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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 15 Feb. 15:00
__ __
\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 15 vol. 2 Feb. 15/00
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
INSTAGON NEWS
PLEASE HELP - BY BUNNIE WABBITT
GOATBOY'S ENGLISH 101 - BY GOATBOY
AFeXTTeXT BY AFeXT
LIFE IS ODD - BY MORBUS
WHURL-N-HURL
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "complicated idiocies dummied up" issue. Don't know what
I'm talking about? Go read Chico's Groove xisytrof. And for those of you
out there who don't know what Chico's Groove is - too bad.
Lawyers get taller when the take viagra - I'm still chuckling over that
one...
We have a new contest this issue and another round of WHURL-N-HURL.
Uh huh. Morbus has opened up his and AFeXT's tempestuous fling to broader
horizons (what the fuck does that mean?). Anyways read AFeXTTeXT and LIFE
IS ODD by Morbus (immediately following AFeXTTeXT) to get all the juicy,
titillating details... Titillation you ask? Yes, Titillation with a
capital T. Because in this very issue you, dear reader, have a chance to
win a virtual date with...wait for it...MORBUS!!!! Yes, that stud-bunny
from New Hampshire, that serial killer with a love gun for his weapon, is
aiming to achy-breakybreak a few hearts on this day after Valentine's
Day... Be still my fluttering Canadianbackbaconclogged heart th-thump
th-thump th-thump. Life certainly is odd.
Speaking of Morbus - he had these (psuedo) kind words to say about VD in
CG:
Disobey is now the spiffy publisher of yet another
excellent piece of zinedom: Viewer Discretion. Created
by the same joker who publishes The Annihilation
Fountain, Viewer Discretion involves insane love
affairs between its readers, complicated idiocies
dummied up with poetry, and other loosely related words
that all point to an amazingly good read. You can
subscribe via the box appearing on Disobey, or else by
sending an email to majordomo@disobey.com with the body
reading "Subscribe ViewerDiscretion". Trust me, if you
even glance at anything else that Disobey publishes, be
sure to get the VD you deserve.
Wow, sniff sniff, I'm touched. Morbus knows, like so many big good words
eh? So I'm a joker am I Morbii? Just wait till I get all Batman-like on
your sorry dodgeballed virtual ass. <g>
In the words of *YOU*, dear reader...
Angie C. spewed forth thusly about last issue:
funny issue. even if i didn't win the whurl-n-hurl.
But you did win. Even though you turned down the prize wimp. Though you
have had the pleasure of seeing my star tattoo in real life...hehehehe
i encourage AAFeXt and Morbus to explore their sexuality
and i'd like to propose a live VD-CAM, which would allow us to
witness this glorious discovery.
Or it would let us see Morbus picking his nose or something.
As he reads VD. Refreshing every 30 seconds.
Or 4 boogers - whatever comes first <g>. An AFeXT-Morbus-love-video-cam!
Now there's something to put the fear of God into an atheist.
Loved Morbus' open letter!!!!!
Hmmm...the makings of a manage a texttrois...<g>
Sasha's exchange with mom was brilliant.
Think they'll let me get away with that here at work??
"But I WANT a smoke break"!
"You don't even smoke."
"OK then, here I go - I'm gonna cry!"
Sounds like a few other people in your office I know.... (sorry folks
stupid inside joke for Angie and I only.)
ciao for now, back to the bump and grind for me.
Now there's an image to think about....alone...in the dark...with hand
cream <g>
And VD's favourite long-lost-seldom-heard-from-prodigal son Goatboy had
this to say about the VD/Disobey merger:
Don't feel bad. As of the other day, I've sold my soul to
Morbus as well, signed in blood. It's true. He is taking
over the world with his plan in domination. But then again,
it turns me on when he calls me "hey bitch" when I am on all
my fours.
Hmmm....does AFeXT know about this? Actually, I happen to know for a fact
that Goatboy battled the devil himself and won. He regained his soul and
is back out in the real world raising hell...
Anyways, let's firebomb this tenement and see who stumbles out through
the door on fire so we can pee on them to put them out...
:: QUOTABLE ::
"My goal is to keep my income in thousands above my age in years while
keeping my waistline in inches below my age in years."
-me
(The follow bit took place during a long car ride)
Connor:"Dad, I have to go to the bathroom."
Sasha:"Just hold your penis like I do Connor."
-Connor aged 6.75 and Sasha aged 3.5
:: INSTAGON NEWS ::
INSTAGON Fri.2-18, w/ SUB-ARACHNOID SPACE, & SHIVA
and again thee wind howls whispers in thee rainy night and calls out thee
names ov deamons and their sounds fill thee air in thee distance..
I N S T A G O N
will appear and be presented for capturing on Friday, February 18th, 2000
in support ov and excited to appearing once again with SUB-ARACHNOID
SPACE.. the most awesome space rock ensemble in the state of California..
hailing from San Francisco and making this rare OC appearance.. also
playing on this bill with us will be the OC heavy goddness of
SHIVA...which features former members of OC Grind kings, MINDROT..
this will be a show not to miss..
Friday, February 18th, 2000 -- 9pm -- 21+ only - $5 at the door
CLUB MESA
843 W. 19th St
Costa Mesa,CA
(949) 642-8448 for directions.
as always at Instagon shows tape recording is permitted and encouraged.
-/\-
:: PLEASE HELP - BY BUNNIE WABBIT::
I don't know if this is serious or not but I always like to help out
where I can...so I'm forwarding this to y'all. Please give generously.
<g> (-Ed)
Dear Kind Stranger,
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I
can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says
it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't
answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.
The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body.
It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an
artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors
said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or
insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more
money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying
people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy
always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes
her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward
this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates
will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will
collect prayers from schoolchildren all over America and take them up to
space so that the angels can hear them better. Maybe one day I will be
able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the
doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this
letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help
me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot
before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says
you're a mean heartless jerk who doesn't care about a poor little boy
with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your
own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow horrible death
so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of person are you that you
can't take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they
can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a
poor, bodiless 9-year-old boy? Please help me. This really sucks. I try
to be happy but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a
puppy. Thank You. Billy 'Smiles' Evans, The boy with just a head. And a
burlap sack for a body.
:: GOATBOY'S ENGLISH 101 - BY GOATBOY ::
After receiving the following screaming assault in his inbox, Goatboy
decided to offer English as a second language lessons to the writer. He
sent VD a copy and we now present it to you, dear reader, in the hopes of
fulfilling our educational mandate. Uh huh.
> WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY INBOX? ABOUT
> YOUR SHITTY COMMENT HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS..
Shall we begin, class?
> WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY INBOX?
Well, there is this thing called the "Internet". When you have a
terminal hooked up to it, you can send this stuff called "E-mail".
You therefore received an e-mail, from me. However, while I am not
in your inbox, my mail is. Damn, that's pretty logical. Hope I didn't
use big words or anything.
> ABOUT YOUR SHITTY COMMENT HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS..
My oh my, such big words. I'm scared. Glad I can't spell Hindi, or
I'd be saying a few myself. How about also, next time, if you have
to try to insult someone, try using proper sentence structure. For
example:
> [And] ABOUT YOUR SHITTY COMMENT, HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS..
See how much better it sounds? You get into the sentence
properly (the "And", since it ties in with the previous conversation),
and that comma there really gives that needed pause, allowing the
reader to better absorb the sentence.
But check this revolutionary concept:
> And about your shitty comment, how about fuck you...dumb ass..
Now look at that! It looks like it was written by someone with a
piece of brain! Ain't it fantastic? The letters are lowercase, and
just uppercase were needed, giving it that professional, almost-
english-major feel to it.
And to improve it even more:
> And about that shitty comment of yours? How about fuck you,
> dumb ass?
Check it out. Proper grammar, spelling, letter case, commas and periods.
What a gem.
The question mark at the end is vital, because, technically speaking, you
are asking me a question, albeit rhetorical.
You know what rhetorical means, don't you?
Now, one last touch. What's writing without creativity? A long line of
letters that everyone can read, and not everyone can parse is overdone.
Can I give you an example of proper swearing or telling someone off?
Here, let's make you the dumb ass and I'm being the threatening evil guy
offending you:
"What kind of fuckhead can't even spell swear words correctly or insult
someone with a bit of style? This is what happens when siblings mate.
Drag your inbred ass away from the computer and do something more in
keeping with your intelligence, like molesting the dog."
Class dismissed.
:: AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT ::
(Note: This rambling note was inspired by previous issues of VD -Ed.)
Blah. I don't care what Morbus said.
Well, alright, the work I did wasn't brain fucking hard, but still. I'm
willing to do more if he'll admit his love for me.
I can prove it too!
"Granted, you did do some fucking [to] [Me], but I dare say it
was not hard [enough]."
Continued with:.
"I only hope you can take a hint."
See! He wants me back! I know how it is.
I don't any more witty come back to that, I couldn't find a better play
on words. *sigh*
Er, I mean, he really meant that. We all know how Morbus works.
In other news, behind my back, http://www.ElectricBreakfast.com claims
I'm ripping him off.
While getting me 5 hits, woohoo.
Is it wrong to be absolutely addicted to the Beatles? I don't know, and
I'm actually not a fan of all the popular shite either. I like the
obscure stuff. Like "Good Morning Good Morning" and "Eleanor Rigby"(Which
isn't that obscure)... My love for obscure stuff must be the reason I
bothered to stay subscribed to VD, huh?
Not much else to say. Got my German final in half an hour. Well, fuck.
:: LIFE IS ODD - BY MORBUS ::
AFeXT, AFeXT, AFeXT. Hiding behind such subtle pretext is rather
immature. You don't *care* what I said. How futile! Why waste the
reader's time with useless and yellow paraphrasing when we all know
better?
Everyone knows how Morbus works? Touche! Fine. How about a little
contest? For the next issue of VD, everyone write in with their
explanations of 'how Morbus works'. The winner (be it funniest, most
creative, or dead on) will ... ... uh ... meet me on IRC ... and ... uh
... "chat". Yeah. That's it.
Note, anyone's whose name contains Ex Fat (as in "Extra Fat" or in some
aborigine countries, "AFeXT") are disqualified.
PS. Your girlfriend already knows. She whispers hints into my ears.
:: WHURL-N-HURL ::
Well, last issue's WHURL-A-URL stupid prize was won (sort of) by none
other than Angie C. who had this to say:
Pepsi Bloodbath is the real URL
i'll forego the prize, though....*ack*
Wimp. But then again Angie has seen the "real thing" and don't need no
stinkin' scanned substitute...<g>
This week's prize is a desktop image submitted by none other Morbus
himself. The image purports to offer indisputable photographic proof of
AFeXT's desires for Morbus. Woohoo! So anyways, here we ago-go
again-gain. Six URL's, one of them is real the rest are fake. First
person to send an email to v_d@iname.com identifying the *real* URL wins
the "proof.jpg" from Morbus. The truth is out there...
So which URL below is real???????????
http://www.morbii.com
http://www.evoorgsocihc.com
http://www.viewer~discretion.com
http://www.stupidfuckingmoron.com
http://www.moron.net
http://www.ihateyou.com
First correct response, based on email time stamp, wins the incredibly
stupid prize!!!
:: ETC ::
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to
v_d@iname.com or don't.
Music that inspired this issue: Jaco Pastorius - The Birthday Concert
Instagon - Temporary Temple
Rage Against The Machine - Evil Empire
Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile
This issue was stillborn.
Next issue February 29/00 - a leap issue woohoo!!!
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__ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's an anal billionaire...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion
TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion
...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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