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Tcahr Issue 30
>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>> >>> >>>>>>>>
<<< <<<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< Vol. 2, Iss. 6
>>> >>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> 05 JAN 02
<<< <<<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<<
>>> >>>>>>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Polymemetic File One
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+-0-=0+ THE UBIQUITOUS EDITORIAL +0=-0-+
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The meeting was going badly. By the look on the faces of my dissemination
officers, I realized I shouldn't have started off with the "duck theory":
"I also think that any scene in a movie, no matter how dramatic,
is automatically made into a brillant comedic work of art when
a duck is added to the scene. If the death scene of Hamlet had
a few ducks running around, it would really take care of that
whole annoying tragedy thing. Not that 'Howard the Duck' was
funny. The problem there was that the movie was about a duck.
A duck should be appreciated in a movie like the bottom notes
of a good perfume. Not like 'LOOK! DUCK!', but like 'Ah, yes!
A duck. Brilliant.'"
S1 Charrest and S1 Tyra shifted in their seats nervously. I'd failed to
catch their imaginations. I thought of all the new changes I was trying
to install into TCAHR. I blurted out the first thing I could think of just
to stop the heavy silence.
"I have a new project," I announced.
I don't know why I said it. I blame divine madness or the six martinis plus
the line of coke I had before they came into the office. They perked right up
though. It had been awhile since TCAHR had done an actual project. Now I had
to pull an idea out of my ass.
"Yeah, I was thinking of the new writing style. I'm generating a lot of
material. I figured I could make create a textfile project. I take the last
issue, the TCAHR manifesto (http://maq.port5.com/disman.html), and any issue
done in the new style and put them together in one large textfile."
"What's the point of that?" sneered Charrest.
"It will be a place where all of the TCAHR philosophies, memes, and personal
stories will be together. It will be small at first, but eventually we will
have a textfile large enough to support life based on the doctrines of TCAHR!
An ASCII-based planet in full control of the Evil Memetic Empire! MUAH-HA-HA!"
"You're a fucking idiot, Jet."
I ignored Charrest and look into the brilliant, wicked, and lethal Tyra's eyes.
"Tyra," I began. "You believed in me once. I would make you the Eve of a new
world, but first I have to know. Do you still trust in me?"
She sighed and told me I needed a girlfriend. I smiled and gave her my most
seductive wink. She shuddered and screamed "UGH! AS IF I WOULD EVER GIVE YOU
A SECOND CHANCE, YOU VILE MOTHER FUCKER!"
Words were said. Guns were drawn. The mutiny began.
And with that brilliant segue, I announce the beginning of the polymemetic
textfile project (http://maq.port5.com/polymemetic.txt) and the following
entries designed to prove how much I know about women to all the guys. At the
same time I will prove to all women that I don't know a fuckin' thing about 'em!
Jet Jaguar
TCAHR CEO
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I. The Objectifcation of Men
II. Return of the Sexual Woman
III. The Barefoot and Pregnant Conspiracy
IV. Hold Off On the Sperm
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I. The Objectifcation of Men
Perfect world scenario: A tribe of humans, an abundance of food and no
danger from other humans or wild animals. What would be the deciding factor
on how men and women choose their mates? The answer is easy: the same way
men do now.
Left to our own devices, us humans are a vain and self-gratifing lot.
Whole religions and philosophies have been wiped out for not being attractive
enough. What we believe to be pretty captures our imaginations much more
readily. How many ugly personifications of goodness can you readily name
from the world's religions? We tend to forget the "awful" truth that we
are sexual animals. Nothing like analysing the sexualization of our highest
concepts of morality to bring light to our egocentric nature.
The manipulations of society has cast the role of the provider upon the male
of the species. With this role comes the pressure and advantages of higher
income potential. In our imperfect world, men live the above perfect world
scenario. Being able to afford security, men are free to sniff about and
choose their mates on the prettiest face and firmest ass.
Women don't have that luxury. Established memetics concepts are hard to
change. The male-as-provider meme is outdated in this age. There's no need
for the great male hunter-gatherer to use his mighty upper body strength to
defend the cave from tigers and wolves. However, that doesn't make it any
less powerful. If someone is playing the role of provider, someone else is
playing the role of providee. Ever wonder why the "sexiest" women mesh so
well with the richest men?
No, you haven't. You know why. Anna Nicole Smith is flashing through the
minds of some of you right now.
So if any of you men get the feeling that some women are checking out your
wallet when looking at your ass, don't worry about it. There are reasons.
It's not gold-digging, it's not that she's a whore, and it's not that she's
materialistic.
It's survival. Isn't that the meaning of human existence?
II. Return of the Sexual Woman
I know, I know. I just painted a bleak picture of hetrosexual
relationships. All sex based on barter for financial security. Don't
worry, when it comes to expression I believe that all tragic things must be
given a fold of hope. I don't paint a problem without painting a solution
as well.
With the solution I'm thinking off, the financial security aspect of sex
would disappear. To be quite honest, it has already begun. But if the meme
I'm thinking of would overthrow the male-as-provider meme, women would be
free to make the same boneheaded decisions as men in choosing sexual
partners.
Which pretty much boils down to is women being more free to say things like
"Hey, Lisa! Check out the lump on that him-bo!" without their virtues,
femininity, and upbringing being brought into question.
It's so easy you're going to love it: full financial equality! If you want
sexuality on honest terms, you must being on a level playing field. If
women can make the same amount as men and are not socially penalized for
doing it, there's no need for her to look for the male-as-provider. Simple,
right?
No.
III. The Barefoot and Pregnant Conspiracy
Financial equality for women will never happen unless emotional equality is
achieved first. This is the part where I would launch into a well-detailed
analysis of the memes that hinder emotional equality...
But there are so many freakin' many of them! Instead, I'm going to play a
game of dialog that may directed at someone as she goes from girl to woman:
"No, no. Leave that alone. That's for boys, not little girls."
"A proper young lady doesn't talk that way."
"It's important for a woman to know how to cook."
"Eve made Adam eat that apple."
"Girls should never hit."
"I can't wait for the day you give me grandchildren."
"You would be so pretty if you would just wear a little bit more make-up."
"You should diet. No one likes a chubby girl."
"Are you going out dressed like that?"
"You should find yourself a successful man."
"College is a great place to find a husband."
"Loosen up, you're too uptight."
"You would do it if you loved me."
"You're my wife and a wife shouldn't act like that."
"You should stay home and raise them. You would make a great mother."
"You're supposed to do the cleaning and cooking. I do the real work."
"She wouldn't act that way if you worked less."
"You shouldn't let your daughter play with boys toys."
Now repeat in a condesending voice ad nauseum...for a lifetime.
IV. Hold Off On the Sperm
I'm personally against breeding, but I'm resolved to the fact that it
happens. I can only hope that teenage girls don't fall for the whole
"baby-making equals love" fallacy. There's no quicker way to damn as least
two lives.
As you can probably tell by now, I'm a big proponent of the survival-
reproduction school of evolution. Survival, in my mind, comes first. I
believe that early pregnancies greatly reduce the quality of a woman's
aspect of survival. Unlike the mainstream that says just don't do it, I
actually have reasons to share.
I wrote above that the quickest way to more freedom for women was financial
equality. For a teenage mother with no education and no trust fund, a baby
may as well be a chain around her neck. If the sperm donor sticks around,
she has to deal with a load of other problems. If she finds herself single,
get ready for the sexual fun and games I described in section I. It's
manipulation for survival time.
Don't be surprised if men begin to avoid you like the plague. Meeting a
single mother at the club turns on our warning sensors faster than anything
you've ever seen! I, the great sensitive Jaguar, has been known to slide
under dancing couples, slide under beefy bouncers, and overturn tables full
of drinks to escape a daddy-hunter!
Not that having a husband or boyfriend around automatically solves anything.
Without an education and/or stable career of her own, many women find
themselves at the whims of their husbands. Check out the batch of losers on
any talk show dealing with spousal abuse or adultery. I'll take the odds
that the wife will say she's staying for the kids. What a miserable life it
must be to catch an ass-beating for someone else!
Even worse, what if the "male provider" skips out? Now there's a child to
feed. How do you deal? An education would take too long and McDonald's
isn't going to pay the bills. Time to lower your standards and find someone
with money.
If you insist on still reproducing at a young age believing that a baby will
fill your life with love, think of my experiences as the son of a teenage
mother. I've been through four of my mother's marriges; one to an alcholic,
another to a gigalo, and one to a violent drug dealer. I've been slapped
around and emotionally crippled by a mother suffering from depression. My
mother tried to kill me in a murder-suicide when I was a baby.
When the gigalo left one morning, my mother married the drug dealer to stay
afloat. I've had to hide from rival drug dealers after my step-father. My
brothers have been kidnapped before in a failed ransom attempt. I started
supporting my family at the age of 17 after the drug dealer went to jail.
No school for the kid placed at the top 10% of the nation's brightest
children most of his life. I ended up carrying a rucksack on my back for
the U.S. Army. I came back to civilian life and still ended up supporting
my family instead of finishing college.
Now how much love do you think I have for my mother?
I haven't mentioned any of the really foul, sad, and gruesome stuff because
this isn't about me. I'm just making a point. Do you want your children to
grow up to be angry, mean-spirited pricks?
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The Committee Against Human Rights -- http://maq.port5.com
TCAHR Manifesto -- http://maq.port5.com/disman.html
The Polymemetic Textfile Project -- http://maq.port5.com/polymemetic.txt
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tcahr@hotmail.com Copyright 2002
