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Icon Issue 05
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"measured by success"
-- (c)opyrightù1996.
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+- -(table of contents)- -+
%1 editorial: "when the hulkmania runs through you!!!" by cerkit
%2 article: "spit a life time" by cerkit
%3 article: "passive smoke absorbance test: lab 1 / rodent testing" by cerkit
%4 article: "salt shaker, dice rolling, posse hounds" by cerkit
%5 article: "film at 11 with martin braimson, tonite more on the macgiver
incident!" by cerkit
%6 goodbye: "oranges to apples, nestea's to snapples" by cerkit
+- -(table of contents)- -+
----- -(edit) - ------------------------------------(orial)----------------+
"when the hulkamania runs through you!!!"
by cerkit
boom-bobba-boom. bango!! feel your heart pound. your lungs
harden thats the hulkamania running all through you!!! can ya feel it
baby!? good!# i lied!! it was a vile of eight ball, haha!! thats your
heart preparing to explode!!! haha!!! the games over baby1!! and i got
the last laugh!!!
thats right once again, we're here to wish you death. die.
anyway. whats up you fucking nimrod. porch monkey. jungle bunny. rock
thrower. spear chucker. motherfucker. eh? painfull slow death.
becuase you social deviant, we hate your mother fucking rat-bastard-ass
guts. you mind numbing, tiny-bitch-ass, sack flyshit ass, four-eyed, buck
toothed, knock-kneed, horse faced, cock smoking, ass pirating, rump
ranging, butt butty-ass, motherfucker... .
hey du0d. i heard your homie died, here's a candle to light in
his name. "thanks man!", oh yeah right on!!! light it up!!! b00m!@#!@#
"holy shit my face blew off, and i'm diing!!", more death for your ugly,
fuckheaded, blow job artists! nothing but the best for your moronic,
small-minded, incoherant, stupid-ass, shit-puke-ass-faced, pussy having,
jerk off.
so whatta you gonna do when the hulkamania runs all over you!!!!!!!!
------ -(art) - ------------------------------------(icle)----------------+
"spit a life time"
by cerkit
born. lived. dead. decaying. absorbed. regenerated.
your worm and plant food fucker!!!!!!!
------ -(art) - ------------------------------------(icle)----------------+
"passive smoke absorbance test: lab 1 / rodent testing"
the first tell we'll be doing is seeing how these two mice, of a
family of a 1000 we'll use for other tests, will react to a life cycle
of 6 to 12 months is effected if one does nothing but smoke weed, do lsd,
which we laced there food and watter with and smoking cigarettes all day.
mickey; minnie why do you think they put us in a new lab.
minnie; beats me, hey mickey, cuz i'm still trying to figure out why
disney sold us. we're STILL hip!
mickey; oh minnie! deal with it, we're old news! but to be sent to a lab
and then another lab is quite strange.
minnie; i thought i saw my cousin vickie before, mic.
mickey; we don't have time for that minnie! i don't like this place, now
is the time to make our escape!
minnie; mickey, i feel strange.
mickey; come to think of it, i am a little light headed.
minnie; my mouth is dry.
mickey; there's a kindof foggy haze in here. yuck, its hard to breathe.
minnie; i'm scared mickey!
mickey; i'll save you!!!
(the two mice snuggle closer)
minnie; thanks mickey!
mickey; no problem. how bout a blowjob?
minnie; mickey!!!
mickey; sorry, i just feel so strange.
minnie; me too!
mickey; yeah, my mouth is dry too!
minnie; here i'll get us some water.
mickey; oh thanks darlin!
minnie; sure mickey.
mickey; this is some weird shit, min.
minnie; MICKEY!!
mickey; oops!
minnie; thats better!
mickey; anyway is just taste feel funny.
minnie; mine too.
mickey; all the colors.
minnie; i understand the bodies of the celestial temple, mickey.
mickey; i can feel the blue bus calling for us baby.
minnie; i'm seeing angels mickey.
mickey; i love you minnie.
minnie; i love you mickey!!
WE INTERRUPT THIS FOOTAGE FOR A LEADING NEWS HEADLINER... .
two star labs rodents escaped in a parked message truck and later into a
two door, blood red, convertible mustang. and are currently heading down
route 666, killing people.
NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SHCEDULED PROGRAM.. . .
mickey; i'd like some pie.
minnie; i'll be over by the juke box.
mickey eats.
minnie dances.
(enter stew, marvin and old henry)
stew; look at this.
ole' henry; thats quite a woman you got there.
marvin; woo woo! wooo!
stew; ooh baby, your pretty baby.. . oooh. shake that.
minnie; YOU STEWPID BITCH, HOW PRETTY AM I NOW!!!!
minnie proceeds to beat the shit out of stew.
henry; what the crap!
mickey; you better sit down, partner
mickey slices old henry's neck.
mickey knifes marvin.
mickey shoots the cook.
mickey and minnie proceed to play inny minni mynni moe with the two
survivors, kill one and leave a fat red neck behind.
(Back at the Lab)
captain america; goddamn them fucking mice!!!
c.a. lights up a smoke and finishs his beer.
c.a. lights up another smoke.
captain america; *cough* *cough* well can't we just nuke the goddamn ,
fag-ass deush-bags!
super man rolls a joint.
green latern gives him a light
s.m.; word man.. *cough*
g.l.; maryjane.. .
c.a.; kill the fucking kykes!
wonder woman; hey super-man, is your turn or greenies?
s.m.; i'm up, greeny went last time.
w.w.; well get in here, i'm getting tired, fuck me and get it over with,
and bring in the damned needles and the heroine. jesus! a girl can't work
around this fucking place!
c.a.; fucking hindu ass 7-11 runing fucking retarted morons!
(mom pulls the plug becuase she thinks it too graphic)
------ -(art) - ------------------------------------(icle)----------------+
"salt shaker, dice rolling, posse hounds"
by cerkit
rewind. erf. back time, feeling free in the day of the 'fro.
y0e, drop me back into real-time, meal time, ticket to the game, hi-score,
pinball, reality fame. shakedown take down, your busted.
i think macgiver should buy out the stock in crackerjack's, think
all of the money he'd make from life saving inventions produced from
marketting self-made crap out of the crackerjack prizes. fucking lock
picks, bomb defusers, guns, shit he can make anything out of hair, gum
wrapper, some gum <nice and chewed> and a crackerjack prize. fucking
whole funiture outlets and clothing stores fully stocked with shit
mastermindly designed and made from crackerjack prizes.
he'd be a rich man.
------ -(art) - ------------------------------------(icle)----------------+
"film at 11 with martin braimson, tonite more on the macgiver incident!"
hi i'm martin braimson, and welcome to film at 11. tonite we have live
film of macgiver breaking into a large crackjacks factory in vermont and
stealing in excess of two million dollars in crackerjacks. he is
currently in hiding on one of the tropical islands of hwawii just out of
american jurisdiction. in an interview with u.s.a. cable channel
executive paul radler we got this information:
"we recieved a pressing e-mail for mister macgiver, and we shipped
it off the topic being old CrackerJacks and you. We have reviewed the
mail and seen it was a scam impressed by him by icon magazine. we had no
knowledge of mister macgiver being unstable nor do we wish to commet
futher"
no one from the editting staff of icon was available for commet
most could barely see us coming to attempt question asking. a full fledge
interview paying 17 billion dollars to any member of icon publishing
magazine staff, is scheduled to hopefully occur within the week.
we'll be back after these messages, when we come back oprah, man
or machine.
------ -(good) - ------------------------------------(bye)----------------+
"oranges to apples, nestea's to snapples"
by cerkit
me you
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
i fucking rule. you fucking suck.
i am a fucking hetrosexual sex machine. YOU'RE queerbait.
i have a big dick. you've got a small one.
i am the fucking best you are the fucking worst.
i should live forever. you should fall down dead.
cool. not cool.
an icon. no icon.
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-- (c)opyrightù1996. icon inc.
