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The Ballad of Lord Robin

@LupinIII

Published in

Fan Fiction

· 7 Nov 2023

THE DIRTY PAIR in "The Ballad of Lord Robin"

by Ryan Mathews

PART 1

[Opening scene: A full view of the planet Eran. It is blue and Earth-like. In one of the major cities, crowds of people walk to and fro. Suddenly, the sky goes dark and every one looks up. A huge fleet of warships has simply materialized in orbit. It is so large that, from space, Eran now appears to have a ring. Cut to the main goverment building in Eran's capital. The president of Eran has been summoned to a large situation room along with a man in military dress, his top general.]

PRESIDENT: What the hell is going on?

OPERATOR: This huge fleet just...appeared in orbit, sir!

PRESIDENT: That's impossible. You can't warp a ship into a gravity well!

GENERAL: Apparently they can.

[The president is suddenly struck with a thought.]

PRESIDENT: What time is it? [He checks his watch.] Oh my god. No... No, it can't be.

GENERAL: Can't be who?

OPERATOR Sir, receiving a transmission from the fleet!

PRESIDENT: Put it on the main screen.

[The view on the large main screen pans over a cheering crowd, while an announcer talks in voice-over.]

ANNOUNCER (VO): Planet Eran, COME ON DOWN! You're the next contestant on The Price is High! And now, here's your host, the wizard of wacky, the sultan of silly, the one, the only, LORRRRRRRRRRRD ROBIN!!!!

PRESIDENT: Oh, no. Oh, God, please no...

[The screen shows a stage backed by a curtain. The curtain opens slightly and out walks a tall man with short black hair. He wears a jumpsuit that is ridiculously full of color and is smiling so wide you expect the top of his head to fall off.]

ROBIN: Thank you, thank you! And welcome to the Price is High! The only game show that brings the action to *you*!

GENERAL: [to the President] I can scramble the entire airspace forces of the planet in under fifteen minutes.

PRESIDENT: Against Lord Robin's armada? We wouldn't make a dent. The best we could hope to do is make him mad.

ROBIN: Our contestant today is a lovely little planet on the fringes of known space, Eran! [applause] Representing Eran is the leader of that world, President Francis. So, tell me a little about yourself.

PRESIDENT: Huh?

ROBIN: Ooh, not a very exciting life. But don't worry, it's bound to get exciting real soon!

PRESIDENT: Lord Robin, please. We're both leaders, we can reach some kind of agreement. We're--we're reasonable men, you and I--

ROBIN: BAH-HAHAHAHAHA! Reasonable men! HAHAHA! That's good! Whew! You are the witty one, aren't you! In fact, I think I'll reward you by giving you a free correct answer!

[With a DING! a "1" appears behind Lord Robin. The crowd goes "OOOOH!"]

PRESIDENT: I'll give you anything you want! The entire resources of this planet are yours!

[The General looks shocked. He opens his mouth but the President motions for him to keep quiet.]

ROBIN: Give *me* something? You silly goof, this a game show! I'm supposed to give *you* stuff! Hmph! Non-conformists! What is this galaxy coming to? Next question! "What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

PRESIDENT: I--I don't know.

ROBIN: No no no no NO! I go "What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?", you go "European or African?", I say "I don't know!", then blow myself up! One more time: "What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

PRESIDENT: Eu--European or African?

[A buzzer sounds.]

ROBIN: Sorry, that's wrong! Don, what do we have for our naive little friend?

ANNOUNCER (VO): Well, Lord Robin, I'm afraid that Eran doesn't qualify for our grand prize, however, as a consolation they will receive a lovely copy of our home game!

ROBIN: Oh, boy! The home game! That's where we bring the game to YOUR HOME! HIT IT!

[A catchy rock-dance tune starts up, and Robin dances and lip-synches. Behind him, the view of the stage fades out to be replaced by several views of Eran.]

PRESIDENT: No! NOOO! Lord Robin, PLEASE!!

[Every ship in the vast armada that rings Eran begins firing massive pulse-cannons from its belly. Every hit on the planet is equivalent to an H-Bomb. As the destruction plays behind him, Lord Robin continues to dance, pretending to direct the explosions with his hands. A shot strikes a major downtown area, and the buildings bulge outward before they disintegrate. Cars attempt to flee the cities as explosions seem to chase them down the highway. The President and General scream as a direct hit on the situation room vaporizes them. Hits in the oceans create gigantic tsunamis which destroy coastal cities. A large residential area is reduced to sticks by multiple hits. This continues for three minutes, the bombardment ending with the song. As the song concludes, Lord Robin's figure is superimposed on a wasteland.]

ROBIN: And so we come to the end of another exciting episode of The Price is High. Be sure to join us next week, same Robin-time, same Robin-channel, when our next contestant could be *you*! Until then, this is Lord Robin saying "KEEP ON ROCKING!"

[The screen goes blank and is replaced with the WWWA logo. Cut to a large arena filled with uniformed trouble consultants (mostly female) who have been watching the previous events on a screen. At a podium in front of the screen, the Chairman of the Board of the WWWA is addressing the audience.]

CHAIRMAN: What you have just seen was broadcast to all of colonized space on a hyperspace channel. The United Galactica immediately dispatched a small fleet to Eran. So far, no survivors have been found. [The Chairman pauses. Panning across the faces of the trouble consultants reveals stunned looks and silence.] This is the third consecutive week that this "Lord Robin" has destroyed a world. Each new kill follows the last by exactly seven standard days. Each has been broadcast to the galaxy as if it were a form of entertainment. [The Chairman turns to the screen. A diagram of a quarter of the galaxy appears, with three red dots, not closely spaced, in the upper right-hand quarter.] The three incidents so far have taken place in this portion of the galaxy. However, an extensive search of this area has turned up nothing. It's as if the fleet only exists when it's destroying a planet. Having exhausted all its options, the United Galactica has decided to hire us. [The crowd starts to murmur.] Yes, that's right. All of us. The Worlds Welfare Work Association has been placed at the disposal of the UG High Command. From this moment on, each and every one of you, in addition to your regular assignments, will have the following standing order. You are to spend every available moment of time searching your assigned area of space for Lord Robin's fleet. Should you find it, you will take whatever action you deem necessary and feasible to prevent its next kill. This order will remain in effect until I countermand it. Are there any questions? [A trouble consultant with short black hair raises her hand.] Rumiko?

RUMIKO: You say we're supposed to take any action we deem feasible. Meaning no disrespect, sir, but like what? Most of us work in pairs with only one ship. We'd be no match for an entire fleet of warships.

CHAIRMAN: No one expects you to lead an all-out assault against Lord Robin's fleet. At the very least we expect you to tail him and signal for help. Any other questions? [Another girl with curly blonde hair stands up.] Cindy?

CINDY: Sir, I don't have a question but I have a comment.

CHAIRMAN: Go ahead.

CINDY: I believe we should stay out of this. Tell the United Galactica we don't want their business. [The crowd breaks into shocked murmuring.]

CHAIRMAN: Order, *please*! [The crowd quiets down.] Cindy, since you've decided to become a policy-adviser for the entire 3WA, perhaps you'd like to clarify your position?

CINDY: You don't seem to understand the implications of the existence of that fleet. It can just pop into orbit around a planet, and that's amazing, yes, but what's even more amazing is that it exists at all. Those aren't junkheap ships, they aren't refurbished old clunkers. That fleet is all state-of-the-art equipment. There are damned few planets in the UG that have an armed fleet that powerful. Don't any of you understand what that means?

CHAIRMAN: [annoyed] Why don't you tell us, Cindy?

CINDY: Lord Robin has to be supplied from somewhere. That means he has contacts. What's more, even as they were building these ships, powerful enough to destroy a planet in three minutes, no one knew about it. He must have spent years putting this fleet together, yet we're just finding out about it now. So that means he has even more contacts to cover up his preparations. Contacts in very high places. Sir, if we get involved in this, I seriously believe we could be biting off more than we could chew.

CHAIRMAN: [angry] And just what, Cindy, is your idea of something the 3WA can't handle?

CINDY: Well, for example--

[Cindy whips her gun out of her holster and fires at the Chairman. The Chairman's aide, reacting quickly, tackles him, taking the lethal blast himself. Cindy turns and begins shooting other trouble consultants with rapid shots. None of the other TC's are armed. A girl tackles Cindy from behind and knocks the gun out of her hand. Cindy reaches back, grabs the girl around the head and shoulder and breaks her neck. Another TC picks up the gun and shoots Cindy in the chest, three times. She staggers and falls forward.

Another aide gets up and staggers to an intercom.]

AIDE: Medical emergency! Code level alpha! Auditorium! Now!

[Some trouble consultants help the wounded while others sob uncontrollably over the loss of their partners. A crowd gathers around Cindy's body.]

TC #1: Cindy, a traitor. I never would have believed it.

TC #2: We should've thought something was weird when she came to the meeting armed. But still, Cindy...

TC #3: Hey, her grenade belt is full, too! We're lucky we got her in time!

TC #4: I'm gonna roll her over.

[The fourth TC kneels and reaches for the body.]

TC #2: NO, WAIT!!

[As the TC touches Cindy, all the grenades go off.

Cut to a hallway leading to the auditorium. Kei and Yuri are walking quickly toward the meeting for which they are, of course, late. They are also fighting.]

YURI: I am *not* taking the heat for this, Kei! If Goulet tries to roast our tails, I'm telling him exactly who's responsible!

KEI: You wouldn't dare!

YURI: Just watch me! This is the third time one of your cute little "short-cuts" has made me late for an important meeting! Fourth, if you count that date I stood up!

KEI: Well, excuuuuuse me, Miss Perfect! If it's so damned important to you, why didn't you let me drive and do the navigating yourself?!

YURI: Navigating?! You call that navigating?! You couldn't navigate your way out of a wet paper bag!!

KEI: I COULD TOO!!

[They reach the door to the auditorium.]

YURI: Shhhh! We're here! Maybe we can sneak in and no one'll notice. [Yuri opens the door, and a TC with long, straight red hair falls on her. The girl is missing her right eye and ear. She grabs Yuri for support, smearing blood all over her.] D-Daphne?

DAPHNE [weakly] Yuri.......

[Daphne passes out and slumps to the floor. Two medical personnel come running up.]

MED What the hell are you standing there for? Help someone!

KEI: My god, Yuri. What did we miss?

[Pan back. Kei and Yuri walk over and help treat the wounded. Smoke from the grenades still lingers in the room. Debris is scattered everywhere. TC's sit and lie in various states of injury, wrapped in bandages. Some bodies are covered by white sheets.

Fade to Goulet's office. Kei and Yuri walk in, less perky than usual.]

GOULET I assume you know what your next assignment is about.

YURI: Uhh, actually no, sir, we missed the meeting.

GOULET Oh. Of course. I should have known. [draws a breath] Have either of you heard of Lord Robin?

KEI: Lord Robin?! We're going after Lord Robin?!! Oh, wow! That's what I call an assignment!

YURI: Was Lord Robin responsible for what happened yesterday?

GOULET We believe so. However, we have analyzed Cindy's body, what's left of it, and have found no trace of mind control whatsoever. What Cindy did, she did of her own free will.

KEI: No way! Cindy was a TC since before us! She wouldn't have done something like that unless someone was controlling her!

GOULET I'm afraid she did. The thing that gets me is that I can't see her motive. Nine trouble consultants were killed at the scene. Seven more have since died of their wounds. It looks like about fifteen will have to be retired due to injury. Over all that's about thirty TC's we've lost. Yet that's not even a serious dent in our forces, and Cindy must have known that. I'm not sure whether to take her action as a warning or a provocation.

YURI: So I take it we've found the location of Lord Robin's fleet?

GOULET No. What we *have* found is a place where Robin apparently continually recruits new hands. An agent died getting us this information. The two of you are going undercover. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other. This is different.] You are to go to this place and become members of Lord Robin's crew. Once there, your assignment is threefold. First, you are to discover what technology Lord Robin is using to warp his entire fleet directly into orbit around a planet. There *is* a device that makes this possible, the something-or-other compensator, but there are only three in existence--

YURI: Two, sir.

GOULET Wait, that's right. One was destroyed a while ago. How did you know about that?

KEI: & YURI Uhhhhhh...

GOULET NO! Don't tell me! I don't want to know! Anyway, the things have been so recently developed, are so expensive and take so much time to build, that I doubt he has the hundreds he'd need for his entire fleet. Secondly, you are to obtain the names of all his contacts. High-level, low-level, we need them all. And lastly... [pause] You are to terminate Lord Robin. Do you think you can handle this?

KEI: I don't know about the first two, but I can sure handle the last one! [She makes a "gun-shooting" motion with her hand.] SHOOM!

GOULET Don't expect help on this one. The only other person in the 3WA who is aware of this mission is the Chairman. We aren't even keeping records.

KEI: & YURI Huh?

GOULET We can't take the chance that there are no other double-agents in our organization. You also must go in almost completely unarmed. No nifty gadgets, nothing that screams "3WA". You will both be given transmitters. A large fleet of armed UG patrol-ships are waiting on the signal. They don't know about you. All they know is that the signal will lead them to Lord Robin. At the appropriate time, you will trigger your transmitters, and hopefully you will be able to effect an escape during the attack.

YURI: Of course, turning on the transmitter will blow our cover.

GOULET Exactly.

KEI: Man, we sure have our work cut for us this time.

GOULET Go to the tech-lab now and pick up your transmitters. Take this. [He hands Yuri a data chip.] This is the only existing detailed description of your mission. Read it, memorize it, destroy it.

YURI: Got it. [The girls turn to leave.]

GOULET And Yuri, Kei... be careful.

[The Angels are surprised. Goulet usually acts like he'd *like* them dead.]

KEI: Uh... Sure. [They leave.]

GOULET I never thought the day would come when I'd be worried *for* the Dirty Pair instead of *about* them.

[Cut to tech-lab. An intense Dr. Kueblestein, wearing safety goggles, is working on an experiment. Kei's hand falls on his shoulder.]

KUEBLESTEIN: WAAAH! [With a BOOMPH!, the experiment blows up in his face, covering it and his goggles with soot.] Hmm. That's odd. I appear to have gone blind. This was not in the parameters of the experiment. Perhaps a test of the evidence... [He wipes his goggles.] A-ha! Another triumph for the scientific method! Kei! Yuri! Welcome!

YURI: We're here to pick up the transmitters.

[Kei looks at an array of wires plugged into sockets. She touches one and it pops out.]

KUEBLESTEIN: Transmitters? Hmmm... Oh, yes! Follow me.

[Yuri follows Kueblestein to the other side of the lab. Kei, still holding the wire, can't remember which socket it went in; they all look alike. She plugs it into a socket, causing the box to crackle and then explode. As aides rush over to douse the fire, Kei walks away, whistling. She joins Yuri and Kueblestein.]

KUEBLESTEIN: I also have some other things I cooked up for you, all very low-tech and boring, I'm afraid. Ah! Here it is!

[Kueblestein holds up an object about half the size of a pea.]

YURI: That's the transmitter?

KUEBLESTEIN: Oh, it may not not look like much, but squeeze it in a certain way and it will emit a hyperspace signal for ten seconds, a signal powerful enough to be heard across half of colonized space.

KEI: But won't they be awfully hard to keep track of?

KUEBLESTEIN: That's why they'll be injected into your body. Don't worry, it won't hurt much.

[Kueblestein places the transmitter into an syringe-like injector.]

YURI: So you're going to stick those things into our arms?

KUEBLESTEIN: I'm afraid not. The transmitter is impervious to all forms of scanning, but the mark it leaves could be noticed unless it's well hidden. [Kueblestein turns around, an injector in each hand.] Now, if you ladies will undo your tops? [Kei and Yuri go wide-eyed.]

PART 2

The story so far: A madman named Lord Robin has been randomly destroying civilized planets with his own war fleet. The fleet is very powerful, as is Lord Robin. This is demonstrated when an agent of his, a 3WA trouble consultant, kills a lot of other TC's at a meeting before being killed herself, apparently just to prove a point. Kei and Yuri are assigned the task of going undercover and joining Lord Robin's crew, in order to learn the names of all of the man's contacts and agents, as well as the means he uses to warp his fleet directly into orbit around a planet, something that is supposed to be impossible. They are given subcutaneous transmitters implanted in their chests in order to signal a waiting UG attack fleet when they have accomplished their mission.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to a commercial space transport. Kei and Yuri are sitting next to each other. Yuri looks out the window thoughtfully while Kei fumes.]

KEI: "Don't worry, it won't hurt much." OW! I swear I'm going to write up a complaint about this!

YURI: Oh, give it a rest. The way you carry on, you'd think he stuck it *in* one instead of between them.

KEI: Well, it still hurts! If he wanted someplace well hidden, why didn't he put it in my butt?

YURI: Because you'd activate it when you sat down. Quit complaining already! You don't see me whining about it!

KEI: Maybe 'cuz you don't have as much there to hurt! [Yuri whips around.]

YURI: Watch your mouth! [Yuri looks out the window again.] Mughi sure was upset.

KEI: Yeah. I've never seen the big furball so worried. [Kei looks around the cabin. It is almost completely empty, save for the Angels and a couple others.] Hey, Yuri, doesn't the plane seem a bit empty to you?

YURI: Well, Alderon isn't exactly a tourist attraction. The most successful businesses there are murder and robbery. I just hope we don't get attacked before we get to where we're going.

KEI: I could use the practice.

[The plane enters Alderon's atmosphere, then lands at a spaceport. Cut to a very evil-looking part of town. Kei and Yuri walk through the dark, nearly deserted streets. The Angels are both dressed in black leather. Kei wears a jacket, Yuri only a vest. Kei has found time to spike her red hair. She wears shades and a knife in a holster on her belt. Yuri has her hair tied back in a ponytail. She has drawn a black semicircle around the side of her right eye. She wears fingerless leather gloves and a small chain belt. The girls reach the entrance of a bar.]

KEI: I sure hope this is the right place.

YURI: Didn't you memorize the assignment like Goulet said?

KEI: I figured, why bother? I could always ask you.

[Kei and Yuri take deep breaths, throw open the doors and stride confidently into the bar. All eyes, especially those of the men, lock onto the newcomers. The girls pretend that the stares don't bother them, walk to a table and sit down, acting as if they own the place. A scruffy young man walks over to the table and sits next to them.]

SCRUFFY: Hello, there. [The girls ignore him.] Haven't seen you in this place before. [pause] Not very talkative, are you? Would a drink loosen your tongue? I'll buy.

YURI: Sure. We'll both have the Songbird Cocktail.

[The scruffy young man raises his eyebrows and stands up.]

SCRUFFY: Wait here. I'll, uh, get your drinks.

[The man walks through a door at the back of the bar. Moments later, a gorgeous leggy blonde walks out. All attention is directed at her.]

KEI: Holy--! So much for our grand entrance.

YURI: I'd kill for legs like that.

[The blonde walks over and sits next to Kei.]

BLONDE: "Songbird cocktail", huh? Do you know what you're getting into?

YURI: We're not fools. We know what we're doing.

BLONDE: We'll see. In any case, you're committed now. Nice knife. [She holds up Kei's knife.]

KEI: HEY! Give that back!

[Kei moves toward the blonde, who swiftly produces a gun.]

BLONDE: Don't try anything stupid.

YURI: There's two of us and one of you. You're the one being stupid.

BLONDE: Are you *sure* you know what you're getting into? [She snaps her fingers. *Everyone* in the bar produces a gun and trains it on the girls. Kei and Yuri swallow.] Please don't move. Blood stains are such a pain to clean. [She turns to the back of the bar.] Darling, it's clear!

[The door opens and out walks...]

KEI: Oh my god, it's really Lord Robin...

ROBIN: Lord Robin?! WHERE! [He looks around frantically.] Oh, wait, that's right! I'm Lord Robin! It's so hard to keep track of one's identity these days. So... [He pulls out a chair, jumps into it and puts his legs up on the table.] What do you ladies call yourselves?

KEI: Our names aren't important.

ROBIN: Oh, I wholeheartedly agree! But then if you're planning on joining my outfit, I have to call you something, don't I? Can't just say "Hey you!" Half my crew answers to that name! Of course... [Robin scratches his chin.] One of them *is* named Heiyu... But then, he's weird. So what is your Nomme du Crew?

[Yuri looks at Kei, who shrugs.]

YURI: Call me Persuasion. She's Coercion.

ROBIN: Oooh! Abstract nouns for names! Now *there's* a novel idea! Kirsten, darling, let's name our firstborn Reasonable Doubt!

[Robin jumps on the blonde and starts tickling her.]

KIRSTEN: (BLONDE): [giggling] Robin! Stop it!

[Robin seems to suddenly remember what he was doing.]

ROBIN: Oh! How shameful of me! Allow me to introduce Kirsten, the apple of my eye, the song in my heart, the cream filling in my Twinkie. And you're-- You know, those names you gave are a bit serious. How 'bout I call you Percy and Cory?

KEI: Suit yourself.

ROBIN: WONderful! Matron! The finest wine in the house for our new friends! Ooh, isn't this special! We're gonna have fuuuuuuun!

[Robin turns to receive the wine.]

KEI: [whispering to Yuri] Is this guy for real?

YURI: [whispering] I guess so. He acts just like he does on the broadcasts-- [louder] Chateau Orion '29???!!

ROBIN: The lady knows wine! Better a lady who knows wine than a whining lady, I always say! [Three glasses are poured.]

YURI: But...there are only five bottles in existence!

ROBIN: And after tonight, there will only be four, so you'd better enjoy it! [Robin lifts his glass.] To Percy and Cory, my new bestest friends! May the wind always be at your back, unless someone behind you just farted! [The girls just look at their wine.] My, my! Aren't we a trifle untrustworthy tonight! [Robin drains his glass.] Look what you made me do! Now I have to pour another one! And too much wine makes me silly!

KIRSTEN: I like you silly.

ROBIN: Really? I like me silly, too! We have even more in common than I thought!

[The girls drink their wine.]

YURI: Wow. Chateau Orion '29. Never thought I'd have that in my mouth.

KEI: Aah, wine is wine. I don't suppose you have anything stronger?

ROBIN: Certainly! But I really think you should stay sober. You have an initiation to go through.

KEI: Huh? What, do we have to rip off a car or something?

[The whole bar bursts into laughter.]

ROBIN: Oh, no, no! Nothing so mundane! [Robin claps his hands over his head and a woman and two men walk over.] Let me introduce three friends of mine. This is Jenna... [He points to a tall woman with spiked black hair.] This is Claude... [He points to a large, muscular, black man.] And this is... [He points to a slender bald man with a distant expression.] Well, we don't really know his name. I call him Spooky.

KIRSTEN: Spooky's mute.

ROBIN: The initiation is really very simple. You're going to walk out that door. Thirty minutes later, Jenna, Claude, and Spooky will walk out the same door. If thirty minutes after that, you're still alive, you're in! Now what could be simpler?

YURI: And suppose we don't want to play your little game?

ROBIN: Hey, it's a free galaxy! But you may want to consider playing along. There was a slow-acting poison in the wine.

KEI: What? You drank it too!

ROBIN: Ah, but I have the antidote. You don't. [Kei and Yuri look at each other, unsure of Lord Robin's honesty.] You should start feeling the effects in about half an hour, which, by an amazing coincidence, is exactly when your head start runs out. So go on! Git! Shoo!

[Kei and Yuri are still too unsure to act. Kirsten brings her gun up again.]

KIRSTEN: I believe the man wants you to leave.

[The Angels get up. The entire bar laughs at them.]

KEI: At least give me my knife back!

[Kirsten looks at Robin, who nods, then flips Kei the knife.]

ROBIN: Maestro! The jukebox! I suddenly have happy feet!

[A man gives a beaten old jukebox a violent kick, which makes it start playing a synth-dance tune. Robin grabs Kirsten and starts dancing like a maniac all over the bar, much to her delight. Kei and Yuri leave, visibly shaken.

Cut to a large room in an abandoned building. Kei and Yuri are crouched in a corner, against one wall. The other wall has a window looking out onto the street. Kei has her knife out and is examining it.]

KEI: I hate this waiting. [pause, Kei looks at Yuri.] "Percy and Cory"?

YURI: It was the best I could come up with. UNGH!

KEI: What's wrong?

YURI: Stomach cramp...

KEI: You too, huh? Looks like Robin was telling the truth about the wine. [pause] Damn... I hope he's not going to just leave us to die. That would be a real stupid way to end the mission.

YURI: They'll come. I believe it.

[A rustling noise is heard.]

KEI: AAAH! [She throws the knife and the noise stops. Kei carefully walks through the dark to where she heard the noise.] Oh. That's a relief. [She pulls the knife out of the floor and brings it back. A huge grey rat is stuck on the end.] It was just a rat, see?

YURI: Oh, YUCCH! Take it away, Kei, I'm sick enough already!

[Kei flicks the knife and the rodent corpse goes hurtling into the darkness.]

KEI: How long since our head start ran out?

YURI: About ten minutes. It's a big city, I don't understand how they hope to-- [A big fist punches through the wall behind the two.] FIND US!!

[Claude sticks his head through the hole.]

CLAUDE: Hi! How y'all doin'? [Kei punches him in the jaw, then howls and grabs her hand.] Aww, did I forget to mention that I'm a cyborg? Musta just slipped my mind! I'll get the door! [Claude smashes, rips, and kicks a hole in the wall. Kei and Yuri back off. Claude makes it all the way through.] Now... who wants to be first?

[Yuri backs out the door, then notices Jenna in the street with a gun. Spooky stands off to the side like he could care less.]

YURI: SHIT! [She ducks back inside just as Jenna fires, the shot knocking a chunk out of the door frame. Kei faces off with Claude, who is taking his time walking toward the girls.] Dammit, she's got a gun! This isn't fair!

CLAUDE: *Life* ain't fair.

JENNA: [from outside] Yeah, but don't worry about it, you ain't gonna live much longer!

[Kei holds out the knife. Claude continues to slowly walk toward the Angels.]

KEI: Keep back!

CLAUDE: Oh, wow, a real knife! I'm so scared!

[Yuri looks out intoo the road. Almost on the other side, there is a metal barrel. Yuri looks at Claude, then runs out into the street. Jenna fires twice, missing, and Yuri dives for cover behind the barrel. As Jenna's shots bounce off the barrel, Yuri takes off her chain belt. It is very long and has a weight on one end. Cut back to Kei, still being stalked by Claude.]

KEI: Damn you!

[Kei throws the knife and it lodges in Claude's chest.]

CLAUDE: AAAAH! [He looks at the knife and pulls it out. An oil-like substance seeps out of the wound.] Shit! You little bitch! Do you have any idea how much it's gonna cost to repair this?! My warranty ran out last month! You just cost me a week's salary!

KEI: Life ain't fair.

CLAUDE: Har-de-friggin-HAR!!!

[He charges Kei like a bull. Kei smiles and executes a perfect Judo throw. Claude goes right through the wall behind her and out into the street, distracting Jenna. Yuri gets up, whirls the weighted end of the chain over her head and throws it. It wraps itself around Jenna's gun. Yuri gives a yank, disarming Jenna and catching the gun herself. She holds it on the two assassins.]

YURI: Neither one of you move!

JENNA: Oh, give me a break.

YURI: I mean it! We're just going to wait here until time runs out!

JENNA: The way your hands are shaking, you couldn't hit the side of a barn. And you know that or else you'd gun me down right now!

[Yuri looks at the gun and sees Jenna is right. Jenna quickly removes a large, sharpened metal ring from her belt. Yuri fires and misses by a mile. Jenna throws the ring and it cuts the gun in two before returning to her.]

YURI: Oh, hell. [Yuri dives behind the barrel again as Jenna throws the ring. The ring makes a deep cut in the barrel. To herself:] Kei, where are you?

[Jenna turns to Claude who has been sitting in the road.]

JENNA: Hey, Claude, want a chance to redeem yourself?

CLAUDE: [getting up] Sure, why not. I'd rather go for the redhead, but as has been said, life ain't fair.

[He walks toward Yuri's position.]

YURI: Dammit. CORRREEEEEE!

[The sounds of a vehicle are heard. Claude turns his head, just in time to be hit by the car and sent flying. The car stops and the passenger side door opens.]

KEI: Get in! I stole their car!

[Yuri runs to the car and gets in as Kei floors it. Claude gets up, dusts himself off, then looks at Jenna. The two start to laugh.]

CLAUDE: God, I love this job!

JENNA: Beats holdin' up liquor stores, that's for sure! C'mon Spooky, we don't want to lose them.

[Cut to interior of the car. Kei is driving at breakneck speed.]

KEI: Sorry I took so long. It's been awhile since I hotwired a car.

YURI: Where are we going?

KEI: Anywhere. I'll just drive all over the place until time runs out. No way are they gonna catch us. [pause] Boy, I don't feel so good. I'm getting dizzy.

YURI: You want me to drive?

KEI: Why, do you feel any better?

YURI: I doubt it.

KEI: Then stay where you are. Besides, I wouldn't want you driving even if you were healthy.

YURI: Gee, thanks!

KEI: Aw, hell! I took a dead end--HUH?!

[Claude is waiting for them directly in their path. Kei stomps on the gas.]

YURI: Kei, what are you DOING?!

[Kei and Yuri leap from the car, which plows into Claude, then into the wall, then explodes. Groaning the girls pick themselves up. Waiting at the entrance to the dead-end are Spooky and Jenna.]

JENNA: Nice improvisation! You two have sure been more creative than most of the recruits we kill!

[Yuri picks up a piece of pipe and wields it like a bo staff. She heads for Jenna, her legs shaky. Meanwhile, Kei has climbed onto the pile of debris, waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, Claude bursts from the wreckage, battered but fully functional. Kei stands behind him, holding a piece of junk over her head.]

CLAUDE: I *love* being a cyborg! Everything just bounces off you! If I'da known it would be this much fun, I would'a had that accident a long time ago! [looks around] Where's the cute redhead? [Kei brings the blunt object down on his head as hard as she can.]

KEI: DIE!!

CLAUDE: OOF! [Claude reaches back, grabs her arms, and pulls her over his head. He holds her around the neck.] It's been fun, babe.

[Yuri approaches Jenna with the pipe. Jenna throws the blade ring and it slices the pipe in half, but going through the thick pipe robs it of needed momentum and it falls short of returning to her. Yuri holds the remaining pipe like a bat and charges Jenna. Spooky's eyes glow, and suddenly the ground beneath Yuri seems to ripple and flow. Yuri loses her balance and falls sprawled at Jenna's feet. Jenna picks up and holds a knife at her throat. Yuri tries to elbow her, but she is too weak.]

JENNA: Nice try. I'm impressed. Sincerely. Don't take this personally.

[Lord Robin steps into view behind Jenna.]

ROBIN: TIME!!

JENNA: What? Come on!

ROBIN: You know the rules, dear Jenna! Let our new member go.

[Jenna reluctantly does so.]

JENNA: Phooie! So much for my streak.

ROBIN: You too, Claude! Bring her over here.

CLAUDE: [to himself] I could break her neck, say she was already dead... Aah, who'm I kiddin'? [He releases his grip on Kei, then carries her to the others and drops her.] Actually, she did me a favor. Now I can claim a no-fault car accident on my insurance forms and get free repairs!

[The girls are now in serious pain and can no longer stand.]

YURI: Please... the antidote...

ROBIN: Antidote? Oh, that! I lied. There isn't one.

KEI: Wh...what?!

ROBIN: Oh, don't worry, it's not fatal. In fact, if you take small doses, you can build up an immunity!

YURI: You--AUGH!--bastard...

ROBIN: That's the spirit! Come Claude, bring our two rookies to the shuttle! Then we have a party to attend!

[Claude carries a cursing, semi-conscious Angel under each arm to a shuttle parked in the road. All enter, and the shuttle takes off.]

PART 3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to a small living quarters with two beds, each with a sick Lovely Angel on it. Kei and Yuri wake up.]

KEI: [weakly] Morning, Yuri. You look like hell.

YURI: Same to you. And it's Percy, remember? Our room might be bugged.

KEI: What, you think they could hear *this* voice?

YURI: You have a point. (sniff) Phaugh! I need a shower. [She sits up.] UNGH! [She lays back down.] On second thought, maybe I'll just die right here.

[The door slides open and in walks a short, cute girl. She has black hair braided into a pigtail and wears a black jumpsuit that is laced up the front.]

HIYOKO: Hi, there!

KEI: Who the hell are you...

HIYOKO: I'm your new next door neighbor! I'd just thought I'd stop by and introduce myself, do the friendly neighbor thing, you know!

KEI: Go away...

YURI: That's Cory. I'm Percy. And you're...

HIYOKO: Hiyoko! I'm sorta in charge of morale. Say, how'd you like me to take you on a tour of the ship? It's a *real big* ship, with all kinds of *real neat* stuff! You're gonna love this place, it's so keen!

YURI: Uhhhh...why not? Can't think of anything else I'd rather do.

KEI: Like maybe having a root canal...

YURI: Please ignore her. We've had a rough night.

HIYOKO: Oh, ha ha! I know what that's like! Me and my friend Kirsten went to this all night party on another ship! I swear I didn't walk straight for a day! Funny, though... [She gets thoughtful.] Most of the stuff they said I did I don't remember doing... [She brightens up again.] Ha ha! Isn't life funny?

KEI: Please let me hurt her...

HIYOKO: Oh, you two are so silly! I just know we're going to have loads of fun!

[Cut to shower room, where Kei and Yuri wash off the remains of the previous night's activities. Hiyoko waits outside the door.]

KEI: Well, Percy, are we having "loads of fun", yet?

YURI: At least she was nice enough to bring us here first. We don't want to make a bad impression on the other crew members.

KEI: Gee, and me without my breath mints! If Jenna and Claude were any indication, we could bathe in barbecue sauce and no one would notice.

HIYOKO: [calling in] Is everything okay in there?

YURI: Fine! We sure picked a good time to hit the showers! There's nobody here!

HIYOKO: I know! It's probably for the best...

YURI: Huh? Why?

HIYOKO: Uhhhhhhh... I'll explain later.

KEI: So you, like, flushed everyone out of here?

HIYOKO: Well, it *is* 5:00 in the afternoon...

KEI: & YURI WHAT?!

HIYOKO: Gee, I guess you didn't know how long you'd been out, huh? Boy, you must have had a wild night! Ha ha! You just *have* to tell me all about it! Come on, get dressed and I'll show you the ship!

[Cut to busy area of the ship. Kei, Yuri, and Hiyoko walk along a suspended bridge over a group of people performing some unknown task.]

HIYOKO: So! What do you think of the Skinny Puppy?

KEI: The what?

HIYOKO: I know, isn't that such a silly name for a ship? Lord Robin has such a sense of humor!

YURI: It sure is big.

HIYOKO: I know! It's the biggest, most powerful, neatest ship in the whole fleet! Come on! There's lots more to see!

[Hiyoko runs off, and the girls follow. Cut to another hallway in the ship. Hiyoko comes running past a door into another room.]

YURI: Hey, wait! What's in there?

HIYOKO: Huh? Oh, computers and stuff. Boring. There's lots of neater stuff down here!

[She runs off.]

YURI: Kei, we have to remember how to get back here.

KEI: You're the one the great memory. It's taking all my strength just to keep up with her!

[Hiyoko can be seen at the end of a hallway, jumping up and down.]

HIYOKO: Guyyyyyyyys! Come onnnnnnnnn!

KEI: What do they feed her, anyway?

[Cut to a large empty auditorium. About 1000 seats face a curtain-backed stage. Above the stage is a U-shaped balcony facing it. At the bottom of the "U" is a camera boom. Hiyoko sits in the boom and makes it swing around, while Kei and Yuri watch.]

HIYOKO: Whee! Hey, Cory, you wanna try?

KEI: I'll pass.

YURI: So, is this where Lord Robin makes his broadcasts?

HIYOKO: Yep! He keeps telling me he's gonna let me work the camera one of these days but he never does. Oh, well. [She jumps down.] Come on! Let's go downstairs! [She runs off again.]

KEI: [quietly] Great place for a sniper, eh, Yuri?

HIYOKO: Come ON, guys!!

[Cut to the stage. Hiyoko climbs up the hard way while Kei and Yuri stroll around and take the steps.]

HIYOKO: I love the stage. It's my favorite place in the whole ship. Lord Robin's gonna make me a star, just you wait!

KEI: Let me guess, the next time the fleet is in a battle, he'll broadcast your singing to all the enemy ships.

HIYOKO: Oh, did he tell you? [Hiyoko looks out from the stage.] Check out the view.

[At the back of the auditorium is a huge picture window. Through it can be seen what appears to be a bright orange mist with swirls of red and white.]

YURI: What is it?

HIYOKO: Outside, silly! Haven't you ever seen a window before?

KEI: Where *are* we?

HIYOKO: In orbit around Alderon! Boy, you two really *did* have a rough night!

YURI: If we're in orbit around Alderon, then where is it?

HIYOKO: Huh? [She looks confused for a moment.] Oh! No wonder you don't understand! It's real simple. See, Lord Robin invented this new way of travel called "half-warping"! You warp from one end but you don't materialize at the other! You sorta enter this "mock space". Then you're there, but you're sorta not there, you know what I mean? You can still move around. You can even go into orbit around other planets, but no one can see you or even touch you until you undo the half-warp and go back to regular space!

YURI: You mean the fleet doesn't really warp into orbit around a planet?

HIYOKO: Of course not! That isn't possible, is it?

KEI: Wait a minute. If we're in a mock space, aren't we sort of cut off?

HIYOKO: What do you mean?

KEI: Well, could a hyperspace signal get out?

HIYOKO: Mmmmmmm. No, I don't think so. We're completely cut off from the outside. Makes me mad 'cuz I miss all my cartoons. I don't really understand it though. I mean, it's easy for any of us to leave the mock space. Just get in a shuttle and fly far enough away from the Skinny Puppy. But that doesn't work for radio signals. I dunno, maybe they go too fast.

KEI: (sigh) Just great.

HIYOKO: Hmm?

KEI: Uh, it's just great that we're so safe here!

HIYOKO: Oh, you're as safe as can be in here, that's for sure!

YURI: Except for that window facing the auditorium. It could be hit during a broadcast.

HIYOKO: The guy would have to be real lucky. And besides, all the weak points are reinforced with force-field shielding.

KEI: Huh? Force-fields?! Where do you get the power for that?

HIYOKO: Ha ha! I'll show you! [Hiyoko runs down the steps, stops and turns around.] You guys are seriously gonna freak out! Come on! [She runs off again, and the girls follow.]

[Cut to a large engine room. In the center of the room there is a large pedestal-like machine. On top of the machine is an inverted claw which seems to hold a glowing sphere of energy. The device is huge, and has several extensions that reach up to the ceiling. Technicians do maintenance on the device, some from a balcony halfway up the wall that allows them to reach the extensions. Yuri, Kei, and Hiyoko enter the room.]

KEI: & YURI Wow.

HIYOKO: I know, isn't it *awesome*? Hey, there's Tony! Hey, Tony! [Hiyoko runs up to one of the technicians and hugs him from behind, causing him to yelp and drop his tools. He turns around, recognizes her and returns the hug. Hiyoko grabs his hand and drags him over to where Kei and Yuri are standing.] Tony, meet Cory and Percy! This is Tony! Tony's my boyfriend!

TONY: Hey, you must be those rookies I've heard so much about! Hiyoko's been giving you the tour, huh?

HIYOKO: I thought maybe you could show them the half-warp drive. I mean, unless it's against rules or something.

TONY: No problem! If Lord Robin thinks you're fit for the Puppy, I figure I can trust you.

[The four walk around the room. Kei and Yuri look around in wonder, while Hiyoko holds onto Tony's arm with both hands.]

YURI: What *is* that big ball of energy, anyway?

TONY: Well, it's sort of a big ball of energy! (laughs) Sorry, private joke. It would take a long time to explain exactly what it is. The device plays havok with the various dimensions in order to create the half-warp effect, and one of the side-effects is an immense feedback of energy, some of which shows up as that ball. Monitoring it helps us keep track of how the drive is performing.

KEI: Looks dangerous.

TONY: *Is* dangerous! One touch and you're a crispy critter. We'd shield it, but sometimes we have to lower instruments into it to take readings. As you can see, this thing requires constant maintenance. It's the first of its kind and far from perfect.

HIYOKO: So! Anyone hungry?

TONY: Sorry, I've got work to do.

HIYOKO: Awwwwwww, come on! Pleeeease?

TONY: Hiyoko, I can't. You know how important this is. The whole fleet operates off this one drive. Gotta keep it running!

[Hiyoko grabs his arm and tries to pull him out of the room.]

HIYOKO: Come on, Tony, let's go eat!

TONY: Darling, I can't. I'll catch up with you at the meeting tonight, I promise.

[Hiyoko lets go of Tony's arm.]

HIYOKO: Okay! Cory, Percy, come on!

[Hiyoko runs out of the room.]

YURI: Uhhh, nice to talking to you!

[The Angels run after Hiyoko.

Cut to a large, busy cafeteria. The Angels have trays of food and sit opposite each other at a table. Kei leans over and talks quietly to Yuri.]

KEI: One heluva day, huh, Yuri? We know where the computer access is, we know a good place to shoot Lord Robin from and we know how to blow up the ship if we have to!

YURI: How do we blow up the ship?

KEI: C'mon, Yuri! One good shot at that whatchamacallit drive and I'll bet the whole ship'll go up like a supernova! In fact, that Tony guy said the other ships are slaved to that one drive. They'd probably go off like a string of firecrackers!

YURI: Uh-huh... 'Course, that *does* leave the teensy little problem of getting away ourselves.

KEI: Oh. Yeah. Still, we got a lot of good leads! [Kei looks at her plate.] You know, for a pirate fleet, the food doesn't look half-bad.

YURI: [smiling] Yeah, I noticed the two pieces of cheesecake.

KEI: Hey! I need my energy! This is a tough miss-- [Hiyoko joins them. Kei speaks up.] Oh, hi, Hiyoko!

HIYOKO: Are you enjoying your meal?

YURI: It's a lot better than we expected.

HIYOKO: That's the Skinny Puppy, for you! Only the best of everything! [pause, Hiyoko sits beside Yuri.] Which, um, is something I've been meaning to talk to you about. See, everyone aboard the Puppy is sort of Lord Robin's elite. We're all the best of whatever it is we do. Most of the crewmembers have served with him for at least five years. [Kei and Yuri look surprised.] Oh, yeah, this fleet's been around for a long time! We only just started doing our job. Anyway, Lord Robin must have had a good reason to assign you to this ship, but you're gonna have to put up with a lot of resentment. People worked hard to get on board the Puppy, so when Robin assigned two rookies here it pissed them off. Me, I don't mind. I like you! But I just wanted to warn you.

KEI: Don't worry. I think we can handle ourselves.

JENNA: Like you handled yourselves down on Alderon? [Kei turns around. Jenna and Claude have entered and stand behind the three.] If you can't put up more of a fight than you did yesterday, you two pixies ain't gonna last a week!

KEI: Oh, *yeah*!! You're REAL good when your opponent is barfing her guts out! Beat one of us in a fair fight, *then* open your mouth!

JENNA: You want a fair fight? Anytime.

[Kei stands up. All attention is riveted on the confrontation. People begin to walk over.]

YURI: Uh, Cory...

KEI: Quiet, Percy. The day I can't handle an overblown bulldyke is the day I take up knitting.

JENNA: Oooh, ain't we tough? Give me your best shot...

[Kei approaches Jenna. Suddenly, Kirsten is between them, facing Kei.]

KIRSTEN: Sit down.

KEI: Get the hell out of my way.

HIYOKO: Uh, Kirsten? Jenna sort of--

KIRSTEN: Stay out of this, Hiyoko.

HIYOKO: Yes'm.

KEI: I'm warning you, I've got a mad on and you're in my way!

KIRSTEN: Then I'm afraid you'll just have to go through me.

JENNA: [to Claude] Oh, this should be amusing.

[Kei turns as if to sit down, then wheels, feints a punch, and throws a right kick at Kirsten's head. Kirsten doesn't fall for the feint, catches Kei's leg on her arm, grabs it, pulls it forward, and nails Kei with a stiffarm to the face. Kei falls to the ground and wipes blood off her mouth.]

KEI: (pant) You're good. Real good. But there's one thing I'll bet you I'm better at.

KIRSTEN: And what would that be?

[Kei grabs a plate of food and throws it into Kirsten's face. As Kirsten wipes her face, Kei punches her in the stomach, doubling her over. Kei then follows up with a kick to the head, knocking Kirsten to the floor.]

KEI: FIGHTING DIRTY!!

KIRSTEN: GrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRAHHHHH!

[Kirsten goes berserk and tackles Kei, throwing her into more plates of food on a table. The two women, too close and too angry to indulge in tactical fighting, end up in an all-out cat-fight. The entire cafeteria crowds around the fight, cheering. Most cheer for Kirsten, but a vocal minority can be heard cheering for "Cory". Hiyoko stands on a table, crying.]

HIYOKO: [sobbing] Stop it! Please, stop it!

[The girls continue to wrestle, neither one making any progress. Suddenly, the entire crowd goes dead silent. The circle parts, and Lord Robin enters. Both Kei and Kirsten freeze.]

ROBIN: Oh, please don't stop on my account!

KIRSTEN: Rob--...L-Lord Robin, she... We were...

ROBIN: You were bathing in the Chicken ala King, is what it looks like. Fascinating idea. Did you get it from Cosmopolitan? [Robin notices Hiyoko, who sits curled up on a table, sniffling.] Look what you've done. There, there... [Robin takes a handerchief from his pocket and wipes Hiyoko's red eyes.] Now, have you girls worked it out, or shall we move it to the arena, where we can have some proper wagering?

KIRSTEN: I've had enough. She's not worth it anyway.

[Kirsten picks herself up and walks over to Lord Robin and kisses him. Kei glares at both of them.]

ROBIN: Yummy! You should have food fights more often. Okay, folks, the party's over!

[The crowd disperses, and Kirsten and Robin leave. Kei gets up and wipes at herself.]

YURI: Cory, you alright?

KEI: Only hurt my pride. I owe her one.

YURI: What about you, Hiyoko?

HIYOKO: Oh, I'll be okay. I just hate to see friends fight. [looks at Kei and laughs] Hey, I guess you'll have to hit the showers again, huh? Kind of brings the day full circle, doesn't it? Ha ha ha!

KEI: Ha ha...

PART 4

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to the computer room that the girls noticed earlier. Kei and Yuri stick their heads through the open entrance. Seeing no one inside, they enter the room. Yuri heads for a console.]

YURI: Oh, goody goody goody!

[She sits down and plugs an interface plug into the socket behind her left ear. Kei keeps watch by the door.]

KEI: Kind of empty, isn't it?

YURI: [not really listening] Mm-hmm.

KEI: I mean, if this room is as important as I think it is, you'd think there would be a guard.

YURI: Mm-hmm.

KEI: Of course, since Lord Robin only assigns the people he trusts the most to this ship, he may feel he doesn't need a guard, or even to lock the doors for that matter.

YURI: Uh-huh.

KEI: But then that brings up the question of what *we're* doing on the... what did she call it? ...the Skinny Puppy. I mean, only the best are supposed to be here, and yet he assigned *us*.

YURI: Yeah. What the hell...

KEI: Maybe he was really impressed by our performance on Alderon. Ha! Right! We could barely hold our own. In fact, I'm not sure, but I think Lord Robin ended the fight early.

YURI: [to herself] This doesn't make sense...

KEI: You're damn straight it doesn't. Another thing that doesn't make sense is Hiyoko being here. What's she "the best" at? Annoying people?

YURI: God-DAMMIT!! [She slams the console with both hands. Kei walks over.]

KEI: Are you even listening to me?

YURI: This...this is crazy! I can't make head or tail out of it!

KEI: What the hell are you talking about?

YURI: This computer system! All the commands are screwed around! When I try one command, another one executes! At first I thought it was some kind of code, but it's not consistent! The same command has different results each time you perform it! Maybe it's some kind of context- sensitive code, based on what commands you've input already...

KEI: Or maybe the machine's broken. I never did put too much trust in those things.

YURI: Oh, this is hopeless! The filenames are changing, too! This is a madman's system!

[Hiyoko appears in the doorway.]

HIYOKO: Hi, guys! Whatcha doin'?

[Yuri rips the plug out of her socket so fast, she winces.]

YURI: Nothing! We're just, uh....

KEI: Just checking out the machines!

HIYOKO: Why? There's nothing exciting in here, I told you that!

YURI: Well, we're just curious types, I guess! Ha ha!

HIYOKO: I know! That's why I figured you might be in here! Come on, we're going to be late for the meeting!

[The three leave the room and Kei and Yuri are soon running after Hiyoko. After the three have left the vicinity, Kirsten emerges slowly from around a corner down the hall and glares after them.

Cut to the auditorium. A large crowd has assembled and most of the seats are filled. The camera is manned and operating. Kei, Yuri, and Hiyoko enter and find seats near the back.]

HIYOKO: Darn. I hope we can see the wheel. I usually like to come early, but I was chasing after you guys.

KEI: Well, excuse us.

HIYOKO: [oblivious to the sarcasm] Oh, that's okay! I wouldn't want you to miss this! This is the biggest event on the ship!

[The lights dim and flashy game show music starts up. The announcer that previously heralded Eran's destruction comes on the voice-over.]

ANNOUNCER [VO] It's time once again to Spin the Wheel of Chance! And now, here he is, the man himself, Lorrrrrrd Robin!

[The audience cheers as a smiling Lord Robin, holding a wireless mike, enters the stage from behind the curtain.]

ROBIN: Thank you, thank you! Are we all a happy little crew tonight? [The audience roars. Robin appears to get mellow.] Well, I wish I could say the same myself. You see, I have come to you tonight to tell you of a great sorrow that has befallen the galaxy. Yes, I'm talking about the heartbreaking story of lonely, boring, planets. Planets so lifeless, that when someone dies on the job, no one notices until quitting time. Planets so dull, that their national anthems have only two notes, and most performers don't bother with the second one. [Lord Robin brightens up and shouts:] BUT WE KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT, DON'T WE!!! [The audience thunders.] RAISE THE CURTAIN! [As the audience continues to cheer and clap, the curtain is raised to reveal an enormous wheel. Above the wheel is a one-line viewscreen which reads "THE WHEEL OF CHANCE". As the music starts up again, Kirsten enters in a slinky dress and poses by the wheel, which is twice as tall as she is. The crowd quiets down.] Ladies and gentlemen, your lovely hostess, Kirsten! [Cheering.] Yes, once again, it's time to learn the name of the next planet which, thanks to us, will have a little excitement and thrill tossed into its humdrum existence! So! You tell me! What do you want me to do?!

AUDIENCE SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!!

ROBIN: You heard the folks, Kirsten! SPIN THE WHEEL!!

[Kirsten slinks over to the wheel and gives it a good spin. The one-line screen at the top begins rapidly flashing the names of planets, too fast to read. The flash rate slows with the wheel and eventually stops, on "ZAEDI". Cut to Kei and Yuri in the back.]

YURI: Oh, no... [Cut back to the stage.]

ROBIN: We have a winnahhhh! Planet Zaedi, COME ON DOWN!!

[The audience cheers. Lord Robin bows, gives Kirsten a kiss and the two of leave the stage as the curtain closes. Cut to the back of the auditorium again. Yuri looks upset, Kei could care less, and Hiyoko is cheering at the top of her lungs.]

HIYOKO: Come on, guys! There's always a big party after a spinning! Let's go!

KEI: Sure, why not?

YURI: No, I think Cory and I need to freshen up first.

KEI: I feel fine! [Yuri stomps on Kei's foot.] OW! Uh, yeah, right! Freshen up! We'll, um, catch you later!

HIYOKO: [disappointed] Okay. I'll see you there.

[The Angels leave the auditorium, Kei running after Yuri.]

KEI: What's wrong?

YURI: Keep your mouth shut until we get back to our quarters!

[Cut to the girls' quarters. The door slides open and Yuri and Kei enter. Yuri hits a button to lock the door.]

YURI: I don't think this room is bugged, but if it is, we're gonna find out now. This is the only place where we can talk and not be interrupted.

KEI: Yuri, what the hell is wrong?

YURI: What's wrong? Our plans have been all blown to hell, that's what's wrong!

KEI: Why? We wait until the fleet comes out of half-warp around Zaedi, activate our transmitters, sabotage the half-warp drive, the UG fleet comes and blows Lord Robin to bits!

YURI: Kei, don't you know where Zaedi is?

KEI: No, Yuri, you were the one who passed geography, remember?

YURI: The attacks so far have all taken place within a dozen or so parsecs of each other, so that's where the fleet is waiting. But Zaedi is practically on the other side of the galaxy! There's no way our transmitters can reach that far! [Yuri flops down on her bed.] Oh, Kei, what're we gonna do?

KEI: Hmm. Maybe we could...wait 'til the fleet warps into the Zaedi system, steal a shuttle, get to the planet before the rest of the fleet, tell the government who we are and get them to boost the signal. [pause]

YURI: Okay.

KEI: Okay? That's the type of plan you always tell me is stupid!

YURI: It *is* stupid, but I can't think of anything better. [Yuri stands up.] Come on, let's go to that party. I could use a drink.

KEI: You're on.

[Yuri unlocks the door and it opens to reveal a sad-faced Hiyoko.]

YURI: Huh? How long have you been standing there?

HIYOKO: I thought something was wrong, so I came to talk, but I thought I heard you arguing, so I waited.

KEI: Well, we're gonna go to the party after all. You coming?

[Hiyoko immediately brightens up.]

HIYOKO: Great! I knew you'd change your mind! Come on!

[Hiyoko runs off and the Angels chase after her. The scene fades to later at the same place, as Hiyoko, Yuri, and Kei are returning to their rooms. The three girls are giggling and weaving a little as they walk.]

HIYOKO: So that's what it means to "shotgun a beer"! I always wondered!

YURI: Lady, you are lookin' at the master of the art ri' here!

[Yuri slaps Kei on the back, who belches.]

KEI: Hey! Cuddit out!

YURI: Where was your boyfriend, H'yoko? I didn't see him there.

HIYOKO: Oh, Tony's not much for these big parties. I always visit him later and we sort of have a private party. (giggle) That's why I didn't drink that much. So... You two going to bed?

KEI: I dunno. Sorta thought I'd puke first! HAHAHA-hicark!

YURI: Good nigh', H'yoko! Tell that loverboy I'm thinking of him!

HIYOKO: What, the one who tried to pinch your butt?

YURI: No, the other one! The one I sneezed my drink all over.

HIYOKO: Ha ha! G'night, Percy! G'night, Cory!

KEI: Bye-bye!

[The girls enter their room and close the door. Hiyoko walks to her room.]

HIYOKO: [sing-song] Someone's gonna have a haaaangover! [The door to Hiyoko's room opens. Kirsten is waiting inside, sitting on Hiyoko's bed.] Oh! You startled me! Hi!

KIRSTEN: Hi, Hiyoko. Close the door. We have to talk.

HIYOKO: Uh, sure! [Hiyoko pushes a button. The door slides closed and locks with a beep.] What do you want to talk about?

KIRSTEN: Cory and Percy. I want you to tell me everything you know about them.

HIYOKO: Well... They're nice girls. And they're lots of fun at parties. And, uh, Cory's a good fighter. Oh, I guess you know that last one. [pause]

KIRSTEN: Is that all?

HIYOKO: Well, I can't really think of anything else...

KIRSTEN: What have they been doing since they came on board?

HIYOKO: I don't know. Same as everyone else, I guess.

KIRSTEN: (sigh) How many times have I told you, you have to learn to be more attentive? If you would just pay more attention to what your eyes and ears tell you, we wouldn't have to go through this again.

HIYOKO: Go through wha--? No. No, I don't want to! [Kirsten gets up and approaches Hiyoko, who starts crying and sinks to her knees.] NO! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO! I DON'T WANT TOOOOOO!

KIRSTEN: Don't be such a baby. You know it doesn't hurt.

[Cut to view from outside the room. Hiyoko can be heard from behind the door.]

HIYOKO: NOOOOOOOOOOOO--

[Her screaming stops abruptly.

Cut to a view of the shuttle bay. Shuttles are parked in various positions, and one is being worked on by a mechanic. Cut to an entrance into the bay. Kei and Yuri wait just beyond.]

KEI: They sure are taking their sweet time!

YURI: Relax. It should happen any moment nowwwwww.... [The scene blurs slightly, then comes back into focus.] That was it! The final warp! We should be in the Zaedi system now.

KEI: Unless you counted wrong, in which case we're going to shuttle ourselves into deep space.

YURI: My, aren't we optimistic! This *was* your plan, you know.

KEI: I know, I know. C'mon, it's showtime!

[All smiles, the girls walk out and approach the mechanic.]

YURI: [brightly] Hello there! Nice shuttle! That's one of those Shooting Star models, isn't it?

MECHANIC [looking up] Uh...yeah. Is there something I can do for you?

KEI: Yeah! Could we like, borrow one? Of the shuttles, I mean?

MECHANIC You need to go somewhere? Far as I know, we aren't in orbit yet, and even if we were, trips downside are verboten.

YURI: We need to meet a friend on another ship, see, and--

MECHANIC Shuttles leave for the rest of the fleet every hour.

KEI: Yeah, but we sorta thought it would be more exciting to fly our own! And we like excitement, if you...get my drift. [pause. The mechanic smiles.]

MECHANIC Would either of you ladies happen to be free for dinner tonight?

KEI: We might be...

MECHANIC What the hell! But you can't take this one, it has problems. [The mechanic leads them to another shuttle and opens the door for them.] You ever fly one of these before?

KEI: Sure!

MECHANIC Out of this bay? [The girls stare at him.] Didn't think so. Okay, take off and hover near that circular hatch in the ceiling. I'll activate a force-field that seals off the top third of the deck, depressurize it and open the hatch. Got it?

YURI: We can handle it. Thank you so much! [The girls blow kisses at him.]

[Cut to a close view of the top of the Skinny Puppy, which exists in the orange-white mock-space. A small hole opens and the Angels' shuttle comes out. Cut to interior, where Kei is piloting.]

KEI: Yucch! Why couldn't we have just cold-cocked him? Or killed him?

YURI: Because--

KEI: I know! I know! Because it would set Lord Robin on our tail too fast! Just griping, you know. Hmm. Hiyoko said all we have to do is fly far enough away from the Puppy. I hope she's right.

[The shuttle's engines flare briefly and it accelerates away from the huge ship behind it. Inside, Kei and Yuri notice the view start to shimmer.]

YURI: Something's happening...

[The view flashes brightly, then fades to ordinary black with stars. No planet can be seen.]

KEI: Oh, shit. Where's Zaedi? Oh, god, we're stranded!

YURI: No we aren't. Look behind you!

[Behind the shuttle, Lord Robin's fleet is nowhere to be found, but Zaedi can be seen, looking slightly smaller than a dime.]

KEI: Okay, then! Full burn, and we might just make it in time!

[The shuttle turns around and blasts its engines, accelerating towards Zaedi.

Cut back to shuttlebay. The hatch closes as the mechanic chuckles to himself. A hand taps him on the back.]

CLAUDE: Hello there! Nice shuttle! [Claude knocks him out.]

[Cut back to the shuttle. Kei and Yuri have half dozed off and are awakened by the shuttle's radio.]

RADIO Unidentified shuttle! This is Zaedi Space Control! Respond! Unidentified shut--

[Kei hits a switch.]

KEI: Zaedi Control! This is the shuttle! We need clearance to land!

RADIO Shuttle, we do *not* have you on our records! State origin, purpose, and registration!

KEI: I don't know the registration! We have urgent business with the planetary government. As for our origin, well, that's sort of the business.

RADIO I don't have time for this. You will proceed to a standard orbit and await further instructions.

KEI: We don't have time to wait! We need to talk with the planetary leaders, NOW!

RADIO You will wait in orbit or risk being shot down! Is that understood?

YURI: [to Kei] Um, did I forget to mention that Zaedi's a little paranoid about outsiders?

KEI: [sarcastic] Gee, no, Yuri! It must have just slipped your mind! [to the radio:] Listen, mister! Loroffbimph? [Yuri claps a hand over Kei's mouth.]

YURI: [whispering] Kei! What if the fleet can listen in?

KEI: Oh yeah. Alright, jerk, you win. We'll wait in orbit. [Kei fiddles with the controls.] Then again, maybe we won't.

RADIO & YURI WHAT?!

KEI: We're, uh, heh heh, out of fuel! I must've left it on full burn for too long. Looks like we're coming down whether you like it or not!

RADIO You will do *no such thing*! You will proceed to standard orbit!

KEI: We have no engines, you moron! How are we supposed to get to standard orbit? Flap our arms?

RADIO If you enter the atmosphere, you will be shot down!

KEI: You don't need to shoot us down! We're doing fine on our own!

[Yuri reaches over and shuts off the radio.]

YURI: Sorry. You were only making things worse.

KEI: I'd better turn on the heat shield. [The shuttle hits the atmosphere with a sizeable jolt, and the ride gets bumpy.] They wouldn't really shoot us down, would they?

[Cut to an airbase. "SCRAMBLE" signs flash and sirens go off. Pilots run around and get into their craft. Cut back to the shuttle.]

KEI: I mean, we're unarmed. We hardly pose a threat...

[Cut back to the airbase. Seven jet-fighters take off and head into the sky. Cut back to the shuttle.]

KEI: Naah. They'd most likely take us into custody. Which is where we wanna be, right? [pause, Yuri stares out the window.] Yuri? Something wrong?

YURI: Yeah. That!

[The fighters are heading toward the shuttle. They fire missles.]

KEI: & YURI SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!

[They scramble for something behind the pilot seats. Seconds later, the missles strike their target and blow it into a million pieces.]

PART 5

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[As the chunks of debris fall to the ground, one of the larger pieces puts out a parachute. The escape pod drifts for awhile, finally landing in a large city, in a fountain in the city square. As it lands, a hovertruck arrives at breakneck speed, opens, and disgorges about a dozen heavily armed police who surround the fountain. The hatch on the pod opens and Kei and Yuri can be heard from inside the pod.]

KEI: Oof! Dammit, I'm upside down!

YURI: Hey! Watch the hair!

[Kei's head pops out of the hatch. She notices the company.]

KEI: Oh! How nice! They've sent a welcoming party.

YURI: [still inside the pod] Tell them we need to talk to the government!

KEI: Uh... Take me to your leader?

[Cut: Kei and Yuri are in the back of a high-tech paddy wagon, hands cuffed behind their backs with large, heavy, one-piece cuffs. The driver and his partner can be seen through a transparent panel. Kei is having a fit, but Yuri seems oddly calm.]

KEI: You know, you're making a big mistake!

DRIVER: Um-hum.

KEI: We're 3WA!!

DRIVER: Then where's your ID?

KEI: I said we're undercover, you morons!

DRIVER: [to his partner] Gee, Brent, waddya you think? Strip search?

BRENT Coolness...

[Kei starts writhing, trying to get out of the cuffs.]

KEI: YOU GOD-DAMN-STUPID-LOUSY-SHIT-BASTARD-CREEP-STINKING--!

[The truck stops suddenly throwing Kei and Yuri against the transparent panel. Several cars ahead, a bag woman in a hooded bathrobe is pushing a cart down the middle of the narrow road, whistling and weaving.]

DRIVER: [out of the window] Hey! Move it! [He blows the horn with no effect. The driver gets out and approaches the woman.] C'mon! You're holdin' up the traffic! [As he grabs the woman's arm, she wheels and shoves a knife into his chest. The driver chokes up blood and collapses. The woman then removes the robe, revealing herself to be Jenna.]

BRENT Holy shit! [Brent pulls a gun and leaps from the cabin.] Hold it! Don't move! I swear I'll blow you the hell away! [Walking along the side of the road is Spooky, wearing a cap. He stares at Brent, eyes glowing.] HUH? YYYERAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH! [Blood explodes from Brent's eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. He falls forward.]

KEI: WOW!! Did you see that?!

[Yuri gets a hand free.]

YURI: HA! I *knew* I could do it! It pays to have skinny wrists! [Quickly, Yuri gets her other hand free, then removes an earring.] I hope this thing is as sharp as Kueblestein said it was... [Using the earring, Yuri scores an "X" in the transparent panel, then begins to batter at the center of the "X" with the cuffs.]

KEI: That's weird. They aren't heading for the truck. Thought they'd want to steal it.

[The back doors of the truck are ripped off their hinges, revealing Claude.]

CLAUDE: We have our own transportation, thank you very much. And *our* shuttle is armed.

KEI: SHIT! OUTTA THE WAY!

[Kei pushes Yuri away and kicks at the panel. It breaks on the third try. Yuri throws the cuffs at Claude and hits him in the face, making him curse. She then whips off her chain belt with the weight at the end and begins whipping him in the face with it.]

CLAUDE: Dammit, girl! You're pissing me off!

[Kei scrambles through the hole and gets in the driver's seat. Claude catches the chain and rips it out of Yuri's hand. Kei stomps on the accelerator and both Yuri and Claude go flying toward the open back. Yuri grabs a railing, and Claude grabs Yuri's leg, leaving him dangling half outside. Yuri screams and starts kicking him in the face with her other leg.]

KEI: Hold on!

[Kei grabs the shift with her teeth, throws it into reverse, and slams on the gas again. Other cars careen out of the way.]

CLAUDE: Oh, SHIT!

[Claude is crushed up against a building, which actually causes more damage to the truck than to him, but does get him to let go.]

KEI: Yuri! Get your butt up here and take over!

[Yuri crawls into the driver's seat. She jumps the truck over the center of the road, causing several accidents and begins to drive off. Jenna takes the blade ring off her belt and throws it. It makes a deep gash near the bottom of the truck, then returns to her. She walks over to Claude.]

JENNA: Hey, you OK?

CLAUDE: [dusting himself off] I feel like a damn fool, but other than that, I'm fine. Hey, Spooks! You got a fix?

JENNA: No rush. They'll be on foot soon.

[Cut to Kei and Yuri, driving down the highway at great speed.]

KEI: So. *Now* what the hell do we do?

YURI: Don't ask me! This was *your* plan, remember?

KEI: Yeah, well, my plan called for a little cooperation on the side of the locals. Hmm... I don't suppose they have a hyperspace 3V station on Zaedi?

YURI: [sarcastically] Sure! We'll just storm in, take the place by force, and broadcast the coordinates during the soap operas.

KEI: That's what I like about you. Always so helpful. [Yuri runs a light and barely misses several cars.] YIII! Dammit! One of these days, you have *got* to learn how to drive!

YURI: Oh, no... Why me?

KEI: What's wrong *now*?

YURI: NO BRAKES!!

[The hovertruck curves wildly off the main highway and onto a smaller road, sending traffic into buildings, posts, pedestrians. The truck continues at breakneck speed, swerving wildly between lanes.]

KEI: Take your foot off the gas!

YURI: I have! This is a hovertruck! It'll coast forever!

[The truck speeds toward an intersection, which is blocked by a huge cargo truck. Kei and Yuri scream. Yuri turns at the last instant, going down the wrong side of the road while the cargo truck swerves and plows into a fuel station, which explodes in a brilliant fireball. Yuri throws the truck onto yet an even smaller side-street with little traffic.]

KEI: Wait! I've got an idea! This thing won't coast if I turn it off!

YURI: KEI, NO--!!!

[Kei leans back and kicks the ignition, sending it to the "off" position. The truck drops to the ground and skids, sending a shower of sparks behind it, then bounces and starts to flip and roll. Battered and crushed, the truck comes to rest in a deserted area. A teenage boy with short, curly, blonde hair walks up to the crash and looks inside at the two unconscious girls.]

BOY No WAY! [The boy takes another look.] This is most excellent. Utterly bodiacious! [He calls to an unseen friend.] Dude, get over here! You are NOT going to believe this!

[Cut to a bedroom. Kei and Yuri are together in a twin bed, covered by a sheet. Yuri wakes up and shakes Kei, who is no longer handcuffed.]

YURI: Hey. Wake up.

KEI: Mrmfle? Where are we?

YURI: Beats the hell out of me. Waking up in a strange room seems to be par for the course after fighting those guys.

KEI: What the--?! Is that *us* all over the walls?

[The girls look at the walls, which are covered with photos of the Lovely Angels, official pictures, shots of them in action, plus pictures taken of them in civilian clothes. Along with the pictures are news clippings: "DIRTY PAIR SPOTTED JUST PRIOR TO LYRA DISASTER", "WWWA: `NO COMMENT' ON POSSIBLE NOLANDIA/DIRTY PAIR CONNECTION", "VIZORIUM BUST LEAVES 500,000 DEAD", etc.]

YURI: I don't know whether to be flattered or furious...

[Kei flops back on the bed.]

KEI: I don't care anymore. After what we've been through, I don't think I can *be* surprised anymore. At least whoever it was was nice enough to take my cuffs off. [Kei props herself on one arm.] Hey, Yuri, is that Spooky guy a telepath?

YURI: I guess so. It would explain how that guy was killed, and also how they found us so easily the first time we fought them. Found us *twice*...

KEI: So why didn't he do that to us?

YURI: Maybe he couldn't see us in the truck. Or maybe they want us alive.

KEI: No, I mean the first time. When they definitely wanted us dead.

YURI: Oh. Gee, I don't know. You've got a point.

KEI: [sitting up] Maybe it has something to do with those freaky powers the higher-ups keep insisting we have-- [Kei eyes go wide.] Ohmigod. I'm naked.

YURI: What? [Yuri peeks under her sheet, then tugs it closer.] Eep!

[Voices can be from behind the bedroom door.]

BOY Now, remember, dude, it's "Lovely Angels", not "Dirty Pair". Calling them "the Dirty Pair" will elicit a majorly bogus reaction!

OTHER BOY Will, dude! I'm on it!

[The two boys enter: the boy with the short, curly, blonde hair, and a taller boy with shaggy black hair. The boys enter and put on an overacting display of coolness.]

WILL: (BOY) Ladies! I hope you're comfortable! Allow me to introduce myself. [Yuri yelps and pulls the sheet around her, partially exposing Kei.] I am the one and only Will S. Boston, Esq., and this excellent dude... [Kei yells and pulls the sheet back, partially showing Yuri.] ...is Theo Legan.

THEO: (OTHER BOY) Hi! [Kei and Yuri start a tug-of-war over the sheet.]

WILL: We are the charter members of the Lovely Angels Fan Club, a most excellent organization... [Kei and Yuri manage to wrap the sheet around both of them.] ...dedicated to spreading the word of the two most incredibly triumphant babes ever to hold a gun.

KEI: [muttering] Kill...

YURI: Lovely Angels...FAN CLUB??

WILL: Well, we're just starting out. The membership's kinda small right now...

THEO: Just the two of us.

WILL: ...but we're planning a major convention. You two would be our most triumphant guests of honor, of course.

THEO: Would you like a copy of our newsletter?

KEI: [through clenched teeth] No, I'd like some CLOTHES!!

WILL: Oh, right! Dude! Fetch our guests' outfits! [Theo runs out of the room.]

YURI: Do you mind explaining why you undressed us?

WILL: Well, we like, *did* find you in a car wreck. We just had to make sure you were okay! It was, like, our civic duty, y'know? And Theo said he thought you looked like you were on the run from someone, so it would be, like major bad news to take you to a hospital. [Theo runs back in with two folded sets of clothes.]

YURI: You didn't do anything...else, did you?

WILL: Ladies! You wound me! Gentlemen of our calibre would never stoop to such heinous deeds.

THEO: Yeah! We didn't take any pictures of you--OW! [Will elbows him.]

WILL: I trust your clothes are satisfactory?

[Still hugging the sheet with one hand, the girls unfold the clothes: WWWA female trouble consultant uniforms.]

YURI: These are real! How did you get ahold of these?

KEI: Who cares? Get the hell out of here, boys!

YURI: No, Kei, we can't wear these. We'll blow our cover.

KEI: What? I think our cover's *been* blown! Or haven't you noticed that people are trying to kill us?!

THEO: This is so bodacious...

KEI: & YURI Shut up!

THEO: No prob!

YURI: Look, I can't put my finger on it, but something just doesn't make sense. Well... Like, look at the equipment they used! Lord Robin's got high-tech to spare. Why not give Jenna or Claude something to just blow up the truck, or knock everyone in it unconscious?

KEI: I don't know! I don't care! I just want out of here! If that Spooky's a telepath, he'll probably be able to trace us now that we're awake. It's just a matter of time.

YURI: Oh, boys?

WILL: & THEO Yes?!

YURI: Could we please have our old clothes?

WILL: Uh, well, see... Theo sort of got a little overenthusiastic and like--

THEO: Dude, like it wasn't all *my* fault. I only undressed one!

WILL: Well, they're sorta like ripped. Real bad. Like in half.

KEI: [barely controlling herself] I don't suppose you have anything *else* we could wear?

THEO: Well, nothin' that would fit.

YURI: Then could you go to a store and buy us something?

WILL: There's a store down the road!

THEO: No way, dude! I'm not buyin' women's clothes! That would mean like underwear and stuff, right? No way! Utterly bogus!

YURI: [trying to be charming] Tell you what. You go buy us new outfits, something close to what we were wearing before, and we'll let you help us in a Lovely Angels Adventure! [The boys eyes widen. So do Kei's.]

WILL: & THEO NO WAY!!!

YURI: Yes way!

WILL: Theo, there comes a time in one's life when a most triumphant opportunity presents itself and cannot be ignored. What do you say, dude?

THEO: Throw in autographs and you've got a deal!

YURI: No prob!

WILL: & THEO EX--CELLENT!

PART 6

---------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to an alley that empties onto an average-sized road. It is the early evening. Kei, Will, and Theo wait in the shadows while Yuri keeps an eye on the road.]

THEO: Are you sure this is gonna work?

KEI: A variation of it worked for the people who nailed us.

YURI: Here comes a good one! Get ready!

WILL: [to Theo] Dude, you're on!

THEO: This doesn't seem as excellent an idea now that I think about it... [A truck begins to drive up.] Nope, no way dude! I've changed my mind! This is bogus!

KEI: Break a leg, kid!

[Kei pushes Theo into the street. He yells and falls in front in of the truck, which screeches to a halt less than a meter away. The driver bolts out of the truck.]

DRIVER: Holy shit! Hey, kid! Kid, are you okay?!

[Theo looks at the Angels, who make "go on" motions with their hands. He then puts on a great show of agony.]

THEO: Dude! Like, major pain! Internal injuries! Ah! Ah! [Will comes running out.]

WILL: Oh, god! Theo! Oh, no! What happened to you! This is most non-triumphant! This is heinous! [He looks at the driver.] You! You struck down this fine young man in the prime of his life! You-- you WEENIE!

DRIVER: Waaaaait a minute... He's not hurt.

THEO: Will? Will, dude, is that you?

WILL: Yes, Theo, it's me. You have to hang on!

[The driver whistles and a huge man gets out of the truck and lumbers over.]

THEO: Will, dude, there's like this light, and, and I can hear angels, and they're like playin' these *bitchin'* guitar riffs...

WILL: [to the driver] I hope you're satisfied! This upstanding young citizen having to die in the street like a dog! If I were you, dude, I'd get myself a good lawyer. [The big guy lifts Will in the air by his shirt collar, choking him.] Or a big, burly guy with an attitude. That'll work.

DRIVER: All right, you little shit. What's your game? Who hired you?

WILL: They did.

DRIVER: "They" who?

WILL: The two girls that are stealing your truck. [The big man drops Will and turns around.]

DRIVER: What?!

[Will and Theo run for it as the two men produce guns and start firing at the truck, which turns a corner and disappears. Cut to interior of the truck, which has pulled onto a highway. Yuri is driving.]

YURI: See, now that wasn't so bad, was it? We got ourselves some nifty transportation, all for the price of our signatures!

KEI: Yeah. 'Course, I would like know how they got that picture of us at a topless beach... Hey! If I'm not mistaken, those guys were shooting at us when we left. Maybe there's something interesting in the back! Mind if I have a look?

YURI: Sure! I can handle things up here.

[Kei walks into the hold through a small door. The next thing she says is in the voice of a small child after being told that Christmas starts tomorrow and lasts a month.]

KEI: [from the hold] OH!!!

YURI: What's wrong?

KEI: [from the hold] Nothing's wrong! It's WONDERFUL! Oh BOY!!

[A car pulls up beside Yuri. It is driven by Claude, while Jenna and Spooky sit next to him. Jenna waves hello, then pulls out a large gun.]

YURI: Uh, Kei? [Yuri ducks as Jenna fires. To everyone's surprise, the blast bounces off the window harmlessly.] Kei? You might wanna get up here!

KEI: [from the hold] Why? [Claude swerves and begins to ram Yuri's truck, attempting to force it off the road.] Oh! Are we being rammed?

YURI: You might say that!

KEI: [from the hold] Here! Give them this!

[Kei's arm comes out of the hold and hands Yuri a beeping grenade.]

YURI: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

[Panicked, Yuri opens the window and tosses the grenade into the assassins' car. The three assassins bobble the grenade between them, then veer off and leap from the car just as it goes up in a terrific explosion. Kei and Yuri drive away. They park the truck in a deserted area and examine the hold, which is full of weapons. Like children in a candy store, they go through their haul.]

KEI: Pulse cannons, fragmentation grenades, land mines, seeker missles! Look at it all! Those guys must've been illegal arms merchants!

[Yuri examines a small, shiny gun with affection.]

YURI: Smith and Wesson Series 17 Pulse Pistol. Accurate to 1500 meters. [She holds the gun to her side.] What do you think, Kei? Would this look nice in my holster?

KEI: Oh, you're always so concerned about appearance. Now *this* is a gun! [Kei hefts a mammoth machine gun. It is about as long as she is tall and fires bullets the length of a man's hand.] Can we keep it? Please-please-please?

YURI: Well, we should probably take care of our little assassin problem before we try the authorities again. And that telepath will most likely find us soon...

KEI: Oh, BOY!!! I haven't been this excited since my last date!

YURI: When was that?

KEI: Don't ruin it.

[Cut to what appears to be a warehouse district. The area is deserted, save for Jenna, Claude, and Spooky, who slowly search the area with guns drawn. Jenna looks inquiringly at Spooky, who points ahead. Jenna nods and the three move forward. They are interrupted by shouts from their left.]

KEI: Hi, guys!

[The three assassins whirl about, and see Kei and Yuri standing in the open in front of one of the warehouses.]

YURI: Where have you been? We've been waiting for you! We thought maybe we could talk this problem out like sensible people.

KEI: Yeah, why don't you come over here and we'll have a nice long chat! [Jenna looks at Claude, who nods.]

JENNA: Yeah, right.

[Jenna and Claude pull up their guns and fire. The blasts hit an invisible screen in front of the Angels, which starts to glow and hum.]

CLAUDE: RUN FOR IT!!

[A powerful, directional concussion blast emits from the screen. Jenna and Spooky run in one direction, Claude in the other. Jenna gets far enough away that the blast merely knocks her off her feet, but she loses her gun as she hits the ground. Claude, being not as fast, is sent flying through the air.]

KEI: That was AWESOME! I always wanted to try one of those!

YURI: Yeah. Too bad we couldn't convince them to walk through those land mines, though. You wanna take Claude?

KEI: You read my mind!

[Jenna grabs her gun and jumps to her feet. A moment later the gun is shot out of her hand. Yuri stands there, holding her new pulse pistol on Jenna.]

YURI: Don't move.

JENNA: (laughs) God, you're stupid.

[Jenna takes a couple of running steps toward Yuri. As Yuri fires, Jenna springs into a backflip, causing Yuri to miss. Jenna does two more flips, then in one fluid motion, takes her blade ring off her belt and throws it. Yuri's gun flies out of her hand in two pieces.]

YURI: OW! [Yuri looks at her hand. It is bleeding.] Dammit, I'm getting sick of that thing!

JENNA: Makes us even. I've been sick of you since I first laid eyes on you. Hold still, now... [Jenna once again throws the ring, but Yuri, with a perfectly timed move, catches it.] Wha--?

[Cut to Claude, who is desperately searching for something.]

CLAUDE: Gun. Gun. Dammit, where's my gun?!

KEI: Gun? You mean one of *these*? [Claude turns around. Kei is holding the mammoth machine gun. It roars as she fires it, and Claude is rapidly pushed backwards toward a wall.] Waddya think of the "cute redhead" *now*, cyborg?! Huh?! HUH?!! [The gun runs out of ammunition. Claude collapses in a heap.] (pant) Guess I showed you, huh? (pant) You--you stupid bucket of bolts!

[Claude springs to his feet. He is leaking fluid from several holes on his body, but otherwise seems undamaged.]

CLAUDE: Oh, yeah! Heh-heh! You sure showed me all right! Got anything else you'd like to shoot me with? [Kei's eyes go wide and her jaw drops, as well as her gun. Claude takes one look at her facial expression and bursts into laughter.] HAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh God! The look-HAHAHAHAHA-the look on your face! It's PRICELESS! HAHAHAHAHA!

[Kei's face turns red. With a look of death on her face, she unslings a compact grenade launcher from her back and centers the crosshairs right on Claude's laughing mouth. She fires.]

CLAUDE: HAHAHAHA-HRUK!

[The grenade hits Claude right in his open mouth and knocks him back five meters. He lands on his back with the grenade lodged inside his mouth and tries to work it free. Kei walks up, holding a pistol.]

KEI: Well well well. Looks like it didn't go off. [She aims the pistol.]

CLAUDE: NUH! NUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Claude tries to get to his feet, but Kei fires and Claude's head vanishes in a brilliant explosion.

Cut to Yuri and Jenna, who hears the explosion.]

JENNA: CLAUDE!! [Seeing Jenna distracted, Yuri winds up and throws the blade ring at her, but misses. Jenna rushes her.] Last mistake you'll ever make, BITCH!!

[The blade ring returns and hits Jenna in the back of the neck, slicing off her head. Yuri catches the ring again.]

YURI: HA! [She looks at the blade ring, dripping with blood.] EEYUGHK! [She drops it. Kei comes running over.]

KEI: I took care of mine! How about y-- wow. Guess you don't need my help.

YURI: Where's the last one?

KEI: Dunno. Haven't seen him since we separated them. [The girls look around.] Wait! Inside that building!

[Sure enough, inside one of the taller warehouses can be seen a human shadow. The Angels head inside.]

YURI: There you are! We've been looking for you! [As soon as Spooky sees the girls, he bolts up the steps.]

KEI: Don't be stupid! You can only run so far in that direction!

[Cut to roof. Spooky emerges from a door and frantically searches for somewhere to hide. Kei appears moments later, gun ready, followed by Yuri. Spooky shakes his head and waves his hands, backing up to the edge of the roof.]

KEI: I don't get this. You're the big scary telepath, why don't you just blow our minds like you did with that cop? You can't, can you? [Kei raises her gun.] Come with us or die. Your choice. [Spooky's eyes glow, and the ground under Kei's feet seems to ripple and flow. Kei staggers and fires wildly. One of the shots hits the roof under Spooky's feet and it crumbles. Spooky falls to his death, mouth open in a silent scream.] Wha--? Where'd he go? Did I lose him?

YURI: Sort of.

[Cut to the front of the building. Kei and Yuri exit.]

KEI: So, what we do now?

OFFICER Well, for starters, you're going to throw down your weapons.

[The Angels look around. They are surrounded by at least fifty armed SWAT troops and five tanks.]

KEI: Great! You're just the people we want to talk to!

YURI: Your planet's in great danger!

OFFICER Damn straight! But once we get you two in a prison, it'll be a whole lot safer!

YURI: No, you don't understand--

OFFICER What's not to understand? Piloting an illegal shuttle, escaping custody, illegal arms dealing, murder, all in a few hours! Hell, if it was someone else's planet, I'd admire you!

KEI: Dammit, listen to us!

OFFICER [to the troops] Men, if they give you any trouble, if they so much as look at you funny, shred them. [A low-flying shuttle moves overhead.] Huh? What's this?

[A pulse beam shoots from the shuttle and destroys a tank, causing panic. Further shots reduce the number of troops as well as tanks. The shuttle descends and hovers, and Hiyoko sticks her head out the window.]

HIYOKO: Cory! Percy! Come on!

[Kei and Yuri get in the back seat and the shuttle takes off, dodging shots from the one remaining tank. Cut to interior of the shuttle. A driver in chauffeur's dress pilots the shuttle into the air.]

HIYOKO: Boy oh boy, am I glad I found you! I was worried sick! Don't you silly girls know what's going to happen to this place in an hour?

YURI: I, uh, guess we were just being impulsive.

KEI: How did you find us?

HIYOKO: Oh, that was easy! We just listened for the most violence, gunfire and explosions! Ha ha! You sure do like action, don't you!

YURI: Uh, yeah. Does Lord Robin know you went looking for us?

HIYOKO: Hahahahahahaha! Oh, you are so *funny*! Heeheehee!

KEI: Um, right, whatever. It was, uh, nice of him to let you come pick us up. I was sort of afraid he'd be mad. [The driver turns around. It's Lord Robin.]

ROBIN: I *am* a little mad. I just don't believe in training a dog with a flamethrower. Sort of misses the point, if you catch my gist, hmm? [Kei and Yuri are speechless.] Aren't you even going to say "hi" to your dear old Uncle Robin? I'm hurt.

YURI: Hi?

ROBIN: That's better! [He turns around.]

KEI: So, you... know what we've been up to?

ROBIN: Having a little fun on a dying world? Stealing yourselves new wardrobes? Of course! You think you're the first rookies to try something like that? Not very original. [A sensor on the control panel starts beeping.] Ohhhhhh, goody! They're sending us more playmates! Hiyoko, would you like to man the weapons this time?

HIYOKO: (Gasp!) Can I?! Oh thank you thank you thank you!

[Three jet fighters hurtle toward the shuttle. Robin turns the shuttle tightly and heads back toward the fighters, flattening Kei and Yuri against the hull in the process. The fighters open fire, but Robin weaves the shuttle crazily, dodging the blasts.]

ROBIN: YEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAA!! Take 'em, Hiyoko!

[Hiyoko take hold of the weapon controls and begins firing the pulse cannons. One jet takes multiple hits and explodes. The other two escape unharmed. One circles back and fixes on the shuttle's tail.]

HIYOKO: Oh, no! I think that one's got a missle lock on us! I'll use that aft thingy.

[A pulse cannon mounted on the rear of the shuttle destroys the tailing craft.]

ROBIN: You know, aft-mounted cannons make sooo much sense, it's a wonder they haven't caught on yet. [The third jet decides to quit fooling around and launches its entire load of seeker missles. They leave trails as they curve through the air, homing in on their target.] Seeker missles are so popular, but you know what the big problem with them is? [Robin's shuttle accelerates and maintains a constant distance between it and the missles.] If you make the mistake of firing them on a craft that can exactly match their velocity, you're screwed. For example.

[Robin leads the missles back toward the last remaining jet. The pilot figures out what Robin is about to do and tries to escape, but the shuttle is faster. Robin flies the shuttle almost up the jet's tailpipe then pulls up. The missles strike the jet and destroy it. Hiyoko claps her hands and squeals with delight.]

HIYOKO: YEAH!! We did it! Cory, Percy, wasn't that *awesome*!

[Kei and Yuri both look like they've gone on one too many roller- coasters.]

KEI: Just...

YURI: ...great...

ROBIN: Hold on to your last meal, ladies, I'm about to kick in the boosters!

[A brilliant blast shoots from the engines and the shuttle accelerates to escape velocity. Moments later, the ship reaches orbit, which seems abandoned except for the shuttle.]

YURI: Lord Robin, if you don't mind my asking, what's going to happen to us?

ROBIN: Hmm. Perhaps I'll... BOIL YOU IN OIL! RIP OUT YOUR TOENAILS! SHOVE RED- HOT METAL RODS UP YOUR NOSE! MU-HU-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! [Robin makes an "evil bogeyman" face, then breaks up laughing.]

HIYOKO: Come *on*, guys! What do you think Robin is? Some kinda monster?

KEI: Then we aren't going to be punished?

ROBIN: Of course you're going to be punished! I'm afraid you'll have to sit out the festivities. Ah, we've arrived.

[Robin manipulates some controls. Space turns orange and the Skinny Puppy is suddenly in front of them, while behind them, Zaedi vanishes.]

YURI: You've never really explained to us what our duties are.

ROBIN: Well, since you're not going to be performing them this time, don't worry about it.

[Cut to the Puppy's shuttle bay. The shuttle enters through the ceiling port and lands. As Robin gets out, Kirsten comes running up and embraces him.]

KIRSTEN: ROBIN! Thank god you're alright! I've been so worried ever since I heard you were going down yourself! Oh, darling, why do you take such risks? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you.

[Robin cranes his head to look at Kei and Yuri.]

ROBIN: Cory, Percy, go to your quarters and clean yourself up. You scoot too, Hiyoko.

HIYOKO: Yes, sir.

[The three girls leave. Robin gently pushes Kirsten away and looks into her eyes.]

ROBIN: Kirsten. Darling. My love... Someone seems to think that just because she's my lover she can do whatever she damn well pleases. [Robin pauses, and his expression turns extremely unfriendly.] If you value your face, don't ever try something like that again.

[Cut to Kei and Yuri. They look out a window as Lord Robin's "festivities" begin. The view outside shimmers and changes from swirling orange to a view of Zaedi from orbit.]

KEI: There's nothing we can do, is there? [Yuri points.]

YURI: Looks like this planet is going to put up a fight.

[Missles zoom toward the fleet, but all are destroyed by lasers before they reach their target.]

KEI: For all the good it did them. [The ship starts to hum and vibrate.] Here it goes... [Yuri turns around.]

YURI: Oh, I can't watch this.

[The giant pulse cannons do their work, blasting the surface of Zaedi to rubble.]

KEI: It was a crummy planet. I doubt anyone will miss it.

YURI: How can you say that? Aren't you forgetting something?!

KEI: What? Oh. Right... I hope they don't suffer.

[Cut to Will and Theo's place on the surface. Theo looks out the window and watches the approaching explosions.]

WILL: Dude! What's happening?

THEO: Looks like the planet's bein' blown up, dude. [Will and Theo look at each other.]

WILL: & THEO EX--CELLENT!!

PART 7

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to the fleet as it leaves the Zaedi system, once again in the orange swirling mock-space. Yuri walks the corridors of the Skinny Puppy. She has just taken a shower and is walking back to her quarters. She pushes the button and the door slides open, letting out the sounds of a man and a woman engaged in recreational activities.]

YURI: Oh! Sorry! Wrong room! [She closes the door again.] Morons. They do have locks, you know. Great. So which room is mine? [She walks up and down trying doors, but none will open for her.] Aw, hell, I'm lost. Maybe I can find my way back to the showers and try again. [Cut to another part of the ship. Yuri walks by, then sits down.] Shit. Now I'm *really* lost. Where the heck *is* everybody, anyway? I mean, I know it's the "night cycle" or whatever, but this is ridiculous. [Yuri sits awhile, then she hears music. She gets up.] Hmm. Music. Where there's music, there's people.

[Yuri walks to a large entrance, the door of which are open. She peeks inside. Lord Robin is dancing to an energetic synth-dance tune. He is *very* good. Yuri continues to watch until Robin notices her.]

ROBIN: Percy! Just what do you think you're doing? Didn't your mother ever tell you what happens to little girls who spy on people? They grow up to be telejournalists and make millions of credits!

YURI: I--I'm lost. Could you tell me how to get back to my room?

ROBIN: First things first. Let's see you dance.

YURI: Huh?

ROBIN: You heard me. Shake your booty! [Yuri stands for a moment, then shrugs.]

YURI: [to herself] What the hell...

[Yuri starts to dance, tentatively at first, but finally letting herself go. She is nearly as good as Robin, and he is impressed. The goony smile on his face loosens a bit, and he claps his hands over his head. The music stops, causing a startled Yuri to freeze in midstep.]

ROBIN: That was very impressive. However, I'm still in control of the board here. WALTZ! [A waltz starts up. Robin grabs Yuri and starts whirling about the room. Yuri at first has trouble keeping up, but is soon matching him step for step.] You're very skilled indeed, Percy. I had thought the waltz was a lost art.

YURI: My father made me take lessons. He thought it would help me get a husband.

ROBIN: Really? And what does he think of his bouncing baby girl shacking up with space pirates?

YURI: I haven't told him yet. I can't find your postcard shop.

ROBIN: HAHAHAHAHA! Time to raise the ante! TANGO!

YURI: WAAAA!

[A tango starts and Robin dances mercilessly. Yuri keeps up, but barely. As the music comes to an end, Robin spins Yuri, dips her and looks deep into her eyes.]

ROBIN: [romantically] My sweet, darling Percy, there is only one thing that could make this evening complete. [brightly:] Do you play chess?

[Cut to the hallway outside of Kei and Yuri's quarters. Hiyoko and Tony stand outside, Hiyoko clinging to Tony's arm. He rings the bell, and the door opens.]

KEI: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU-- oh. Hi. I thought you were someone else.

HIYOKO: Hi, Cory! I just thought I'd check up on you, you know, after what you went through yesterday. Where's Percy?

KEI: I don't know. I haven't seen her for hours. I'm starting to get worried. HIYOKO: Oh, don't be worried! She'll be fine, you'll see! She probably just got lost.

TONY: Hiyoko and I were about to head down to the recreation area to kill a little time. Want to tag along?

KEI: Well, uh, sure. I mean, if I wouldn't be, like, intruding.

HIYOKO: Oh, ha ha ha! Don't worry about that! Tony and I take care of all that behind locked doors, right, Tony? [Hiyoko hugs Tony's arm even tighter. He blushes a little.]

TONY: Uh, right. So how about it?

KEI: Okay. What the heck. [She steps outside and locks the door. The three head down the corridor.]

HIYOKO: And don't worry about Percy. I'm sure she can take care of herself.

[Cut to Lord Robin's quarters, much larger than those of Kei and Yuri. On a small table, Yuri and Robin are playing chess. There are few pieces remaining on the board. Robin examines the board, looking frustrated.]

ROBIN: Not only does she *play* chess, she *beats* me at it! Wotta re-voltin' development this is! Hum hum hum... [Robin looks over the board once more.] What would you do if you were in my situation? [Yuri puts her elbows on the table, rests her head in her hands, and smiles.]

YURI: I'd resign.

ROBIN: Me, resign?!! Lord Robin *never* resigns! No no no, my dear! I still have one last trick up my sleeve! I shall play...the Dodd Gambit!

YURI: I've never heard of that one.

ROBIN: It's simple. Goes like this: DODD GAM-BIT!! [Robin sends the pieces flying across the room and starts to laugh. In spite of herself, Yuri laughs too.] You know, you have a lovely laugh. [Yuri is startled into silence.]

YURI: Oh... [Robin starts to pick up the pieces.]

ROBIN: I suppose I should get servants to do this, but I believe in cleaning up one's own mess.

YURI: Um, do you mind if I ask you a question?

ROBIN: Sure, if you don't mind me not answering.

YURI: I guess that's fair. I was just wondering how long you were planning to go on with this. I mean, how long do you think you can go on before the United Galactica catches up with you.

ROBIN: [suddenly completely serious] The United Galactica is a joke. [pause, Yuri is stunned. Robin snaps back into silliness.] But then, everyone loves a good joke! Like, "How many trouble consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

YURI: How many?

ROBIN: Two, but it's got to be a really big lightbulb.

[Yuri gets up and walks to the large window. She looks out at the mock-space.]

YURI: It's a shame you can't see the stars. The stars were the reason I got into space travel in the first place.

ROBIN: Really? [He finishes picking up the pieces and joins Yuri at the window.]

YURI: When I was a little girl, my grandfather used to take me out to his cottage on an island away from the big city. At night you could see all the stars. One time I asked him what the stars were. He told me they were dreams. He said that for every person's dream, there is a star, and if you find your star, and follow it, all your dreams will come true. [pause] The funny thing was, he was right. The stars *are* people's dreams. At least those with planets around them. [Yuri pulls away from the window.] Look, I'd better go. Cory's probably worried sick about me. Thanks again for the map.

ROBIN: Certainly. Perhaps I could see you for dinner tomorrow night?

YURI: Uh... sure! [Yuri leaves. Lord Robin continues to look out the window.]

ROBIN: Never thought of it that way before.

[Cut to Kei and Yuri's quarters. Kei is sitting on her bed in her nightclothes. Yuri comes in and flops on her bed, face down.]

YURI: God, I'm beat.

KEI: You should be! It's 0400 hours! If we were back at the academy we'd be getting up in an hour. Where the hell were you, anyway?

YURI: With Lord Robin.

KEI: Wuh? You mean, Lord Robin and you had like... a date?

YURI: Hmm. I suppose you could call it that. We danced, we talked, I beat him in chess. He's not really that bad a guy, once you get to know him.

KEI: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, he's just responsible for the deaths of billions of people, that's all. No biggie.

YURI: He doesn't seem that way at all. It's strange...

KEI: Did he...try anything?

YURI: Huh? No.

KEI: Good. Try and remember where those transmitters are hidden. [Yuri props herself up and turns around.]

YURI: Come on, Kei! Give me a little credit, alright! [She lays down again.] (Yawn) Good night. [She rolls over and closes her eyes.]

KEI: No, hey, wait! Wait'll you hear what I found out! [pause, Yuri is fast asleep] Yuri? Oh well, I guess it can wait.

[Cut to the hallway outside the Angels' quarters. Hiyoko rings the doorbell, looks impatient and rings it again. The door opens to reveal a very tired looking Kei.]

HIYOKO: Good morning!

KEI: Wuzzafrup you want... oh, Hiyoko. Hi.

HIYOKO: I was beginning to wonder if you guys were ever going to come! I only, like, rang the doorbell twenty times!

YURI: [from inside] We know.

KEI: Look, is there a reason for you waking us up or are you just being yourself?

HIYOKO: Of course there's a reason, silly! Lord Robin's holding a special spinning! Come on or we'll miss it!

YURI: Do you think we could maybe get dressed first?

HIYOKO: Ha ha! Of course! You two are so funny! I'll just wait out here.

[Cut to interior of quarters. Kei closes the door and the two girls start to get dressed. After about fifteen seconds...]

HIYOKO: [behind the door] Come *on*, guys!

KEI: Just once. Please, Yuri, can I hit her just once?

[Cut to the auditorium, which is filling with people. Yuri, Kei, and Hiyoko again take seats near the back.]

YURI: Hiyoko, why is Lord Robin holding this spinning so early?

HIYOKO: I dunno. I think there's going to be some kinda surprise.

[The lights dim and the game show music starts up.]

ANNOUNCER [VO] It's time once again to Spin the Wheel of Chance! And now, here he is, that host of hosts, that captain of captains, that dude what pays you, Lorrrrrrrrd Robin!

[The audience cheers, albeit a bit unenergetically, as Lord Robin enters the stage holding a microphone.]

ROBIN: Ladies, gentlemen, and other members of the crew, it is time once again to select the name of the next planet to be graced by our presence. A lot of you are probably wondering, "Why did you get us out of bed at this ungodly hour? Who do you think you are anyway? Lord Robin or something?" [The audience laughs.] Fear not, oh loyal crewmembers o'mine! All your questions will be answered. Hoo boy, will they ever! But first...THE WHEEL! [The audience cheers as the curtain opens to reveal the gigantic wheel. Kirsten, in her slinky dress, poses by it.] Ah, the wonderful wheel! That huge wheel that is the centerpiece of these little gatherings of ours. Hmm. What am I supposed to do with it?

AUDIENCE SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!! SPIN THE WHEEL!!

ROBIN: Ah, yes! That was it! Kirsten, if you would do the honors?

[Kirsten gives the wheel a spin and the names of planets once again flash by on the screen above it. People in the audience shout out.]

VOICE1 Who're we gonna blow up next!

VOICE2 Yeah! We're ready to kick some more ass!

ROBIN: [to himself] My my my. Aren't we a confident little bunch.

[Robin walks over to the wheel, looks at the screen, makes a mental calculation, waits a bit, then stops it with his hand. The screen reads "EARTH". Kirsten is stunned, as are Kei and Yuri in the back. The audience goes quiet, then bursts into laughter. When Robin doesn't say anything, the laughter stops.]

VOICE3 Sir, are...are you *serious*?

ROBIN: Well, of *course* I'm serious! Have you ever known me to be otherwise?

VOICE4 But Earth is the most heavily defended planet in the galaxy!!

ROBIN: And after a few more days, it'll be the most heavily defended cinder! Unless... you think this is too much for you elite force types.

VOICE5 N-no SIR!

AUDIENCE No SIR! NO SIR!

ROBIN: Goody! Now I want all you crewmembers who aren't on duty to sleep on this for a couple more hours. Then tonight, we'll have the most destructive party ever! Wouldn't want to break a tradition now, would we?

[The audience cheers as Lord Robin takes Kirsten by the arm and leaves the stage. Cut to Yuri, Kei, and Hiyoko in the back.]

HIYOKO: Wow. This will be different, huh, guys? [Kei and Yuri have dazed looks.]

KEI: Yeah...

YURI: Different...

[Cut to Kei and Yuri's quarters, as the girls enter and sit on the beds. They still look shaken.]

KEI: Yuri, I have friends on Earth.

YURI: So does everyone else. We *have* to stop him this time. If he succeeds, he could tear the entire United Galactica apart!

KEI: Do you think he could pull it off?

YURI: No, but then I didn't think he could get an agent into the 3WA, either.

KEI: You have a point... OH! I almost forgot! I was going to tell you last night, but you fell asleep on me!

YURI: What?

KEI: Tony said that they'll be taking the whole fleet out of mock space tomorrow for maintainence to the half-warp drive! They're doing it in deep space, light-years away from any star, where no one would expect to find them, but our transmitters could fix that, right? Yuri, this could be the chance we've been waiting for!

YURI: Then this is it. We've got to do it! We'll activate our transmitters as soon as we leave mock-space, then try to cripple the engines.

KEI: I've got a better idea. Why don't you try to distract Lord Robin, while I activate my transmitter? The area of space is only a couple of parsecs from where the fleet is located. One transmitter should be enough. And he knows you, so you could keep him occupied until the UG fleet gets here.

YURI: Hmm. Okay. He's invited me to dinner anyway.

KEI: Huh? You never told me that!

YURI: You never asked. [Yuri lays back on the bed.] Well, Kei, here we go. Time for us to save the galaxy.

KEI: Or die trying.

PART 8

---------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to the engineering room, dominated by the huge half-warp energy bubble. Tony is present with three other engineers.]

TONY: Okay, synchronize with me and we'll bring it down. On ten, got it? [The other engineers nod, say "yes", etc.] Alright, then. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

[Cut to a view of deep space. With a flash, Lord Robin's fleet materializes.

Cut to entrance to Lord Robin's quarters. Yuri approaches and rings the doorbell.]

ROBIN: [from inside] Enter freely and of your own will!

[The door slides open. Inside is Lord Robin in an exaggerated dinner suit. The lights are dimmed and candles are set on the table.]

YURI: Whoa. I think I'm a little under-dressed.

ROBIN: Nonsense, my dear! Why, I hear frumpiness is all the rage on some of the more well-to-do colonies! Look! [He motions toward the window.] I've arranged for the stars to be out tonight. Why don't you do a little stargazing while I go grab the victuals? [Robin briefly walks into a kitchen and returns with the meal.] Hope you like it, I cooked it myself.

YURI: Really? I wouldn't think...

ROBIN: That I could cook? Why not? Just because I blow up the occasional planet? Or maybe men who cook aren't man enough for you! If you like, I could lift some weights or beat up an underling.

YURI: [smiling] Let's just eat.

ROBIN: Now *there's* a sentiment I can agree with!

[Cut to Kei in the Angels' quarters.]

KEI: Be careful, Yuri.

[Kei reaches into her shirt. Cut to a view of the United Galactica attack fleet. On the bridge of the flagship, an Admiral sits in the command chair and watches the array of small viewscreens that ring the main screen, which shows only stars. A loud tone is heard, and on one screen that shows a map of the local area of space, concentric circles play out from a point.]

ENSIGN Sir! Recieving a hyperspace signal conforming to the pattern we were given!

ADMIRAL At last! All right, this is it! Fleet Admiral to all ships! I can now reveal to you the nature of our mission. If our information is correct, the fleet of Lord Robin is the source of the hyperspace signal we all just received. We are going to going to put an end to that planet murderer once and for all! All hands battle stations! Set warp coordinates to the source of that signal and move out!

[Alarms sound in all the ships in the fleet. Crew members run to and fro, taking their positions. In a launch bay, pilots suit up and board attack craft. The entire fleet glows, then vanishes in a flash of light as they enter warp.

Cut to the bridge of the Skinny Puppy, where the signal has also been noticed.]

BRIDGE 1 What the hell was that?

BRIDGE 2 Hyperspace signal. Powerful son-of-a-bitch, too.

BRIDGE 1 Signal? Where from? One of our ships?

BRIDGE 2 Unless they've found a way of making ships invisible, it must be. I'd better call Lord Robin.

BRIDGE 3 Uh-uh! I wouldn't do that if I were you! He left very explicit instructions not to be disturbed. I hear he's entertaining one of those rookies.

BRIDGE 2 Oh. Guess I'll call Kirsten then. Man, I hope I don't have to tell her where her lover is...

[Cut to Robin and Yuri, who is laughing uncontrollably.]

ROBIN: Hey, stop that! If you choke on the lobster and die, it'll really bum out my evening!

YURI: I can't help it! You're so funny!

ROBIN: I'm funny? Boy, will Kirsten be disappointed!

YURI: HAHAHA! That's not what I mean!!

[Yuri continues to try to get herself under control. Robin watches for a bit, then his smile fades slightly.]

ROBIN: Percy, would it be alright with you if I dropped the Lord Robin crap? [Yuri stops laughing.]

YURI: Huh?

ROBIN: Oh, come on. You're a very perceptive girl. I can tell that just by looking at you. Surely you didn't fall for this act.

YURI: I guess I'm just surprised that you're letting your guard down in front of me.

ROBIN: It gets real tiresome being a comedian twenty-four hours a day. But it works. In all the years I've run this fleet, I've not had one serious rebellion. It's not that there aren't those who want to rebel. They just don't know how. Nobody can figure me out long enough to plan an attack.

YURI: That's a...different way to run a pirate fleet.

ROBIN: Like it? I stole the idea from a twentieth-century comic book. I took my name from a comedian of that era as well. See, the underlying principle is this: if you're crazy and a nobody, everyone laughs at you. But if you're crazy and powerful, everyone is terrified of you. The sillier you act, the more your underlings are convinced you're acting out some intricate plan. You get an awful lot of respect. Hell, people will die for you, though I didn't expect that. Well, aren't you going to ask?

YURI: Ask what?

ROBIN: Who I really am.

YURI: Okay, who are you really?

ROBIN: Boris Hochstetter. But you can call me "Bo". [Yuri shakes her head and shrugs.] Figures. Why should a young girl remember Serpiens Seven? It was a while ago.

YURI: You're from Serpiens Seven? Oh, god...

ROBIN: So you *have* heard of it.

YURI: Of course I've heard of it. The last great planetary civil war within the United Galactica--

ROBIN: And I was the last ruler. [pause, Yuri stares at him.] You see, Serpiens Seven was a very young colony when we got it into our collective heads to join the great and powerful United Galactica. We joined perhaps a bit earlier than we should have. There were two independent political entities on the planet, and these were hastily joined under a coalition government with myself, the great world-government activist, as its elected head. Unfortunately this coalition turned out to be more of a pipe dream than anything else, and skirmishes began once more to break out between the two sides, as they had for decades. I swiftly found myself the head of a government that had no power. I called on the UG for help, only to be told that they would not involve themselves in local politics. I contacted the WWWA. They told me they only dealt with crime. So I did the only thing I could do: nothing. I just waited and hoped and prayed that the two sides would work it out between themselves. [pause] And they did. One side took control of the planet's nuclear arsenal. The other took over the planetary defense satellites and turned them inward. Thirty minutes later, Serpiens Seven was a glowing ball of slag.

YURI: I...I'm sorry...

ROBIN: Oh, I survived. I stayed deep in my bunker that was one of the perks of being a world leader. But my home, my family, my entire world was destroyed. All that I had left was a burning hatred of the United Galactica. That and Serpiens Seven's stockpile of precious metals. So after waiting a few months for the UG to notice we weren't there anymore and to send help, I decided I would be damned if I would allow the UG to continue its lie.

YURI: What lie? I don't understand... The UG--

ROBIN: Promises its members that they will be protected. Bull. Let's think about something here. In the year 2000, if you don't count Earth's lunar colony, mankind existed on one world. Today, 142 years later, we've colonized over 3,000! Work out the math; that's over twenty new worlds a year! A planet reaches full colony status on the average of every other week these days. And the UG wants to tell us it can keep up? Bullshit!! No, Percy, the newer worlds, those on the fringes of known space, have to fend for themselves. They shouldn't delude themselves that the UG is always going to be there.

YURI: So that's why we're destroying planets? To prove a point?

ROBIN: Partly. And partly I'm hoping the panic and fear will force the UG to splinter into smaller organizations that can better serve their constituents. You see, Percy, I'm not quite the monster you think I am.

YURI: Oh, I've never thought of you that way. Not since I met you. I guess I still don't understand how you can do it.

ROBIN: Yeah, well maybe I don't...never mind. Would you like to hear something? [Robin walks over to a piano and begins to play a slow, soft melody.]

YURI: It's...beautiful.

ROBIN: It was the Serpiens Seven national anthem.

YURI: An anthem? It sounds more like a love song.

ROBIN: It is. "Love Will Light Our Path". It's too bad we couldn't live by the words. [Robin continues to play. Yuri hums along, then improvises a harmony. Robin listens for a moment, then is overcome by emotion and has to stop playing. He regains control.] You know the funniest thing? Until our little chat the other day, I couldn't remember how it went.

YURI: What about Kirsten?

ROBIN: What about her?

YURI: She loves you.

ROBIN: She loves Lord Robin. Lots of women have loved Lord Robin. One loved Lord Robin so much that when she figured out she couldn't have him, she went to a 3WA meeting and proved her love for him by killing a lot of people before being nailed by one of her own partners. Yes, Lord Robin's quite the ladykiller. [Robin walks over to Yuri and gently takes her by the shoulders.] Kirsten's a very beautiful woman, and quite driven. But she's not much for dancing, she can't play chess, she doesn't sing... She's nothing at all like you. [Robin leans over and kisses Yuri, who doesn't resist. They kiss for a few seconds, until they are interrupted by the ship rocking violently.] What the hell? [Robin runs to the window and looks out.] Well, what do you know. We're under attack. Duty calls, Percy. Get yourself someplace safe. That's an order!

YURI: Uh...okay. [Robin rushes out of the room.]

[Cut to exterior view. The UG fleet approaches, firing laser cannons intermittently. Cut to the bridge of the flagship.]

ADMIRAL [to communications officer] Any response from Lord Robin's fleet?

COMM Negative, sir.

ADMIRAL Continue hailing. All battleships, maintain firing rate! All craft-carriers, prepare to launch all fighters!

[Cut to launch bay. Fighters begin launching and head toward Lord Robin's fleet in formation. Cut back to the flagship's bridge.]

ADMIRAL Comm, record the following message to send to the enemy. "Lord Robin. This is your final warning. Surrender now or face the destruction of your fleet." Send that.

COMM Aye, sir. [The communications officer secretly slips a data chip out of his sleeve and sticks it into a slot.] Sending now, sir.

[Cut to the bridge of the Skinny Puppy. Kirsten is apparently in command, as Lord Robin arrives, still dressed in his dinner suit.]

KIRSTEN: Where the HELL were you? We've been trying to contact you for nearly half an hour! And--and what that you're wearing?!

ROBIN: This is my first war, darling! I wanted to dress up for it! Now be a good little girl and shut up. [Kirsten does so, but looks extremely pissed. Robin sits in the command chair.] Okay! All hands battle stations! Maintain the shields, man the pulse cannons, launch the F-242's, and swab the poopdeck! Oh, and tell Hiyoko she's on.

BRIDGE 1 Sir? You're joking, right?

ROBIN: Me? Joke? Where did you ever get that idea? Have Hiyoko report to the auditorium! It's time for her big debut! [Robin leans back in his command chair.] Let's have ourselves a war, shall we?

[Cut to Kei watching the approaching fleet through a large window. Yuri joins her.]

KEI: How'd it go?

YURI: Better than I expected. What happened? How come you aren't on the run?

KEI: Beats me. I guess they're just too busy to search for the traitor right now. Yuri, will this really work? [Kei holds one of her earrings in her hands. She squeezes it and it emits a bright flash of light.]

YURI: Kueblestein thought it would. We just have to hope someone's looking at us, that's all. Morse code may be a primitive way to communicate, but it still works.

[Cut to the launch bay of the Puppy. Scores of fighters, jet black save for a yellow smiley-face on each wing, launch and head for the UG fleet. Cut to the bridge of the UG flagship.]

ENSIGN Sir! They've just launched a wave of fighters!

ADMIRAL No surrender then. All hands, all ships! Full attack, NOW!!

[All hell breaks loose. The UG fleet cuts loose with full lasers; the fleet counters with its pulse cannons. Serious hits and explosions can be seen on both sides. The fighters fly and engage, both sides taking losses in a continuous dogfight.

Cut to Kei and Yuri, who hold on for dear life as the deck rocks.]

KEI: I'd never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad Lord Robin spent the bucks for the force-field shielding!

YURI: We should go to our quarters. It's deeper inside.

KEI: No way! I wanna see this! Besides, we still have to signal!

[Cut to a dressing room, where Hiyoko is being attended by a makeup artist.]

HIYOKO: Ohhhhh, I'm so nervous!

VOICE Miss Hiyoko, you're on!

MAKEUP Break a leg!

HIYOKO: Thanks! I'm coming!!

[Cut to the bridge of the Puppy.]

ROBIN: Comm officer! Did you get that code from our informant in the UG fleet?

BRIDGE 1 Yes, sir!

ROBIN: Good. Key it in, would you? And link in the feed from the auditorium.

BRIDGE 1 Oh! I get it now! Doing it now, sir!

[Cut to the bridge of the UG flagship. All of the screens, including the big one that shows them where they are, go blank and are replaced by a picture of Hiyoko.]

ADMIRAL What the hell??! What is this?

COMM I, uh, don't know, sir! It's on all channels.

ADMIRAL Well, *clear* it!

COMM I *can't*!

HIYOKO: Hi, everyone! Welcome to my very first concert! I'd like to dedicate this first song to my friends Cory and Percy! [Music starts up: that awful song from Robotech.] "Stage lights, flashing, The feeling's thrashing! My heart and soul belong to yoooooooo! And I'll keep on singing! Eardrums are ringing! Doo doo de doo-doo doo-doo doooooo!"

ADMIRAL Dear Lord. We're blind, deaf, and dumb.

[Cut to Kei and Yuri.]

KEI: What the...? The UG fleet! It's like it's lost all sense of coordination!

[Sure enough, as the girls watch, two UG battleships collide. Enemy pulse cannons hit the damaged area, and both ships explode.

Cut to the interior of a UG fighter. The comm screen in the cockpit also shows only Hiyoko.]

HIYOKO: "And the way my voice squeals, Is really unreal! La la la la la la la LAAAAAAAAA! This is my night to be a STAAAAAAAR!"

PILOT [frantic] Blue-7 to Blue leader!! Blue-7 to Blue-leader!! I've been hit! I need assistance! [Two of Robin's fighters zoom in and fire.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! [The fighter explodes.]

[The battle continues, going increasingly against the UG forces. The UG fighters are destroyed like so many sitting ducks. The battleships and craft-carriers are also at the mercy of Lord Robin's fleet as each gunner on the ship must fight on his or her own.

Kei and Yuri watch the battle with increasing distress.]

KEI: We have to *do* something!

YURI: You're right. Stay here. I'm going to engineering.

KEI: You're going to blow up the engines? I want in!

YURI: No, I'm going to help fix them!

KEI: What? You-- you're joking, right?

YURI: What good would destroying the engines do? This isn't the side that needs to run away!

KEI: But if you blew up the half-warp--

YURI: The half-warp is off-line, Kei, blowing it up wouldn't make a shred of difference! I don't have time to argue! [Yuri runs off.]

KEI: No! Yuri, come back! [Kei tries to chase after her, but the deck shudders once again and she falls down.] Damn you, you can't *do* this!!

[Cut to the bridge of the Skinny Puppy. The atmosphere is more like a party than a battle, as the entire bridge cheers each new victory. The only one who doesn't seem to be completely enjoying the battle is Lord Robin, although the bridge crew is too busy celebrating to notice.]

BRIDGE 1 Hey, look! There goes another one!

[On one of the large screens, a UG battleship breaks up and explodes.]

BRIDGE CREW YEAH!!!! WOOOO!! ALL RIIIGHT!!

BRIDGE 2 We are kickin' some serious ass!

BRIDGE 3 Lord Robin sir! Aardvark, Groucho, and Williams squadrons request permission to converge on the UGS Toren! It's the only battleship in their fleet that hasn't been seriously damaged.

ROBIN: Well then, permission granted! No reason why they should be left out of the fun!

BRIDGE 1 Hey! Wanna see something real cool! That channel we're jamming them with goes both ways! They can't talk to each other but we can see them! Look at this! [The officer hits some buttons and a panicked, young, female communications officer appears on one of the viewscreens.] Awww, isn't she cute?

[The bridge crew laughs, except for Lord Robin, who looks like he's seen a ghost. Except for the short hair and slightly darker skin, the ensign is a dead ringer for Yuri.]

ENSIGN [on the screen] Switching power to channels B and C! Altering frequencies to pattern Epsilon! If you can hear me, respond! Anyone, please respond!

HIYOKO: [on another screen] My next song is dedicated to a very special man I know! Hi, Tony! [Music starts again: that other awful song from Robotech.] "To be in love Is something something something that a girl can feel..."

ENSIGN It's not working, captain! Nothing I try works! [The image shakes violently and a powerful jolt of energy flows from the shorted-out board through the ensign, killing her.] EEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAGGGHHH! [The board explodes, tearing her face apart before the screen goes dark. Lord Robin sees this and looks as if he is going to vomit. He turns to hide his face from the crew.]

BRIDGE 2 Man o MAN! Did you see that!

BRIDGE 4 Boy, is she going to need a plastic surgeon or what?

[The bridge crew laughs hysterically as Lord Robin, face pale, tries to get himself under control.

Cut to the engineering room, where the crew is not having as much fun. Tony and the three other engineers dash madly about trying to stabilize the massive half-warp system. Yuri enters the room at a run.]

TONY: Okay! Alright! We'll try it again--Percy?

YURI: Is there anything I can do to help? I haven't been given any other duties.

TONY: Is there ever! Every hit on that damned force field shielding changes the parameters of the system here! We just need one more pair of hands to stabilize it!

YURI: Show me what to do. [Tony leads Yuri over to a console.]

TONY: It's simple. All you do is keep the power level, that's this indicator here, between these two lines. This knob controls the power. Can you handle it?

YURI: I can handle it.

TONY: Thanks, Percy, you're a godsend. Okay, people! Let's get it right this time!

[The battle rages on. Scores more UG fighters are destroyed, as well as a craft-carrier.

Cut to the bridge of the Puppy.]

BRIDGE 2 Sir! Engineering reports the half-warp drive is back on line and ready!

[Lord Robin contorts his face into a semblence of his usual giddy self and turns around.]

ROBIN: Excellent! Call all the fighters back and prepare to jump into mock-space.

[The bridge goes silent.]

BRIDGE 2 But sir, we're winning.

ROBIN: That's strange, I don't seem to recall asking your opinion. Is my mind going or yours?

BRIDGE 2 Uh, y-yes, SIR! [He hits a switch on his board.] All fighters, return to dock! Repeat, all fighters return to dock!

BRIDGE 1 No, man, Lord Robin's right! We gotta save our strength! Remember where we're goin' next?!

BRIDGE CREW EARTH!! EARTH-EARTH-EARTH-EARTH-EARTH!!

[As his crew chants and celebrates, Lord Robin leaves the bridge. The fighters all break off and return to their respective ships. Moments later, Lord Robin's fleet glows and vanishes.

Cut to Yuri and Kei's quarters. Yuri enters. Kei is sitting on her bed, facing away from the door. She doesn't turn around. Her face looks like she's been crying.]

YURI: Well, for better or worse, it's over. I'm glad you're okay.

KEI: I'm not going to talk to you, so don't waste your breath.

YURI: Wh-what?

KEI: I don't talk to traitors.

PART 9

The story so far: A madman named Lord Robin has been randomly destroying civilized planets with his own war fleet. Kei and Yuri are assigned the task of going undercover and joining Lord Robin's crew, in order to learn the names of all of the man's contacts, as well as the means he uses to warp his fleet directly into orbit around a planet, something that is supposed to be impossible. They are given subcutaneous transmitters implanted in their chests in order to signal a waiting UG attack fleet when they have accomplished their mission. Kei and Yuri succeed in joining Lord Robin's crew. To everyone's astonishment, Lord Robin assigns the Pair, who are going under the names Percy (Yuri) and Cory (Kei), to the Skinny Puppy, his elite flagship. There they meet Hiyoko, a child-like girl who claims to be "in charge of morale", and learn that the fleet does not actually warp directly into orbit, but instead enters a "mock-space" in which it becomes invisible and intangible to the outside universe. The Pair are distressed when the next planet to be chosen is Zaedi, a colony so far away from the UG fleet that the girls' transmitters can't possibly reach it. The Angels take a shuttle and arrive at Zaedi ahead of Robin's fleet in an attempt to warn them, but their attempts are thwarted by three assassins, sent by Kirsten, Robin's right-hand woman, as well by the paranoid Zaedi military, and the girls are forced to accept a rescue by Lord Robin himself, who was apparently unaware of what they were doing. The next day, Yuri gets lost and stumbles upon Lord Robin, who is dancing in a private studio. She ends up dancing with the man and beats him in chess before the night is over, and he is intrigued by her enough to request a dinner date for the next night. The day after, Lord Robin holds another spinning of the wheel to choose the next planet to be destroyed, which he forces to be Earth. The Pair decide to take immediate action. The fleet is due to drop out of half-warp for maintainence. The plan is as follows: while Yuri keeps Lord Robin occupied, Kei will activate her transmitter, bringing the UG fleet for a surprise attack. At the dinner date, Yuri learns the true identity of Lord Robin: Boris Hochstetter, last and only planetary ruler of Serpiens Seven. Robin hates the UG for having done nothing while his planet destroyed itself in a nuclear war. By sowing terror among the planets of the UG, he wants to force it to break apart. Lord Robin seems to be falling in love with Yuri. The UG attack fleet arrives, but an agent on board the flagship passes a code to Lord Robin's fleet that allows him to take over their entire communications and sensor system. In a grotesque parody of MACROSS, Robin pipes Hiyoko's singing to all the UG ships and fighters, in order to jam all their communications, including their sensor screens. The battle is a massacre for Robin's forces, but he is sickened by his crew's enjoyment of the carnage, especially when a pretty young ensign who looks much like Yuri is killed on screen. Not being able to stand by as the UG forces are slaughtered, Yuri helps Robin's engineering crew fix the half-warp drive on the assumption, correct, that Lord Robin would leave the battle. This breaks Kei's heart, and she accuses her friend of being a traitor and will not speak to her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to the bridge of the Skinny Puppy. The crew member we know only as "BRIDGE 1" arrives and takes his seat.]

BRIDGE 1 Hi, mates! What's the scoop?

BRIDGE 2 We're still holding position.

BRIDGE 1 Still? Why? What's Lord Robin doing?

BRIDGE 2 You tell me. No one's seen or heard from him for three days.

[Cut to the Angels' quarters. Kei and Yuri lie on their beds, looking away from each other. Kei rolls over.]

KEI: Look, Yuri... I'm sorry, okay? [Yuri rolls over.]

YURI: That's alright. Are we talking now?

KEI: Sure. You were right, I guess. I just can't figure out how you knew Lord Robin would retreat. I mean, he was *winning*! By a large margin!

YURI: It was just a feeling I got from talking to him. This may sound weird, but I don't think that Robin's the mass-murdering type, deep down inside. How he manages to do it is beyond me. [Yuri stands up.] Kei?

KEI: Yeah?

YURI: We're still friends, right?

KEI: Of course we are! [Kei and Yuri hug. The door slides open and Hiyoko walks in.]

HIYOKO: Oh! I'm sorry! Am I interrupting something? I can come back! [Kei and Yuri hastily disengage.]

KEI: No! No! Nothing!

YURI: Yes! Fine! We're just fine!

HIYOKO: That's good! Can we go someplace to talk? I have something kinda important I have to show you.

KEI: Can't you show us in here?

HIYOKO: Ha ha! Don't be silly! It's not *in* here!

YURI: What the hell. Lead on.

HIYOKO: Great! Come on, guys!!

[Hiyoko runs down the hallway and the Angels chase after her.

Cut to Lord Robin's quarters. The lights are dimmed, and Robin silently looks out the window. The doorbell beeps.]

ROBIN: Who is it?

KIRSTEN: [on speaker] Me, Kirsten.

ROBIN: (sigh) Come in. [Kirsten enters and walks up to Robin.]

KIRSTEN: What do think you're doing?

ROBIN: I think I'm fighting off a herd of crazed wildebeests with only my bare hands and a bazooka. What do *you* think I'm doing?

KIRSTEN: You know what I mean.

ROBIN: Ah, so now I'm telepathic, too? I swear, I just keep getting more powerful every day.

KIRSTEN: Robin, why won't you talk to me? It's been three days. You just stay in this room by yourself. I don't even know if you've been eating. [Kirsten pauses, but Robin just continues to look out the window. Kirsten walks up behind Robin and wraps her arms around him.] It hurts me to see you like this. I wish you'd talk to me. I miss you. You know how much I need you...

ROBIN: Don't. [Robin irritatedly shakes her loose. He walks over to a sofa and sits in it, looking at the floor.]

KIRSTEN: So what are you planning to do?

ROBIN: I don't know. Maybe I'll learn to yodel. Always wanted to.

KIRSTEN: Will you KNOCK IT OFF?!! Dammit, Robin, are we going to attack Earth or not?!

ROBIN: Oh, for crying out loud, Kirsten. We were *never* going to attack Earth. That was just meant to shake up the troops a bit. They were getting overconfident. You honestly mean to tell me that you fell for that?

KIRSTEN: Ahhh. I see it now. Our one-sided victory over that attack force sort of screwed up your plans, didn't it? Now you can't pull out of the Earth attack without losing face.

ROBIN: And now she's a military analyst. Is there no end to her abilities? [Kirsten sits down next to Robin and puts an arm around him.]

KIRSTEN: Look, it's simple. We attack Earth. We lose. I mean, we don't really have a chance, do we? You zap into mock-space before all is lost. No more overconfidence, we go back to what we were doing.

ROBIN: Oh, yeah. Real simple. And if the fleet is so dejected by the loss that they can't continue?

KIRSTEN: A good pep talk will fix that. You're good at those.

ROBIN: Kirsten, I think it's time I called an end to this. [Kirsten pulls back, stunned.]

KIRSTEN: WHAT?! I--I don't believe I'm hearing this! What happened to the "great plan"? We were going to bring the United Galactica to its knees!

ROBIN: I'm sorry, but I'm just not enjoying it anymore. I mean, bringing interplanetary goverments toppling down is all well and good, but Lord Robin just wants to have fun. And I am definitely *not* having fun.

[Kirsten thinks for a moment, then stands up.]

KIRSTEN: This is all because of those two little bitches, isn't it?

ROBIN: What?

KIRSTEN: Don't pretend you don't know. This whole operation has gone to hell since they came aboard. First you assign them here, for god knows what reason, then they act suspiciously every waking moment and you just ignore it! You even go yourself to rescue them from Zaedi! Hasn't it occurred to you to wonder what they were doing there in the first place?

ROBIN: I suppose you know?

KIRSTEN: They were trying to warn the planet. I'm certain of it. I got information from a very reliable source.

ROBIN: "Reliable--"? Oh, you DIDN'T! I thought we'd agreed you were going to leave Hiyoko alone!

KIRSTEN: And I thought I told you it was a waste of her talents! She's a very useful tool, if you press the right buttons. [Robin shakes his head and looks at the floor again.] Robin, just before the attack, a powerful hyperspace signal was detected on the ship. I believe it came from either Percy or Cory.

ROBIN: Really? That's wonderful, dear. Leave the spy-work to me, okay?

KIRSTEN: I've already sent Hiyoko after them, so you might as well give me your blessing.

[For a long while, neither of them says anything. Robin just stares at Kirsten, an unbelieving look on his face.]

ROBIN: Oh. Well, since you put it that way... Do what you have to do.

KIRSTEN: Thank you. [Kirsten turns to leave.]

ROBIN: Kirsten? [Kirsten stops and turns around.]

KIRSTEN: Yes?

ROBIN: Thank you for making things clear to me. [Kirsten smiles and turns to leave. Robin watches her take a few steps, then pulls a gun out of his vest and shoots her in the back. She staggers, drops to her knees, and dies with a surprised and betrayed look on her face. Robin looks at the gun and tosses it away.] Yuri... Oh, dammit...

[Cut to Yuri and Kei chasing Hiyoko down a corridor. They stop in front of a large, heavy set of sliding doors.]

HIYOKO: Let me check to make sure nobody's in there. I'll only be a moment.

KEI: Gee, is this a real big secret?

HIYOKO: It's kinda personal. [Hiyoko pushes a control and the doors slide open. She walks through and the doors close behind her. Inside are various pieces of heavy machinery, one of which is being worked on by a mechanic. She looks underneath one of the machines.] There it is!

MECHANIC Oh, hi, Hiyoko! What are you doing here?

HIYOKO: I lost a ring underneath this thing yesterday! Could you get it for me, pleeeease? [The mechanic hops off the machine he's working on.]

MECHANIC (laughs) Sure. I swear, Hiyoko, you'd lose her head if it wasn't screwed on!

HIYOKO: I know! I'm so silly! [As the mechanic bends over to look for the ring, Hiyoko grabs him from behind and breaks his neck. She then effortlessly flings the body behind one of the larger pieces of equipment, and opens the door.] Come on, guys!

YURI: What took you so long?

HIYOKO: Oh, just making sure it was there. [The girls walk in and the door slides shut behind them.]

KEI: So what's this big secret, Hiyoko?

YURI: Yeah, we're just dying to know.

HIYOKO: Just a moment. [Hiyoko walks over to the door control and punches it. It smashes to bits and throws off sparks. She turns around, face perfectly blank. With a "CHAK" noise, metal blades about a third of a meter long pop out of the underside of both her wrists.]

KEI: Th-that's a real neat trick! Are you going to teach us how to do it?

[With lightning speed, Hiyoko charges the Pair. Kei ducks as Hiyoko swings, and loses some hair. Yuri grabs Hiyoko by the arm, but Hiyoko throws her through the air and she lands sprawling. Now off-balance, Kei trips her, and Hiyoko goes sprawling herself.]

YURI: Let's get out of here!!

[The girls run away from the broken door. Hiyoko gets up and chases them through the huge storeroom.]

YURI: Recognize that look in her eyes?

KEI: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

YURI: That we're fighting the galaxy's cutest combat bioroid?

KEI: Yeah! Oh, man, I hope there's another way out of here! [The girls see a wall at the end of the corridor formed by the machinery.] Guess not.

[Cut to Hiyoko, a few steps behind. She arrives at the point where the girls were, but they are nowhere to be found. Hiyoko searches.]

YURI: NOW! HEAVE!!!

[A piece of equipment slowly topples over and lands on Hiyoko.]

KEI: GOT 'ER!!!

YURI: Like hell! If she's the model I think she is, that'll barely slow her down! [Sure enough, the weight begins to shift as Hiyoko struggles.] To coin a phrase: "COME ON!!"

[The Angels run back to the door. Yuri begins frantically to fiddle with the smashed opening controls. A crash is heard from behind.]

KEI: Oh, god, Yuri, hurry up, hurry up, HURRY UP!! [The switch sparks and the door opens as Hiyoko comes running up. Yuri tears the wires out and the Pair hurry through before the door closes again.] That'll hold her, right?

YURI: For a while.

KEI: For a WHILE??!

YURI: She's *real* strong!

KEI: So I noticed! We've got to find help!

YURI: It's the night shift. There's nobody around!

KEI: Engineering! That boyfriend of hers is *always* working on that thing! He probably knows what's going on and he seemed to like us!

[The girls run off. Seconds later, the doors start to separate. They creak and groan as Hiyoko pushes them apart with her bare hands.

Cut to engineering. Tony is working on the half-warp system with another technician.]

TONY: Give me a reading on the flux.

TECH Uh, 6.107.

[Kei and Yuri come running in.]

YURI: Tony! You have to help us!

KEI: Yes! Guns! We need them! Now!

TONY: What in the galaxy is wrong with you two?

YURI: It's Hiyoko, she's-- [Hiyoko enters the room, blades retracted.] ...*really* fast!

TONY: Hiyoko? What's going on? [Hiyoko says nothing, but walks over to where the technician is watching a control board. He takes no notice of her. Tony walks over, despite the Pair's attempts to silently wave him away.] Hiyoko, are you mad at me again? I promise we'll have hours to spend together as soon as I'm done with this. [Hiyoko grabs the technician's head with one hand and smashes it into the control board.] GOD!! Why did you do that?

HIYOKO: No witnesses.

[Hiyoko grabs Tony by the shirt collar with her left hand and pulls him forward while driving through his chin with her right, snapping his neck like a twig. She drops his body then looks up to see that the girls have disappeared. She starts to mechanically cock her head in several directions, searching the room with her ears as well as her eyes. Kei and Yuri hide on the balcony, trying to remain completely motionless, not daring to even breathe. Hiyoko finally gives up and turns to leave the room. Relieved, Kei lets out a breath. Hiyoko snaps her head toward the sound. Kei mouths the word "shit". The girls run away from the steps leading down to the floor, only to have Hiyoko jump up to the balcony in front of them.]

YURI: No, Hiyoko, WAIT!! [Hiyoko stops but stays ready to fight.]

KEI: Yuri, we've gotta run!

YURI: She'd only catch up. [She approaches Hiyoko.] Hiyoko, wait! Please, try to think! You don't know what you're doing, you're just running a program! Please, I thought we were friends. I thought you liked us. [Yuri takes one step too close and Hiyoko gives her a vicious kick to the chin, knocking her back. She lands motionless, eyes open. Hiyoko waits to see what Kei will do.]

KEI: *Now* can we run, Yuri? [Yuri doesn't move.] Yuri? Come on, get up. [Yuri still doesn't move. Kei waves a hand in front of her eyes. She doesn't blink.] This isn't funny, Yuri! Oh, no. Oh, no, you're not breathing. No. No, no, NOOOOOOO! YOU BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!! [Crazed, Kei charges Hiyoko. Hiyoko pops a blade and swings, but misses and Kei punches her in the stomach, knocking her down. Kei jumps on top of her and repeatedly hits her in the face with both hands.] KILL--YOU!! KILL!! KILL!! KILL!! KILL!!

[Hiyoko gets her legs into Kei's torso and sends her flying forward over Hiyoko's head, where she lands on her back. Hiyoko leaps to her feet and backs toward the prone Yuri, who lifts a leg and trips her. Tottering, Hiyoko falls over the edge of the balcony.]

HIYOKO: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[Hiyoko hits the huge energy bubble and is immediately fried to a crisp. Yuri gets up and looks down.]

KEI: Yuri? You're ALIVE! Oh, thank god you're--WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?!!

YURI: You fought like a woman possessed. I should die more often! I'm just glad you didn't think to take a pulse. Eeyuck. What a way to die.

KEI: Maybe we should get back to our quarters before someone connects us with this.

YURI: (sniff sniff) What's that smell?

KEI: Baked Hiyoko.

YURI: No, that other smell, like... like burning electronics.

[The girls look down at the half-warp system. Hiyoko's blackened corpse is half-in, half-out of the energy bubble. The blade from her arm is jammed into a control board and energy flows from the bubble into the panel, causing it to spark and short.]

KEI: Uhhh, you think maybe we'd better get the hell out of here?

YURI: The thought *has* crossed my mind.

[The girls run like hell down the steps and out of engineering. Suddenly a loud buzzing noise is heard from the room they just left and the entire scene seems to warp and bend. The girls scream and collapse as they are overcome by the effect.]

KEI: Whuh... What was that?

YURI: I think the ship just warped into a gravity well.

KEI: I thought that was impossible.

YURI: Oh, it's possible, if you don't mind the ship being torn apart!!

[Lord Robin's entire fleet warps into existence in close proximity to a star. Several ships explode as they materialize. Back on the Skinny Puppy, the half-warp system detonates with an excruciatingly loud roar. As Kei had predicted, all the slaved warp systems on the remaining ships explode. Panic breaks out on the Skinny Puppy as sirens go off. On the bridge, the crew tries frantically to restore power to various systems.

Cut to Lord Robin's quarters. He winces as the star fills the window, which automatically turns black.]

ROBIN: Well, then. Looks like the decision has been made for me.

[Lord Robin walks out of his quarters and down a corridor, ignoring the noise and commotion.

Cut to Kei and Yuri, who are finding it hard to keep standing as the entire ship rocks and shakes.]

KEI: What's going to happen?!

YURI: The fleet's going to fall into the star! They can't escape with their engines destroyed!

KEI: Do we have to go with it?

YURI: We could try to get to the shuttlebay. Maybe something there is powerful enough to escape, but it I doubt it--OH! [Yuri reaches into her top.]

KEI: Your transmitter!

YURI: Yeah! Now we have to hope someone hears it!

[The ship shakes violently and the floor begins to break. A decompression door closes between the two girls. Kei tries to make it under, but misses.]

KEI: YURI!!

YURI: Walk farther down! Try to find a parallel corridor!

KEI: Okay!

[Yuri swiftly walks back the way she came. She turns a corner and nearly bumps into Lord Robin.]

ROBIN: Oh! You're alive! I didn't think there was any hope. [Yuri moves toward him.]

YURI: Listen-- [Robin pulls a gun and holds it on her.]

ROBIN: No. Don't come any closer. I'm not going to hurt you, just don't come any closer.

YURI: Robin--

ROBIN: I told you my real name, and you won't use it. Would it help if I used yours, Yuri?

YURI: Huh? You--you know?

ROBIN: I've known since I first saw you. The 3WA sends the infamous Dirty Pair to infiltrate my fleet, and they don't expect me to recognize you? Get real!

YURI: Then-- [The ship rocks violently.] Then why did you let us on board?

ROBIN: I'm still not entirely sure. I guess I figured if I kept an eye on you but left you alive, I wouldn't have to worry about the 3WA sending agents I wouldn't recognize. Maybe I thought I could convert you to the cause and use that clairvoyant power of yours. But mainly, I just think you intrigued me. [The ship rocks again, and Yuri and Robin nearly fall.] This doesn't matter, you know. I wouldn't have been able to go on anyway. I lost that comfortable numb feeling that allowed me to kill billions while I danced. Go on, your friend is waiting. This corridor joins with another down the line.

YURI: But--

ROBIN: If you hurry, you may be able to make the shuttle bay. Take my shuttle, it's got special thrusters that might get you to safety. The access code is 7682. Take this... [He fishes a data chip out of his pocket and tosses it to her.] It's a list of all my contacts. It's one of the things you came for, isn't it?

YURI: Come with us!

ROBIN: And go on trial?

YURI: You're Lord Robin! You could plead insanity!

ROBIN: And then what? They'd cure me? Yuri, I can barely live with myself *now*. You woke me up, and I'm not sure I can accept what I did while I was sleepwalking. [Another vicious tremor rocks the ship.] No. No, I think I'll stay here and become a legend. Maybe you could write a poem about me. "The Ballad of Lord Robin".

YURI: I'm not a poet.

ROBIN: You have the soul of one. [pause] Go on. Go, before I get all mushy.

[Yuri walks up to Robin. He brings the gun up, but she pushes it aside and kisses him. After a moment, she breaks off and runs. She meets up with Kei.]

KEI: I thought I'd lost you!

YURI: Let's get to the shuttle bay! Lord Robin's told me how to access his shuttle!

KEI: What?!

YURI: I'll explain later!

[Cut to Lord Robin's dance studio. He enters and the lights automatically come on. He walks to the exact center of the studio.]

ROBIN: One...two...three...FOUR!

[A high-energy dance tune starts. With his world being destroyed around him, Lord Robin dances.

Kei and Yuri hurry across the catwalk Hiyoko had shown them earlier. As they cross over, equipment below them explodes. A powerful tremor tears the catwalk apart just as they make it across.

Outside, several smaller ships are literally torn apart. Others begin to melt as they fall closer and closer to the star.

In Lord Robin's studio, the artificial gravity fails. The music continues, and he floats through the air in a graceful zero-g ballet.

The Angels continue to hurry toward the shuttles. The floor beneath them tears apart, separating them by a chasm. With encouragement from Kei, Yuri jumps across.

The wall behind Lord Robin tears away, revealing a sea of color. Incredibly, the music does not stop, and Lord Robin continues to dance.

Kei and Yuri reach the shuttle bay. They search and recognize the shuttle that rescued them from Zaedi. Due to the shaking which gets more violent with each second, it takes Yuri three tries to enter the code. The Angels get in the shuttle and seal the hatch just as the shuttle bay disintegrates around them. They fire the thrusters and leave the area.

Glowing like an angel, Lord Robin turns a final pirouette and dissolves into a sparkling mist.

In the shuttle, Kei pilots.]

KEI: Where are those special thrusters you were talking about?

YURI: I think it's this button here--WHOOMPH!!

[The thrusters come on and the girls are knocked back into their seats by the acceleration. Behind them the Skinny Puppy breaks up and explodes as it shrinks into the distance. Suddenly, the thrusters stop.]

KEI: What? Is that all?

YURI: Guess so. Was it enough? [Kei checks some displays.]

KEI: No. We're still falling into the star.

YURI: Oh. [pause] Guess this is it, then.

KEI: Guess so.

[A bright light flashes in front of the shuttle as a ship warps in.]

YURI: KEI!!! It's the Lovely Angel! [She grabs the comm mike.] Shuttle to Lovely Angel! Mughi, it's us!! Hurry!

[She drops the mike and the girls hug each other with relief.] * * * Fade to Kei and Yuri in the living quarters of the Lovely Angel. They are playing chess, and Yuri is looking thoughtful.]

KEI: What's up, Yuri? You haven't moved an inch for ten minutes!

YURI: Someone asked me to write a poem and I'm trying to think of how to begin it.

KEI: Really? Well, *you* asked someone to play chess with you, and she's getting annoyed that you haven't made your move yet!

YURI: Oh, I'm sorry! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... [She moves a piece.] Checkmate. [Kei falls over backward in her chair.]

KEI: I don't believe it! Oh, well. [She jumps up.] Time for handball!

YURI: Do I have to? I always end up full of bruises!

KEI: You promised! Besides, the bruises are the best part!

[A chiming alarm is heard from the bridge. Kei and Yuri hurry over to see what's wrong.]

YURI: Distress signal. Not far from here.

[Cut to a view of a horrible, rickety, old clunker of a ship. The Lovely Angel zooms into view. On the bridge, Yuri works the communication controls.]

YURI: Lovely Angel to damaged vessel, please identify yourself!

VOICE Lovely Angel? EX--CELLENT!!

YURI: Oh, no...

VOICES Wow, man, the Lovely Angel! Let me talk to them! Like, dude, I was here first! Can I see Mughi? Yeah, I want his autograph!

KEI: We *could* just leave them...

[Cut to a view of the two ships, then pan left until only stars are visible.]

ROBIN: (VO) Until next time, this is Lord Robin saying "Follow your dreams, and KEEP ON ROCKING!"

THE END

#FanFiction