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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research 1995-03
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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1995-03
March, 1995
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR
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A free monthly mini-supplement to
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
the journal of inflated research and personalities
published by The MIT Museum
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1995-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1995-03-01 Table of Contents
1995-03-02 Skimpy Snippets from AIR 1:2
1995-03-03 In Defense of Cindy Crawford
1995-03-04 Ig Nobel Plea and Contest
1995-03-05 Puzzling Predators
1995-03-06 Top Quark Tour
1995-03-07 Carning Error
1995-03-08 Improbable Education
1995-03-09 Animal Recovery Movement
1995-03-10 AIR Vents -- Exhalations from our readers
1995-03-11 Government Improbability Catalog
1995-03-12 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
1995-03-13 May We Recommend...
1995-03-14 AIRhead Events
1995-03-15 Calls for Papers
1995-03-16 What is AIR? (*)
1995-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1995-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1995-03-19 Our Addresses (*)
1995-03-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1995-03-02 Alluring Snippets from AIR 1:2
The articles in AIR itself contain too many photos, graphs,
drawings and typographical niceties (and more important,
are too long) to publish in mini-AIR. Here are skimpy
summaries of randomly selected articles from the
March/April 1995 issue (vol. 1, no. 2) of AIR.
AIRhead Research Review (regular column)
Summaries of recent published reports about: (a) motion sickness
in amphibians; (b) whether men lie on fear surveys; (c) waist-to-
hip ratios in Miss Americas and Playboy playmates; (d) the
behavior of Japanese tree frogs under microgravity; (e)
hypercapnia during wretching in dogs; and (f) the collapse of
toilets in Glasgow.
--see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 5.
NOBEL THOUGHTS (regular column): David Hubel
An interview with the 1981 Nobel Laureate in physiology or
medicine explores his views on supermarket etiquette, with special
emphasis on the propriety of eating grapes in the store.
--see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 8.
"Fetal Man in the Moon (image)," by Robert Roger Lebel of Genetics
Services, Elmhurst, Illinois.
An ultrasonographic image obtained during an obstetrical
transvaginal study at five weeks of gestation is remarkably
similar to the mythical man in the moon.
--see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 11.
"The Dental Micro-Luger," by Walter Martin, SAS Institute, Cary,
North Carolina.
An x-ray image demonstrates a new application of microtechnology.
A micro-luger is employed to break up an impacted wisdom tooth.
This makes the eventual extraction less traumatic for the patient.
--see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 13.
"Nematodes and Hieroglyphs," by Mark Benecke, Zoologisches
Institut der Universitaet, Koln, Germany
The author presents photographic evidence that hieroglyphs were
not invented by the Egyptians. Credit must instead be given to
the microscopic roundworm Caenorhabditis elegans. In the
laboratory, C. elegans displays a wide range of behaviors.
Benecke's research shows that this range is much wider than had
been realized.
--from AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, pp. 17-18.
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1995-03-03 In Defense of Cindy Crawford
We must rise to defend the honor of a noted researcher, Cindy
Crawford.
In mini-AIR 1995-02 we announced the premiere of the new AIR
column "Cindy Crawford Discovers," which reports on the scientific
efforts and achievements of supermodel Cindy Crawford (and her
ilk) as documented in research journals such as "Vogue,"
"Cosmopolitan," "Elle," etc.
The following day we received an inquiry from the magazine
"Entertainment Weekly," seeking an advance copy of the first
column. We duly faxed a copy of the colunm, which concerns Cindy
Crawford's recent achievements in chemistry.
A day later, Entertainment Weekly's editors informed us that they
consider Cindy Crawford's scientific achievements "too
insubstantial" to report.
We must take exception. In our view, Crawford's lack of a Ph.D.
in no way disqualifies her from conducting research with shampoos.
To see this, one need look no further than her report concerning
"a patented outrageous formula... enriched with pro-vitamin B5,
silk protein and moisture-binding silicone." (The full text of
Crawford's paper appears on page 11 of the January, 1995 issue of
the research journal "Vogue.")
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1995-03-04 Ig Nobel Plea and Contest
The Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is in jeopardy unless we can gather
additional funding for it. The event's major funding source has
chosen to withdraw its support. The ceremony is held in MIT's
Kresge Auditorium with 1200 spectators, with help from more than
150 volunteers. We have to cover expenses for equipment, props,
printing, mailing and telephone costs, for union labor in the
auditorium, etc.
Therefore, we proudly announce the Ig Nobel Prize Contest.
We are not too proud to beg. If you would like to help, please
send us $1 together with a 3 x 5 index card bearing your name
address, phone number and e-mail address. Mail it to:
The Ig Nobel Prize Endowment
AIR
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139
For those who want something for the dollar, here is what you can
win:
FIRST PRIZE
A free year's subscription to The Annals of Improbable Research (a
magnificent 6-issues/year print publication).
SECOND PRIZE
The lucky (?) second prize winner will win a 1995 Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony Poster autographed by several Nobel Laureates and by the
Swedish Meatball King. That individual will, if he or she
chooses, attend the ceremony (at his/her own expense) and sit on
stage beside the Swedish Meatball King and Queen during the
Ceremony as an honorary member of the royal family.
THIRD PRIZE
A free copy of mini-AIR.
EVERYONE ELSE
If you include an adequately stamped self-addressed envelope we
will send you a worthless xeroxed certificate proclaiming you to
be a FIG (Friend of the Ig).
Yes, you can write this off on your taxes -- it is a tax
deductable contribution to MIT. Donations larger than $1 are of
course most welcome.
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1995-03-05 Puzzling Predators
Thanks to our AIRhead foolproof proofreading regimen, the February
issue of mini-AIR contained a grossly curious list of "African
predators." Several thousand readers kindly wrote in to make
sure we knew that tigers habitually dwell in Asia. Many also
pointed out that (as put succinctly by investigator K. Hearn)
"giraffes and wildebeest are generally not considered predators,
unless one happens to be a leaf or a blade of grass." A reader
identifying himself as "Art in Hollywood" was moved to poetry:
"Ahhh those thrilling nature films showing the fearsome giraffe
stalking it's wily prey - the leaf!"
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1995-03-06 Top Quark Tour
Congratulations and huzzahs to the physicists at Fermi National
Accelerator Laboratory for finding evidence of that most elusive
of subatomic particles, the Top Quark. We at AIR are arranging to
acquire Fermilab's entire collection of top quarks and prepare
them for public viewing. A travelling exhibition will stop in
major cities around the world. The Top Quark tour schedule will
be announced as soon as we solve the minor technical problems of
how to preserve and mount the specimens.
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1995-03-07 Carning Error
The person identified in the February issue of mini-AIR as "John
Carne" has requested that we identify him by his correct name,
"James Carne." This James Carne resides in Amsterdam and is
presumably male, though we make no definite claim in that regard.
Nor do we make any specific statement as regards this individual's
middle name or indeed on the question of whether this individual
has a middle name, nor do we rule out the possibility that the J.
(i.e., "James") Carne in question has more than one middle name.
Please do not address correspondence on this matter to us, or to
anyone named Carne, or to any resident of Amsterdam, or to anyone
who can read. Thank you.
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1995-03-08 Improbable Education
[EDITOR'S NOTE: We received this letter from an AIR
subscriber. It made us feel very proud. Perhaps you
will find subversive inspiration from it:]
I want to congratulate you on the second issue and the very real
impact it is already having.
Yesterday (the day after I received it in the mail), my
girlfriend's 14 year old son picked AIR#2 out of my pack (where my
"current reading" is kept). He proceeded to read it intently
cover to cover, especially "A Natural History of the Articulated
Lorry".
This is a kid who, in 6 years that I've known him, has betrayed
relatively little interest in the various "educational" magazines
(the usual: "Natural History," "Smithsonian," "National
Geographic," etc.) compared to the lure of Nintendo.
Not that there haven't been other factors behind his nascent
interest in science. But we've had to fight the determined
efforts of the public school system to get him to loathe science
with a passion. The motivations may be different, but the actions
are the same.
It's a long, uphill, and ongoing battle, that will doubtless
continue until he's out of the clutches of the above-mentioned
negative influences. AIR has given him a big boost.
Thank you!!!
Mark Crispin
Bainbridge Island, Washington
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1995-03-09 Animal Recovery Movement
This RFP (request for proposal) appeared in a recent issue of the
"NIH Guide."
NOTICE OF AVAILABILITY (RFPs/RFAs/PAs)
**************************************
EVALUATION OF COMPOUNDS FOR ABUSE POTENTIAL IN BABOONS
(RFP N01DA-5-7050)
National Institute on Drug Abuse
We take this opportunity to again express our support for 12-step
animal substance abuse recovery programs. (Thanks to investigator
Barry Saver for bringing this RFP to our attention.)
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1995-03-10 AIR Vents -- Exhalations from our readers
At the end of his quarter-page quasi-treatise on pronunciation,
Lipkin ( "Nucular Physics," AIR, vol. 1, no. 1, Jan/Feb 95, p. 30)
makes an assertion that should be quashed. He states that
Murphy's law was penned by "someone else with the same name."
However, it is well known that someone else with the same name was
responsible for the entire corpus of works of "Homer", and there
have been many allegations that the same author was also
responsible for the writings of Shakespeare. It strains credulity
-- let alone even a cursory analysis of style and symbolism -- to
claim that one author was responsible for all three corpora.
Dennis P. Geller, Brookline, MA
Thanks to my biographer Manuel de Mosa you can read (in German
language) a report on my life and my problems caused by innovative
mind-control-techniques. It is published electronically on the
file "pub/doc/BRDStasi.roman" of the server "ftp.ira.uka.de".
-Lukas Servatius Derenbold
[EDITOR'S NOTE: You can also access this document via the AIR
home page.]
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1995-03-11 Government Improbability Catalog
[This is adapted from the APS newsletter
WHAT'S NEW, Mar. 3, 1995, by Robert L. Park]
The 420-page report, "Alternative Medicine: Expanding Medical
Horizons," lays out a NIH Office of Alternative Medicine agenda
for research into a variety of topics. Homeopathic medicines
employ dilutions far beyond the point at which a single molecule
would remain, but the water "remembers." Where does physics fit
in? Well, when really weird things happen, like mental healing at
a distance, it must be quantum mechanics (physicist Brian
Josephson is cited for authority). Medical ethics are not
ignored; the possibility of distant organisms being harmed by non-
local mental influence is raised, and board certification of
mental healers is proposed "to protect consumers from predatory
quacks." An entire chapter is devoted to "Bioelectromagnetics."
This is tricky stuff: "Weak EMF may, at the proper frequency and
site of application, produce large effects that are either
clinically beneficial or harmful."
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1995-03-12 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1993), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. Randomly selected items from the list include:
ITEM 66605 (Submitted by investigator Dennis Gately)
"Science 2000," An educational program to bring high school
science instruction into the next century, a joint project of
Tufts University and Governor Dummer(no this is not a typo)
Academy.
ITEM 66606 (Submitted by investigator Chris Garrigues)
"The NII 2000 Steering Committee," a group of high-level
executives and distinguished academicians that seeks white papers
on topics relevant to NII technology deployment, whatever that is.
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1995-03-13 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
Investigator Barry Bogin reports: "I was searching Medline the
other day for articles by one CE Graham, perhaps the formost
expert in chimpanzee estrus cycle endocrinology and I found that
there is another CE Graham -- possible a medical researcher from
Australia. The following are three articles that 'merit a trip to
the library.' Any one of these may seem innocuous, but taken _en
mass_ I think there is a sinister pattern."
1) Graham CE (1992) Thumb paronychia treated with leeches. Med.
J. Aust. 156(7):512.
2) ________ (1982) Painless jogging for 15,000 km after a
lumbrosacral stabilization with screws and cement. Med. J. Aust.
1(9):389.
3) ________ (1993) Sudden death while lawnmowing. Med J. Aust.
158(3):216.
(We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please include full
citations. If possible, please send us a photocopy of the paper.)
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1995-03-14 AIRhead Events
SIGMA XI, Warren Michigan Fri, May 12
Speech and improbable slides at the society's annual dinner.
Info: Kurt Godden 810-986-1479 godden@gmr.com
1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 5
INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE Tues, Oct 10
Keynote address / improbable research seminar / slide show.
Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD
Info: (518) 387-7942
*** If you would like to host an improbable research seminar /
slide show please get in touch with us.
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1995-03-15 Calls for Papers
CALL FOR Barium Enemas of the Rich and Famous. Please send x-rays
only.
CALL FOR DATA for the Agonized Student Excuse Project.
College instructors lament that incoming students are not as
prepared as their predecessors. We are collecting a wide sampling
of outstandingly improbable excuses offered by students. The
theme of the excuse must be: "why I cannot or should not be
responsible for learning or thinking." Only genuine data
collected from students is acceptable. We are collecting the best
and worst excuses given by students. Please specify the subject
being taught. Please email entries to BOURBAKI@NEU.EDU
CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes.
Prizes are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be
reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or
otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail. Please include
documentation.
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1995-03-16 WHAT IS AIR? (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendid educational
magazine produced by the entire former editorial staff (1955-1994)
of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results." AIR's co-founders are
Marc Abrahams, who edited the Journal from 1990-1994, and
Alexander Kohn, who founded the Journal in 1955 and was its editor
until 1989. AIR is published by the MIT Museum in Cambridge, MA.
The editorial board consists of more than 40 distinguished
scientists from around the world including seven Nobel Laureates
and a convicted felon. Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel
Prize Ceremony at MIT, honoring people whose achievements cannot
or should not be reproduced.
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1995-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
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1995-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic supplement to The Annals of
Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet,
free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
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SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message:
INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue,
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For example, to retrieve issue 94-00006,send this message:
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::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your
Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.]
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1995-03-19 Our Addresses
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA 02139 USA
Subscriptions: 617-253-4462 fax:(617)253-8994 mitshop@mit.edu
Editorial: 617-253-8329 air@mit.edu http://web.mit.edu/improb/
PLEASE include your Internet address in printed correspondence.
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1995-03-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material appeared in mini-AIR.
B) You do NOT have distribute it for commercial purposes.
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(c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
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Editor: Marc Abrahams (marca@mit.edu)
WWW Editor/Global Village Idiot: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu)
Associate Editors: Mark Dionne, Stanley Eigen, Jane Patrick
Technical Difficulties: Diego Garcia, Francesca Thurston
Co-conspirators: Mike Zarren,Gary Dryfoos,Chip LaChien
Authority Figure: Barbara Linden
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IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY
associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" or with the publisher of "The Journal of
Irreproducible Results"
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