Going Ape Shit Press 006

Published in

· 26 Apr 2019

  

                    going ape shit press #6 by eagle 22 

  it's my guesss that you have all seen uhf...  if not, then you're 
missing a modern day masterpiece... now it's also my guess that you're a 
little bit familiar with shakespear... if not, then don't read gasp... 
you are an illiterate bastion...  with that, let's introduce eagle 22 as 
one of our newest members.... 

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shakespearian wheel of fish 

Cuni:   All standing here and there 
        shall be blessed with his 
        or her weight in fish.  Welcome 
        my noble people of the audience, 
        to the wheel o fish show game. 
        Now we must set forth and begin 
        We shalt start with Miss Phillis Weaver 
        'Tis true that this nobel woman 
        Hath been the winning of days past. 
        Yes, t'was just Yesterday.  Now, Ho! 
        Weaver dost thou be ready or no? 

Weaver: Dear Sir Cuni, of great honor 
        I am here set forth ready, my lord. 

Cuni:   Fine then, be it now and 
        Get thyself to the Wheel. 
        For it hath many types of such 
        Fish for my lady, may you with 
        All of your strength and will, 
        Give thou wheel a big spin. 

[Weaver spins wheel] 

Weaver: Oh gods above!!  With 
        All your glorious pow'r 
        Let thou blessing of big fish 
        Come hither, oh big fish! 

Cuni:   Hah!  It hath landed on the 
        Great Red Shapper.  A very tasty 
        Fish indeed.  Thou hast been blessed 
        My lady, thou hast now a very nice seafood. 
        Thou has been blessed.  Now Weaver 
        Listen with careful ears.  That thou 
        Not miss a word I shalt speak. 
        You, my lady Weaver, shalt be faced 
        With a question, a most important decision. 
        Thou hast the way to hold your Snapper, 
        Or thou may choose to Give up the Fish 
        And instead receive all that dwells 
        In the Box, that Lord Heroson hath 
        Brought forth down yonder steps, 
        At the time I speak now, Ho! 
        I pray you speak decisively Weaver. 
        The decision, my lady, with speed! 

[After great hesitation] 

Weaver: I hath chosen the box, my lord. 
        I beg you to show what liest in the box. 
        Give to me, what be it within that box 
        Yonder, most curious box. 

Cuni:   My lady hath chosen the box 
        All here hath witnessed the decision. 
        So let it be, so now we shalt see 
        What lies beneath the box. 
        Heroson, what be'eth in yonder box? 

[Herson lifts box] 

Cuni:   Nothing, Ho!  My ignorant lady. 
        Absolutely nothing, as you hath seen 
        Stupid, my foolish lady, sooo stupid. 
        You had Red Snapper, Now 
        Dows thou have something? 
        Methinks you so stupid. 

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  gasp is nifty... read gasp...