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CLiT #9: There's A Good Lad
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...episode IX...
_There's A Good Lad_
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>>
>> "I don't know what to write"
>> by AlterEcho
>>
I really don't. That's why this issue is kinda late. This is my third or
fourth attempt at an intro. It's just not flowing for me. I want to write
something brilliant. Something witty and deep. Something that might change
your life. Something to be remembered, something to mark me as a great
person. Something. Anything.
But I can't. Enjoy the issue.
P.S. Parents. Don't have them.
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( 1 ) "I don't know what to write" ................................ AlterEcho
( 2 ) Table of Contents
( 3 ) "Only You" .............................................. AlkalineAngel
( 4 ) "PipeScream's Guide to Parents" ............................ PipeScream
( 5 ) "Decisions, Decisions" ................................. Aerialisticish
( 6 ) "Laundromats, Pros and Cons ................................. AlterEcho
( 7 ) "And the cute little boy goes de de demazin" ............ AlkalineAngel
( 8 ) "i love you" ................................. Aerialisticish/AlterEcho
( 9 ) "And so it endeth" .......................................... AlterEcho
* * *
>>
>> "Only You"
>> by AlkalineAngel
>>
You can barely open your eyes
And your arms are bruised
But there's nothing I can do
And believe me I feel for you
I don't know why I scream at you more
Treat you with my harsh words
I know you get enough
From him
Though not just words, bruises too
And if I leave it'll be worse for you
And I wish I cared
I do care
But maybe I care for me more
And I hate myself for doing that to you
I know you need me there
But I'm never really there
Am I?
You did so much for me
Put up so much to bring me up the best you could
And what do I return?
Nothing
Just some harsh words
And a wish to leave
And I don't just leave like that do I?
I make it worse for you
I want more
I want more money
I want revenge on him
But it gets at you
It hurts you
And he doesn't even see what I'm doing
Only you see
Only you feel the pain
Only you cry
* * *
>>
>> "PipeScream's Guide to Parents"
>> by PipeScream
>>
Parents, as a general rule, are always round when you don't want them, never
around when you do, and never supply enough cash. What a bunch of gits.
One would imagine, considering that childhood is a prerequisite for
parenthood, that parents would understand the three flaws listed above and do
something about them. But no. That would be decent.
And it would seem logical that music and various other miscellaneous audio
stimulation should be at a higher volume, considering the loss of aural
efficiency at typical ages of parenthood. Again, logic fails the old ones.
Bah.
Parents should also note that new-age pastimes are there to be enjoyed by
new-age adolescents. I remind any parents reading this that they once enjoyed
their own new-age pastimes. While said pastimes are no doubt different, it's
definitely a case of "same shit, different smell". You say "Beatles", I say
"Offspring".
It's all a question of perspective. Parents should cut a bit more slack.
* * *
>>
>> "Decisions, Decisions"
>> by Aerialisticish
>>
Parents. Quite a dilemma. You can sponge money off 'em, but dammit they get
annoying. For example, you can't tell em anything: "You only got 90%??" "Yeah
I didn't see a question." [Begin long rant about year 12 which they can't
back up with any evidence but don't see why they should]. Argh - I'm getting
sick of that lecture. I get it every time they find something out. Anything,
school related or not, it always comes back to that. I'm going to assume they
screwed up their final year because not only would that make sense it's also
fun to think about. Maybe they're right, and maybe I'm not smarter than them,
but so far the evidence is pointing the other way. How nice of it. But I'm
still stuck in the same place - keep sponging money and keep my mouth shut,
or get a job or somethin'... Damn it sucks to be this lazy sometimes.
* * *
>>
>> "Laundromats, Pros and Cons"
>> by AlterEcho
>>
I don't know much about writing. I mean, I've been writing since I was around
four years old, and I've always done pretty well in English classes, but I've
never had any formal instruction in creative writing or anything. I have a
friend at uni (yes, it's true) and as part of his Arts degree, he did a
creative writing subject.
"Wow," I thought. "What a slackass lazy bastard." I was very impressed. Then
I saw his reading guide. Yuk. It was HUGE. HUGE, I tell you. Not just huge,
but HUGE.
That's how they teach creative writing, I think. The students are expected to
do a lot of reading, and then pick up funky techniques from there. The
subject should probably be called Creative Reading, or something.
I think, though, in general, that's how I learnt to write. It always amazed
me how my friends hated reading, and would never read unless they had a book
report or an English assignment due in, and sometimes not even then!
"What's that got to do with laundromats?" I hear you demand. Fucking
demanding bunch of sods, CLiT readers. Or, they would be, if CLiT HAD any
readers. Anyway. Just shut up and listen.
My point is, should you write a piece first, and then give it a title, or
should you come up with a cool title, and then write the piece. This time, I
came up with the title first. I sat in front on my computer for around ten
minutes, trying to come up with a reasonably exciting title. Now, this
indicates probably two major problems. One, should a piece be written like
this, and two, why am I such an uncreative little bitch?
The answer to the second question, of course, is: "Shut up you little turd
and finish the god damn piece." Which I shall do, immediately. As to the
first question, I guess in the end, it doesn't matter. No-one cares. No-one
even reads this. So there.
So. Parents. Laundromats. How do the two gel together? C'mon. You can figure
this one out, can't you? Well, let me give you a hand. I'm having a few
problems at home, with my family, and especially with my dad. That's not the
reason why the theme of this issue is what it is, but it sure provides a
fan-fucking-tastic medium to vent, no? But I'm a little concerned. Like, I
tell some of my close friends to read CLiT. And when I say close friends, I
really do mean close friends, but close friends whom I don't tell much about
my private life. So bitching a whole heap about my olds is kinda washing my
dirty linen in public. Which would be the same as going to a laundromat. Get
it? Pretty damn cool logic patterns happening there. I was proud.
But you feel my pain, don't you sista? I'm angry right now. Pretty damn
freakin' angry. But to say "my parents are fucking fascist dictators"... I'd
have trouble sleeping tonight. Pffft. Consciences are the bane of all nice
people. And I'm the nicest person I know. Scary but true.
Oh, goodness me. Is that the time? I'd best be off. I've got some washing
that needs to be done.
* * *
>>
>> "And the cute little boy goes de de demazin"
>> by AlkalineAngel
>>
Parents tell you not to drink Demazin. Basically their whole purpose on this
Earth as human beings seems to be based around denying their children their
Demazin (unless they have a cold). They just don't understand. Demazin is a
medicine therefore it is exempt from being bad for you. Sure you don't have a
cold but that sweet blue syrup! How can you resist it? Its like pure bliss
free from all evil. If religion wasn't so controversial it would be one but
it's above all that. It's the ultimate truth, I guess.
And then those nights during exams when your body's almost drowning from
excess consumption of coffee, who do you turn to but you good friend the
Demazin bottle to help you get a good night sleep so that you may wake up
again all ready to drown yourself in coffee once more.
And the cute little boy goes de de demazin. If it's okay for him to drink it
I'm sure its okay for everyone. Like I mean look how far he's gotten. Fame
and fortune at a ripe young age, the only minor hitch is that constant cold
but hey he makes a living drinking Demazin all day. Who could be more
successful?
So to sum it all up Demazin is the ultimate truth, gives you a direction and
purpose in life and works as an alternative sleeping pill. Could you ask for
anything more?
* * *
>>
>> "i love you"
>> by AlterEcho with fun pictures by Aerialisticish
>>
i love you daddy, with a lead pipe
man oh man you're an asswipe _____________
when you yell, when you scream ()___)_)______)
i only wish you'd lay off the beam
/|
/ F
/ F
/ F
/ F
/ F i love you mummy, with this knife
/ F thanks a bunch for ruining my life
/ | you could never really understand
/ / just how fucked up were your demands
\Z_/
/\Z
/\/\`
/\/
/\/ 0-+__
L/ /|_|\\
i love you father, with this grenade ||_||J
how are you gonna fix this mess you made? \|_|/
now that it's far too late
you want to try and be my mate 0-Mm
/|_|\
i love you mother, with a rope noose ||_||
from what i hear you're a little loose \|_|/
did you think my eyes were shut?
when you slept around, you fucking slut
|%|
|%|
|%|
|%|
|%| ___
|%|/%%%\
|%|%/~\/
/%~%\
<%~%> i love you both, and for this reason
<%~%> you shall be executed for treason
<%~%> goodbye mum, goodbye dad
<%~%> you've both been very, very bad
/%~%\
/%/~\%\
|%| |%|
|%| |%|
|%| |%|
\%\ /%/
\%~%~%/
~~~~~
* * *
^This is not my idea of a good time^
-Garbage-
* * *
>>
>> "And so it endeth"
>> by AlterEcho
>>
So it does. Just like this. See? SEE? Wake up and pay more attention, bitch.
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CLiT #9: There's A Good Lad
Aerialisticish
AlkalineAngel
PipeScream
AlterEcho
clit@hobbiton.org
http://thepleasurezine.cjb.net
Released 06.03.01 -=- (C) Copyright 2001 CLiT -=- Made in Australia -=- FIN
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