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The Hogs of Entropy 0939
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ggg "Choosing Where To Sit In Class" ggg
$$$ by Mogel $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #939 -- 12/05/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
Quite often we give little active thought towards selecting where
to sit within an average high school or college classroom seating
arrangement. This is certainly normal. If you do think about it,
however, there's a certain strategy or logic behind most seating choices.
Sometimes these choices are very passive, and we're unaware of them. I'm
still certain, however, that where we choose to sit does give a certain
"message" to the teacher involved, and being aware of that message--or
being aware of the decisions of your fellow classmates, may come to your
advantage at some point in time. In addition, sitting in various
positions in the class fit certain archetypes and qualities related to
human psychology.
The most common seating arrangements vary between 5 and 6 columns
and/or 5 or 6 rows. Rather than being incredibly redundant, and
discussing each of the possible variations, I'm going to create a compact
"5x5" model which can be applied to virtually any other standard
arrangement.
The Seating Model -- 5 Rows, 5 Columns
======================================
[Teacher is here.]
.----------------------------.
| A1 A2 A3 A4 A5 |
| B1 B2 B3 B4 B5 |
| C1 C2 C3 C4 C5 |
| D1 D2 D3 D4 D5 |
| E1 E2 E3 E4 E5 |
`----------------------------'
This model assumes that all 25 positions here will eventually be
taken up. The emptiness or fullness of one position might affect a
students decision as to where he sits, so one must be careful not to
assume too much too quickly. It's best to use this model AFTER either
(1) a student establishes either a clear pattern for sitting in one
particular position type, or (2) when given a virtually empty room, a
student leans towards sitting in one a particular location. If a student
does exhibits a clear pattern, we can make quite a number of comments
about the typical positions of students within the class. The following
are some of the most obvious.
- All 5 positions of "E" we will call "The Bad Kids". The
significance of this position is usually the message intended
for the teacher. If you sit in the back, it's generally
understood that you're not interested in participating in the
class. Teachers generally are standing up front, so, basically,
you're telling your professor "I want to be as far away from you
as the limitations of this classroom will possibly allow for."
It's a very actively stand-offish.
- All 5 positions of "A" we will call lovingly call "The Nerds".
This position, as opposed to "The Bad Kids", gives off the
message to a professor: "I care about this class! I care
about learning! I want to be as close to you as I can! I am an
active agent and participant here! You're going to see me FIRST
when you look out into that vast sea of faceless students, and
I'll be there for you!" As you might detect, although
academically positive, both teachers (and more often) students
are both aware that this position of seating is also the "Suck
Up" position. It's extending just a little too much effort. Not
that effort is bad, of course, but sitting in the front row
generally has a stigma. That sigma, good or bad, still exists.
Any student that chooses to sit in a Nerd position is making an
active choice to give a message to a teacher. Position "A3" is
generally the Super Nerd position.
- Less often, but commonly, all 5 positions of "C" are designated
for the Invisible Students. These are students who seem to be
choosing to sit in the middle of the class a bit too actively.
In actuality, students that choose to be Invisible are quite
often doing what the Bad Kids *think* they're doing far more
effectively--that is, hiding from the teacher and trying not to
be noticed. Teachers are always aware of the bad kids, because
of the blatantness of their choice in seating, but Invisible
kids give off more of a superficial image of "caring" about the
class, so they don't get watched quite as actively. Position C3
is the worst choice you can make as an invisible student since
this is the actual physical center of the class, and it's just
inevitable that a teacher will eventually look to see what's
going on in the center. It's only natural.
- All of the "1" and "5" positions on the most right and left
sides of the class are classically called the Cynic positions.
These are students who are disinterested in the class, but make
less effort than the Bad Kids to inform the teacher of it.
Instead, they sit in a position that's on the remote outskirts
of the class, the sides. Not always, but commonly, the classic
Cynic kid will not really feel like they're "part" of the class,
which gives them special rights, privileges, and powers that
other students in the class wouldn't have quite as naturally.
For example, these students are allowed to make very rude
commentary regarding the events of the class. They are also
allowed to talk to other students around them with less
immediate attention.
- All the "B" and "D" positions are generally 'tweeners. These
are people that are leaning towards either "A" or "E", but try
not to make a point of being any one position too clearly. These
are probably the two least offensive rows to sit in.
As you may have deduced, there are people who do exhibit *mixed*
characteristics from different types of students, or special positions
worthy of noting. The following are some of the mixes, which look eerily
like categories you might find in a role-playing game.
- Position "A1" and "A5" are the "Nerd-Cynics". These are
students that are generally Nerdy, but still want to the special
rights and privileges that cynic students seem to have.
- Position "E1" and "E5" are the "Bad-Cynics". This is the
deepest, most baddy-bad position in the class. Not only are you
putting up a big flag to the teacher saying "I don't care", but
you also get the special rights and privileges that the cynic
students seem to have. These students can be also called the
"Will Probably Drop Out" students.
- Position "C1" and "C5" are the "Invisible-Cynics". As to be
expected, these students have the special powers that Cynics
seem to have, but they're a more conservative type of Cynic that
prefers to hide their cynical nature from the world and whisper
their comments (or pass notes for those of you in high school).
- Position "D2" and "D4" are generally the Gimp Positions. These
are students who generally don't have any clear identity and are
probably not very helpful or interesting. They are not
offensive positions in any way, but these students often
exhibits minor traits of both the Invisible kids and the Bad
kids. This mixture often creates a very annoying and passive
type of person.
- Position "B2" and "B4" are what *I* consider to the the Ideal
Positions in the classroom. These students are letting the
teacher know that they care about the class (which can't really
HURT since being in a class should be why you're THERE), but
it's not too over-the-top, like the Nerd kids. They are a bit
faded out, like the Invisible kids, but this usually creates a
more "un-offensive" aura as opposed to a "I'm-just-blending-in"
aura. Incidentally, "B3" is not an ideal position because I
think that it's *too* ideal of a position, which makes it fall
into a special class I call the Sub-Nerd--someone who would
probably sit in the Nerd position but is probably too shy.
As I mentioned above, the classroom model I'm using here is the
most compact of the models. There's obviously situations with far more
rows and columns. Some of the same rules do apply, but the gradiations
of subtlety are more in effect within those larger models.
The most disturbing thing about this model, more than the fact
that it exists, is that the process of thinking this up in the middle of
one of my classes was *far* more interesting and entertaining than the
class itself. And you may find this true, too, one day... when you're
sitting in one of your own boring classes, and peering out into the room
of students, and thinking about the seating choices they've made... and
how these seating arrangement suggest information about the students
psychology, and how interesting that might be compared to the class
you're in itself.
Doesn't it suck?
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #939, BY MOGEL - 12/05/99 ]
