Going Where This Man Has Never Gone Before (a visit to a nude bar)
by Frank Selcome
It was a place I had never been before. And now, here I was, in a bar filled with beautiful woman. I had been curious about this place, but never really interested enough to stop in until now. So here I was, I had just returned from a business trip, my wife was out of town, so I had stopped in at The King's Palace, a local bar featuring nude dancers.
The thought of going into the King's Palace had never crossed my mind until I was called for jury duty in municipal court. As each potential juror was called, the defense attorney would ask them how they felt about nude dancing and The King's Palace. The case being tried involved a young man who had damaged the car of another man in the parking lot of The King's Palace. The defense attorney was very concerned about jurors who might feel prejudiced against someone who had spent some time in a nude bar.
I couldn't understand why anyone would consider someone a "bad" person just because they went to a nude bar. Apparently the other prospective jurors felt the same way. I'd guess 12 or 13 people were interviewed and not one had a problem with The King's Palace or people who went there.
The defense attorney made such a big deal about it that I began to wonder what went on inside The King's Palace that could have this attorney so worried. Was it a front for prostitution or drug deals? Were women of loose morals corrupting the men of the community? Was it a gang hangout? And, if it was such a terrible place, why was no one else in town upset about it?
It turned out I ended up on the jury and had a chance to hear the whole case. The reason the defense attorney was making such a big deal about The King's Palace, was that it was apparently the only thing he could come up with to try and defend his client. The guy was so obviously guilty that the attorney was grasping at whatever he could to do to try to make the plaintiff look bad. It didn't work -- we found him guilty.
However, at the end of the day I was curious about The King's Palace. What was it like? I had been in a topless bar once -- over twenty years ago when a friend from work invited me to join him for an evening out with the boys. I couldn't remember much about it, so it must not have made much of an impression.
And I had seen the Oprah and Donahue shows when they had exotic dancers on. The women in the audience were screaming in anger at the dancers and men who went to see them. They called the dancers sluts and husband stealers, and told the men they needed to stay home and pay attention to their wives. I had also seen the Oprah and Donahue shows when they had male exotic dancers and the woman in the audience were cheering and screaming for them to "take it off" and expressing a desire to date the guys on the stage. I found this very confusing. What was so bad about women exotic dancers but not male exotic dancers?
So here I was. I had just spent a week on a business trip to the east coast. After a four-hour flight and an hour drive from the airport, I was finally almost home. As I drove past The King's Palace I once again wondered what it was like inside. There was no one waiting for me at home; nothing I needed to do; why not stop in and see what it was like? All sorts of thoughts flashed through my head such as: this isn't the type of place a decent person goes to.
I really shouldn't go in there.
But I was surprised at how few negative thoughts I had about The King's Palace. I expected to have an overwhelming dread of the evil I might encounter, but I felt more curious than anything else.
At the last moment I turned the wheel, made the right turn into The King's Palace's parking lot, and found a parking spot. I was there.
Not knowing what to expect, I hide my wallet under the seat of my car. Taking just my driver's license (for ID purposes) and $30.00 in cash. If this place was filled with criminal types, I didn't want to be the victim of a pick-pocket. I paused for a moment, rethought my decision, took a deep breath and walked to the front door.
The music was loud and rockin' and the lights were low. I couldn't see much because there was an long entry way that was lower than the main floor. A low wall separated the entry way from the main room. Looking over the wall I could just see a young woman, wearing the bottom half of a bikini, dancing on a stage. I had a brief urge to stop and take a long look, but my "ethical" upbringing told me that it was wrong to stare at a partially naked woman. So I put my eyes straight ahead, walked up to the football player sized person who was collecting the $5.00 cover charge, paid him, and then continued straight ahead to the men's room - without another look back into the main room.
I was surprised! I expected a dirty, grungy, graffiti covered rest room. But, it was clean, brightly lit and well maintained. In fact, this was one of the better public rest rooms I had been in. I was impressed.
I really did need to use the rest room. I wasn't just trying to "hide", although I did feel like I needed to catch my breath before going any further. After a long airplane ride and another lon drive from the airport, there was no question of whether I could pass the rest room by. I had to be my first stop. But, I took my time, got my travel rumpled clothes straightened out, washed my face, calmed myself down and pulled myself together before fully entering the "den of evil." I was ready. I opened the door to leave the rest room and saw, walking by just a couple of feet away, two beautiful women wearing bikinis.
I didn't, at first, realize that these were two of the performers who had just left the lady's room. My first reaction was that they were waitresses. My reaction was, "WOW! What a great place this is, if they have waitresses like this."
Ok, I still had not fully realized where I was and my brain had not accepted what The King's Palace was all about. Although I am 44 years old, I felt like a little kid--very naive and who did not yet really understand where he was or what was going on. However, by the time the night was over, 5-1/2 hours later, I would be fully educated in nude bar procedures and etiquette.
As I walked into the main room I noticed there were two rooms and two stages. On the large central stage in the main room a topless dancer was performing. The rear of the main room opened into a second, sunken room which had a smaller stage against its rear wall. This stage also had a topless dancer.
Both rooms were nearly full, but I found an empty table in a dark corner of the large room. From this vantage point I was able to see everything that was happening in both rooms. The place was nearly full. Although most tables had several chairs each only had one or two men. About two dozen women, some wearing bikinis and some wearing underwear, were circulating around the room. It was then that I realized that the two women coming from the rest room were dancers. The waitresses were fully clothed in normal "street" clothes.
Each time a new song started a different woman left the floor and went up on the stage to dance and remover her top. As I looked around a noticed a guy sitting at a table a few yards away from me.
Most of the time he was at the table by himself and was watching the dancer on the stage. But, he was never alone for long. It seemed like every other song one of the dancers would sit down at his table and talk with him awhile. What a lucky guy! He must know one of the dancers. They both looked very happy together.
Then something started happening to me that I didn't understand at first. Various women kept stopping by and asking me if I'd like to dance. This is great, I thought. But as I looked around I didn't see any other couples dancing. It must still be early, it was only 9pm, and the dancing had not really started.
Yes, I am a little slow at times. But, over the next 30 to 40 minutes I figured out what was going on - and I was glad that I hadn't gotten up to dance with one of the performers. For $5.00 a song you could have one of the performers dance topless at your table or join you for a drink (soda) and conversation. The guy at the other table didn't have a girl friend who worked here, he was paying her $5.00 a song to talk with him!
I was beginning to catch on to what was going on. Now, in spite of the loud music, I more clearly heard what the dancers were asking. They were not asking me if I wanted to dance, they were asking, "Would you like a dance?" -- Meaning would I like to buy a dance and have then dance at my table.
I continued to say, "no." I wasn't sure that I wanted a half naked woman dancing just a few feet in front of me. Until one dancer came by who spent a little time talking with me. She made small talk and then asked if I'd like to buy a dance. As usual I said no. But this was no ordinary dancer, this lady was a salesperson. She promised me that I'd really enjoy her dance and finally even offered a money back guarantee. That was it--the money back guarantee sold me. And she was right, I did enjoy her dance.
After the long business trip I didn't have much cash. But by limiting myself to buying no more than two dances per hour I was able to stretch my funds till 2:30 in the morning. I had a great time! I moved to another table that put me between the two stages so I could have a better view of what was happening on either. And between the performers on stage, the dancers other customers purchased, and the ones I purchased; it turned out to be an excellent evening.
What was so enjoyable about the evening? Before I answer that I'd like you to write what you think the answer is on a piece of paper.
Most people, and my guess is that most women in particular, would say that what was so enjoyable was, "Looking at beautiful, naked women." That may be what brings most men into The King's Palace, but that's not why they keep coming back, and that's not why I enjoyed the evening. Give me a moment, and I'll explain.
At the end of the evening I had the opportunity to speak with one of the dancers. Most of the money she made came from regulars who came back every week, week after week. I asked her why she felt they did this, and she told me they were lonely. They came back because they liked having a woman pay attention to them; liked spending time with a woman who was interested in what they were saying; a woman who liked them and wanted to spend time with them; they liked spending time with some who made them think they were special.
It doesn't matter that it's all fake - paid for with $5 bills. When I ran out of money at about 1:30, it only took telling a few of the dancers that I was broke and they all stopped coming by my table. It was obvious to me that I was purchasing their attention, but it didn't matter. It still made me feel good and that good feeling lasted through the weekend and half way through the next week.
So did I find anything evil in The King's Palace? No. Anything immoral? No. Was it a bar full of men yelling for women to "Take It Off!" No. Did I need to leave my wallet in the car? Definitely not! There was no yelling. No lewd remarks. Only loud music and a smattering of applause when each dancer finished her on-stage performance. What I found were lonely men and women making a living by making them feel better.
