STD 07

eZine lover (@eZine)

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 · 26 Apr 2019

  

Writing - It's a Disease - Writing - It's a Disease - Writing - It's a Disease 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
StrictlyúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúBy Kojak 
úúúúúúúúúTextúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú"Constipation"úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú 
úúúúúúúúúúúúúúDistributionúúIssue Sevenúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
Writing - It's a Disease - Writing - It's a Disease - Writing - It's a Disease 
      
                             The Real Truth About    
                                 Constipation        
                                  By: Kojak          

        Oh goodness, quite a large topic. Constipation. Quite a large word.  
Say it out loud, "CON-STI-PA-TION".  Imposing, if you ask me.  But there are 
many myths about constipation that I want to clear up for you.  The basic  
reason for this file is that I believe constipation may very well be the very 
root of all evil.  Constipation is an annoyance.  It slows you down.  Makes  
you less productive.  Just look and see: 
                                  
                   Constipation, the medical perspective:   

        Constipation is literally the blockage of waste.  Your body will not 
excrete what it needs to excrete. In layman's terms: YA CAN'T SHIT.  It is  
something that every red-blooded American faces in their lifetime.  It lasts 
anywhere from 2 to over 10 days.  There are many products available OTC that 
will hopefully cure you of this awful affliction.  There are: X-Lax, Correctol 
(women only, please), Gas-X (I don't think this helps constipation, but with 
a name like Gas-X, you can't omit it from the list), and many others.  The 
deal with these wacky products: Loosen the poo.  Loosen the poo.  Loosen the  
.. well, you get the point.  With these "Laxatives", you get liquishit, our 
main goal.  Excrement that can pass through your system.  The simple part of 
this horrible problem is that once you do #2, it's over. 

                   Constipation, psychological effects: 

        Constipation is not only unhealthy for your body, but also your mind. 
Not being able to 'take a crap' leaves an unfillable void in your day.  You 
feel the loss.  You have an extra 10 (actual time may vary) minutes in your  
day that you have no clue what to do with.  Some people are so distraught by 
their affliction that they just go sit on the john doing nothing.  Just to  
pass the time.  Constipation has psychological side-effects that range beyond 
feeling "like shit" (pardon the pun).  People build a complex: "Does that guy 
know that I can't shit?" or "Hey, I wonder if I'm the only one that can't 
shit.. maybe I should ask that guy. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should. Aggg!". 
 Then the depression kicks in, and you're gone.  Psychologically speaking,  
you're fucked.  You cannot focus, you're always thinking, "poo! poo! i have to 
poo!".  This creates problems in other areas of life that I'll have to explain 
later. 

                   Life from the PP (poo perspective): 

        Poo is like an army.  Each nugget is a private in the army, and each 
large nugget is a major (or some other form of authority, if you prefer 
having a submissive and a dominatrix in this story, so be it).  Basically, 
the body sends the poo on a kamikaze mission to get to the toilet.  These guys 
are giving it their all to get to one place.  When you're constipated, they 
can't get to where they're going.  In essence, after a few days, they start 
to get frustrated.  They are simply milling about, looking at your colon every 
5 minutes. They aren't enjoying it, and neither are you.  My words of  
advice: Don't fight against the army, it's not a one on one fight.  Let your   
soldiers go.   

                        Economic Ramifications: 

 
        Poo is most imperative to the U.S. economy.   Without poo, we wouldn't 
have many products and industries: 2000 Flushes, plungers, toilets (without 
poo, trees would suffice), the plumbing industry, there would be no use 
for newspapers, popular literature of our time.. there wouldn't be a use for  
many, many things we have.  Poo is necessary.  So if you find anything wrong 
with your gastrointestinal tract, talk to your doctor immediately. Stop this 
affliction before it stops you. 

....                    Thank you for shopping STD                      .... 
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[úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúBy Kojakúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúú] 
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