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y0lk-048
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y0lk 48: Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off
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y0lk - kW33D3's magazine for lamer fags like you!
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Evan was a good kid. He did all of his homework, he spoke only when
spoken to, and he was always polite to adults. He was a damn good kid.
Every parent's dream come true. Evan was a king among men.
In the ninth grade, some problems came to Evan. He still did all his
homework, he was still very polite, but things just never seemed to work out
for him anymore. The other kids started to hate him. His attitude never
changed... people just stopped liking him. He was labeled as a regular high
school geek. The teachers and his parents worried about this, but Evan
didn't care. He didn't need people to like him. He enjoyed life on his own;
an independent mind for an independent world.
One day, Evan was sitting in his room drawing... and pondering life.
It was a regular thought process; he thought about life and death, and how
pointless it was to even move in this world... because everyone ends up in
the same place. Life is okay, but the rules totally suck. 'Why can't I end
up superior to all these assholes? I'm so much better than everyone else,
and they know it. This sucks.'
Evan thought for a moment that he was just fooling himself; he wasn't
better than everyone else... everybody's supposed to be equal. Right? Well,
in this case, Evan thought, he just wasn't equal. He lived life without sin,
he tried harder than everyone else. Evan really was better than everyone
everyone else.
But, of course, the thought came back. Being better just wasn't
worth it. So Evan was enlightened. He no longer needed to be good...
because being good just wasn't worth the effort. Evan stood up and screamed:
"WELL IF WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, I SURE AS HELL BETTER BE THE FIRST!"
From then on, Evan was a bad-ass. He cursed at his parents, he
stopped doing all his homework, and he kicked the crap out of anyone that got
in his way. A rebel without a cause... living life as one big parody of
itself.
He wasn't happy anymore; but he didn't care. The other kids in his
grade still hated him, and the parents and teachers just worried more.
Everything went on as usual, in an uncontrollable state. Evan was out of his
mind.
One night in January, he was sitting in his room as usual, playing
with a barbecue-lighter he stole somewhere. Thoughts no longer flowed
through his head like before. He just sat, apathetic, staring at the flames
coming on and going off. Wheeeeeeeee.
Evan continued to stare at the flames for about five minutes, and
then spoke to himself: "You know what? I'm going to burn all my damn hair
off." He didn't know why he said it, it just came out. He shrugged, and
took the lighter to his head. "I guess God wants me to do this." He pushed
the button and his hair started to burn. "Haha. God."
His hair didn't exactly catch fire, it sorta melted. But Evan didn't
have that much hair... so it didn't take long. His last hair fell out, but
he didn't stop. He just kept holding the lighter to his scalp.
"I guess I'll just melt my whole face off."
As his skin started to drip down his face, a thought came to Evan's
head. "Well, I'm killing myself. I suppose I'll need a suicide note." He
took a pen and paper, and wrote:
Uh, I got bored and I melted my face off. Haha. I'm better than all
of you. Dumbasses. I'm dead and you're not.
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$ ## $ title $ author $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
