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Gozer Issue 01
=== GOZER (issue #1)===
Welcome to the first issue of GOZER! This was written at Murmur's bachelor
pad, while listening to 80's music and drinking bad citrus colas.
::CAST::
Ray Stanz = Editor in Chief
Quarex = Poetry Chef
Evo Shandor = Gums Dingy/Back-Up Vocals
shadow tao = head lover, not a fighter, not a knocker out.
parfoums d'amorphis = the stinky one! the stinky one! the stinky one!
---
The Big Cat Who Bites Babies
by Ray Stanz
The big cat bites babies who come near it. One day a baby was sitting in its
carriage sucking on its thumb and the big cat came flying by on a magic
carpet and bit the baby's nose off. So the National Association of Mothers
decided to form a brigade to kill the big cat. They called the local
inventor who lived in a cottage at on the outskirts of town.
"Hello, Mr. Witherspoon, would you like to build a machine that will help us
kill (or possibly sedate) the big cat that keeps biting the noses off of our
babies?" asked Mrs. Smith, a concerned mother.
"Why, certainly! Building weapons is a hobby of mine. And I do despise of
cats. In fact, I used to own a cat, but my dog Henry ate him," he replied.
So Mr. Witherspoon got right to work building the machine to destroy the big
cat who rode around town on a flying carpet.
Meanwhile, the big cat was sitting in his large watchtower and spotted some
unruly weather. He noticed that a tornado was approaching, so he hopped on
his magic carpet and fled.
Unfortunately the tornado destroyed the town (including Mr. Witherspoon's
secret laboratory). The big cat went on to terrorize other small villages.
---
This is.. Poetry Tap
from Quarex, your friendly neighborhood Sansboro Fang-head
POEM #1
An Ode to A Female Remote Control
Is this thing on?
POEM #2
Another ode to nothing in particular
Join me, she said,
And we joined the army
Kill me, she said
and we did away with her
Thrill me, she said
and so we danced the night away with the rest of the people who witnessed
the supernatural events
Destroy me, she said
So we made another Grill side-project in our spare time
Kiss me, she said
It's that it keeps changing. Unfortunately Filth Pig proves that this is
not always good. So I kissed her. And we hated each other, but that was
okay, because. . LIKE Filth Pig, the more we did it, the more we liked it.
---
Cold Fusion and other Factions of the Hollywood Love Pump
an Essay about nothing and everything
By Evo Shandor
Somedays, apon waking, I sit in my filth covered bed, listening to
Lite Rock 103 FM, rubbing my own sordid defication on my chest, eating bowls
and bowls of Campbell's Manhattan Clam Chowder, which I always think will be
the white kind before I make it, licking my scabs, which never really heal
because I lick them so much, and I start to think. At first, I don't think
about anything in particular. Mainly I think about colors and numbers, and
how, if they were real, they probably would either marry each other or team
up to destroy the letters. Then my thoughts turn to other things. Women.
Women. They're different from men, as you may have noticed. They
smell better, have higher voices, and vomit more. Other than that, they
don't do much. So I then begin to think about killing women. Killing women
is a major passtime in many scandanavian countries. That's why I think
people should kill women more often. Theres a certain alluring quality to
annihilating the opposite sex that I cannot explain, yet I feel profusely
apon hovering over the rotting carcass of a female member of the human race.
If we kill all the women, then the world will be a better place. Thank
you, and goodnight.
---
A poem
Giggle
By Evo Shandor
On my computer...
Which sits in my basement
(1.2 gigs of nothing but crap)
there is a game
with the second worse 3d engine ever...
(second only to Sphere of Destiny)
And it sits there
And I play it
with 1.2 gigs of hard drive space that my family doesn't need
And 16 megs of ram that I don't know what's good for
and a 122 mgz pentium that is just as good as 100
and i play it
(I can't find a pirated copy of hexen)
I play rott and cry
It is so bad
It is all I have
In all areas of my life
family, friends, computer games
Rise of the Triad is all I have
My saved game is named "giggle"
--^^ cryptic toggle of satan.
tao v-gozer = travel numerant.
"Whilst the monkey's flying ship,
dances round my brain,
little children hurting KOrn.
through the fields of gold."
-Ronald "Boom = pee" Reagan/Sting
WHERE ARE YOU THINKING FROM?
I LOVE INDENTATION, CUZ IT'S UMMY NUMMY GOOD.
I AM THE ZINE HARDKORE. I AM YOUR OLDSKOOL.
DIE, FOR I AM ANGST INCARNATE.
AND I HAVE BAD SPELLING FOR COMFORT.
baha.
never mind that.
cryptic little words, from a bound up little soul.
---
parfoums d'amorphis presents
no more jeers
"hey fruity!"
"what?"
"you're full of dog poo!"
"YOU LITTLE MUSHROOM MOTHER."
"hey, boys, no more jeers."
"you die next, miss schoolteacher sandanista@"
"excuse me, i have rubbermaid!"
"take that, fresca boy!"
"up your miscellaneous refreshment hole, son."
"oh. got me."
---
parfoums d'amorphis presents
well, nothing else, since that was so awful
---
