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United States Underground 001
uSu - united States underground By:Cyberglitch
Fun vandalism - things to do when you're bored
(Hey you, yeah you, your Disclaimer HERE!)
(Please forgive the grammer in this oh such fun document, i was laughing like)
(hell while typing it)
Ah yes everyone now and then just want's to get some pressure off(yeah
right, uh-huh, we all know what we're after, to make some poor schmuck's life
a living hell). Well what can we do to some loser. Well here's are a few
examples, and trust me from experience never do night-by-night vandalism,
unless no one absolutly sees you or is even suspicous. Oh yeah if you're gonna
do any type of vanadalism make sure it's aa night(as yes that means where dark
clothes, don't be the dumb schmuck wearing bright neon colors, you might as
well yell to the police hey watch me over here while i do some vandalism. It
just doesn't work out good for you, if you must bring a flashlight make it a
small one, something that'll fit into your pocket. Ok here we go...
1) Heh does that annoying loser you know have one of those mailboxes
on a piece of shit wooden post? Well we can fix that many
ways. My favorite just knock the damm thing off, then a couple
blocks away put it in the middle of the road when no one's
looking, it's get's even better if it's right in front of
thier house and they run it over themselves!!! Watch them get
all pissed while you're watching off from a distance laughing
telling your freind to pass the pop-corn.
What don't like breaking off people's mailbox's? Well how about
purchasing yourself a nice Pineaplle(or two, and we all know
where to get them, from Chinatown of course, well if you can get
to hoboken or directly to World Trade Center it's just a couple
blocks away from the Twin Towers, take the train, bus whatever
just make sure you have one of your Bud's with you, more than
one wouldn't hurt, when purchasing them never go for the price
they say rip them off, never go for the price they give you how
insulting, heh heh), anyways make a nice long extended fuse a
paper towel twisted up nice and tightly over the wick does a
nice job for a couple minutes to get away, or if you're lazy
attach a cigarrette to the fuse. Then go to the oh so famous
mailbox leave your little welcome card(the pineapple, and yes
the light the wick), ring the door bell, run like hell, then
watch them cry as their mailbox blows up in their face.
2) Ever wanted to break a window without rocks, well get your hands on
a pineapple and some pretty strong tape and a extended fuse.
attach the extended fuse(like in #1) to the wick, then with the
tape(were gloves when doing this just in case, heh heh) the
pineapple with the extended wick on it to the window, light
and run like hell. Get a safe distance where you could make
yourself sorta disappear out of sight, then watch as the
window get's a nice blow job, err oops i meant blowup job, heh
heh.
3) So this loser has a car eh? Gee these can be so much fun the fuck up.
Why that you ask, well simply put you can do more damage to a
car then a mailbox, heh heh, here's some examples. What's this
an open window on the car, heh well no one's looking or even
around take a nice long leak onto those nice leather seats. Whoa
what a stench glad that ain't my car! Heh heh, need some glass
for god knows what? well don't break the card window's instead
get a plunger, suction it onto the window and then with the nice
glass cutter you have gently cut out a nice piece(s) of glass,
ahh for the hell of it cut out some words like, "Fuck you", or
"Anarchy rulez", then as an added bonus, whats that the pieces
of glass you have you feal nervous taking them, oops oh well now
that i've dropped then in the street some other schmuck has to
clean it up. Oh well heh heh. Oh yeah before i forget one of my
favorite, get's some high grade cement all ready mixed and
something to put it in to pour it out with. Then with some
really strong tape(use electrical tape) pour the cement into the
tailpipe, then put the masking tape over the end let dry, and
let's see the fucker try and get anywhere's with that stuck in
his tailpipe.
4) Bottles, bottles, bottles... what are they good for, lot's of things.
you may be thinking well let's drop some in the road. well
there's even more fun you can do with them, for instance with
some gasoline pour it into one of the glass bottles, then tape
a pineapple with some masking tape onto the side of the bottle
now filled with gasoline, and for god's sake make sure there's
no gasoline on the outside of the bottle. Then with a, i mean
REALLY!, extended fuse attach it to the wick of the pineapple
then put on someone's door step or wherever you think change
would be nice(heh heh), light and get the fuck out of there, you
wanna be atleast about 100ft away god know's how big of an
explosing that'll make.
5) Payphones what can we do with these, why annoy the hell out of an
operator, call up 411, ask for a "Yes i'd like the number for
a Last Name:Anus, First name:Your" when she comes back on(if you
get the stupid one, she/he'll probally say something like, "I
don't see anything under Your Anus.", then either laugh or say
something like (if you get a male) "I'll you faggot!", (a cute
sounding female) "Well if you'd like to check under my anus
again just give me the time and place". And if you get an old
bitch just hangup. Before leaving you just so happen to be next
to the guy who's talking alot on the payphone get wouldn't it be
a shame if was interrupted by someone calling the pay phone you
just got off of? Well let's do it anyways dial 550 and the last
four digit's of the phone number, listen for dial tone, then
gently click a couple times until you hear a low pitch noise,
hangup walk away. Watch the fucker talking so much on the other
phone get pissed answering the other phone that's ringing like
hell, and there realize's when he picks it up no once called and
the person he was talking to hangup on him/her. Or better yet
instead of even doing that twist off the mouth pieces, heh heh
that'll piss off anyone who needs to use a payphone in a hurry
and there's nothing to talk into! Heh it's even better if you
could sell the mouth piece and ear piece to some schmuck that
thinks it's a portable radio for about $30! Heh that's a good
way to make money.
6) Damm street lights, too fucking bright eh? Gives off where you are?
well if they're those short gas-light ones you're in luck, well
someone going to have to replace the broken glass, heh after you
break it. Oh yeah before breaking any glass make sure you plot
out a place where you're gonna run and hide at. This way if a
cop comes while you're doing it, he won't find, well that all
depends on how good you can hide and what you're wearing, ie...
don't be the dumbass with the bright clothes on trying to hide
in a bush just doesn't work.
7) What the loser you're driving mad is happyily married. Well we can
change that. How is this, from a payphone call up the person
you wanna ruin, then ask if his wife is there(works better if
you know his wife's last name and his first name), then do the
following, "Hello is a Mrs. I'm a bimbio there? may i please
speak to her", "Who might this be calling?", "oh it's her old
boyfriend, Joey, wow you must be the lucky man that married her?
boy she realy knows how to give a blow job, oh and that little
teddy that she wears without the panties,ummm ummm ummm", heh
listen outside the house for a while, and listen to the oh so
interesting argument.
8) Wanna get someone framed. Well dial 411. as play out the dialouge
below.
OPERATOR:Hello what town and name please
YOU:Hello this is <Your victim's full name here>, what's your
name
OPERATOR:<confused> uhh it's Pam Johnson(whatever)
YOU:Well Pam Johnson, i wanna fuck you, and if you don't give
me your address now i'll just look it up in the phone book
book and come over your house and jump you when you least
expect it, and don't try tracing this call(do this from a
payphone for crying out loud!), if you ever find me i'll
just deny anything you say. Then i'll find you and fuck
you over.
heh watch your the victim(the person you said you were) be
harrassed and shit for no reason at all. Kinda of stupid but
if you're convincing enough there'll be trouble heh heh.
9) Are trash can's any fun well if you can pick it up and carry it
around that is, have fun dump some of the half eaten crap onto
someone's front porch, hell dump the whole can on it, ring the
doorbell, watch some old guy come out and say "whoa what a
stench!", and if you wanna be cute light it up. Only light it
if you're really, really pissed off at this person.
10) Can i do anything with this loser's phone lines? Well that all
depends, you wanna eavsdrop and snoop, and record what you
learn of onto tape or something and blackmail the fucker(not
original but you make some sort of profit out of it, depending
how private it is), or if you're just totally pissed at that
person just snap the phone wires(the small ones idiot! Don't
do any of the fat thicks ones unless you like getting fried
to death), heh watch as it cost him money to get the lines
fixed. Or better take two losers phone lines and switch the
lines, so the one loser get's the other loser's calls.
Well that's all for now, heh that out'ta keep you entertained for a while! Be
on the look out for more uSu releases soon.
