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The Hogs of Entropy 0051
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| | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "Stand Back! It's the MODEM MAFIA!" | |
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| | By: Chal e. Mac | |
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\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
War Boards. Flaming. The very fabric of telecom stupidity. What
you are about to read is something scraped from the trenches of retardedness.
A little while back, I was on a local 215 board when I ran into something
startling. It was another brand new spankin' group: THE MODEM MAFIA. This
group actually didn't produce anything in the slightest. The group was...
get this...a FLAMING group. They were a gang of flaming nitwits. Believe it
or not, the group actually prided itself of throwing petty insults to all
the users on the board.
I decided actually attempt to talk to these d00dz. Now chronicled
here are my adventures when I ran into them on the board (The Pit). I'm
sorry but my mail reader that I use doesn't copy headers, so I'll have to
narrate for you. All my comments will be left-justified and contained in
brackets [], all the mail will be indented. Buckle your seat belts, here
goes. After the first post by the TMM, The Modem Mafia, I replied with the
following:
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
I hate to be the one to tell you but the name TMM has already
been in use for about two years (at least) now. There's a board
based in South Philly, a very HPAVC board, called The Godfather's
Den. It's run by a guy who calls himself The Teflon Don. He and his
buddies have been calling themselves The Modem Mob for a long time now
(like I said at least two years), and ran a H/P net called MobNet. MobNet
had quite a few LD nodes and the board was also a hub for some LD nets
dedicated to HPAVC, and made a name for themselves both in the area and
out. You might want to think about changing the name for your group.
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[The only respone I got was from a member of their gang, Nightstalker, who
told me to "fuck off" and that I would have to join their gang or I would be
sorry, or words to that effect. At that point I went ballistic but
unfortunately I don't have that message :( Below is my butting in to a thread
between two members of the group roght after that]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-04-94, Beann mumbled to Nightstalker :
Be> We came and we conquered, and it hasn't even been a week.
Let's get real. Here are the facts:
You're a bunch of little high school geeks who started your own
little club. Lamers attract lamers. Do you have a clubhouse and
a secret handshake? BAHAHAHA
You weren't even original enough to come up with your own name,
you used one that was over two years old, and is used in the
same area code for christ sakes. As lame as I think three letter
acronyms after your names are, stealing one is the ultimate in
lameness. In fact, lame isn't strong enough of a word to describe
that. If you were half as kewl, or elite, or whatever the word of the
month is you would have known that name was taken as they were the
only underground H/P group in the area for a long time. Obviously you
haven't been involved in H/P for very long.
What has your "group" ever done? All I see is a bunch of little
kids, struttin' around with their chests out, talkin' about
takin' over. Takin' over what? A message base. Give me a break. Even
the lame groups find a couple 5 year old text files to rewrite and
take credit for. Couldn't you even do that? What is your next project,
learning how to type in k-rad elite high ascii characters?
Do you courrier any warez? No. Even as lame as that is, at
least they perform a service.
Do you do ansi? No. As much as I detest ansi at least they have
some originality and some even have talent. At least they create.
Do you crack any games? No. That would mean you'd have to know
some assembly and understand interrupts. And again that would be
performing a service.
Do you hack? Give me a break. Hacking would mean at least some
knowledge of Unix. That's definitely above your grasp.
Do you phreak? I seriously doubt it, and knowing anything
regarding cellular is definitely out of the question, although I
guess you guys could have been some of those annoying "codez kids"
that were so prevalent a while ago, but that hardly qualifies as
phreaking.
So what does this all powerful group do? Seems to me like it
feeds a bunch of adolescent egos, and that's about it. Makes you
feel important to say you belong to a "gang". Here's a little tip: if
you don't have to shave every day you don't belong to a "gang", you
belong to a club. A little boys club.
All your group is, is noise. That's it, white noise takin' up
bandwith, cloggin' message bases with adolescent boasts and
empty threats, spelled badly and with fractured syntax to boot.
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[At this point Jed Clampett, threw his two cents in. His reply was only four
lines, which are quoted fully below, followed by my reply to him. This was
his only reply to me the whole time this was going on]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-05-94, Jed Clampett mumbled to Chal Mac:
JC>How fucking LAME is it to use the word lame seven times in five
JC>lines? Pretty lame, man.
You should learn how to quote properly. If you look at the
message in question, starting with the first line you quoted and
ending with the last, the line count totals 19, not 5.
(Ignoring for a moment that those 19 lines encompassed 5
paragraphs) I guess you decided to ignore that little fact when
you were trying to make your point, or is that the way they
teach you arithmetic in the public school system?
I'll give you a little lesson. The gist (meaning: the main point) of
the missive (meaning: a written communication) was that you (the
plural form of the pronoun, meaning: TMM) are lame. Therefor, the
word was used repeatedly, over multiple paragraphs, to emphasize
(meaning: stress) that point. This tactic is used to communicate
clearly with children and/or the intellectually uninclined.
Obviously, since you chose to comment on the repeated use of the
word in question, you absorbed the gist of my argument, even if only
on a subconscious level, which speaks very highly of this method's
effectiveness as a learning tool when conversing with the
aforementioned classes of people.
JC>You've gotta build your vocabulary some before you take on the big
JC>boys.
Obviously you are not so egotistical as to believe that YOU are one
of these "Big Boys" that you speak of? It is to laugh! At the risk
of being redundant :), I'll repeat myself. You are insignificant.
Look that word up. No wait, I'll do it for you.
Today's word, boys & girls, is INSIGNIFICANT. It means:
a: lacking meaning or import
b: not worth considering : unimportant
c: lacking weight, position, or influence : contemptible
Three definitions of the word, from Webster's New Collegiate
Dictionary, and all three fit Jed perfectly. What are the odds of
that, boys and girls?
How's that for vocabulary, fellas ;)
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[This was Beann's reply to the same post that Jed Clampett replied to. At
least Beann's was longer :) ]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
Okay, piss-boy. NOW you've done it. Shadow Runner said you
were cool but it seems like you're to stupid to stay out of
something that has nothing to do with you.
CM> Do you courrier any warez? No. Even as lame as that is, at least
CM> they perform a service.
CM> Do you do ansi? No. As much as I detest ansi at least they have
CM> some originality and some even have talent. At least they create.
CM> Do you crack any games? No. That would mean you'd have to know
CM> some assembly and understand interrupts. And again that would be
CM> performing a service.
CM> Do you hack? Give me a break. Hacking would mean at least some
CM> knowledge of Unix. That's definitely above your grasp.
CM> Do you phreak? I seriously doubt it, and knowing anything
CM> regarding cellular is definitely out of the question, although I
guess
CM> you guys could have been some of those annoying "codez kids" that
were
CM> so prevalent a while ago, but that hardly qualifies as phreaking.
What the fuck are you talking about? We aren't even about that. We
are masters of something so primal, it's almost as funny as YOU are.
Speech. That's right. Cracking games? Oooh, THAT'S an important
function. Hacking? Who cares about hacking? Phreaking? You're the
only FREAK I can think of. I proved to any dickhead reading this
base that I can verbally kick their ass. Who cares about anything
else? I have SPIFF laying awake at night holding his ASS afraid of
his daddy. FALCHION was nothing but a poser to begin with and now
...... ah, FUCK IT. I'll leave him and his sorry life ALONE this
time.
CM> important to say you belong to a "gang". Here's a little tip: if you
CM> don't have to shave every day you don't belong to a "gang", you
belong
CM> to a club. A little boys club.
What do YOU know about shaving?? NO, shaving your LEGS doesn't give
you the right to talk shit. Come on, pussy. If you're going to try
to make me angry, you're going to have to try a LOT harder than THAT.
CM> All your group is, is noise. That's it, white noise takin' up
CM> bandwith, cloggin' message bases with adolescent boasts and empty
CM> threats, spelled badly and with fractured syntax to boot.
Wait a minute, faggot. Are we a "gang", a "club" or a "group"???
You don't even know what you're talking about. I can't believe
you're talking about spelling and syntax. This only proves that
you're a pussy AND a dork. Maybe one day I'll grow up to be just
like you. Hell, maybe one day I'll just GROW UP. But right now,
I'll satisfy myself by making fun of YOU. I know how YOU satisfy
yourself, so put away the lubriderm, pansy. You DON'T wanna do this
Chal. Or Mac. Or whatever the fuck you're called. You DON'T. I
think you and Tortured Soul better go to the school of MIND YOUR
FUCKING BUSINESS.
CM> You're a bunch of little high school geeks who started your own
CM> little club. Lamers attract lamers. Do you have a clubhouse and a
secret
CM> handshake? BAHAHAHA
First of all, if that were true, YOU would be our LEADER. Secondly,
you HAVE accomplished ONE thing. You made me take time out to write
BACK to you. Congratulations. Be proud of your super-BAD self
CM> Chal Mac
Don't start with me. End of conversation.
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[My reply follows. The line about the "two geeks and their pipe bomb" is a
reference to an incident that happened about one week earlier here in 215.
Two junior high kids who got caught bringing a pipe bomb to school and
then ratted out the board where they got the instructions.]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-05-94, Beann mumbled to Chal Mac:
B> Okay, piss-boy. NOW you've done it. Shadow Runner said you were
B>cool but it seems like you're to stupid to stay out of something that
B>has nothing to do with you.
Shadow Runner was right, I am cool. You just can't see it 'cause
you're too busy trying to play tough guy. I've traded messages with SR
and have had no problems with him. I found him to be decent and cool
with me, and I was decent and cool to him in return.I make up my own
mind about people. It's too bad he's associated with you clowns.
B> What the fuck are you talking about? We aren't even about that.
B>We are masters of something so primal, it's almost as funny as YOU
B>are. Speech.
The only thing you are the master of is making yourselves look like
assholes. You are a waste of bandwith. Your the biggest argument
I've ever seen for invite only boards and new user voting. Even
bigger than those two geeks and their pipe bombs.
B>You're the only FREAK I can think of. I proved to any dickhead
B>reading this base that I can verbally kick their ass. Who cares about
B>anything else?
You can verbally kick their ass? What are you, Ranking Roger or
something? I am almighty Beann, master of the put-down! Give me a
break, grow up. You can't verbally kick my ass, or physically for
that matter. Come on down, you have the time and the place, and I'll
kick your ass when I'm done with your buddie.
B>I have SPIFF laying awake at night holding his ASS
B>afraid of his daddy. FALCHION was nothing but a poser to begin with
B>and now ...... ah, FUCK IT. I'll leave him and his sorry life ALONE
I don't give a fuck about your dealings with anybody else. My
problems with you started when I informed NS that the name you guys
are using is being used by somebody else, in the same area code,
older and wiser than you, and with a rep that extends beyond this
AC. If you guys had any designs on getting bigger than you are the
name would have to change or you'd look foolish. But no, instead of
him saying thanx for the info, or even ignoring it altogether, he
decided to play tough guy and tell me to fuck off. If he's got the
balls to put it in a message, he should have the balls to say it to
my face. Go back and read the message. I wasn't being a smartass. I
just thought you guys would want to know. My mistake. I should have
just added your names to my twit filter and ignored you.
B> Wait a minute, faggot. Are we a "gang", a "club" or a "group"???
I told you what you are. A group of little boys. You can call
yourselves whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is you
are insignificant to the scene.
B> I know how YOU satisfy yourself, so put away the lubriderm, pansy.
It's funny how you guys resort to insinuating that everyone you
dislike is a faggot. I'm no Psychiatrist but I'd say you've got a
problem there. Are you afraid you might be one? Do you have thoughts,
Beann? Thoughts about other guys that disturb you? Do you find
yourself stealing looks at other guys dicks in the shower room and
that's why you have to insinuate everyone ELSE has homosexual
tendencies?
B>I think you and Tortured Soul better go to the school of MIND YOUR
B>FUCKING BUSINESS.
I can only speak for myself but you're right there. I should have
just let you look foolish for using a name that was already
established. But when NS decided to play tough guy, I decided to
expose you guys for the blowhards you are. Full of sound & fury,
signifying nothing.
B>Secondly, you HAVE accomplished ONE thing.
And that was to expose your little "gang" as a bunch of posturing
poseurs who have nothing to contribute.
B>Don't start with me. End of conversation.
What, no empty threats?
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[The rest of the correspondence is between Me and this guy Beann 'cause I
think Jed Clampett decided he was in over his head with me, and Nightstalker
hadn't made any more posts on The Pit since I challenged him to fight me.
You see, I figured that since I had run into such nitwits, I would play their
damn game. Except that I would have the upper hand: I'd have a clue. It's
called escaping the BBS world and realizing that this isn't real life. It's
Maturity. So, I offered to meet them for a fight. Of coarse they'd never
show up. That's the way these "war guys" act. The following is my reply to
a reply Beann sent to the sysop of The Pit. The sysop wanted to know if
Beann was going to show up at the fight between me and Nightstalker, since I
said I would kick all their asses, one at a time, when I was finished with
NS]. Heh.
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-05-94, Beann mumbled to Tortured Soul:
B>CM> Monday, 1pm, the ballfields at 23rd & Ben Franklin Parkway. I'll
B>CM> be wearing a white Temple Baseball hat. See you there.
B> I don't even fucking know WHERE that is. Why do I have to meet
B>HIM?? He started with ME.
That message wasn't addressed to you, it was addressed to
Nightstalker.
B>I don't even know who he is. I would've
B>left him alone if he hadn't adressed me PERSONALLY.
If it was addressed to you that's my fault. It should have been
addressed to TMM. My first message was addressed to TMM. NS answered
with his tough guy routine, and that's when I wrote the second one.
If it went out to you personally that was an oversight on my part,
like I said it should have been addressed to TMM.
B>I bet he's standing in front of his bathroom mirror,
B>practicing looking tough right NOW, as I write this to you. The only
B>cool thing about him IS his Temple Baseball hat.
Well if your buddie shows up he'll tell you whether that practice
paid off :)
I call about a few local boards regualarly, two LD boards about twice
a month, and I trade messages with numerous people over the internet
(not dropping names but the authors of Practical Unix Security, The
Internet Navigator, some contributing writers to Wired, some Novell
gurus, and some shareware authors). I've never had a problem with
anyone till your group popped up. So I think the "coolness" problem
is on your end, boss, not mine. My rep is fine.
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[This was Beann's reply. He seems to be saying that if I fuck with one of
them, I fuck with all of them, at least in my opinion, then he goes on to
say he doesn't want to start with me. I didn't get it ;) ]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
I don't think you GET it. You start with Nightstalker, you start
with me. In fact, you start with ANYONE in TMM, you start with ME.
Jay apologized to you and that SHOULD have been enough. But it
wasn't. Now you've waged a little war against us. You CAN'T win.
YOU end this. I can stop whenever you do. I have no REAL wish to
start with someone that I don't even KNOW. Hey, it's up to you.
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[This was my reply. I figured I'd let him off the hook since it was obvious
to everyone by now that I'd called their bluff and none of them were going
to fight me]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-06-94, Beann mumbled to Chal Mac:
B>Jay apologized to you and that SHOULD have been enough.
I told Jay that I had already replied when I read his message.
B>Now you've waged a little war against us. You CAN'T win.
This is laughable. My dear Beann, I already have won. You just
can't admit that can you?
B>YOU end this. I can stop whenever you do. I have no REAL wish to
B>start with someone that I don't even KNOW. Hey, it's up to you.
Only if you say "Please" :) I'll tell you what Beann. I think I've
accomplished what I set out to do, so I'll consider this thread
ended. Be advised however that I've saved all my correspondence with
you and your "mafia" so if you have any ideas of saying you (plural)
"kicked my ass" (I think one of you used that term in reference to
Speed Racer) or any other such nonsense, I'll be forced to convert
them to ansi and u/l them and further embarrass you (plural) :)
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[Then this pathetic attempt by Beann at saving some face after I'd already
let him off the hook. He replies to an earlier message by me. He should have
just left well enough alone.]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
CM> grow up. You can't verbally kick my ass, or physically for that matter
CM> Come on down, you have the time and the place, and I'll kick your ass
CM> when I'm done with your buddie.
All right, stupid. Let's talk for a minute about this "challenge" you
gave us to fight.
#1 - You prove your lameness over and OVER again. You want to fight
me? Awwww, didums little baby run out of things to say?? Take your
empty fucking threats elsewhere, faggot.
#2 - I actually asked someone where this 23rd and Parkway was. You
know what he told me? It's the address for the Library. The FUCKING
LIBRARY??? What kind of fucking DORK wants to fight someone in front of
the LIBRARY?? Go home. You're finished here. Or better yet, why
don't you wait for me at the fucking Philadelphia ZOO and I'll
fight you there.
CM> he should have the balls to say it to my face. Go back and read the
I'm sure you already get ENOUGH balls in your face. You and your
boyfriend have the corner on that market.
CM> It's funny how you guys resort to insinuating that everyone you
CM> dislike is a faggot. I'm no Psychiatrist but I'd say you've got a
CM> problem there. Are you afraid you might be one? Do you have thoughts,
CM> Beann? Thoughts about other guys that disturb you? Do you find yourself
CM> stealing looks at other guys dicks in the shower room and that's why
you
CM> have to insinuate everyone ELSE has homosexual tendencies?
I sure DO have a problem. You're a faggot. YOU are my problem. YOU
disturb me. "Stealing looks" ?? You must have me confused with those
Spiff and Falchion guys. Get the picture. YOU'RE NOTHING but a
ten minute waste of time. I have other people to bust on TOO, you
know. You're NOT ALLOWED to take up all of my time.
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[And, of course, my sarcastic reply. If it's possible to be in someone's
face in the message bases, I was in his :) ]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-06-94, Beann mumbled to Chal Mac:
B> Take your empty fucking threats elsewhere, faggot.
Empty? I gave you a time and a place, Mr. Mafia Guy. I hardly say
that's empty. But you and your buddie pussied out, just like everyone
on this board who wrote to me said you would.
B> #2 - I actually asked someone where this 23rd and Parkway was.
B>You know what he told me? It's the address for the Library. The
B>FUCKING LIBRARY??? What kind of fucking DORK wants to fight someone
B>in front of the LIBRARY??
Whoever you asked was a bigger dork than you are. The Free Library is
at 21st and Vine St. Not at 23rd and BF Parkway. I told NS "at the
ballfields at 23rd & BF Parkway". How can you not know where 23rd &
the Parkway is when they just had the Corestates Bike Race right
there? The start and finish line were at 23rd and the Parkway. I
thought you were bragging you had a life? Didn't you see, read about,
or even catch highlights of the biggest event in the city last
weekend? Oh and by the way, I think a ballfield is the PERFECT place
for a scrap. Big, open, grass, it's perfect. Too bad none of you
"mafia" types decided to show. It would have been fun ;)
B>I'm sure you already get ENOUGH balls in your face. You and
B>your boyfriend have the corner on that market.
There goes the homo insinuations again. You really should seek
professional help for this obsession of yours. You're probably
harboring some deep, latent tendencies that you need to work out in
therapy.
Oh and BTW again, you really make youself look like an asshole with
these juvenile homo busts since I live with my girlfriend :0. Imagine
that, living with a member of the opposite sex who isn't related by
blood :) What a concept!
You see, Beann, you made the mistake of assuming that my life was as
pitiful as yours, living home with mommy and daddy, asking for an
increase in your allowance this week :)
You'd better hope I don't let my GF read these, since then SHE'LL be
the one telling you to step into the street :) That'd probably be a
fairer fight than me and NS though :)
B> I sure DO have a problem. You're a faggot. YOU are my problem.
B>YOU disturb me.
See 1st paragraph above.
B> Get the picture. YOU'RE NOTHING but a ten minute waste of time.
Gee, that sound suspiciously like my first message to you.
Lets see, how should I answer this witty retort? I got it. I answer
with, "Yes I am!". Then you say, "No you're not!". Then I say "Oh yes
I am!". Ad infinitum.
Let's face it, Beann. If you look at the big picture this "mafia"
you're in is laughable. You (plural) have no talent, no knowledge,
lack originality, have nothing to contribute, and everyone on here
either dislikes you (plural again) immensely or ignores you
completely. In a single week you've managed to alienate everyone on
this bbs and have probably tarnished what little rep you had
irrepairably. Good thing this board only has 100 or so users ;)
My advice to you, and free advice is worth what you pay for it, is to
change your handle and grow up. Not necessarily in that order.
You're still young and people do change so there is hope that one
day, maybe, you could have something to contribute to the scene
besides flame posts. Then you can look back at this period in your
life and laugh, saying something to the effect of "Was I really that
much of an asshole?" :)
BTW - I said in an earlier post that I would consider this thread
ended, and I do. I just had to reply :) I think I exposed your
"mafia" for the farce that it was. If you'd like to reply to get the
last word, feel free but be advised that I've added you, NS, and JC
to my twit list along with the various subject headings we posted
under, so if you do reply, I won't see it. Please don't make the
mistake of interpreting this gesture as some sort of acquiescence,
because it is definetely not. If it's brought to my attention that I
am being diparaged in your (plural) posts when you know full well
that I'm not scanning them I will start this thread again (or in
Monty Python terms, "Go away or I will taunt you a second time").
Well, get your last futile shot in, if you'd like. Later.
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
[Then, just when it's all supposed to be over, I get a two line message
from another one of their group. It's quoted below, along with my reply]
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
On 06-08-94, Dr. Death mumbled to Chal Mac:
DD>The place you gave him is in front of the library. Why the fuckin
DD>library? What a fuckin geek.
Ohhh no, here comes another one :) I should have put you in the
twit filter too.
I find it very amusing that you've kept silent until me and Beann
(Bean and I?) decide to drop the thread, THEN you crawl out from
under your rock and try to take a shot at me.
I know you probably were feeling very good about yourself after that
reply, until of course you read the remaining messages and found out
that it wasn't in front of the library ;) DOH! (that's the sound
Homer Simpson makes, by the way, and not some silly acronym)
Some free advice, my friend with the ooh-so-scary handle:
"It's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove
all doubt".
Later.
Chal Mac
=----------------------------------------------------------------------------=
Well, a few days later they all disappeared when they were barraged
by questions about why they punked out if they're so tough. What did I learn
from it? Well, when you play someone's stupid game, but on YOUR terms...
things seem to end up much for fun. A lesson for life. And <gasp>, learned
from Telecom at that!
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