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PSiKOTiK Issue 07
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======================== pEz? what the fuck is pEz?! =========================
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:: introduction ::
well, psikotik 7 is finally here. well, actually, it wasn't released
that far off from number six, but oh, well.
i actually have a few submissions this time, except the ones from
lunatic fringe are pretty old. who cares, they're still submissions. the
others are by another good buddy of mine, black*star. he got his alias from
a radiohead song. don't ask.
enjoy the show.
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:: mighty exploits :: submitted by lunatic fringe ::
Hey, how yall doin... names Lunatic, Lunatic Fringe. These are a few
true stories of my experences, no names were changed to protect the
innocent, because no one is innocent, and its writen to offend people
anyway. Dah, Dah, Dah Dah, Dah, Dah Dah Dah Dah Daaaahhhhh!!!
[Dragnet theme. (Use your imagination)]
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[Story 1... Mahal]
Heres a nut, this son of a bitch asked me to be his CoSysop for a new board
called the NightFlite. Ok, sounded cool. Until I found out HE WAS A FUCKING
SEX OBSESED FREAK!!! But that shows up later in the story. Anyway, we went
downtown one night and went to subway to grab a bite to eat. So we sat down,
with our cold-cut combos and munched away. Then this whore (I think it was
his mom) comes up to the window and starts rubbin her tatties! I'm like WTF?
This was a bad omen... I just didnt know it. Well, to make a long, long
story short, we put up the board, and he does crap like make me download
GIFS of naked men (I am emotionialy scarred forever). And he starts calling
me at two in the fucking morning to try to have phone sex, by saying he was
my girlfriend. I mean this guy was a piss drunk cocksucking cunthead. But
then he took it too far. The child porn GIFS... God rest the poor children
who had to pose while "Daddy" gave them the corn cobbing of their lives.
I am sorry, I... I cannot continue...
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[Story 2... Charlie]
Charles Lezzy, or "Bard", as some of you might know him, is actually
a real nice guy.. except for the fact he has no balls when it comes to
running a board. What do I mean? Well, he uses... no... I cant say it...
Oh, what the fuck. He uses UNMODDED Renegade, the 47 year old "Lets all
go out and have a Heineken" piece of shit. He is also obsesed with
running a gay board, where everyone's obsession is to copulate a Llama.
End of story.
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[Story 3... Centralia]
Intro:
Ok, I do not wish to offend the following Centralians with this article:
Ice Cooi (Hee hee), Rony (Hee hee), Kristoph Schultz, Mysticallusion and
Polygon Boobs (Just kiddin, whats up D?).
Centralia, a small little town, in the beloved (BS) area code we all know
as 573. First off, the Days. No, not those calendar things, Ken and...
Ed. I mean, Shitsus Christ, you both run some shitty mother fucking poop
ass boards, without Columbia calling, and you dont use aliases. And that
just flat out pisses me off. Submitted for your approval... Spike Campbell.
(Accually, its Mike, not Spike, but he has two personalities *].)
Ok, this guy sticks his fucking nose in everyone else Dog shit, and
expects to come out a hero. No, no. He gets in the way, and every one takes
a phat dump on his head in the end. Three, every single mother fucking
weenie that only calls Ronys board. Expand your horizions, you horny,
pubescent little pukes. Four... huh huh, Ronys mom. Five (I may have
already menitioned them) goes to all the fuckheads with Mortal Kombat
aliases. You all don't even deserve to be Number Five. More like number Ten.
I hope you all burn in weenie hell, but first, pull my finger... Thank you.
* haliphax's note: sorry 'bout that "rony's mom" crap.. it was an old
article, and i didn't feel like editing much.
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:: richard farfheneugen and the drum wuzzle :: by haliphax ::
young richard farfheneugen was an aspiring young percussionist. he
just loved to play his snare drum. he wished his parents would buy him a full
set of drums some day, but for now, a snare drum was all he had.
on a sunny sunday summer afternoon, in the middle of august, richard
was beating away on his snare drum when, all of a sudden, the drum started to
shake uncontrollably. richard stepped back in fear, cringing at the thought
of his drum exploding and killing him. crouched in the corner, he sucked his
thumb and waited for the inevitable end of his existence.
instead, a little, purple, fuzzy, loveable kind o' creature popped out
of the drum. it giggled for a little while, turned to richard, and spoke.
"richard farfheneugen, i've come to take you to drumland! hee hee!"
richard stared at its fluid eyes, fuzzy torso, and smiled. he rose
from his seat in the corner, popped his thumb out of his mouth, and walked
toward the creature. he stopped just a few inches away from it, planted his
feet, and moved to take its hand off to drumland. when the creature reached
for his hand, richie shuffled a bit, grabbed its cuddly little head, and gave
it a swift kick to the teeth.
the end
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:: having phun on irc :: by haliphax ::
i meet people named "horndog" and "asskicker". fun. kinda reminds me
of AOL.. you? teehee hee. AGGHHh@h$@$@%!#@!123
*** Window LOG is ON
IRC log started Thu Nov 28 16:55
the wind-up...
.x%> haliphax (negative@*nether.net) has joined channel #teen
.x%> Topic for #teen : Applegone takes me to get heroin
.x%> Topic for #teen set by FLoodland on Thu Nov 28 16:52:54 1996
*** #teen: ops: 0 nonops: 61 total 61
haliphax s1cker amekel timi inkulo
sexyGRRL Thrawn- AssKicker strobe lady_x
potatoe Spiked absj JonnyCake Hharris
^mindy^ CarolJ Synapse shoustey X[File]x
dragon KingCobra babyblues Mota {RL}
BerrY- ASTW Deftone emi-rae ^Sindy
GiftWrap cinnamon1 kris2 salkin skad4life
Mercs wnterFrsh eater Annie Pokie
innuendo {Claire} Bowen MADeline c-lex
Tetryl Nat GiRl6 rachy hotdog1
justagrl Shaquira Prometheu marip EHE
_charlie Lukasz wildchild nomad FunkGirl
`Lucky
*** #teen: ops: 11 nonops: 49 total 60
Big-D Tre @Flobi ^DitT0^ hydi
Matthew14 @sKiTtLe boy-toy @SantaCls Brasilain
habakkuk SexyWoman MJ^ wil1 Tiffany
LouLee cipher WildDog PnTeraBoy petale
upson doctork Timer301 Christina Mae
Kembra babe AcE16 pixie Friendly^
Marc17 brandy @c0mpu @Pt_ @Rudolph
_Iceman |toadie| JOSH1 LoRd_FoO reficul
Cool-J vanessa Steph Dravin crew
Chevrolet loverB Roow Charis Peachee
_jobazuka J-beans HORNDOG @FiReST0RM Shelley
@applegone Boxers @Dasher @FLoodland @iNSANiTY2
*** #teen: ops: 8 nonops: 0 total 8
@BLiTZeN @Paige @g0blg0bl @ZueZ @Cupid
@compu @Datajack- @W
.x%> TomNJ (~toper@*rutgers.edu) has joined channel #teen
.x%> timi left channel #teen
.x%> Signoff : justagrl (Ping timeout) channel #teen
.x%> MADeline left channel #teen
(sexyGRRL) anyone wanna talk?? MSG ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.x%> Signoff : Roow (Read error: 131 (Connection reset by peer)) channel #teen
(babyblues) guys msg me
.x%> absj is now known as iamnc (#teen)
and, the pitch!
(haliphax) i'm a old man horny for little girls
+ Synapse is Canadian =)
(MJ^) i'm in canada
(TomNJ) Anyone FRom NJ ????
(applegone) Chevrolet: it's -30 or so In ALaska.
(hotdog1) if you are male, and have a pic, send it to me please
.x%> _Jess_ (mej5@*ix.netcom.com) has joined channel #teen
(Tetryl) what about smaller cities ?
.x%> Jon (hee@*uwinnipeg.ca) has joined channel #teen
(KingCobra) anyone in Cincinnati, Ohio??? /msg me 15/m here almost 16
(amekel) age/sex check?
(HORNDOG) 18/m/Ontario
*** You have been kicked off channel #teen by applegone (go to #cybers)
.x%> haliphax (negative@*nether.net) has joined channel #teen
(Chevrolet) apple: OUCH
(Big-D) 17/m
(Hharris) Anyone from New Mexico?
+ Jon slaps Brasilain around a bit with a large trout
(haliphax) 60/m
*** Jon has been kicked off channel #teen by g0blg0bl (LAMER trout slap)
(TomNJ) Anyone FRom NJ ???
(Nat) 16/F/CANADA
(iamnc) Its around $25 for an 1/8 in my city... doesn't usually get too much
hiher than that
+ ^mindy^ is 15/f/WI/pic
.x%> _jobazuka left channel #teen
(Synapse) anybody here from Toronto area??
(Tiffany) I'm from New Jersey
+ sexyGRRL is 15/female!!! ANYONE WANNA CHAT??
(sexyGRRL) MSG ME
.x%> sexyGRRL left channel #teen
(Chevrolet) Sindy: 29 degrees!
.x%> Signoff : CarolJ (:)) channel #teen
here i go.. heheh
-> "sexyGRRL!@*" hey there
.x%> ^simba^ (~^simba^@*innonyc.com) has joined channel #teen
(TomNJ) Is Eustacia1 here??
and the reply..
#sexyGRRL(smile@*premier1.net)(4:56PM)# Hi
(W) hmm
(FLoodland) iam.. in houston it is around $20-$25 for a quarter.. and an ounce
is around $5--$60
(_Jess_) 13/f any guys from houston msg me!
.x%> dAISYhAZE (pastrana@*erols.com) has joined channel #teen
.x%> haliphax left channel #teen
time to drop the bomb..
-> "sexyGRRL!@*" what are you wearing
#sexyGRRL(smile@*premier1.net)(4:57PM)# nothing
-> "sexyGRRL!@*" really? you just get on the computer, butt-naked?
-> "sexyGRRL!@*" you're wierd.
*** Ignoring ALL messages from SEXYGRRL!*@*
#_Juggler_(Juggler@*premier1.net)(4:57PM)# HEY IM WERING NOTHING
(haliphax) don't people just make you sick? <snicker>
*** Window LOG is OFF
IRC log ended Thu Nov 28 16:59
you know, you gotta wonder.. are all the other perverts just doing it
for the sake of their 'zine, or.. ? umm.. just don't think about it. heh..
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:: memoirs of a cheerleader :: by haliphax ::
umm.. like.. <twirling hair> .. that guy in my--what is it? math?--
class is SOO cute, you know? and, like.. we learned in science that when you,
like, <that stoopid "throw back head" thing> kill something, it, like, like,
you know, like.. goes away, like, forever. it made me like, so totally sad,
you know? well, like, i've gotta go, like, fuck my boyfriend. i'm outtie!
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:: memoirs of a communist :: by haliphax ::
hhmmm.. mercuri must die. i mean, he is probablyski a very nice guy
in real lifeski, but all he does is insultski us russian bastardskis. my
comrade and i are plannink to bombski his house this weekendski. there vill
be much bloodski, and much praise by the russian governmentskidoodle. hooray.
praise be to communisimski, and the big bafuckingski 18 wheeler communist
truckski on TV Nation. ski. heil! ski.
* haliphax's note: dedicated to mercuri + raD ;)
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:: memoirs of 60 year old transvestite :: by haliphax ::
well, better get back in my favorite pedophile chat room and pick up
some more hard-up teenage punks looking for cyber, and willing to trade pics.
i'm so glad AOL exists; it lets me release my pedophiliacasist energy without
actually having a real life. thank you, AOL!
* haliphax's note: PB - heheheh.. you know it, mang!
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:: obituaries :: by haliphax ::
well, bob sagat isn't dead YET, but a guy can dream, can't he?
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:: obituaries/2 :: by haliphax ::
well, vanilla ice isn't dead YET, but a guy can dream, can't he?
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peanut factory? we don't need no stinkin' peanut factory!
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:: li'l note :: by haliphax
ok.. those last 80 bajillion articles were just filler. i tried to be
funny and fill space at the same time, but i don't know if i got both accomp-
lished. anyway, here's the deal. black*star hasn't gotten off his lazy tusch
and given me his articles (i know he's got 'em), so i'm just gonna end the
issue before i have to add any more filler. you'll see him in psiko-08.. l8r.
_\|/_ hALIPHIZZAX _\|/_
* p.s. - 'least i got up to 10 "articles"! ;)
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