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The Game Review Issue 56

eZine's profile picture
Published in 
The Game Review
 · 10 Mar 2023

                   .x#$$#x. 
`:$$$$:' The Game Review!
.x%#$$$$$$#%x. .x#$$$$#x. .x#$$$#x.
`""""$$$$""""' .S$$$$$$$$S.$$$$$$$$$Ss
$$$$.sS$Ss.$$$$ $$$$$`$$$$ $$$$$ *************
$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$',$$$$ *ESTABLISHED*
$$$$$$$$$$$ """"`$$$$ $$$$$$ ****1995*****
$$$$$$$$$ sS$Ss."$$$ $$$$$$ pn
`-------------- $$$$$$$$$$$ ------------'
$$$$$$$$'`

~VOTED #1 SCENE MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~ (a while ago)
~TGR IS PROUD TO BE THE LONGEST RUNNING WEEKLY SCENE MAG/REVIEW, EVER!~
~~CELEBRATING OVER *3* YEARS IN THE SCENE~~

.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a.
$$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$
$' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #56
$ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$
$ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 06/28/98
$. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$
$$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$
`$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd'

"All the games that are fit to print...and some that aren't."

Un-Realistic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stupid Idiot
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer

____________
News Updates
============
-I know have a 3DFX card (Monster II, 12 mb <voodoo2>). This means that any
3DFX only games will now be reviewed and any games that support 3dfx will be
reviewed in 3dfx, because I'd like to assume that I'm the last person on the
face of earth to finally have a 3dfx card. If you don't, let me tell you
first hand, you're missing out big time, it's one of the best things I've
ever bought for my PC.

-I also got a nice subwoofer!


============================================
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
============================================
TGR is released on Sundays, at approximately 8pm (EST). It can be obtained
in 2 different ways. The first method obviously being the easiest and best:

*****************
***NEW ADDRESS***
*****************
#1 TGR Web Page: http://www.monmouth.com/~jionin
-------------------------------
(Over 84,000 Served) (Note: Contains all issues and gets them first)

#2 Through irc, you can dcc from me the newest issue only, simply type:
/msg ionizer xdcc send #1 OR /msg iondcc xdcc list <to see list>
On the day of release (Sunday), you may also use IonDcc instead of me.

- * - * - * - * - *
* - * - * - * - * -

GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!

RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity,
versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based
on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first
follow .nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then
try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't
work for you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW (c) Ionizer <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vangers: One For The Road [XX/75]
/\______ /\______ ____/\______ __
\____ \/ \__ \/ _ \____ \ __/ \____
/ _/ _/ \/ / / / _/ _// / / / / /
/ \ \ /\ / /\ / / \ \/ /\ / / /
\__/\ \/RTX______\___/\__/\ \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
-Filenames: VOFTR??.ZIP

All I can say after playing this one is, "uhhhhhhhh...." I don't even know
where to begin reviewing this one. This is one of the more bizzarre and
confusing games I've ever played. Basically, you're in a car, and you see
yourself from an eagles eye view, and you have some kinda mission to go and
get something and open it. I mean you're in some weird place with little
tiny spiders crawling around that you just ride over, and there appears to be
other cars there also. There's a lot of buttons that you can configure,
like 4 different weapon fires, open buttons, a "deactive KID" button, and so
much more. If ever there was a need for some directions, this one is it. I
mean I got lost and they put a weird thing to help guide me, but it seemed
like I was going on forever and ever and the map kept changing and wasn't
repeating or anything. I, for the first time, feel that I can not advise you
to either download or not download this one. I'm still trying to figure out
myself whether I should keep it or not or even play it again. I mean, I
guess if you like confusing games with lotsa buttons and things to do, well
try it. It's not like it has the hottest gfx or sound or anything. But to
be safe, I'd probable say, don't bother, it's pretty big, and most won't
enjoy this type of "car" game anyway.
RATING: 65/100

========================================================
Space Invaders v1.4 for Win95 Cracked (xx/o1) 06/21/1998
<useless huge ascii removed>
========================================================
-Filename: ILLSI14.ZIP

I can sum this shit up in two sentences, starting now: A shitty version of
the old Space Invaders game. I'd rather take the effort to hook up the old
machine and play then to play this horrible clone of it.
RATING: 25/100

⁄ƒƒƒƒƒÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕƒƒƒƒƒƒª
≥ ≥
≥ ‹‹‹‹‹‹‹ ‹€€€€€€€€ ‹€€€€€€flfl ≥
≥ ‹€€€fl fl∞€€€≤‹ €≤€€flflflfl fl€ €≤€€fl‹ ≥
≥ fi€fl‹‹‹ ˛ fi€€€≤≤fi€€ ∞ €€€€ ≥
≥ fl‹€€≤€€› ˛€€€€≤›€€€‹€€€€€‹ €€€€› ≥
≥ €€€€≤€€ €€€≤€› fl ∞fl€€≤€€ fi€€€≤› ≥
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≥ fl€€€€€€€€€€flfl fl€€€€€€fl ‹€€€€€‹ ≥
≥ ÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕ ≥
≥ DARKSIDE INc. ≥
»ƒƒƒƒƒƒÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕƒƒƒƒƒŸ
Pretty.Good.Solitaire98.v4.98.0-DSi [o1/o1]
-Filename: DSIPGS98.ZIP

I've seen a lot of solitaire games for the pc in my life, but this one is
probably the most intricate. It had so many different games of solitaire if
I knew how to play any of them, it would take like 1 month to try them all.
Basically, if you're a Solitaire nut (aka a loser with no friends and a lot
of spare time) you must have this, otherwise I'm sure you already skipped it.
RATING: 87/100 <compared to other solitaire games>
RATING: 48/100 <compared to all games>

Intl Cricket Captain (c) Empire [xx/36]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSICC??.ZIP

You don't get to play cricket, but you get to manage it. They have every
little aspect of this game pinpointed. The weather, the grass, all of it,
but it doesn't matter b/c no one GIVES A SHIT about cricket! I mean, come
on, do you Europeans actually still play this game? You pussies, go play
some football...I'm sorry, I mean AMERICAN football. They should put on the
box for the requirements: 65+ years old, live anywhere but in North America,
currently residing in a wheelchair, access to your grandson's computer.
But other than the fact that no one will play this, it's pretty good as far
as sport sims go.
RATING: 59/100

=====================================================
Classic Peg Solitaire v1.0 Cracked (xx/o1) 06/23/1998
<un-needed big ascii removed>
=====================================================
-Filename: ILLCPS10.ZIP

You know that game in Pizza-Hut or Friendly's or other "fine-quality" estab-
lishments? The one where there are pegs in a wooden thing triangle and you
have to jump them and try to leave only one peg in the end to be labeled a
genius, or 2 to be labeled a smart person, or 3 for avg, or 4 for really big
dumb shmuck, and 5 for mentally retarded? Well this is it, and it also has
2 other versions of this time killer. I guess it's kinda cool to be able to
say at a conversation at one of these restaurants, "Hey guys, <snort> I got
this game on my <snort> Pentium II 400MMX, 10 gig....etc <snort>" Yeah, sure
it is. Fun to run in the background when the boss ain't looking, and that's
about it. Also for those who wanted to steal it from the rest. but we're too
much of a pussy to do it.
RATING: 53/100

Robo Rumble (c) Topware/Metropolis [xx/08]
‹€€fl€€‹ fi€‹ €‹
fi€€› fi€€› fl flfl flfl flflflflfi€≤›≤€flflfl flflfl fl fl
fi€€› fi€€›€€‹fl€fl€€‹fl€€‹fi€flfi€≤›‹ fi€fl€€‹fl‹€€‹
fi€€›‹€€fl fi≤€›› €€≤ fi€€›› fi€€›€€ › fi€€›€ €€›
fi€€› ‹€€fl‹€€›› ‹‹‹fl‹€€› fi€€›€€› fi€€›€ fi€€
€€›fi€€› fi€≤››fi€€› fi€≤›› fi€≤›€≤›› fi€≤›€ fi€≤
fi€€› fl€€‹€fl€›€‹fl€€‹€fl€›€‹€€fl‹€€›€‹fi€≤›fl €€≤
‹‹‹ fi€€›-bd!
fl€€€‹€€€
-Filenames: PDMROBO?.ZIP

A nice little twist to the usual RTS. This one is more "3d" like. I got the
chance to play this in both 3dfx and non-3dfx. The major difference was
basically only things seemed much clearer. Rather than the usual RTS where
you see from overhead and it's usually not too 3d looking, this one has a
more up and close feel and just more 3d looking. It's a nice switch from the
usual RTS and the graphics, although dark a lot, are nice. If you're still
into these games, definitely check this one out, I mean it's only 8 disks
anyhow.
RATING: 80/100

Deathtrap Dungeon (c) Eidos [XX/28]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+==\/=====================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSDED??.ZIP

If ever there was a disappointing game, this one is it. From the screenshots
this one looks beautiful, and it is, but the gameplay sucks. The camera
angles are constantly switching - making it hard to maintain your direction.
And it's really hard to get that good angle of the girl's tits, it was much
easier in tombraider. Oh, and if j00 dunno, this is a "Tombraider" like
game, but it falls way short of Tombraider's playability. I mean other than
seeing one angle from the characters 1st person view, you can't switch to
look around or anything, making it even harder to figure out where to go.
The graphics beat Tombraider any day, but I'll take good controls and good
camera angles over graphics any day. This game had so much promise, but it
is one of the year's biggest failures so far.
RATINGL 64/100

⁄ƒƒƒƒƒÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕƒƒƒƒƒƒª
≥ ≥
≥ ‹‹‹‹‹‹‹ ‹€€€€€€€€ ‹€€€€€€flfl ≥
≥ ‹€€€fl fl∞€€€≤‹ €≤€€flflflfl fl€ €≤€€fl‹ ≥
≥ fi€fl‹‹‹ ˛ fi€€€≤≤fi€€ ∞ €€€€ ≥
≥ fl‹€€≤€€› ˛€€€€≤›€€€‹€€€€€‹ €€€€› ≥
≥ €€€€≤€€ €€€≤€› fl ∞fl€€≤€€ fi€€€≤› ≥
≥ fi€€≤€€›fi€€€≤€‹ ‹‹ ˛ ‹€€€≤€› €€€≤€ ≥
≥ ‹€€€≤€€ ‹€€€€€fl €€€‹‹€∞€€€≤ fi€€≤€ ≥
≥ fl€€€€€€€€€€flfl fl€€€€€€fl ‹€€€€€‹ ≥
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≥ DARKSIDE INc. ≥
»ƒƒƒƒƒƒÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕÕƒƒƒƒƒŸ
Napoleon.Solitaire.v2.1-DSi [o1/o1]
-Filename: DSI-NS21.ZIP

BLaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. More solitaire. More boring games. You know who
buys stuff like this? Those handicapped motherfuckers who are strapped down
into wheelchairs for the rest of their lives with drool dripping outta there
mouths. And you know why? B/c they CAN'T DO anything else. So stop being
a handi-warez and play a real game or go outside.
RATING: 45/100

COMMANDOS *FINAL* (c) EIDOS [xx/45]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSCOM??.ZIP

Commandos is another mission based game where you control a select amount of
people and try to blow up something or retrieve something. The game is pres-
ented beautifully, with narrated missions, and a cool "zoom in" feature
during these missions briefings. Well put together, but very hard to get
the hang of and become good at. The first mission itself is very hard. A
good grab for those who like very challenging games. GFX and sound are
excellent for this type of game. However the usual responses from clicking
on a man become very annoying quickly.
RATING: 81/100

ULTISOFT.3D.SPINBALL.v1.1.REGGED-DK [XX/01]
Wo. .......... ..oeeeu..um-.n
$$$$WWWW$$$$$$$$$$$$$Wu .e$$$$$$*$$*`u*
"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$**$$$$$$W +""` ``iW$" i" .oe$$$$^*
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x$$$$ U~ W*:....m$$$$$ ```"$$$$$~ @ ..m"`
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ue@$$$$$$$" .* :* ..... W$$$$ .eeeo$$$* x***$$$$$x
"` `R$$$$" .@` $*"````"@$$$$~ ""*$$$$# x# "$$$$$.
.$$$#`.oT..U? .$$$$# W$*#`.+" ?$$$$W
u$*"(ue$$$$$$$$$WeeuW$$*# u@*CieW$eeou..u*$$$$$u+
.x*"CoW$$$***$$$$$$$$$$*"` .uW$W$$$$$$$$$$*"` T$$$*"
<(!+*""`` ``""**#" m**"""````""***" #"`[DK]
-Filename: DK3DSP??.ZIP

The nfo summed this one up pretty good, minus the fact that it said it was
fun and addicting. Take the element of pong, times it by two so that you
have both the left and right side plus the top and bottom and then add a
little basic breakout type game, with weirder shaped objects and then you got
this cheesy game. This game is cheesier than a fucking polly-o string
cheese. This game is cheesier than your mom's cunt. Don't bother, it's lame
and gay, making it therefore one of the biggest outcasts possible!
RATING: 42/100

MECH COMMANDER (c) MICROPROSE [XX/89]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <06.25.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNMC??.ZIP

Take the characters and the idea of Mech Warrior and throw it all into a RTS
like game and that's what you have here. Certainly not worth the 89 disks,
unless your nuts about the theme of Mech Warrior. No sound and very small
characters to deal with made this game quite dull. Sure you can blow up
basically everything, like the trees, little guys, walls, etc, but the fact
that you have to aim the little crosshairs on objects the size of YOUR small
penis, makes it annoying. Plus the battles between your mech warriors and
the other mech's are tediously long as it takes many shots to kill them and
waiting between shots can be painfully long. This one simply ain't that hot.
RATING: 66/100

MORTAL KOMBAT 4 (c) MiDWAY [xx/09]
‹€€fl€€‹ fi€‹ €‹
fi€€› fi€€› fl flfl flfl flflflflfi€≤›≤€flflfl flflfl fl fl
fi€€› fi€€›€€‹fl€fl€€‹fl€€‹fi€flfi€≤›‹ fi€fl€€‹fl‹€€‹
fi€€›‹€€fl fi≤€›› €€≤ fi€€›› fi€€›€€ › fi€€›€ €€›
fi€€› ‹€€fl‹€€›› ‹‹‹fl‹€€› fi€€›€€› fi€€›€ fi€€
fi€€›fi€€› fi€≤››fi€€› fi€≤›› fi€≤›€≤›› fi€≤›€ fi€≤
fi€€› fl€€‹€fl€›€‹fl€€‹€fl€›€‹€€fl‹€€›€‹fi€≤›fl €€≤
‹‹‹ fi€€›-bd!
fl€€€‹€€€
-Filenames: PDMMK4?.ZIP

The classic fighting game returns to the PC once again. Nothing much has
changed, OTHER than a "3d-like" arena, so many more new characters, new moves
and lotsa new ways to practice or fight. You guys dont need much of an
explanation. The graphics are beautiful (if you are able to use f5, i think)
and the sound and action are just like the arcade (get a subwoofer, 2nd best
20 bucks you can spend on your pc). If you never really had a thing for
fighting games, you won't be entranced by them by getting this, but I'm sure
I don't need to tell you to either d/l or not d/l this, cuz you all know what
it is, quality fighting and at a low disk cost! Provides hours of entertain-
ment, but you know you'll get bored of it soon enough.
RATING: 84/100

Jackpot Slots V1.5 32 bit Regged [XX/02]
Wo. .......... ..oeeeu..um-.n
$$$$WWWW$$$$$$$$$$$$$Wu .e$$$$$$*$$*`u*
"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$**$$$$$$W +""` ``iW$" i" .oe$$$$^*
``(U@"2# W~ `"*$$$$! :W$$" W~ .uW$$$$$$$^
.e$" :# X? ~$$$$! x$$$# WU+*""$$$$$$$
.e$$T @ :* :$$$$~ .oWWWW$$$$ :T` 2*#"
x$$$$ U~ W*:....m$$$$$ ```"$$$$$~ @ ..m"`
...u$$$$~ :T U? ``` :$$$$? ?$$$T W!ue$$e.
ue@$$$$$$$" .* :* ..... W$$$$ .eeeo$$$* x***$$$$$x
"` `R$$$$" .@` $*"````"@$$$$~ ""*$$$$# x# "$$$$$.
.$$$#`.oT..U? .$$$$# W$*#`.+" ?$$$$W
u$*"(ue$$$$$$$$$WeeuW$$*# u@*CieW$eeou..u*$$$$$u+
.x*"CoW$$$***$$$$$$$$$$*"` .uW$W$$$$$$$$$$*"` T$$$*"
<(!+*""`` ``""**#" m**"""````""***" #"`[DK]
-Filenames: DKJ3215?.ZIP

This group is beginning to piss me off. They keep releasing these stupid SW
games w/ reg codes and the games are all similar. All are dumb slot games
that suck really bad. This one is NO exception. For christ sakes, when you
lose it makes a big *EHHH* sound. If any casino ever did that, they would
be the poorest casino in the world. Everyone knows you only make sounds when
people win. Anyway, this zip contains more garbage than Oscar the Grouch's
home.
RATING: 37/100

BERZERKER BIRDS (c) ASTREAUX [XX/32]
⁄ƒƒƒ €€€ ‹‹‹ ‹‹‹ ∞±≤ ‹‹‹ flflflfl€€‹ flflflfl€€‹ø
≥ ‹€‹€€€ flflfl €€€ ±≤€ flflfl ≤±∞ €€€ ∞±≤ ≤€€≥
≥€€€ ≤€€ ≤±∞ €€≤ ≤€€ ∞±≤ €≤± ≤€€ ±≤€flflfl ≥
:€€≤ ±≤€ €≤± €€≤ €€€ ±≤€ €€≤ ≤€€ ≤€€ ∞±≤:
≥€€≤ ∞±≤ €€≤ €€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ≤€€ €€€ ±≤€≥
≥fl€€‹‹‹‹‹€€€ fl€‹€fl €€€ €€€ €€€ €€€‹≤€fl≥
¿sL!(sac)ƒƒƒƒƒƒ <06.26.98> ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
-Filenames: DVNBBD??.ZIP

The fact that this game is 32 disks and sucks so bad and the game looks like
it was from 3 disks pisses the hell outta me. This game sucks BADLY for it's
size. It's one of those "made with macromedia" games, or whatever the hell
it is. You're this horribly ugly bird on a surf board and it's the usual fly
around the one screen and shoot the enemies, until you get to the next level.
The graphics at certain points (like the block like colored ascii looking gfx
that were just in VGA) reminded me a lot of my commodore 64. This game is
a waste of space and time. It's as if someone tried to make it seem better
by putting the gfx in vga mode. To simplify, this game is like taking an
ascii and converting it to a .jpg/.gif.
RATING: 30/100

Ancient Evil(c)Roadshow Interactive[X/13]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+==\/=====================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSAEV??.ZIP

This game was a little buggy at least with the video. The pointer dragged
and skipped a lot and it just didn't seem to be a well made game. It's an
RPG like diablo, but to be honest, doesn't even deserve to be compared with
it. If you like the more simple kind, and have a lot of spare time and feel
the need to d/l something, go ahead, but I'm telling you it's crappy. The
gfx were about the only thing slightly decent. Hey does anyone here notice
a trend? I get my 3dfx card and all of a sudden every game is some lame
homemade like game that I coulda ran on a 386 with a plain 2d video card.
RATING: 48/100

=========================================
NOISY VIDEO POKER and BLACKJACK 95 v4.8
Poker and Blackjack Games for Windows 95

Great sounds, real cards, and a beautiful
user interface make this the best video
poker and video blackjack simulation
available. The included sounds make even
losing fun.
=========================================
-Filenames: DKNPBJ1?.ZIP

HAHAAHAHAHA, how funny is that diz? "The included sounds make even losing
fun." Bwhahahaha. Who the *FUCK* are they kidding? Oh my god, who the hell
are these lying saps? Anyway the game had a runtime error, which actually
made me happy, b/c I didn't even want to have to see another one of these
"Ultisoft" releases from DK. I think I should ban reviewing them and there
stupid boring casino games.
RATING: NA/100

========================================================
Power Play Slots v1.4 Suite 16 and 32 Bit Regged [02/02]
<overly large DK diz removed>
========================================================
-Filename: DKPPS14.ZIP
==========================================================
Double Wild Slots v1.3 Suite 16 and 32 Bit Regged [xx/02]
<overly large DK diz removed> ^^?
==========================================================
-Filename: DKDWS13.ZIP
========================================================
Wild Seven Slots v1.3 Suite 16 and 32 Bit Regged [xx/04]
<overly large DK diz removed>
========================================================
-Filenames: DKWSS1?.ZIP

See other reviews and insert "slots" into the game description.
RATING: 37/100

ON THE BALL 2 (c) ASCARON [xx/38]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSOTB??.ZIP

Yet another soccer MANAGER game. However, this one had some realistic
options like embezzlement, illegal funding, etc. Also, in my short exam of
this one, your players, if not controlled properly, call the press names,
like one of my players called the press an "IDIOT" and I was supposed to calm
him down. Certainly an impressive amount of detail in this one, but then
again, I ask the same question I've asked many times, Who the hell wants to
manage a soccer team and not get to play at all?
RATING: 59/100

Pinball Soccer '98 (c) PG [xx/36]
______ /| ___ /\______ /\______
/ \/ | / _ \ / _____/ _____>1
/ |_ / |/ | \\____ \ \____ \ 9
< | < / | / | \/ | \ 9
\ _____\_<____|___\_____ /\_____ / 8
+=\/======================\/====hh!\/==+
-Filenames: CLSPOS??.ZIP

This is ONE of the best pinball games I've seen for the PC. I dunno what it
is exactly, but it's just really good and realistic. The view is not the
typical boring overhead, but more the view you would get as a the height of
a 13 year old kid playing at a real machine. The theme of soccer is one that
hasn't been used frequently and they make use of all soccer elements in this
one. Guys run out on the field, a big soccer ball in the middle comes out.
A great pinball game for any soccer fan, and if it weren't so big, it would
be worth it for everyone else too.
RATING: 74/100

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> THE GAME OF THE WEEK <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Two GOTWs this week, and both happen to go to PARADIGM, one for MK4, and the
other for ROBO RUMBLE. MK4, you know it, quality stuff there, and ROBO
RUMBLE takes the usual RTS and twists it slightly. Congrats to PDM for the
fine releases.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> CORRECTIONS <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-I failed to mention that the X-COM game was a sim game as opposed to the
past ones which were not. Sorry for not stating that.

-Also, remember how I kept saying Rockman was like Megaman? Well that's
because IT IS, except it's the Japanese version. So not really a correction
but just a FYI fact.

-Here's some info on how to get Big Game Hunter working, courtesy of "rm":
Well took me a long time before i got it runnin', but this should do the
job:
1. First install it, that is biginst.. i guess and then run setup in this
newly created folder,
2. then take care of bighcd, this has to be in the root of a drive but
you can solve it by going to the dosprompt and typing c:\subst z: <<dir
of bighcd>>
3. now you able to run the game from your start menu
found this by first copying it to the root of my cdrw and then it
worked, but then tried few things to make it work from a drive
-rm

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME
SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*> CLOSINGS <*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Hope you found this weeks reviews helpful, please feel free to write and
say anything you want, I even welcome hate mail!

-Ionizer [THE GAME REVIEWer]
Comments/Complaints send to jionin@monmouth.com (NO GAME REQUESTS)

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Copyright 1995,1996,1997,1998 Ionizer Inc. #167A939

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