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Durex Blender Corporation 006
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
|| || || || || \\ || // \\ EGGPLANT.DBC
E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #006-TE01 -- [06/04/91]
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Eggplantistismistism:
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[ a.k.a. The Cult of the Almighty Eggplant ]
a religious instruction file by
The Eternally Happy One
Some Basic Facts:
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A member of this cult, called an Eggplantistismist, worships a medium
sized, bowling-pin shaped purple vegetable with a green top. The only belief,
basically, is that the said plant controls everything throughout the known
Universe. Proof of this is *not necessary* for one to become an Eggplantist
-ismist.
Why Kings Wear Purple:
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Long ago, kings, wishing to be assoctiated with the incredible, almighty
and generally extremely wonderful eggplant, wore purple robes and leaves on
their heads. However, the head-leaf ornament was gilded to represent their
regal royalty. Eventually, these leafy caps developed into what is today
called, by uninformed, uninitiated Non-Eggplantistismists call crowns. The
*truth* about the robes was replaced by some silly theory (the *conspiracy's*
ill hand at work) concerning rare dyes, which has been ruthlessly spread by
false historians and scientists. Why have they done this? They have decided
that Eggplantistismistism doesn't exist JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T HEARD OF
IT!!! (Isn't that stupid...) Revive Eggplantistismistism!!!
How YOU Can Join the Cult of the Almighty Eggplant:
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Step One: Read this.
Step Two: Tell your friends.
Step Three: Tell your enemies.
Step Four: Declare yourself High-Poobah-King-Lord of the Eggplants of
[- YOUR town's name here! -].
Step Five: Argue with your friends about who is the *true*
High-Poobah-King-Lord of the Eggplants of [- YOUR town's name here -].
Step Six: Agree that you are *all* High-Poobah-King-Lords and shake hands.
Step Seven: Hang signs all over your town and school advertising
Eggplantistismistism.
Step Eight: Split apart and form rival Eggplantistismistism factions.
Step Nine: Enjoy a large, steaming hot Eggplant Quiche and a glass of
guava juice.
Step Ten: Repeat steps One through Ten.
[Like the Corona Five-Step, but not as pathetic. Down with k-lame beer ads!]
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation, T.E.H.O.
All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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