P.J.s, then started switching clothes with the soldier.

A little while later, 2 more MPs entered the lobby of Face's apartment
building and headed for the elevator.
"Uh, Colonel Decker? Come in, Colonel Decker!" Decker's walkie
talkie crackled. Decker stood up, still glaring at his inexplicably calm
prisoners. Hannibal Smith's unflappable demeanor really got his goat
sometimes. He didn't seem the least bit bothered by the fact that 2 out of
3 of his team were
captured, and that the chances of a typical "A-Team rescue" were getting
slimmer by the minute. He still responded to Decker's questions and
threats with flip answers, punctuated by puffs on that damnable cigar. At
least Peck looked a little nervous--Decker could take some consolation
from that.
"We'll continue this in a moment, Smith," said Decker grimly,
crossing to pick up his radio. "This is Decker. This better be good news
about Baracus!"
"Well, I don't know, sir. I mean, it might be, but.."
"Get to the point, soldier! What's going on?"
"I don't know how to put this, but -- two more MPs are on their way
"And is there something unusual about this situation,
corporal? Don't MPs usually relieve each other when on duty? I'm losing
patience with this conversation!"
"But sir, it's about these MPs. One of them seems to be wearing,
um, seems to be wearing--bunny slippers!"
Decker spun around to catch Smith's reaction, but Hannibal just
grinned widely, puffed on his cigar, and remarked, "Gee, you folks sure
have been getting slack about those dress codes lately. Either that, or
you're recruiting way too young."
Decker gave Smith his dirtiest look and turned back to the radio. "I
want to see those MPs in custody within the next thirty seconds, corporal.
Your stripes depend on it, do you understand me?"
"Yes sir!"
"That's the way to keep 'em on their toes," Peck remarked. "Are bunny
slippers standard issue nowadays, colonel?"
"Perhaps you should reenlist, Face," Smith suggested, indicating
Peck's stockinged feet. "Free food, free housing, bunny slippers, what more
could a soldier ask for?"
"Reenlistment isn't going to be one of your options for a long time,
Peck," Decker growled, "although you will be getting room and board from
the Army for the next twenty years."
"The government's generosity knows no bounds," Peck said cheerfully.
Decker decided to ignore their banter and went out into the hall to
await Baracus and whoever the man in the slippers was, carefully securing
the door behind him.
"Murdock you fool! Whatchyou wanna be wearing those dumb slippers
for?" BA snarled.
"Well, his boots were just way too small," Murdock said defensively.
"Besides, I couldn't just abandon Suzanne and Raphael behind a dumpster,
could I? I've got to get them back to their burrow-she's expecting, you
BA raised a threatening fist. "Don't wanna hear no more 'bout your
slippers, Murdock! That sentry saw them fool feet of yours, an' called
ahead-they're gonna be waitin' for us at Faceman's apartment."
Murdock lapsed into seriousness for a moment. "Then we'd better make
sure that we aren't where they're waiting." The elevator was passing the
fifth floor as he spoke, and he quickly reached over to hit the '6' button.
The doors opened onto an empty corridor. The two men hastily got out and
sent the empty elevator
on its way. Relying on his memory of the layout of the floor above, Murdock
led BA to the end of the hall. "Face's bedroom should be right above us
here," he said. "And like all good citizens, he has a high-quality smoke
detector in his bedroom."
Picking up on his idea, BA grinned. He boosted the other man, slippers
and all, onto his shoulders, and held him patiently while Murdock removed
the ceiling tiles and wrenched open the heating duct. "This is the right
one," Murdock said softly, peering up through the vent. The vent was
evidently under the bed and disheveled bedcovers half-obscured his view,
but the small section
of the room above that he could see looked familiar. "At least, it looks
like his bedspread, from this angle. And a lovely bedspread too, probably a
down comforter, satin lining-"
"Hurry up, fool!"
Murdock sighed. "Pity." He pulled a lighter out of his pocket (the
unfortunate soldier was, fortunately, a smoker) and held it up to the vent.
After a few moments, the fabric on the other side began to smoulder.
Murdock withdrew hastily and dropped lightly to the floor. "Okay, that
should get things started. Let's get up
The advantage to not having a plan, Hannibal explained later to Face,
is that you have no expectations. Therefore, you are prepared to adapt to
whatever situation presents itself. Face and Hannibal weren't expecting the
sprinklers to suddenly turn on all over the apartment, but they moved fast
when it happened. Faster,indeed, than the two humorless MPs guarding them.
Even handcuffed,
the two members of the A-Team laid their guards out in seconds. "Slowing
down a bit, there, Face?" said Hannibal wryly as he unfastened his cuffs.
"I dunno, looked like you were breathing a bit hard yourself. All that
rich food and cushy living's getting to you," the younger man chided him
"_I_ have cushy living?" asked Hannibal disbelievingly.
"Can we discuss this later? I think we need to get a new plan, one
involving getting out of this place and back to the case, remember?"

Murdock and B.A. avoided taking the elevator and headed instead towards the
building's interior stairwell. Murdock paused for a moment by the doorway
when he spotted the lever to activate the building's fire alarm. He
activated it and they both flinched at the loud ringing that erupted from
the bell. "That oughta help gets things even more confused 'round here,"
he explained, then he followed B.A. past the fire door and up to the
seventh floor.
B.A. threw the 7th floor door open and, indeed, right into the MP
stationed right outside who had grown confused and distracted by the loud
siren right above his head. The MP fell to the ground with a thud and a
"Nice move and lovely execution, B.A.," Murdock commented
"Shut up, fool! You stay back here, make sure none a'his friends
come this way. I'm gonna go get Hannibal and Face."
"All by yourself? What're you gonna do?"
B.A. paused and thought for a moment. People were starting to come
out of their apartments in confusion and panic at the ringing alarm,
heading for the stairwell and giving Murdock, B.A., and the unconscious MP
very peculiar looks as they hurried past. Then, looking down at Murdock's
feet, the sergeant got at an unusual yet brilliant burst of inspiration.
"Gimme one a your slippers!" he demanded of Murdock.
"Wha - B.A., no! No way! You are NOT going to do anything to harm
poor little Suzanne or Raphael, why I -"
B.A. grabbed Murdock by the collar of his stolen uniform and lifted
him high off the ground.
"Ack! All right! All right! Take Raphael, go on! No, the OTHER
foot, B.A., can't you tell the difference?!"
B.A. dropped Murdock back down, clutching the slipper removed from
Murdock's right foot. Murdock glared at him and bent over to stroke the
other slipper's ears gently. "There, there, Suzie. I'm sure Uncle B.A.
will return Raphael in one piece, RIGHT, B.A.?"
"Be glad I leave YOU in one piece, foo'," B.A. replied, then with
an MP's stolen pistol in one hand and Raphael in the other, he headed off
to the right and down the corridor towards Face's apartment.
As BA ran down the hall, he tried to remember where Face's apartment
was. He came to the corner and stuck the bunny slipper around it as a
"lookout". Sure enough, Raphael's head was blown off when one of the
soldiers saw it. As BA heard the soldiers run up to the corner, he swung
around and plowed his fist into the first one's face, sending him flying
into the soldier behind him. BA leveled his rifle at the conscious soldier
and bellowed, "Where's Face and Hannibal?" The soldier gestured to the end
of the hall but suddenly BA felt the barrel of a gun press against the back
of his neck and an all to familiar voice sneer, "Turn around, Baracus." BA
turned around to face Col. Decker, who wore what BA guessed was supposed to
be a smile, but instead looked like Decker had just eaten some bad fruit,
"Let's go join your friends."

"Oh, no, my designer satin sheets," moaned Face.
"Is there another way out of here, Face?" asked Hannibal as he
finished tying up the soldiers.
"Do you know how much these sheets cost me, Hannibal?"
"Face, I've kind of got other things on my mind, like finding a way
out of here. Is there another one besides the front door?"
"Well, there is the fire escape," Face replied, "But I'm sure that
there are troops waiting down there."
"Face, considering the pandimonium cause by the fire alarms, the
troops would have left their posts, leaving an easy route," Hannibal smiled
as he climbed out the window and jumped back in as bullets ricocheted off
the side of the building, "Then again, I could be wrong."
Suddenly, there were voices at the door. Hannibal mouthed "Decker!"
and motioned for Face to hide by the door. BA burst in with Decker behind
him and Decker paused when he was greeted by a smiling Hannibal chomping on
a cigar and his guards unconscious and bound on the floor.
Hannibal's grin grew wider, "Hiya Colonel. You're buddies would say
hi, but they're a little tied up at the moment. Face,"
Face stepped out behind Col. Decker with a pistol aimed at his head
and said, "Drop it, Colonel." BA turned around and grabbed the gun from
After BA tied Decker to the chair, he turned to Hannibal and asked,
"Hannibal, how are we gonna get out of here? This place is swarming with
"Relax, BA, just wait until Face gets back with Murdock and I'll
take care of everything. I've got a plan, don't worry."
"Hannibal, whenever you say 'Don't worry', it always makes me more
At that point, Face returned with Murdock, who grasped Raphael's
shredded body in his hands and sobbed, "Oh, poor, poor, Raphael, he had a
litter of bunnies on the way you know."
Face nodded, "I know Murdock, but at least he went down in the line
of duty, remember that."
BA turned and looked at Murdock, "What's that crazy fool going on
about now?"
Murdock replied, "You murderer! You sent Raphael out there to die!"
"Shut up fool! I don' wanna hear no crazy talk about yo' bunny
"How can you live with yourself? Now Suzanne will have to raise the
kids on her own! The poor babies will grow up without a father!"
Hannibal stepped in as BA lunged toward Murdock and said, "Calm
down, fellas, let's get out of here."
Face looked at him, "And how do you plan to do that, Colonel?"
"Why, with a little help from our friend, Col. Decker," the four men
all looked at Decker, bound and gagged in the chair...

<To be continued.....?>


Last issue's question was:

>What was the name of Tawnia's fiance in "Bend in the River"?

The answer was supplied correctly by Andrew Ariens <ariens> and
DDMESSER%TAONODE (Denise.Messer) who knew that it was BRIAN

This issue's question is:

>In "Lease with an Option to Die," what was Mrs. Baracas's address?


Well, that's finally everything, this issue is too big already and I still
have a transcript from the Backchat show on fX to get to. It'll have to
wait until next issue, I suppose. So, until then, stay on the jazz!


sockii, aka nicole
"Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated."
Proud member of the Narn Bat Squad <<Whack!>> and the C.o.M.

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