Astral Avenue

ASTRAL AVENUE ***************** No 10. August 1987 "like Route One, where it passes through the heart of Providence" GRAVITY'S RAINBOW Thomas Pynchon page 537. PUBLISHER'S NOTE We smell a conspiracy -- or at least a case of psychic collusion. Tell us what you think. We refer to the increasing prevalence, in print and on televsion, of ads for adult diapers. Logically, these ads would seem to be a waste of money. It's like advertising insulin. The prouduct has a finite market. Those who need it are captive consumers, and are going to buy it whether exhorted or not. It's also likely they know where to purchase the item. Those who don't need...

***************** ASTRAL AVENUE ***************** July 1987 No. 9 PUBLISHER'S NOTE We're in a quandary. We know a surefire way to make a heap of cash, but are lacking a certain element of success. What we're talking about is writing the screenplay for the inevitable movie of the Iran-Contra affair. Now, right now, before some Hollywood hack beats us to the punch. First, we need a title. Can't sell a movie without a socko title. And we bogged down at CITIZEN SECORD. Second, we have to have some Superstars lined up to convince the studio of the commercial potential of this dog. One again, our imagination supplies Jonathan Winters as Ed Mee...

From Rhode Island: Birthplace of GI Joe and Providence, Amy Carter's turf its: ******************** ASTRAL AVENUE ******************** No. 8 June 1987 Fun Filled All American Activities PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Herewith, our nominations for Fun Couples of 1987. Bruce and Connie WILLIS Mel and William GIBSON Tina and George TURNER Cybil and Lucius SHEPARD Howard and Scott BAKER Eugene and Shawna MCCARTHY Bob and Clive BARKER Dick and Arthur C. CLARKE Anita and Edward BRYANT H.R. and Joe HALDEMAN Betty and John FORD Barbara and Glen COOK DeForest and James Patrick KELLY Charlie and Charles BROWN C.J. Cherryh WILDER IF "If This Goes On" GOES ON Co...

If you weren't reading this, chances are you'd be reading something else. ************** ASTRAL AVENUE ************** May 1987 No. 7 THE PUBLISHER'S DESK a personal chat with our readers by mr munsey "If I couldn't write worth a damn, I think I'd like to own a hardware store. I've long been fascinated by the enormous varieties of tools used to maintain our society, as well as the clips, hinges, pins, brads, screws, pulleys, wires, chains, clamps and pipes that hold it together. Not to mention the putty, plaster, cement and paint that keep it looking well in places. Even more than a book store, where I probably wouldn't get to read much a...

From Rhode Island: The state to which all other Rhode-Island-sized things are compared -- it's ************* ASTRAL AVENUE ************* No. 6 Apr. '87. SF person whose maiden name most closely resembles *AA*: Astrid Anderson. Official Record of *AA*: Van Morrison's ASTRAL WEEKS. Official Painting: Dali's PARANOIAC ASTRAL IMAGE. -------------------------------------------- You might not notice one way this magazine is "exclusive." We have no rich advertisers to pay printing and mailing costs. Even so we send *AA* to many wonderful people who can't pay for it in dollars. They appreciate it because it shows them a way out of oppression, po...

From Rhode Island: Mobsters 'n' Lobsters it's ************* ASTRAL AVENUE ************* No. 5. Mar '87 Plain living, high thinking. -- Billy Wordsworth. When the money gets big, the SF pros turn sane. It's always darkest just before the shitstorm. The only thing more humiliating than selling out is trying to sell out and being refused. PUBLISHER'S NOTE. As you can see from the three lead articles below, it's been a busy, busy year so far in Periodical World. What with all this talk of writers spanking the deity, editors performing the Dance of the Seven Veils, and Rambo Reviewers slaughtering gooks, our heads fairly spin. One wonders wha...

From Providence: The city that made 3/4 of the Talking Heads what they are today! it's.... ****************** ASTRAL AVENUE ****************** Number 4 Feb 1987 BUMPER STICKER OF THE MONTH: "My other car is a piece of shit, too." The 1st time, tragedy; the 2nd time, farce; the 3rd time, docudrama CURRENT NEWS AND VIEWS The Fortnight's Pen Pictures Illustrating the Dark and the Bright Side of Civilization! The Search For Big Bucks Reading time 11 minutes 35 seconds Publisher's Note At the Post Office, we mail our overseas copies of ASTRAL AVENUE as "Printed Matter," to take advantage of cheaper rates. (Every cent counts around here. L...

Wherever SF goes -- Astral Avenue has been there and left! ******************* ASTRAL AVENUE ******************* Number 3 Jan 1987. THIS MONTH'S ODDS: Casey-type "seizure," 2-1; resignation, 3-1; impeachment, 50-1; NSC coup, even. "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." CURRENT NEWS AND VIEWS: The Fortnight's Pen Pictures Illustrating the Dark and the Bright Side of Civilization Publisher's note: Already there has been some misunderstanding about our intentions in publishing AA. Let us state what we thought was obvious from the start. ASTRAL AVENUE is simply a time-consuming, money-wasting folly intended to provi...

From Rhode Island: Where Quahogs Outnumber Humans -- it's ******************** ASTRAL AVENUE ******************** Number 2 December 1986 Sycophant Sam Sez: "Keep on Trucklin'!" Surf Forecast: Waves of Hyperbole, Followed by Resounding Crashes and Froth PUBLISHER'S NOTE Much to our chagrin, our independence was not able to survive for more than one issue before we were taken over by Mysterious Forces. The source of our distress is the Organization of Apocryphal Power. (Readers desiring more information on this group are advised to turn to Italo Calvino's IF ON A WINTER'S NIGHT A TRAVELER. However, be forewarned that CALVINO DID NOT DIE OF...

From Rhode Island: Birthplace of Mr. Potato-head... it's ************************** ASTRAL AVENUE ************************** Number 1 November 1986 "Eff the ineffable!" JUDGEMENT IN ALL THINGS TOPICS OF PRESENT INTEREST Right Up to Date PUBLISHER'S NOTE Astral Avenue is an actual Providence street located not far from our home. Short, tree-lined, unprepossessing, it and its inhabitants have never yet exhibited any overt trace of Kozmic Konsciousness. And yet... light fractures strangely there on a summer's day; mailmen have been seen to enter and SKIP SOME HOUSES; LOVECRAFT NEVER WALKED ON IT; and there are STRAY DOGS ROAMING FREE. We wo...