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CLiT #7: A Guy, A Gerl And A 16-Pound Bowling Ball
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...episode VII...
_A Guy, A Gerl And A 16-Pound Bowling Ball_
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$ t h e p l e a s u r e z i n e $ $ o h y e a h b a b y $
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`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"Editorial" `:
[ AlterEcho ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
And then there were three. Asadersialle's back at school or something, and as
usual, I've got no clue what PipeScream's up to. The little twit. Still, I
hope you like this, another very SPECIAL episode.
If you like, let us know. Please. It would just mean so much and then maybe I
could get a REAL writing job so I can actually make some money and pay off
the mortgage and feed the eight kids and thirty-eight distant relatives
instead of having to feed on cockroaches and beetles... *SOB*
(This editorial sucks.)
We can change that!! Yeah!!@# Positive thinking, fuckface! Right now I'm
loaded up on painkillers and stuff, so I really don't know what I'm talking
about. Guess what? I don't care!!
"THIS MEDICINE MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS AND MAY INCREASE THE EFFECTS OF
ALCOHOL. IF AFFECTED DO NOT DRIVE A MOTOR VECHILE OR OPERATE HEAVY
MACHINERY"
hehehe :) Is that funny? I don't remember.
It's someone's birthday today!! Hooray. I love you, muse!! Happy birthday!!!
I was gonna put that definition of 'fucked-up people' in here for you, but do
you know what??? FUCK YOU!!!
Ph33r the MAGICAL PENIS DIVIDERS!!@# They RULE, motherfucker! And they're
erect too! What more could you ask for??
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
TOC `:
( and a MAGICAL PENIS DIVIDER!!@# ) .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
[#1] -=- "Editorial" -=- by AlterEcho
[#2] -=- TOC ( and a MAGICAL PENIS DIVIDER!!@# ) -=-
[#3] -=- "If It's Not Too Much Trouble..." -=- by Aerialisticish
[#4] -=- "Us3d And Abus3d" -=- by AlterEcho
[#5] -=- "Indonesian Mail Order Brides (Don't April La Finestra!)" -=-
by AlkalineAngel
[#6] -=- "Diagram 1: An Indonesian Mail Order Bride" -=- by AlkalineAngel
[#7] -=- "WuZ dIs EdYoOkAyShUn BiZnUsS??" -=- by Aerialisticish
[#8] -=- "This Is A Story" -=- by AlterEcho
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"If It's Not Too Much Trouble..." `:
[ Aerialisticish ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
Right now, I feel like some anarchy. I don't mean just making pipebombs, I
mean good-and-proper, widespread anarchy. Maybe I should just go to sleep.
Maybe I should just go rent the Mad Max movies. Yeah. Although I'd have to
watch out down at the video rental place, 'cos I'm in that "I want this right
now and so I'll just take it" moods (Hence the hankerin' for a healthy dose
of chaos). This prob'ly has something to do with my recent return to the
structured life of school, but I can't link it directly right now so I'll
just glare at it menacingly.
/me glares
Yeah - I'm on to you.
The worst bit about being in one of those "I want this right now and so I'll
just take it" moods is not knowing exactly what you want. It's very
frustrating, so you can all pay. I'll figure out the details after I've
gotten some sleep and watched some Mad Max, so expect something that at least
looks cool.
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"Us3d And Abus3d" `:
[ AlterEcho ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
You float
Into the club
Into my life
Manipulating
Contaminating
WHAT THE FUCK'S WITH THE MOUSTACHE, WHORE??
Your cleavage
Spilling over
Your sexy top
Titillating
Stimulating
YOU FUCKING UGLY SLUT
Ass clad
In stretched black
A second skin
Gyrating
Undulating
DAMN YOU'RE UGLY BITCH
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"Indonesian Mail Order Brides (Don't April La Finestra!)" `:
[ AlkalineAngel ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
Apart from the fact that my boyfriend's best friend's about to give him one I
guess I have nothing against them. Not really. I'm even willing to share my
new white dress that I just bought - that's if she's a virgin though, cos
well people that buy dresses from me, they whisper words of wisdom to me "I
need to get a off white because I'm catholic, an off white is ambiguous you
know..." I wonder if it is possible to fool God, like if he sees you walking
down the aisle and can recognise a white from an off white, how do they
assume he doesn't see you fucking some guy?
Anyway, back to this mail order Indonesian bride, I'm not really jealous of
her. I don't think I am. Well, I'm willing to lend her my new dress, if she's
a virgin that is, but you know... with these mail order brides you never
know. Sorry, I guess that was a bit harsh, mail order brides are probably
more than sex toys, like they probably have a personality and stimulating
conversations (lol). Maybe that was a bit bitter. I guess I should show some
respect, she has a name; apparently he likes Mei Mei, as I've found from a
certain source, he wasn't fond of the other two aparently. Their names were
Bin Lin and Din Dan Tok and my sources say that he wasn't too fond of them.
I wonder why he liked Mei Mei. Is it the symmetry in her name? Alkaline
Angel, hmm, not much symetry, except for the fact that both start with A.
What happens if I join it together and repeat AlkalineAngel AlkalineAngel,
hmm, I'd say Mei Mei wins in the symetry department. He'd get bored by the
time he says AlkalineAngel twice, I'd get bored too.
Hold on a second. Like a mail order Indonesian bride is a threat anyway. I'd
say I'm more a threat to her, maybe, well... He did say he needed one to
chase out birds that accidently flew into his house, but that doesn't really
happen much...
Does it?
You know what I reckon?
He should close his windows!
______DISCLAIMER______
I don't really know what a disclaimer is but here goes anyway.
To those that don't know italian, "Don't April Le Finestra" means "don't open
the window". I didn't know how to say `don't' in Italian so I mixed and
matched languages... but hey, I only did Italian for three years, can't be
expected to learn more than three words.
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"Diagram 1: An Indonesian Mail Order Bride" `:
[ AlkalineAngel ] .'
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'
^^^
^^^^^
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^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ Indonesian Mail Order Brides
^^ ^^^^^^^^^ ^^
^^ ^^^^^^^^^ ^^
^^ ^^^^^^^ ^^
^^ ^^^^^ ^^
^^ ^^^ ^^ US$49.95 plus postage and packaging
^^ ^ ^^
^^^^ ^^
^^^^^^
^^^^
^^^^^^ Specialising in chasing birds out of apartments!!
^^^^^^^^
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`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"WuZ dIs EdYoOkAyShUn BiZnUsS??" `:
[ Aerialisticish ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
I'd like to take a moment to rail the local education system. I've got a bone
to pick with them. I don't know how it works elsewhere, but 'round here your
final selections for your seconday education MUST include english, which
means your final marks will include your english mark. This happens to suck
if you're no good at english. Why should one's mark depend on how well you
understand the intentions and emotions of some tart in a book? Why do they
assume that current affairs actually matter? Why am I looked down upon for
not having an opinion on something that does not affect me at all? If I DO
happen to have an opinion, I'd better keep it to myself as well, 'cos it's
probably WRONG.
^we don't need no education^
-Pink Floyd-
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""':.,
"This Is A Story" `:
[ AlterEcho ] .'
.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss'
'
This is a
story. Just
for you and yours.
I'm writing this for
you and yours because I
love you and maybe one day
you will love me too. The main
characters of my story are Jonathon
the Igloo and Sandra the Dead Penguin.
These characters are not symbolic in any
way, but I hope you will learn to love them
like I love them, and like I love you too. Although
Jonathon the Igloo and Sandra the Dead Penguin were
both very special characters, they were not superheroes,
and would never change the world. In fact, Sandra the Dead
Penguin had eleven brothers and sisters; they were, from youngest
to oldest and back again, Andrew, Bob, Steven, Ivan, Jason, Alex,
Alec, George, Adam, Gary, Scott, Scott, Gary, Adam, George, Alec,
Alex, Jason, Ivan, Steven, Bob and Andrew. Of course, I told you that
she had eleven brothers AND SISTERS, and right now you're wondering
"Where the fuck are the sisters AE, goddammit, you said there were
sexy dead penguin chix0rs." To which of course I reply, "shut up,
motherfucker." So Sandra was a very cute dead penguin, one of the
cutest dead penguins EVER, and she was constantly molested by her
eleven brothers and sisters. Of course, there was nothing she
could do about it, because her parents were just dead
penguins too, and what could a dead penguin do? Now,
please don't get me wrong, I love dead penguins,
and I LOVE YOU TOO, but it's important for all
creatures to understand their limitations, and
one of the limitations of dead penguin parents
is that they cannot, no matter how much they
desire, prevent the sexual abuse of their
dead penguin daughter. OK? At first, her
eleven brothers and sisters would just
'touch' their sister, Sandra (and when
I say 'touch' I just mean touch, you
sick perverted fuck), but soon this
escalated to mass dead penguin
orgies. Although Sandra was a
kind and patient dead
penguin, who loved
her eleven
brothers and
sisters deeply,
she realised this
couldn't go on much
longer - besides she
needed to get a job, and
how would it look if she
had to waddle around everywhere
like she had a frozen fish up her
asshole? So one day, Sandra made a
great big battle-axe out of ice, and
Yea! she had the weaponsmith proficiency
and it was a Battle-Axe of Quality (+1 'to
hit', +2 'damage'), and split open the bodies
of her eleven brothers and sisters. When she was
done, she did not repent, for she was not repentant,
but instead, feasted for thirteen days and thirteen nights
on her family, till Lo! it was Friday and she had to go to
sleep. THE END. (Of course, you are asking yourself, "What
about Jonathon the Igloo?" and to that I reply, "Jonathon the
Igloo was GAY, and I don't like him." THE END. I Love You. THE END)
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CLiT #7: A Guy, A Gerl And A 16-Pound Bowling Ball
was made in Australia
by
Aerialisticish (the guy)
AlkalineAngel (the gerl)
and
AlterEcho (the bowling ball)
-=- released -=- 06.02.01 -=-
-=- Brought to you by -=-
-=- Sour Peach Hearts -=-
-=- $13.80/kilo -=-
-=- homepage -=- http://thepleasurezine.cjb.net -=-
-=- email -=- clit@hobbiton.org -=-
(C)opyright 2001 to CLiT. All Rights Reserved too, asshole!!@#
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