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Durex Blender Corporation 003
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #003-AA02 -- [04/22/91]
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"Bagel-Man"
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by Aldebaran Arghat
Richard was an honest boy. He was not the brightest student in his
class, but he was sincere. Ever since he was a young boy entering
elementary school, Richard wanted only to be accepted by others. But for
some reason, Richard was different from all the other boys and girls. There
was something different, something special, about Richard. His appearance
was plain: barely over five feet, dark hair, acne; not an unusual appearance
for this junior in high school. But Richard was never understood by the
others. There was a difference between Richard and the others that no
person could even begin to understand. It all began when Richard was a
freshman in high school...
Richard had just moved to Plimpton the previous summer. Richard came
to school the first day prepared to make a good first impression on all his
future classmates and friends. He was wearing his Keds sneakers and his Osh
Kosh shirt, pocket protector and his bowl cut hairdo. Richard was ready to
make some friends and start a great new life in Plimpton. He entered the
school with a bright smile on his face, ready to go. Entering the small
brick school, he found it bustling with other students, all excited about
the start of the school year. Richard eventually met a few people, and but
none were friendly towards him. And soon, his luck went further downhill
when he felt nature's inevitable call.
Richard had little trouble finding the single lavatory in the school.
As Richard swung open the door and stepped inside, he sensed that all was
not well. A cloud of putrid fumes hung ominously overhead, and from inside
a stall heavy breathing could be heard. The stall swung open, and a figure
emerged from the smoky depths of the lavatory. "Hey, what the fuck are you
starin' at, geek boy?"
The burnout was more than six feet tall, with long tangled hair, a torn
denim jacket and tight leather pants. The heavy chain hanging ouf his belt
clattered loudly as he stepped up in front of Richard.
"I... I... I need to pee..." stammered Richard.
Richard had never seen a burnout before, coming from his rural villiage
of thirty students.
"You wanna take a leak, shithead? Take this you geek!" the tall
burnout shouted as he lowered his pants and urinated on Richard.
Richard was frozen in fear. He could do nothing to resist the
humiliation he was being put through. After what seemed an eternity to
Richard, the burnout walked towards the door.
"If your geek friends ask who did this to ya', tell them it was the
Skulta. And don't let me see you trying to take a leak in my pissroom
again, or you won't get off so easy."
With that, Skulta left, and Richard was left alone. Mortified, Richard
climbed out the lavatory window and ran home.
That night, Richard grew restless. Searching for an escape from his
troubles, Richard took a walk through Plimpton park. It was a hot and
toasty night, and Richard soon had to stop for a rest beside a phone pole.
He sat down beside it, and was about to fall asleep, when he heard a voice
from above...
"Hello what!" said the voice, as the dark figure descended from the
pole. "I'm Random Tox. You can just call me Random, if you want. What can
I do you for?"
"Well, mister, I'm nothing. Nobody likes me anymore. And...and...
today in the bathroom, the Skulta peed on me and got me smelly and sticky!"
"Well it serves you right! You're boring... umm.. no. I didn't say
that. What I meant to say is that you could avoid all this alienation and
crap. What you need, my small friend, is a gimmick!"
A look of interest arose on Richard's face, as Random revealed his plan
to give Richard a new image... a GIMMICK.
"What you've got to do is get a gimmick. Something unique. Something
special. You know... a gimmick. Like the professional wrestlers. But you
know, they have lame gimmicks what. You need something impressive. You can
be... umm... let's see... you can be... BAGEL MAN! That's it! It's your
new image! Your gimmick! Trust me, if you follow my instructions, you'll
have the babes all over you and the Skulta trembling at your feet!"
Random proceeded to instruct Richard on the details of his new image,
and by the next morning, when he came to school, Richard was no longer the
young innocent boy he was the day before... he was no longer Richard... he
was... Bagel-Man!
[Note: This is partially based on reality... Gimmick my ass, Random...]
Part II coming soon! [I doubt it - Ed.]
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Aldebaran Arghat All Rights
Revered. Even yours.
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