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Neon Genesis Evangelion: The One I Love Is...

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Fan Fiction
 · 22 Jun 2024
Neon Genesis Evangelion: The One I Love Is...
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From: "Axel Terizaki" <>

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The One I Love Is...
A side-story to chapter 2 - Tears

Original story by Alain Gravel
Side-story by Axel Terizaki

The One I Love Is...


ASUKA's Notebook:


I used to like Valentine Day. Now, I hate it!

What a stupid holiday. It all started with that chocolate thing. Wonder Girl? Giving chocolates to that baka? Can you even imagine that? I never did... until I actually saw it with my own eyes. Then, they both humiliated me in front of the entire class. I should have handled this well, I could maybe have insulted everyone in class and scorned them like I always do, but not this time. This time, I felt the urge to cry...

Crying. I once promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. So, why? Why did I...? In front of that idiot, in front of that red-eyed bitch, and in front of the class! What a fool... I should have crushed his skull with my fist, and then thrown around some of my favorite German curses, just to make sure everyone knew how much I hated him. But I didn't. Not this time.

I was jealous. Yes, jealous! Jealous of that bitchy doll! Why? How could I? I'm better then her! I'm a thousand times more beautiful than her!

Who would want to live with someone who has red eyes, anyway? She's so weird all the time. Like a doll, she only obeys to orders. I hate her so much...

But... who... who could have ordered her to give him chocolates? Him? He's too stupid and shy to think about something like that. The Commander? I wonder why he'd do that... I... I... really don't see who would... could... could that mean that... that she... she made a decision by herself... for once? I can't believe it! I won't! She's a doll! A DOLL!!! DOLLS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS!

I'd better calm down a little...

I wonder if Shinji has found the chocolates I made for him. Yeah, you heard me. I made them by myself. I really wanted to beat that doll. I doubt she did the ones she gave him by herself. She's too dumb for that. It was very hard. I had to try a few times before I could get it right. But I succeeded! Naturally, I am Sohryu Asuka Langley after all...

But... why do I always want to be the best, and particularly when he's involved? Is it because I... No! That can't be possible! Don't think about that, Sohryu! That just can't be...

* * *

I finally decided to come out of hiding and found Shinji cooking in the kitchen. That was a really awkward situation. I didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want to talk to me. I guess it was perfect that way after all.

Misato joined us soon after and later, some of the party members arrived. Thankfully Hikari was among them. With her here, I could avoid talking to Shinji without looking stupid.

Again, Wonder Girl arrived without anyone noticing. Almost if she has the keycard to this apartment or something. But I don't care about that. Her presence here really gets on my nerves. Luckily, I had Hikari to distract me.

* * *

Wonder Girl irritated me again and again during the evening. I couldn't stand that anymore. I would have thrown a chair or something at her if there weren't anybody else in there. Even if Hikari tried desperately to draw my attention towards her or Kaji-san, I still could see HER talking to Shinji...

Strangely, I didn't think about Kaji-san at all. Sure I jumped in his arms when he got here. But... I don't know what's happening. I just don't feel the same... why am I not attracted to him anymore? And why did I always kept looking at that baka? Him, and his stupid doll...

At least, I got to show everyone how wonderful my voice was compared to hers. Although, there wasn't much to compare with. My voice is so much rich and beautiful... It's odd I never thought about taking singing lessons back in college. Maybe I could try becoming a signing idol once I've killed all the Angels...

This party could have ended somewhat peacefully, but Wonder Girl decided otherwise, making her final blow to my morale. She provoked me, that bitch! When I think at how... how he looked at her! How he looked at those red eyes! I felt... I felt so angry! I couldn't believe I could get so mad. I couldn't even control myself. I just felt the urge to hit her with all my strength. But it didn't worked. How the hell did she block that punch? Whatever, if I could hurt her with my fists, I would with my words. But that bitch... she just threw back everything at me! I couldn't believe it... I didn't know what to do... or what to say. I think... I said things I shouldn't have said, or things I thought I would never have said in my life. In my fury, I can remember things like: 'Shinji belongs to me!'

How could I say that? How could I think of him this way!? What came into me? What sort of demon possessed me?

She just kept attacking me. And then... she said these words... I couldn't believe it! I can't believe it!

'I am still unsure of what love is. But, I believe I love Ikari-kun.'

No! That couldn't be! That just couldn't be! Not this girl! Not this doll!

I fell on my knees and looked at him. I felt so miserable... That was awful.

I wanted an answer from HIM. Something that could comfort me.

However, it never came.

Why did I expect that from him anyway? He's such a wimp. He never tried to take me in his arms... He didn't say a word... He just stared at me, looking at me as if I was some sort of weird freak... That jerk!

Hearing nothing, I concluded that he did love her. Her, Ayanami Rei. That bitch... She stole him from me! She took him away from me!

Why did I think that? It felt so bad, just thinking about the possibility that... I had lost. And it hurt even more when I thought that I had lost... to her.

I ran to my room, in tears. I locked the door behind me. I didn't want to see anyone right now. I was hurt, badly hurt. I think that no Angel could do to me what she had done. No, what they've done. He could have chosen ME! Why HER!? I'm so much more... so much more than her! I'm more interesting to be with than HER! She's a little doll to play with! Fine... I'll let him have fun with his doll... I don't care at all!!!

But, judging from my behavior... I knew that it wasn't true. What could that mean!? Why was I so disturbed seeing them together!? I don't care about that bitch! I don't care about that dork! So why do I feel betrayed? Why this pain? WHY?!


Obviously, no answer came. I was alone in my room. I've always been alone...

The tears kept coming. I couldn't stop them. Why was I so upset? Was it because...?

Because I cared?

Because I really cared for someone?

Someone like him?

Ikari Shinji?

I care for Shinji?

Me, the great Sohryu Asuka Langley, actually caring for someone? A jerk like him? A spineless boy? A wimp like him? No... way...



But what if I really cared about him?

Could I be...

In love?

Love. It disgusts me just thinking about it. But, when I think of him... I don't feel that disgusted actually...

I think... I'm afraid.

NO! I can't be afraid! It just can't be! There's no way I can be afraid! Sohryu Asuka Langley is afraid of nothing!

But... I must admit... that I'm afraid.

Yes. Afraid. But afraid of what?

Love? I'm afraid of loving him?

Why am I afraid?

* * *

My continuous sobbing gradually stopped before I finally went to sleep... I would be okay, I guess... Until tomorrow.

Tomorrow... Maybe he'll come crawling back to me... when he'll realize what she is... just a doll... just a doll...


AxelT - <> ICQ# 34301980
ASUKA's Notebook <>

---Asuka : "Rien ne sera plus comme avant, Hikari! Je suis une mère maintenant! Tu ne peux pas comprendre CA! J'ai des responsabilités! J'ai quelqu'un à protèger, [...] Teri compte vraiment beaucoup pour moi, tu sais...Je l'aime tellement! Même si elle n'est pas encore là, j'aime ma fille!"

D'aprés "The Child Of Love", fanfiction sur Evangelion Huitième Mois de la grossesse de Sohryu Asuka Langley.

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