ldt104: The amazing Wondersphere
#104 - [ The amazing Wondersphere] [ Dr. Bryan Thompson ]
The "amazing sphere" was constructed by Ivan Zebuzchevesky, the legendary and notorious Russian mad scientist at around 1865. During that time, the civil war had just ended, and his source of income, making war inventions for the union and confederacy alike had yielded him millions of dollars. During that time, he was also made a noble in the Russian aristocratic system, and gained great honor and prestige in the royal and the science community But over the war, he frittered almost all his money away on attempting to construct impossible invention's and alcohol, women, and his extreme addiction to cough drops, of which he would consume 500 each day. If he was able to get his hands on the menthol variety, he would take in as much as 750. he also devoted much time and money to founding his infamous machine-god cult, of which he believed he could turn into a magical other-dimensional robot. Then one night, in one of his drunken brawls, he drew up the plans for a strange, otherworldly machine. The next day, after he had sobered up, he had forgotten about his plans and was cleaning up some of the mess he had caused in his mad rampage, when he spied upon a small stack of papers. He glanced them through and it appeared to be some kind of machine that did not obey any scientific law in existence. In the next 6 month's, he spent all his time constructing this awesome invention that would surely make him rich, powerful, and prestigious again like he once was. Some day's, he could not believe the plans himself, but looking in his vast study of books, and analyzing the plan over and over again in scrutinizing detail, he could find no technical or theoretical flaws on the plan, despite the fact, when he drew it up, he was unbelievably drunk. And finally after months of hard agonizing work, his masterpiece was finished. He would finally get the riches, power and prestige he once enjoyed. He decided to name the great accomplishment after himself, and thus was born "the amazing Ivan Zebuzcheveskyonosphere". Themachine was a gigantic hit for the time and a whooping 3 models were bought. One by the royal army of Zanzibar, one by the university of Alabama, and the third one by an eccentric millionaire who hollowed out the gigantic inside to build his own private eatery in which he would serve the finest dishes from Warsaw. But despite the huge success, he never made a profit and in 1872, had to sell the patent to the rich Louisiana millionaire, C.F. Wigguns, who attempted to reach a larger market for the sphere. He renamed it the "Wondersphere", despite the obvious fact it was not wonderful. The other change he made in it was to paint it grey, which was the most colorful and exciting color at the time. He also boasted to the New Orleans gazette-tribune-mercantile-herald that the "Wondersphere" was so great, he would burn up all his money if the "Wondersphere" slogan "t" is this machine, the Wondersphere, is such a feat of modern engineering, there'll be one in every American house by '80". C.F.Wigguns went bankrupt 3 months later and did not have any money left to burn. The townsfolk, furious that they would not get the chance to see burning money, which was going to be the greatest event of the year found and killed C.F. Wigguns and later burned up the bank for the show of a lifetime. The "Wondersphere" eventually circulated hands as a way to talk to the dead, visit another dimension, destroy the world, or play "paper-less blackjack". Until it found it's home today as a permanent item in the Smithsonian's (De)Feats of modern engineering exhibit along with the gold plated toilet seat, the beer hat, and the "Dr. Zoraks amazing haircut by flames cap".
(This story sat on Bryan Thompson's desktop until he unleashed it upon the world in a fury of whatever the hell was on his mind at the time)
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Long Dark Tunnel 2002. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com
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