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Phose Phree Inner Circle 006
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PRESENTS:
Barney Bashing
First, let me start this off by telling you the truth about Barney.
Barney is really a cross-dressing, child-molesting, rump-ranger. Now, stop
RIGHT here. If you have never watched this show, don't. You must be
prepared first. Barney's show is packed with subliminals. I played his show
backwards once, to find that it said "You will obey my every suggestion.
You will take that knife out of the door. GOOD, children. Now, take your
potty-thing, and shove up right up your mom's poopy-thing, real hard. What?
You don't have a potty-thing? Your daddy does. Go take that knife and borrow
his."
I'm not kidding, people. Barney went major loco after Baby Bop turned
him down for the 14th time. What would you expect from a guy who won't appear
until all the adults are gone? Because if they are there, they would see
Barney carefully slipping his "potty-thing" into all the little kiddies
backstage. Now. Getting rid of this menace to society.
Ever wanted to be on television? Well, I'm sure Barney would LOVE it
if the gang drove the boom car up inside the stage, and played "Sir Psycho
Sexy" at 192 decibels...
What? You have no friends? Well, I bet you that some Saturday
nights that Baby Bop looks pretty damn good. Barney would get REAL jealous
were you to... say... rape her on stage? No, no. The kids love this.
Violence is cool! (With ONE exception. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
They will be covered in a later issue) Just look at what a hit the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles were! Now, you can't TELL me that they didn't get some
GOOD pussy from April.
A good example was the kids who attacked him in that certain parade.
You don't like him? Well, Mr. Tough Guy, go beat the fuk out of him! That's
right, go beat the fuk out of him. Pull his fukn underwear off so everyone
knows just what the hell he really is. Beat him with a pipe. And when he
grabs you and screams "GODDAMN KID! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" you can BET
that none of the mommies will let their kiddies watch Barney anymore.
----
Need to form an opinion based on his show? WEll, prepare yourself first.
My way is to down about 5 Beck's. Now, you may be saying, "Wait! Doesn't
alcohol make you MORE suggestive?"
Absolutely not. Beer and Satan don't mix. (I have proven this. Try getting
drunk, and going to a party where they play Black Sabbath all night. You
will have one FUKN HUGE headache the next morning.) Next thing to do?
Sing Barney parodies. This will make you take him less seriously.
Here is a list of some of my favorites.
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
Let's tie Barney to a tree
Hold an Uzi up to his head
Pull the trigger, oops, he's dead.
I love Barney, Barney hates me
Barney gave me HIV
With lots of shots
And a condom every day
Don't you know that Barney's gay
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
Go tie Barney to a tree
With a great big gun and an arrow through the head
Aren't you glad that Barney's dead
I watch Barney every night {I invented this one. Don't go taking credit}
Barney is the Antichrist
With a 666 tattooed on his dick
Damn that Barney sure is sick
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
I shot Barney in the knee
THen I shot him in the head and he fell to the floor.
No more purple dinosaur!
Sing these each 5 times. Then, you will hate the fucking tune so
much the subliminals won't affect you..
If anyone has some creative ways to kill Barney, or some ]<-RaD wayz to kill
him, e-mail me at 29A.
-------------
Shouts go out to:
PhantomNet - for inspiring this halfway decent file
CT of A.W.O.L. - for introducing me to PhantomNet
Johnny Clown - for introducing me to CT
-Scourge
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Everything below this line is truth
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Everything above this line is bullshit
Copyright 1994 PPiC -Phose Phree -N- iNNER CIRCLE
29A
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