Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog

Nigel walked in the aforementioned purposeful manner towards Ivywood, the place where he'd make his millions. Leaving the action-packed lavatorial scene behind him he strolled along Moonshine Boulevard. After a while the night began to close in and Nigel realised that he had better find a friendly haven for the night. In the distance Nigel spotted a large, lonely sign - "MOTEL", with an arrow pointing towards a large white building. When he reached the sign he saw many small stickers plastered all over it - "WANT A GOOD TIME - 0393322505", "SLIPERY SAUCY SUZY - yours reasonable rates, ask at reception", "Fred's Taxi-cabs - Handy w...

Nigel thought about the evil overbearing and generally caddish Overlord's last words and then considered the amount of times that the Overlord had involved gonads in his plots. From these vital pieces of information he could reason the way in which the Overlord intended to rid the world of hedgehogs. "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ..." sang Nigel happily as he slowly came down to land just outside a public erinacious lavatory. What better way to remove hedgehogs than to ensure they couldn't breed, and what better way to ensure they can't breed than by removing male hedgehog's gonads. Nigel rushed in, in his familiar ...

As The Overlord towered above our super-hero Nigel could see all the way up his kilt. The Overlord was dressed in full Scottish dress and Nigel now knew what was worn underneath kilts, not a pretty sight, were all main characters always hung like blue whales Nigel wondered. Suddenly The Overlord bellowed, "Seize him men". Two short stout men wearing horizontally striped black and white jerseys, black flannel trousers, and silly-looking berets darted from behind The Overlord towards Nigel. Nigel's reactions weren't quick enough this time as his eyes were still fixed upon The Overlord's love-gun. The Overlord's two powerful ...

Nigel did not need to sit and think for long. He was used to VERY long cylinders covered in vaseline (but thats another story). He quickly removed his right boot and slipped his hand down to the toe end, pulling out a hot-air burner and a huge canvas that he always kept for these occasions. "Pooh, pretty cheesy!", Nigel held his nose, he had forgotten about his super toes and their ability to stink the place out. He held the burner up in the air with his right hand and waved the balloon-like canvas with the other, remembering to pick up his boot as he took off. Up, up in the air he floated singing suitably jolly hedgehog songs as he ascen...

Nigel reached into another sub-section of his utility belt - POTIONS. Invisibility ... Super-Speed ... Healing ... Hung_like_a_blue_whale ... until he finally found the one he wanted ... Diminishment potion. After swiftly quaffing the potion Nigel felt ticklish and cold all over. His whole body began shrinking, until eventually he could fit through the key-holes of the lab. Once inside Nigel's size changed back automatically (good eh ?). The lab seemed very small and unlit save for a short stumpy candle flickering in one corner. There was a strong wiff of some kind of chemical Nigel didn't recognise ( he only did 'O' level...

Nigel walked to his car, wondering if he would ever be able to forget Nancy, reluctantly got into his car, for he knew that the lives of his prickly friends back home depended on the successfull reaching of his goal. As he sped down the road he clung lovingly to the negligee for emotion support, nothing really seemed to matter anymore, should he bother to carry on his quest when the one he loved waited for him to return. After about an hour he was able to let go of the garment and shoved it in the glove compartment, shoving the used jonnies out of the way. "How will I continue with my goal without my Nancy?", he sobbed. Something stirred ...

Well, thought Nigel, I fight the forces of darkness once again, but that can wait until another day. He returned to his car, a heavily customised one, known throughout the world ( at least by NTH scholars ) as the hyperultramegareally- quitecoolgoesfastdaveandsophynotquitethesizeofavolkswagenbeetle car ( or the Hedge-mobile or Road-hog ! ). He got into it, as usual it didn't start, so he told it to hurry up, and it replied ... Well actually it didn't reply, that is a stupid idea, and couldn't even make a TV series. So, as usual, he got out the starting handle and gave it a quick burst of speed. The car, as usual, tuned to perf...

Nigel washed (and dressed???) and collected his belongings but he could not concentrate. His superhedgehog mind was for once pre-occupied with misty, hazy , drizzle like thoughs. HIS GOAL!! It was .... too difficult to consider on an empty stomach. First he would go and have some breakfast. He snuffled out into the garden of the motel and started rooting out the slugs, snails and worms - which he much preferred to dry roasted peanuts. The slimy wildlife of the motel was struck with fear when they realised who was snorting around in the garden, for not only was Nige the superhedgehog the best at catching nasty squirmy slippery things, he a...

Nigel hated dry roasted pea-nuts and he knew that Ronny knew that he detested them and hence they acted as a clever disguise. The cunning disguise had worked rather well up to now (which is quite surprising when you consider that Nigel was the only creature in the whole place that didn't resemble a sheep). But then, their two gazes met. They both froze instantaneously. Ronny bolted upright and raced toward Nigel ... Nigel knew what to do. He dodged and weaved, jumped and diving, spinning and moving with that athletic grace mentioned earlier. By this time, Ronny (or was that Ronnie ?) had nearly reached Nigel, but he pulled to a stop, ...

The hand was pretty bad as well. But enough of plays on words and onwards always onwards with the plot. Nigel felt a bit relaxed now, as he had defeated another commie-bastard lorry driver. But, using his inverse law he realised that something pretty bad would happen soon. He wound his weary way along the windey windy woad and wondered about why he was without water and wine. Luckily he saw in the distance a public house and increased his pace to reach it. As he approached it he recognised the " Leather Pope " ..... Ah memories... of him and Ronnie, who used to meet him there before going back to his den for a steamy prickly sex session, ...