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CLiT #25: The AlterEcho Show
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> f' /\ \ % ...Episode XXV... <
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> - %l .%%~ -=============[ The Pleasure 'Zine ]==========- <
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"EDITORIAL" - by AlterEcho
Have you ever had one of those dreams where someone's trying to kill you,
and it doesn't matter how far away you run, they just keep coming, and
coming, and coming?
Those dreams scare the shit out of me, because there's nothing I can do.
One time I tried fighting back; I hid behind a hill and tried to ambush the
guy, but my subconscious wasn't having any of that.
Life is hopeless, really. Pointless and hopeless. Shit things are
happening everywhere, and there's nothing you or I can do about it. There's
nothing I can do about it anyway, I'm not sure if you can do anything because
quite frankly, I'm not sure there's actually a `you' out there reading this.
Hmm. That's fairly depressing. Hehe!
I don't know what all this is about. I don't even pretend to know. I
don't even know what to write!
Actually, that's a lie. Actually, that's all a lie. This is CLiT. For
the time being, this is about me. And I'm going to tell about the day that I
grew up. Again.
Chances are pretty good that you know who I am already, but that's okay.
You might not like this story, but that's okay too, because I don't care.
That's my reward for this particular labour, the derisive sneer slapped onto
my face.
When I grew up - again - I learnt not to trust my friends. I had already
learnt not to trust strangers, like every other kid, save those that have
been abducted. But your parents will never warn you against trusting your
friends, and that's why I need to do it for them.
The reason you can't trust anyone is that no-one has your best interests
at heart. A time will come when a person needs to choose between themselves
and someone else. Only one person in a million will choose the other person.
And that's human nature.
Don't trust your friends, because they are the only people that can hurt
you. And when your friends hurt you, there's nowhere else to go. All that's
left is you, and every memory swallows itself up, until nothing lives inside
your head but a dull ache.
And that's the reason I won't be at your house tomorrow. And that's the
reason that I'll be leaving your party early on Saturday. And that's the
reason that I'll have better things to do on Sunday.
I'm really tired. I don't have the stomach for this anymore.
It was my birthday yesterday. I was twenty-one.
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"C'EST LE TABLE DE CONTENTS"
{x} -=- "EDITORIAL" -=- ........................................... AlterEcho
{x} -=- "ON ESCAPE, AND THE SUBSEQUENT TRIPLE-THREAT MATCH" ....... AlterEcho
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"ON ESCAPE, AND THE SUBSEQUENT TRIPLE-THREAT MATCH" - by AlterEcho
Well, my fine friends, the last time you caught a glimpse of your well-
loved hero, he was languishing - naked, unshaven and covered in semen - in
an Olde English Gaol(tm). For a long time I lay there, unmoving, despairing
of ever again seeing the smiling face of the sun, or the winking of stars. I
cried out, the howl of hopeless despair. A dark mood had come over me, and
for a time I knew no more.
Exactly thirty seconds later the clanging of the gate alerted me to the
presence of the lightly armoured guard. "'Ere, I brought some grub for ye,"
he growled as he entered my cell. I nodded meekly, but as he bent to drop
some unidentifiable (and still-moving) meat on the floor, I dropped him with
an elbow to the back of his neck and then left him gasping with an atomic
wedgie.
I fled from this place of incarceration, and soon managed to find myself
back outside. To my surprise, there was an exceedly large crowd gathered,
and as I burst out onto the street, I found myself the centre of attention.
Never one to shy away from the spotlight, I gave them a little bit of a nude
dance, but before I could wave and leave, two burly grabbed me under the arms
and dragged me to where a regal looking young lady seated on a raised
platform looked me up and down.
"And what have we here?" she sniffed, her gaze coming to rest between my
legs.
I made a low, sweeping bow. "Ah, Your Grace," I began, making no
pretence at modesty. "The stories of your beauty can be heard far and wide,
but none as yet have done you justice. May I query what brings you from your
stately abode?"
"Hmph!" she replied. "Perhaps I should be asking you what a naked
coloured man is doing dancing in the streets of my country, but you shall
have your answer. Two men wish to duel to see which of their masters might
win my favour."
"And which of the boring louts shall you cheer, Your Grace?"
Queen Elizabeth I did not answer, but instead smiled coyly at me, and
gave me a wink.
"Your Grace, Lawrence Stone spoke the truth in `Crisis of the
Aristocracy' when he said that "Tempers were short and weapons easy to hand.
The basic characteristics of the nobility, like those of the poor, were
ferocity and childishness and lack of self control." I beg you humbly to
allow me to participate in the honour of fighting for you favour." I bowed
low once more.
Cute little Lizzie replied, "Gracious Sir, I am quite overcome by your
eloquence! Once we find a means of accomodating you into the contest, you
shall carry my favour."
It was then that I directed the crowd to Lords, where under my directions
a ring was quickly constructed. The crowd were seated and hushed, with Her
Grace at ringside.
The distinguished Lady Maggie Pierce Secara, in her booming voice,
introduced my competition from `A Compendium of Common Knowledge'.
"Introducing first, at a weight of 181 pounds, from gay Paris in France,
representing Francis de Valois, Duc d'Alençon et d'Anjou, younger brother to
the king of France, BARON JEAN DE SIMIER!"
There was mild cheering, although I heard many scornful mutterings about
toads or somesuch.
Lady Secara continued: "Now introducing, at a much heavier 230 pounds,
representing Archduke Charles von Hapsburg, the Emperor's second son and the
number one contender, von Hapsburg's Chamberlain, VONBREUMER!"
VonBreumer flexed his muscles, and there were more cheers for VonBreumer
than there had been for the Baron, although Her Royal Majesty refused to meet
his gaze.
"And now introducing to you, the new challenger, at a paltry 135 pounds,
from destinations unknown, the Rattlesnake!"
I waved at the crowd, and blew a kiss to HRM. I was still naked, save
for Elizabeth's favour, a crimson sleeve covered in pearls. I wore it around
my, erm, arm. The name was my idea. This was to be a triple-threat match,
with no disqualifications. I was tired, hungry, dirty and horny. They
didn't stand a chance.
I grappled for a bit with the Baron, before throwing him out of the ring.
I brought VonBreumer down with consecutive dropkicks, and after he broke free
of my sleeper hold I took him to the ropes and finished him up with a
superplex.
The Chamberlain, as he liked to be called, had re-entered the ring and we
traded blows, but he had let himself become flabby around the edges and was
not in great condition. I set him up for a spear, and I knew that after my
shlong cut deep into him, the match would be over.
Oh wait. After I tackled him and drove him into the ground, I finished
him off with a Choke Slam from Hell. The crowd went wild and HRM leapt into
the ring. We embraced, and as she pressed against me, we both knew that
there would be many spearings still to come.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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^There goes my main reason^
^Somewhere^
-Big Heavy Stuff-
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:| (C) 2003 by CLiT || http://clit.freeshell.org || clit@sdf.lonestar.org |
:| Australian Owned & Made || Released 23.01.03 |
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: I AM :-
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: AlterEcho :- I try. I try. I try. I ;
: et al!
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