The Discordant Opposition Journal Issue 6 - File 3
:The Lamer (Never More):
Authored by Fraggle Allan Poe
Well, I've done it. With the right mix of alcohol, lack of sleep and inspiration (Jayhawk sent me the original) I've remade Edgar Allen Poe's Poem, The Raven. I've turned it into a weird ass poem about a Hacker's very bad day. Don't blame me if it's shit, i'm not a poetry person - I normally can't stand it. So just have a read, and if you don't like it - delete it. If you like it, email me and tell me to drink more and sleep less....
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Once upon a website dreary, while I telnet, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of the hacking lore, While I nodded, telnet hacking, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my house's door. "'Tis some federal agent," I muttered, "tapping at my door - only this, and nothing more."
Ah, still vaguely I remember it was in the bleak december, and each seperate explosion made a scorch mark on the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow From my texts surcease of sorrow - wishing i hadn't with the whore. Pissing Yoghurt for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain as I peek out through the window and spy an unmarked tinted Ford.; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating, "'Tis some Federal Agent here to smash in my house's door - Some dark CIA assault squad waiting at my bedroom door;- This it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stonger; hesitating then no longer, I began the format of my disk, and headed for the door; "If you think that I was Hacking," I began my story crapping, "Then you're at the wrong house, I think you want the one next door, He's there now busy Hacking" - and I opened wide the door;- Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Thoughts of incarceration, prison, rape like I had never been before; But the silence was unbroken, save for next door's dog a chokin', And the only word there spoken was the thought about next door, This I pondered, "What if they had made a bust next door?" "Not my problem, Nothing more."
Back into the bedroom turning, my hard drive with it's whirring, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. "Surely," said I, "Surely, that is a fed he's coming at us, With some handcuffs, what thereat is, and he's madder than before; - An officer of the Law."
Open here I flung the shutter, when, a brick tied to some clutter, passed me, flew in the open window only moments closed before; It, followed by a Lamer; definitely a no brainer; But clutching a WinNuke punter, perched above my bedroom door- Perched and sat and nothing more.
I began my rethinking, of the beer that I'd been drinking, Thinking seriously about spilling stomach contents on the floor. "I won't touch that Carlsberg Lager," as the Lamer now grew larger as the colored walls extend the saga, as the Lamer hit the floor - "Get down from there before I throw you out the fuckin' door!" Quoth the Lamer, "Nevermore."
As I staggered now deluded, finally i had concluded, that I was inside too much, I really should get out much more; I couldn't help agreeing, that I couldn't be here seeing This Lamer as he climbed the door, he perched here again once more. Without a word, save "Nevermore."
But the Lamer, sitting lonely next to flashing lights, spoke only That one word, as I watched the ceiling sort of mingle with the floor. Standing here still guttered - the slippery floor felt buttered - as i scarcely more than muttered, while I crashed down to the floor, "Someone spiked my beer with something that you can't buy from the store." The Lamer said, "Nevermore."
As I rolled my ankle broken, next door's dog still a chokin', "Fuck this," said I, "how the hell did I end up here on the floor?" Surely I am dreaming, asleep unconsiously screaming Till the light begins a gleaming, as my girlfriend shuts the door. And sees me laying on the floor.
She bends down ever caring, that fuckin' lamer still is staring and I'd kick his ass, if I could just get up from on the floor. she doesn't seem to see him, even when she's looking at him and she hasn't noticed how the walls weren't pink and blue before.
Or the Lamer, on the door.
She asked about the mess, where at this point I must stress that on this night, I could talk coherantly no more.
She kicked aside the rabble, as I began to babble and she walked away and left me lying here upon the floor
She packed her bags, and out the door..
I tried successfully standing, my foot sore from the landing As the nasty substance lost effect, the room spun no more; I ran towards the door, above the Lamer sat once more I grabbed his head, held it in place and slammed it in the door. And he'd bother me no more.
Then without much of a sound, I sort of headed for the ground, and the room was turning round, and i seemed to stick to the floor. The Lamer's broken, battered head, confirmed to me that he was dead But when I saw him twitch my eyes rolled back, and I began to snore. Here I'd lay for evermore.
This deluded ranting was written by Fraggle. Email fraggle@theoffspring.net if you like it.
