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Underground eXperts United File 307
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Losers' Guide To Becoming A Successful... ] [ By Joseph ]
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Losers' guide to becoming a successful intellectual
or
'why ugly guys get the fine-breasted girls'
written by Joseph
Does any of the following apply on you;
People consider you boring?
Your friends rip you off because they think you're such a looser?
You've never got laid?
Behind your back people laugh and call you a computer nerd?
Even your mother think you are ugly?
The muscles in your right hand are far more developed than in your left?
Uhhh - are you a geek or what? Naaah, just kidding, please continue
reading. Just sit back and read this guide on how to become an intellectual,
a foolproof way to get women (read; girls). For some years now I've been
watching my fellow students and some of my friends' behavior at school, and
at various bars and parties. This led me to draw some of the conclusions I'm
about to share with you. Don't worry about your friends finding out that all
of your sudden changes in your personality originates from reading this
file, you're just about to give them the finger - and score a lot more than
they *ever* did!
Down to some serious business. The first and perhaps the easiest step to
become an intellectual is to stop cutting your hair. It doesn't matter that
much how your hair actually looks, as long as the opposite sex can see that
your are growing it. The second is a tad bit harder: buy a guitar. No, I'm
not turning you into some nerdy musician - trust me. Learn to play two or
three songs, that's enough. I'll tell you why later. Your third step is
to find a small cafe where girls between the age of 16-20 hang out. The
kind of girls you're looking for is the type that hardly ever speaks in
school, and when they do - the words coming out of her mouth is likely to
have something to do with Sartre, Kafka or some political crap they've
heard to be "political incorrect". You know the type, the ones that later
in life becomes secretaries, bored wives or leaders of the women's lib.
Get some books by Kafka and move to the cafe. Mingle, talk with people
(as many as you can.) After some time you've got yourself a couple of
friends. Now it's time to dump your old friends. Perhaps this sounds a bit
cruel, BUT IT IS NOT! Simplest thing you can do is to stop calling them -
you'll see that they never wanted to hang with you anyway. Soon you'll find
out that the only thing you have to do to get these girls in bed is to talk
about 'how women has been mistreated through the years,' or basically just
tell them that 'they've got a brilliant intellect' and you would *love* to
meet them again to learn more. Ha ha. This very much resembles the usual
picking up procedure, the difference being that it doesn't matter that much
how big muscles you've got or if your face looks like a meatloaf. The only
things you have to keep in mind is to;
a) Always act as if you are someone *really* special
b) Only listen to classical music or to the new "British pop"-crap
c) Wear the latest British pop-nerd clothes
Ohh. Erm... About the guitar, that's your last resort. If everything
else fails, and the girl you are trying to pick up is not at all receptive
to your lines - tell her that you are playing in a band or that you are
writing some new political tunes for your guitar. I promise, she'll be all
over you in no time.
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uXu #307 Underground eXperts United 1996 uXu #307
Call SOTH'S DOMAIN -> +1-401-463-8889
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